Cant Take This Anymore - Tumblr Posts
I cant take this anymore, i just cant. Everything is falling apart and im just freaking out. What am i doing with my life?!?!?!??!?!
Stop! I'm gonna cry! š
One.
It starts in the stars. Weāre two atoms born from the same dust and we reach through the darkness towards each other with shaking breaths and colliding bones. You count the constellations on my bones and I kiss the sun of your spine. You burn first and when you do, you burn proudly. When you go out the universe mourns. I wait for your return but it never happens. Sometimes one life is not enough.
Two.
It starts in Greece. We were gods once, I say in a whisper meant for shadows of the night, meant for you only. My eyes are blown wide enough that the vivid gold has faded to asphalt black. My hands are shaking and each breath escapes my lips in trembling puffs of white fog. Goosebumps raise on our naked skins while grass is jabbing in our backs. We were?, you ask with your voice colored with wonder. Perhaps you remember too. Perhaps not as much as me. I close my eyes and remember the scent of eternity and stars and the sun. I remember cutthroat smiles and your body ignited. I remember home. We were gods among men in many ways. Ā When I look at you, hopefully, you donāt understand. You donāt remember. I promise, Weāll be gods again. In the next life. Sometimes a life is not long enough.
interlude.
I realize this is a story in the first person. I was born. I was made. I exist. I die. All for you. I am beginning to forget the start and I give up on an ending. You are the sun, I am half in shadow, waiting to be blinded. Life is circular. I am born. I live, I love, I die. And so the circle continues.
Three.
It starts in Italy. I wake in the golden year of artists and you get involved in tavern fights with your mind as sharp as always. I call you Patroclus but you say your name is Pettrucio. You only live for three more days. Itās raining when they kill you in front of the basilica. I do nothing to stop it. I merely watch. I merely weep. Somehow this time is not enough either.
interlude.
There are lives when we die and love and fuck someone else, or arenāt born in the same place. Somehow despite all odds we still manage to find each other. But if I am honest, finding each other is never the hard part, but what comes after. Not just the right place at the right time - but the right circumstances.
Four.
Iām so tired, the words slip from my lips before I can dwell on them and Iām tired of so many things. Tired of losing you again and again. Tired of watching innocent people getting killed. Tired of living. I canāt watch you die again. Your arms are around me, clutching my trembling body to yours like youāre trying to hold me together. Maybe you are. Your mouth is desperate on mine, hands tearing at my clothes as you try to stitch me back together again. In another life, I promise, taking a shaky breath as the rain falls with more strength. The revolution has success. But you are already dead and it feels like this means nothing at all. Somehow, this time was the hardest of them all.
interlude.
This time I donāt want to find you. I am still healing from the last time
Five.
It ends in Greece. I was here before. I have done this before. I remember dying. I am not dead. Not yet. Not anymore. It takes me a while to understand that thousands of years of existence is hardly enough time to get to know you. I donāt believe in gods anymore. I believe in you and me holding our breath in that timeless moment of clarity when our souls recognize each other. We are what we are. Achilles and Patroclus. Always. Sometimes one life is all we need.
five universes for us