Tw: Sexual Assault Mentioned, Trauma/ptsd, I Think That's It? All Of This Is Pretty Much Just Past Life,

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, trauma/ptsd, I think that's it? All of this is pretty much just past life, and it's not explicit, just mentioned by name.

Anyone else who experienced trauma in a past life that they haven't experienced in your current life, how do you deal with it?

I haven't ever been SAed in this life but I am pretty sure that I was at least once in a past life [maybe multiple past lifes, Zuki is the one that I am meaning rn]. And I have no real idea of how to go about dealing with this.

I feel shitty cause, like I've said, I have never been through that in this life, but it still affects me about as much as if I had. And I don't really know how to talk about this shit with people cause idk how they would react, even those that support and love me as I am [alterhuman/nonhuman stuff included] but having trauma from my past life that I haven't experienced here is kinda different.

Idk, I just want to know if anyone has any advice or anything for this situation.

Sorry for this type of post, I try not to bring too much stuff like this into my account, but I feel like I need to. I'll try and keep my posts more light-hearted or, at least of course, give trigger warnings or content warnings when they're not light-hearted.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

When I actually get my shit together and work on getting a service dog in this life, I am probably gonna try and get a german shepherd and name them Remo or something similar cause yeah.

When I get my shit together, I will probably be asking for donations, but I want to know more before asking for money. I am unsure of what program I am going to use exactly, I have an idea, but idk yet.

I should probably try and get diagnosed anxiety [cause I haven't been diagnosed, but it's definitely obvious] and maybe look into OCD and PTSD more? I know I have trauma and shit, I just don't know if it's PTSD levels or whatever. And the OCD I am unsure if it's just the AuDHD combo or OCD as well.

If anyone has any advice about any of this that relates to America, please feel free to give the advice.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)

I'm bored and can't sleep [it's a little after 4 am where I am lol], so here's a thing about me that I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about yet, lol.

When I was Zuki, I had a service dog [in this life, I also need an SD, I'm gonna probably post a separate thing about that at some point], he was a german shepherd named Remo (meaning strong one or something like that lol). I miss him as much as I miss anyone else from my canon, maybe a bit more than certain people, but I feel like that should be understandable, he helped me actually live life, yeah I still had problems but they would've been way worse without Remo. He helped me actually be able to do more than I would've without him, as service dogs do lol, but still.

I'm really bad with words and shit and it's late/early, so that's likely not helping. But just yeah, thought I'd share this, not sure if anyone even really cares, but whatever, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lup! :3c

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

Been thinking about my life as Zuki a lot lately, so I'm gonna share some more shit about it. This is gonna be a long ass post, lol.

Class 1A was really close in my canon. We were a family [I would use the word pack]. There were 21 of us originally (everyone from the "actual" canon minus Mınət@ who didn't exist as far as I know, lol, and me and one other noncanon 'character' who's name is Hikari Kubo-Mori).

More stuff about how I got along with some other Class 1A students below

A bit after the dorms became a thing, Hitoshi Shinso joined our class. Now, I was always a bit of a 'nerd' when it came to quirks, lol. [Me and Izuku loved to analyze quirks together cause it's very interesting and just awesome to know more about quirks, lol.]

Anyway, I was very into quirk analysis, and Hitoshi's quirk was something that was very interesting and didn't really scare me (guess it comes with having a quirk that scared others and shit). So Hitoshi and I became friends pretty quick after they joined Class 1A cause I was also way more 'into' making friends at that point, lol. [I was also a part of the "I didn't come to make friends" club at first, lol]. Then, a bit later, I got adopted by Aizawa and Present Mic, who had adopted Hitoshi before me, so we became siblings.

I don't know why exactly I brought up Hitoshi first, besides the fact that he's my brother. But I'm gonna be moving on to others now.

Bakugo Katsuki, Izuku Midoriya, and I were all childhood friends. We were actually pretty close before Bakugo got his quirk, I got mine, and Izuku didn't get a quirk. [I'm not really going to go into the whole thing. Just know that for a while, none of us were really friends].

I re-became friends with Izuku at the end of our last middle school year (reminder that in my canon UA was a college type thing). Shit had happened before that made me realize shit. [I was never a bully, but I also never stood up for Izuku like I should've, I had my "reasons," but idc they were kinda dumb and shit but I was a dumb pup at the time].

A bit after the dorms happened, Bakugo found me on the roof of the dorms [don't go there, I liked it cause it was quiet and I could feel the wind on my wings and shit] and asked me a few questions that kinda suprised me at first. The main thing was asking about how it's like with a service dog, how to get over the feeling of not being good enough cause of needing a dog to help, how to deal with others when it comes to service dogs, and stuff like that. Turns out that in a session with Hound Dog, a service dog was suggested to Bakugo because of the training camp and everything. I told him the truth that I still had difficulty with all of the things that having a service dog brings/causes but that I loved Remo so much and was greatful to him. Me and Kats became friends again after that (I called him Kats because when I was younger [and could speak, so I was at least 7], I had trouble with his name so I called him Kats instead).

If you notice, I use both Bakugo and Kats for him, and that's cause I did then as well, lol.

Me and the rest of the Dekusquad that I haven't mentioned already [who I have mentioned already is just Izuku and Hitoshi].

The Dekusquad was mainly known to be: me, Midoriya Izuku/Deku, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Todoroki Shouto, Asui Tsuyu/Tsu, Kubo-Mori Hikari, and Shinso Hitoshi [last names then first names]. Though we also had Yaoyorozu Momo, Tokoyami Fumikage, and Aoyama Yuga.

Some people I use last names more and some I use first names more. It's mainly based on how close I was to them specifically and which is easier for me. Like with Momo, it's easier with her first name than her last name, lol. But it's easier for me to use Tokoyami rather than their first name.

Now, with the Bakusquad, lol.

The Bakusquad was: Bakugo Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Ashido Mina, and Jirou Kyouka.

I already talked about Kats. So, with the rest of the Bakusquad, I was pretty close with all of them. I was not as close to Sero, not for any reason, I just didn't hang with him a lot.

Despite being close to Jirou, I tend to use her last name cause it's easier for me, lol. Same with Kiri.

Mina and Denki were the first of the Bakusquad to give me permission to use their first names, which is what I mainly use for them.

It terms of the overall class [not including Izuku and Bakugo ofc], the first one to give permission for their first name/a nickname to be used to me was actually Hikari, the second is ofc Tsu.

There are definitely people I didn't mention here. It's not cause of any reason, I've just already gone on for a while, so this is it for this post for now. I'll probably reblog if I want to add anything later, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)

Cause no one else will, I am sending in my own ask to myself about memories from my life as Zuki.

This feels very weird but whatever, lol.

Y'know what, I am asking myself to mention what I remember about how I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic, lol.

- :3c

Lol, love this memory. This is about what led up to me actually being adopted by them. This happened sometime after moving into the dorms, not long after cause Eri wasn't around yet.

Start of the memory:

Me and Izuku were in either mine or his room, I can't quite remember which one or what exactly we were doing, I think we were just hanging out on our phones.

Anyways, Aizawa walks in to ask us something, I think [I don't remember exactly what he said, lol]. I do remember not looking up and saying something like, "What's up, dad?" Once I processed what I had said, I just went widewide-eyed and stopped doing what I was doing on my phone, and blinked a few times to try and make sense of why and how that came out of my mouth, lol.

He asked me to repeat what I said, but I (almost) didn't want to bc I was slightly embarrassed, lol, but Zuku decides to repeat it for me [thanks annoying little shit], and dad asked me something like "Would you actually want me to be your dad?" And I was like "Yeah I didn't have much of a father figure growing up, and you're a great dad to Shinso."

Dad said something about working on adopting me, and once he left the room, I turned to look at Izuku and asked something like, "Did he just say something about adopting me?" And Izu just nods before going back to what he was doing as I just stare dumbfounded at the wall of the room.

End of the memory

It's awesome and shit to look back on this memory. I'm also gonna remind people that I was 18 when this happened there, lol. The best part was Eraserhead and Present Mic were my two favorite heroes (tied for 1st favorite, lol), so to be adopted by them was amazing. I will definitely go into other memories more. What would you guys like to hear about? You can send it asks with specific questions or just a general memory question.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it + canine/feline/canines/felines/canineself and feline/canine/felines/canines/felineself [technically these specific pronouns were "made" by me]) :3c

These messages really do get a lot longer than expected, lol.

I could go into more detail about a lot of things, but then we'd probably be at this like all day, lol. While that'd be fun, it's probably better to not do that, lol.

Just want to say that you're really cool! And it's really great talking with you! I don't really have many people to talk to about all this, so it's really nice being able to ramble about memories with someone!

I just realized that I typed Shoto with the u, which he didn't have in my canon, lol. So ignore the u, I'm too lazy to go and change it, lol.

I'm glad that you told Toga Himiko that her quirk doesn't make her evil. I remember that when I first met her after the training camp [I wasn't really involved in that fight anyways], I told her that I had been called tons of names and shit because of my quirk.

I was called "Monster" "Freak" "Evil" etc.

But the one that really 'stuck' was being told that "Not even a villain would want your quirk." So, uh yeah, that sucks. They were basically saying that my quirk was so useless and bad that no one would ever want it. It's what made it easier for me to see people with "evil" or "villain" or "useless" or whatever other word people said quirks as good and deserving of love and worth so much. Quirks are really just a tool in a way. It's how someone uses it that makes the person. Quirkless people are also worth so much, and I wish that people had seen that more.

I remember giving Toga some of my blood on that day that I actually met her [this happened before I was adopted. It was like right after the dorms were made] and saying something like, "I won't let someone starve if I could help them." Cause at least in my canon, she needed to drink blood to live, so yeah. Quirk diets or whatever you wanna call them suck [I had to eat more meat and sometimes needed to eat what would essentially be raw meat, it was slightly cooked but not quite rare, but it wasn't fully raw, idk. I just know it sucked cause of being scared of how people would see me.].

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx)

Hello, I decided to come say hi and shit in an ask, lol.

I'm not good at starting conversations, but I would like to hear about any alterhuman or nonhuman experiences or memories or anything that'd you'd be willing to share!

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | a fellow noncanon MHA being/creature :3c

aaa hihi!! good to hear from you, i definitely feel you on the 'bad at starting conversations' lol!

the first thing that comes to mind a memory of playing video games with Tomura and Shuichi. I wasn't very good at it, but it was good bonding and i loved playing with them. I would only play the 'silly' games like Mario Kart or Smash Bros, they got too into the 'serious' ones for me. I finished in last place every time lmao, so i mostly spent my time teasing whoever was in second place. Dabi would sit with us too sometimes, either lazily scrolling on his phone or bothering the three of us, trying to help whoever would give him the most attention lol. The others joined in sometimes too, Himiko and Jin and rarely Sho and Toshi if they were hanging out. Himiko would shriek excitedly and bump us while Jin cheered her on and cursed her out. It was good.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to ramble lol!! Feel free to share any memories/thoughts you have :D