Psychotic Break - Tumblr Posts

Primeiro eu surto… Depois eu converso!!!

LET'S GET HARMFUL STIGMATIZING POSTS DOWN !!

tags in mind are stuff like schizocore, schizoposting delulu is the solulu and the fog is coming. shit like that and just anything that is harmful to psychotics & schizospec

the post this is referring to: https://www.tumblr.com/johnnyiscaged/746385499137179648/why-are-non-psychotics-so-obsessed-with

Car Ride - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This is inspired by Chasing colors, by Marshmello!

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You felt refreshed. The sunlight warmed your skin, the wind blew in your hair, and the sound of the squeaky tires made you excited. You gripped the steering wheel tightly in your clasp, as the music blasted your ears. The roof was rolled all the way down so that you were in direct contact with the outside atmosphere. Adam Faulkner was beside you, but you were so focused on the road that he kept flickering in and out of your vision. You could smell the cigarette smoke coming from the passenger’s side, where Adam was located.

Bright, rainbow, lights flashed wildly in your eyes. You found it hard to keep your eyes on the road, but you could see well enough to have an idea of where everything was situated. You were going down fast. Fast, fast, fast. So very fast. You loved it.

“Y/N,” Adam mumbled around his cigarette. “Don’t you think you should slow down a little bit?”

You squinted your eyes, trying to see around the rainbow streaks of light. You grunted. “No way.”

Adam blew out on his cigarette, and then leaned over to you. He kissed your cheek gently, and started combing his fingers through your hair. You could feel his body heat creeping up your skin.

“A-Ahh,” you stammered.

Faulkner nuzzled your cheek, and whispered “I miss you over here. When will we be home?”

“Um… I don’t know…” You grumbled. “Sorry. I’m not going home yet.”

Adam kissed you again, and then sat back in his seat. He continued to smoke. You rounded a corner aggressively, your tires skidding all along the black pavement, screaming at you all the while. You never let up from the gas. Not once. You took delight in watching the trees and fields and other cars pass by so quickly you couldn’t even tell what they were. They all looked like colorful blurs at the side of your vision. You liked it for some reason; you were pretty sure it was because it took your mind off reality.

There was a break in the music, putting the car in total silence. Adam took this moment to speak. He said, “I just don’t want you getting hurt, Y/N. Will you please slow down? It’s really not your time to join…” he looked up at the sky.

You let out a condescending scoff. Adam could be so overprotective of you. “Baby, I’m not gonna get hurt. This is all just good fun. You worry too much, won’t you relax? Just for right now.”

“I mean… your life matters, don’t you know that? Please, stop the car.”

Your mind went blank suddenly. You couldn’t even believe the words you were hearing. “I’m not here to kms!” You shouted at him. “I’m here because I need to relax. Christ, Adam, take a chill pill.”

“I… didn’t think that…” Adam stammered slowly. “I was just worried that you might get in an accident.”

“Oh my god, baby, why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Adam inhaled once again on his cigarette.

“Referring to me in singular, like you’re not here with me.”

“Oh yeah…” Adam mumbled. “I guess I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

“What does that mean?” You asked him incredulously.

“I’m just not as worried about myself as I am about you. I love you. I don’t want you to leave this world.”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to go?”

“Well… no, that’s… I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I value my life, but… you come first.”

You shivered, getting a weird sense of dejavu. You looked at him in suspicion, but Adam only pointed out the windshield. “Look at the road!” He exclaimed.

You brought your eyes back to where they should have been. Nothing was out of sorts, but Adam was being his usual, anxious self.

“Holy shit, Y/N. You can’t just do that!”

You sighed heavily, and grabbed the steering wheel harder. “Sorry. Sheesh.”

“Are you trying to get yourself… Are you trying to get us killed!?”

He had to correct himself? You asked yourself. What the fuck is going on with you today, baby?

“I always go this fast, what are you talking about?”

“You know the speed limit is thirty five, right? What is this?” He peered over your shoulder to get a glimpse. “Sixty!?”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s the matter, Adam? I don’t understand! You’re being strange.”

Adam was oddly silent. He raised the cigarette to his mouth again, and didn’t answer you. You licked your lips nervously, unsure of the situation. You just wanted everything to be normal. “I know it’s been rough after everything that’s happened. I’m just glad you’re able to go on rides with me. It makes me feel really happy.”

Adam took a deeper breath on his cigarette and let it out slowly. The conversation ended after that, and the music popped back on. You weren’t really in the mood to listen to it anymore, but it gave you something to concentrate on, so you didn’t turn it off.

Your vision blurred, the rainbow lights flashed once more. You kept your eyes open though, for Adam. Adam would be panicking if you closed your eyes. Adam didn’t say anything even though he could see you losing yourself. You were impressed by that.

The drums and guitar bounced around the car and echoed in your ears. Synthesizer calmed your nerves and the beat was steady. You enjoyed everything that you were hearing. You sighed. “Are you okay?” You asked Adam.

His voice was quiet when he spoke, and his words seemed to fade in and out throughout the sentence. “I don’t want you to go through what I went through.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” You smiled in amusement.

“I don’t want you to end up like me.”

Confusion engulfed you. “What?”

“Oh, look at that,” Adam whispered gravely, looking into the rearview mirror.

You followed his gaze. There were red and blue flashing sirens coming up behind you. You started to slow down. “You think they’re after me?”

“Eh,” Adam shrugged. “More or less, I suppose.”

Adam’s indifference concerned you. “What?”

“Let’s just see what they have to say.”

“I don’t get it…” You told him. “Why doesn’t this concern you?”

“Who said it didn’t?” Adam shot back, and then rolled up his window.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You want me to suffocate on your secondhand smoke!?”

Adam flickered in front of you. Your eyes stretched wide in alarm and you backed away. Adam moved again, and a shadow flickered across his face. You realized that it was only a shadow. You couldn’t really relax after that though.

Turning, you met the officer who had been tailing you. “Excuse me,” he said.

You bowed your head respectfully. “I’m sorry sir. I was unaware of what street I was on,” you lied. “It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not here for your speeding,” the policeman said casually.

You tilted your head at him. “What?”

“I think a friend is looking for you. Do you recognize this name?” The officer handed you a paper with a name and birthdate on it.

Your hands trembled as you looked at it. That was your best friend’s name! “W-What happened? Are they okay!?” Your heart beat increased drastically. Fear pulsed through your veins. You didn’t want to find out that they were dead!

This can’t be happening! I’ve seen way too much death recently!

Adam scoffed at you suddenly. “You act like you haven’t though,” he commented. “You pretend like everything’s okay, when you know it’s not. Come on baby, put two and two together.”

You looked over at him. He had his eyes closed and his head leaned back on the headrest. His cigarette was held perfectly in the corner of his mouth, and his hands were folded together on his stomach. He looked perfectly relaxed. Your mouth flapped open and closed uselessly.

Was he reading my mind?

“Your friend is fine,” the officer said calmly, interrupting your train of thought.

“Oh, well that’s good-”

“L/N,” the man said straightforwardly. “I just need you to step out of the car. You’re not allowed to be driving. And not to mention, you’re not supposed to be unsupervised.”

“ ‘Unsupervised’?” you looked to your right. Adam was still sleeping next to you. You poked him, and he looked at you darkly. “I’m not.”

“ ‘You're not’?” The officer asked you in contempt. His eyes flashed around the car quickly, and then he leaned down in front of you. “Well, where’s the other person?” His voice dripped with superiority.

Your mind was running at one hundred miles per hour. You were trying to wrap your mind around this concept. You gazed at Adam again. Adam had his arms over his chest now, a smug look on his face. “Tell him… Go on, now. Tell him who you’re with.”

Confused, you said softly, “Adam… I don’t understand… Please help me understand.”

“Adam?” The officer asked in disbelief. “L/N, I’m sorry but… your boyfriend died in Jigsaw’s game three months ago.”

Your flushed face turned to him in anguish. “What!? No, you’re insane, you must be! Adam’s been here the whole time, I’ve been riding with him the whole time, you can’t be serious!”

The policeman simply wrote something down in his notepad. Nonchalantly, he inquired, “Your friend wants to know if you’ve taken your medicine today.”

“My medicine? What medicine, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“This?” The man held up a red bottle. Something in your mind snapped. You recognized it from somewhere.

“That… is mine…” You clumsily admitted. “I don’t know why I need it.” You looked at Adam for help.

Adam blew smoke into your face, you coughed and glared at him. “I knew it was a bad idea to be speeding,” he informed you offhandedly.

“Adam, stop!” You wailed, and grabbed his shoulders. You shook him. “Please help me! Please, I don’t understand what’s happening! I miss you, that’s all! I just want to know what’s going on!”

Adam took his cigarette and put it in your hand. “Take the medicine. Go back to your friend, and remain there.”

“But I don’t want to leave you!” You cried. You buried your face into his shoulder. Adam held you close. “That’s why I stopped taking the medicine!” You gasped once the words left your mouth. “That’s why… I drove down here. I was going to your apartment.”

“Not a good idea,” the policeman cut in.

“ ‘Someone already moved in there’,” Adam said knowingly.

“Someone already moved in there,” the policeman said right after. His voice was serious.

You shuddered. “But I want to stay with you. You seem real. You give me everything I need.”

“Well, maybe that’s because it’s not quite all your imagination…” Adam breathed.

“So you are real?”

Adam frowned. “I shouldn’t be,” he said at last.

“So you are!?”

“Take your pills,” Adam advised.

“No, I don’t get what you mean.”

“You will,” Adam promised, then leaned back into the seat. He didn’t take his cigarette from you.

Cautiously, you turned back to the man, who was waiting awkwardly for your psychotic break to be over. “I’ll take them,” you said uneasily. “I’ll take them for Adam. He wants me to.”

The officer gave you a cup of water, and a pill from inside the bottle. You swallowed it easily. It was way more easy than you were expecting, almost like you’d done this many times before.

“L/N, can you please get out of the car? I need to take you home.”

You clambered out of the car reluctantly, Adam was still sleeping inside. “What about…?”

The condescending officer looked at you empathetically. His demeanor changed to something more light. “Don’t worry. Adam will be okay. You know he’s safe where he is, right?”

You stared at the car miserably. “No,” you said honestly.

The officer gently pulled you into the police car and started to take you home. “What’s in your hand, sweetie? I’m sorry, I call everyone ‘sweetie’ regardless of their gender.”

You felt safer now. Your mind was starting to relax. You opened your hand slowly, and looked into it. Adam’s cigarette was still resting there, burnt up and put out. You were in no mental state to understand how Adam’s cigarette was in your physical hand while he himself was not here at all. You rolled it back and forth between your palms during the whole ride.

Emptiness swam inside your stomach, and filled up your lungs. You couldn’t really breathe around the tightness. Finally the medicine started acting up. You felt yourself resurfacing, felt yourself regaining your thoughts.

You stumbled into your best friend’s arms, and let them hold you. You were getting an earful from them but you couldn’t hear the words. Behind your friend’s back, you unfolded your palms again. Not even registering your friend’s embrace, you only focused on your belongings.

You could almost feel Adam in your hand at this moment. Just having the cigarette in your fingers was mesmerizing. If you couldn’t be with Adam again, then you refused to let this thing go. Ever. That was just how your life was gonna be. There was nothing anyone could do about it. You closed your fingers around it protectively, secretly. No one would ever find THIS.