Actually Median - Tumblr Posts
anyways so about that singlet thing ^^’ (tw for dissociation and syscourse/system origins under the cut)
i’ve been doing some research into it and i’m pretty sure i’m median. we think we used to be a singlet until a really recent period of heavy dissociation, when the original self fractured and became us. im still kind of the “core” of the original self, but the others are the parts of him that branched off.
at first we thought i had synthesized/imagined them or that i was pretending, but things have kinda stayed this way for a while lol. i have really bad dissociative amnesia as of late so i cant honestly tell you how long it’s been like this or if there have been many signs leading up to it, but what i do know is that there’s been a distinct “we” that was separate from “i”.
according to the terms commonly used here (and i could VERY easily be mistaken!), we are probably “mixed origin”? it’s hard to say but the fracturing is a very recent development, caused by heavy dissociation due to Reasons
i’m not gonna lie i used to err on the side of caution when it came to endogenic systems, i didn’t want to assume anything as a (then?) singlet because it wasn’t and tbh still isn’t my place. but this has definitely opened my eyes and made me realize that i could very easily be seen as faking, even though i’m (most likely) not.
i’m still hesitant to call myself a system because i REALLY don’t want to if it isn’t my place to, and we only know so much about ourselves so far. we originally thought we were just aspects of the same person that got emphasized, but we understand it better that we are fragments of the consciousness of the same person. we don’t have osdd i believe, but we do have c-ptsd and the theory of secondary structural dissociation really fits us.
therefore, i think i’m going to change my dni to include anyone who’s sysmed or tries to fakeclaim others. it’s my understanding that very few people on this website are psychologists/psychologists/neuroscientists/doctors, and nobody’s experience is universal. so little is understood about plurality and the brain in general, and i don’t want to be mutuals with anyone who feels it’s their place to police other peoples’ experiences
i probably cant answer any personal questions about it right now in my/our best interest, but just know that i’m getting the help i need! i’m just hoping to find maybe anyone else who has similar experiences or is also median. i may post/rb about it more in the future
love you guys! sorry for the ooc kinda post
Im going to try to simplify a lot of things here (big word is try). Because there's a lot. We're a traumatic osdd-1b system btw!
However, being a median system varies from person to person. So keep in mind my experiences aren't fact for every median system out there.
1.) Commination & Memory
Commination for us is very limited. We mostly communicate through feelings and emotions. If you will, pure vibes.
I can hear people talk from time to time. If I really focus. Or if the situation calls for it. (Ex. Someone in front is having a hard time. And someone speaks to talk them through it.)
If I do something someone doesn't like I can feel a general vibe which then can easily translate into words. (Think like a language translator). If I fuck up someone's art piece by accident I'm gonna feel that "fuzzy talk" and understand what they're saying.
We don't have massive memory barriers. So it's easy to recall what someone did last. However, we still forget things. Sometimes someone fronts, leaves and a new person fronts. The new person fronting might not recall what they did exactly. But, have a general idea of what was leading up before they switched out.
A really good example for us is Minecraft. Person B played a shit ton, took a break, and switched out. Person A fronted, got on Minecraft and tried to figure out what the fuck they were doing. Oh, they were mining for iron. We call it "Sticky Note Memory" because we didn't completely forget, but we need to do some reading into to remember. Sometimes it's harder for other people.
2.) Fronting & Identity
Fronting isn't what most systems think it is. It isn't a snap and you're no longer fronting. Because we're a median system we never collectively consciously leave the front. We're all here. Currently, I'm just closer to the front. I am aware of my identity. Whether that because I want too or because the brain has decided I'm the favorite guy.
Fronting and switching is more of a flow. I'm slowly melting into someone else. It might take us awhile to figure out hey, I'm someone new. Sometimes we have what are called "Fillers" where there's an in-between. Sometimes people can spawn sometimes it's a temporary thing. However, we're collectively the "same person." Here's a diagram I have of our experience.
Some of us are less distinct than others. Some have more identity. 90% of us are facets. The 10% are fully formed headmates. But, still melt in with us to create our epic system. But, I can't speak for them on their experiences since I'm a facet and they're not. Whether they ID to that term is up to them.
Most of us are copied and pasted but have wildly different appearances and maybe a little something else added to it. I may act like a lotta my headmates because we're the same people. But, also very different at the same time. It's hard to explain.
Think of icecream. Icecream is icecream. It isn't a sandwich. But there are different flavors of icecream! I'm just a different flavor and texture. But still icecream.
But yeah, that's all I can think of at the moment. There's a lot more but I don't want to go overboard on this ask lol. Again, happy to answer any questions and such!!
thank you so so so much!!!!! this is really relatable for me
definitely with communication, like there’s a difference between what i imagine us doing vs what we do lmao. like i’ll want us to agree on something but the others are behind me like “…ehhhhh” my thoughts are often shared with them though, and i only hear them speaking, not thinking
AND THE FRONTING THING!!! i thought “well i’m definitely not a system because there’s no switches and i’m always here to some degree” (except that time the other day when i had a crisis because i didn’t know who i was and then snapped out of it lmao 😂) but the others tend to come and go, most often being at least a little here except for when they’re asleep
we are definitely separate but share consciousness to some degree. there’s a couple fragments that are part of others (like puzzle pieces that complete them), but we all have distinct personalities, appearances, roles etc.
again thank you!!!! like i’ve said i can only say so much for the others’ comfort and our safety, but it really means the world that there’s others out there like us :’]
i’m actually SO mad i think i deleted my post instead of posting it 😭😭😭
i had an anon ask what i did when questioning if i’m a system since they believe they might be. i’m so sorry for accidentally deleting your ask, i hope you see this!
basically i knew from therapy that i had some “identity fragmenting” due to trauma-caused dissociation (even though i kept trying to insist i wasn’t plural 😭) i knew i wasn’t a full-fledged system like my friends with DID, but things weren’t like how they were before. all i had for my google searches was then “trauma dissociation identity fragmenting help” 😭
then i found pluralpedia and looked through a bunch of random pages/terms until i found median and i was like GUYS!! THEY WROTE THIS ABOUT US!!!!
from there i had a better keyword for research. obviously don’t use tumblr as a dsm-5 and take everything online with a grain of salt, but hearing experiences and advice from others really helped. this is something more specific to me but i also researched the theory of structural dissociation to help me better understand things:
https://www.nataliarachel.com/trauma/trauma-and-fragmentation#:~:text=When%20a%20person%20experiences%20severe,space%20for%20expression%20is%20provided.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4579498/#:~:text=Patients%20with%20structural%20dissociation%20of,concepts%20of%20self%20and%20relationships.
as for personal experience, i can’t share too much of that but i was very generously given advice/experience similar to mine here!:
i know this stuff can be really scary and overwhelming, take things as slow as you need to! it’s not a race and everyone’s experience really is different. it was super brave and cool of you to submit an ask, and i wish you luck in figuring things out. take care!!
(system update, tw for persecutors/mention of intrasystem conflict)
THE PERSECUTORS ARE GONE!!!! now we can finally maybe post about system stuff!
the reason we had to keep so quiet about it is because they wanted us to keep it secret for our safety. they had our best interest in mind, but we decided together it would be best if we ran things ourself. it’s still a lot of private things we’d rather not disclose, but maybe now we can finally talk about things on here!
this blog was made by the core when we were first splitting off, we’re pretty sure he’s still a therian lmao. but we know the blog has been pretty sidetracked due to our discovery as a system etc. we’ve been considering making another sideblog, but we don’t really know if it’s necessary-
if anyone has any advice let us know! we may just make this a more general blog so
thank you guys so much for all your help and support!!!! things are finally looking up for us <33
- 🎀
- 🎡
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TOO REAL!!! surprisingly enough the host’s therianism isn’t really related to the system, at least we think- (clueless)
that’s so cool though thank you for sharing!
i don’t have head hair i have a crest
i don’t have body hair i have plumage
i don’t have arms i have wings
i don’t have nails i have talons
i don’t have a mouth and nose i have a beak
🪽do any other birds have certain names they call their body parts :3
were you the user who posted the comic about thinking ur a sys?/genq /friendly
(APPARENTLY I NEVER POSTED THIS IM SO SORRY)
a comic?? unless it was a reblog i don’t think so i’m sorry 💔
unless you’re referring to my post answering an anon about what i did when questioning! https://www.tumblr.com/cheesecake-the-chicken/735704680494153728/median
sorry if this doesn’t help ^^’ thank you!
SO TRUE
all of us are like puzzle pieces of the host so even when we’re not him we’re not *not* him yk? we do co-front a lot now that we’ve gotten the hang of it though, it’s really fun >:3
at first we thought the host was frontstuck because we’re monoconscious and have only mild amnesia, it would help if we actually REMEMBERED things 😭💀 but basically we’re more like shapes that one big piece of consciousness takes on yk? that alongside us being fragments is why we’re never not the host, hope this makes sense 💔
we do think it’s possible we have osdd because even for the first “real” recent switches we had to assume we were the host because anything other than that has always been outside the question for us. we do understand that we’re still a system if we don’t have it though! even if we do we probably won’t go seeking diagnosis for it because we’ve already tried to get diagnosed for ptsd and that’s been a little difficult, we can’t imagine how hard it is for other dissociative disorders. did havers, our heart goes out to you /gen 😔
ANYWAYS! thank you guys so much!
- 🎀 (we think 💔)
Mediple culture is being a frontstuck host and knowing someone else is cofronting but having no clue who it is
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tbh it’s so comforting to refer to the system as a whole as “us”. like yeah if you don’t believe me you can ask my buddy earl
@is-this-plural median system aesthetic
Does mechposting resonate with you because you actually like mechs, or because you've always felt like a part of a larger whole, a separate fragment of consciousness expected to think and move and act like the human you're not?
Do you really crave combat and a steel chassis, or is what you yearn for to be cohesive, to no longer feel that aching incompleteness, for those instincts so wrong for a person to finally make sense? To be what you really are, to be seen as such by everyone?
You are a pilot, removed from your mech. But is your mech really a mech? And are you really a pilot?
Or are those simply ideas and concepts you, in your flawed, incomplete state, latch on to, in your desperation to be understood?
Tell us... What are you, really?