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𝒮𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝓎𝓸𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝒶 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝒹 𝑀𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝑔

CD:DAENERYSSTORMBORNSGF @tiktok

It's September 1st!

You know your fucked up in the head when you can longer make sense of what is it you feel anymore. You know your messed up when you can't tell the difference between what's love and what isn't because, some of your family members are really weird and toxic. Instead you rather wait for the 𝙊𝙉𝙀 because, you feel you'll be able to trust him more than your own kinfolk. Until that happens your an endless void of unhealed problems and people say others have it worser than you as excuse of not to hear your ranting. Why not just tell me you don't give a shit to my face? That would be better than lying about everything. If I ever get hugged again, I won't be able to get hugged without breaking down. To not have a father there too is a huge gash in my side, you get jealous seeing others bond with their two parents who are still together or just bonding with their father. You can only think about how'd you'd take all your pain out on him if he ever bothers to show back up. You crave the love and affection that you see others have and know that you'll never get it. It just consumes you and turns you bitter, making you rot on the inside slowly decaying. You manage to hide all of that though beneath your facade trying to build a strong mentality up from the that.

♛♛♛♛♛♛ 𝘈𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘯 𝘐𝘐 𝘛𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘦 ♛♛♛♛♛♛

CD:RXCAMERON @tiktok

You ever just feel misunderstood by everybody around you? It's like I want to cry but, I can bring myself to do so. I feel so numb and it sucks. The emotions, I suppose to have and don't have. My family doesn't like listening to me rant and vent. I'm ready to just grab my bags and go somewhere far away when I get the chance since, Apparently I can't claim victim-hood when it's the other person's fault for not thinking rationally and I'm wrong for holding a grudge against them. I simply want an apology and I still haven't gotten one. I'm just really hurt and feel so misunderstood. My grandmother tells me not to make friends with people outside the religion but, it's like I have to and I'm eventually going to because, they just don't understand me and I find very fucking sad that people in my need shit broken down for them to get where I'm coming from. It sucks and I'm eventually going to disappear and walk off, hopefully they'll think to themselves at least that I'm dead or something. In all actuality I'll be alive though because, I'm trying to keep my positivity. I'M TRYING. And yes, I get everyone has their problems and I'm not saying mine are bigger but, I just want a fucking apology, something that could've been given to me long ago but, I've been denied of it.

I hate being the eldest daughter, eldest sibling, eldest cousin it's aggravating and frustrating. I have nobody to socialize with in my family around my age, closet person to my age is my younger brother were just two years apart and don't have shit in common. I feel like I can't have fun alone (I'm hindered really, I'm not allowed to go anywhere by myself) so, I just bed rot. Outside the house since, I come from a religious community where all the girls I hung around at some point in time were mediocre to me and we didn't have one thing in common. Being the eldest, is both a blessing and a curse, I get independence but at the same time I don't have it. I just feel so lonely. It fucking sucks and I can't help but, want to cry about it. I just want to be a kid again at this point not a senior on my last year of high school.