Dealing With Loss - Tumblr Posts
Grieving For Children - Grieving for you
It is hard to contemplate what the loss of your own child must feel like. Even though you may have faced losing a loved one that is close to you, it is a very different issue when it comes to losing your own child. On one hand, you have always considered that you would be gone before your child and one can't imagine the pain that is caused when facing this loss. The agony of one's heart after losing a child is such a dramatic change in events that your life will be changed forever. There is one truth and one constant in life, that you are born and that you will pass when it is your time, but considering when that call will come either by a divine act or an others act of free will is often something that you would never have contemplated. Here is the truth, we are all children of someone, and so even those who have gone before us are also children of someone. Would it be too cruel to think that losing a child is very much the same as any type of loss or grief that you could face, Read more at http://theothersidepress.com/grieving-for-children-grieving-for-you-2177
there is something so painful and agonizing about knowing you’ll never go back. nostalgia is so much more brutal when you grieve everything but a person. why does my heart feel like it’s being constricted? why am i replaying everything in my mind if my eyes are open? why is there an ache behind my eyes as they search for the familiar in a world that’s moved on? why is my stomach physically sinking? i can see it, smell it, feel it, but it’s not there. it will never be there. i want to go back, why can’t i go back? let me go back.
love with no place to go. when i hear you say that you love someone but you’ll “never say it with words” and “they’ll never know because you’ll never show it”, i realize now that that feeling is very real and there but what is the point of loving someone from afar when you can touch them in your palms? why not take the time and effort to love them? to make them feel loved? why let your love sit around inside of you with no place to go? it becomes grief. it wants to explode into others. now you have to feed the growing monster that just lusts to love more and more. what is your love anyway? is this about yourself or truly the other? is this about your family and the love they couldn’t give you? what does your love look like? does it harm? does it hurt? is it genuine? is it gentle? is it kind? is there room for error? is there limits? is it sweet? is it proud? is it chipping at you? is it weighing you down? is it in the way? is it going to eat you alive?
i want to love you so loudly, but since you’ve let go now where do i put this stupidly intense love now?
in myself?
sheesh.
My first PJSK fanfic! Sour Droplets!
This is my 1st fanfic of Pjsk, which means it’s also my first time writing about VBS! This event story is supposed to happen after the Kohane focus story, “On Your Feet”. If you haven’t read a bit before that, there may be some spoilers for previous events, or things won’t make sense.
As events do, I’ll be making my own Pjsk cards and event titles! Note that the fanfic and event are called something completely different so I can distinguish between the two (the event is called Melody of Infinite Horizons.) But in fact, this event has a song too! It’s a j-pop song called Lemon by Kenshi Yonezu, and I would definitely recommend giving it a listen.
And with all that stuff said, I hope you enjoy the story!
Ps: Orange is the closest thing I could get to yellow. 😭
[Chapter 1 - Time Takes its Course]
An stood there, eyes wide as she was frozen in place. She clutched her shirt tightly and her eyes welled up with tears.
Laying in front of her was Aunt Nagis grave, a mound of unmarked dirt. The city had been so determined to not let An know about Nagis death that they didn’t do the bare courtesy of marking her grave. However everyone had know about Nagis death. Everyone, except An.
The single lily An had brought slipped out of her hand, falling on to the ground.
And with that, came the tears.
Sitting in front of the grave, An let her tears roll down her face as she let out a wail of despair. Aunt Nagi was gone - never to come back.
As the grass poked at her legs, An’s vision became blurry. She knew she’d never forget Nagi, but it was still hard to live life without her. To go through her day to day routines without her aunt there to guide her.
Sometimes An still thought about her too. Her gentle smile, her flowing hair…
As if on cue, memories of her and Nagi began flashing through her head. For Nagi had been there during An’s lowest lows and her highest highs. The thought that she wouldn’t be there for her and by her side anymore…
All of a sudden An’s heart started to race, and she felt immense pressure everywhere on her skin, alike to the sensation of walls closing in. She felt lightheaded and began to hyperventilate as she gripped at her chest. An couldn’t take it anymore, she knew she had to get out of here.
So with her blurry vision, she began to run away from the grave, leaving the lily at the base of it. The grief was to suffocating to stay there, so An ran. She ran even though she didn’t know where she was going, she just needed to escape. But there would be no running from the desperation that clawed at her heart. The pure, raw feeling that demanded to be unleashed.
The night didn’t help An’s vision, instead helping the colors in her vision blend smoothly, as if they were melting into each other. She ran and ran and ran and ran and ran until she couldn’t even tell what was around her. She’s topped and put her hands on her knees, gasping for breath. Sure, she practiced staying in shape with Kohane and the others, but the training she had done couldn’t hold a candle to running around aimlessly.
A feeling of hopelessness gripped An again and she knew she had to keep running. Not only to get away from this place, but to head home. If she wasn’t home soon, her father would likely worry. I mean, she couldn’t have been running for less than a hour, but under the blanket of stars telling time was like trying to do open heart surgery with a hammer - impossible. Nevertheless, she had to get home, and maybe calm down with a cup of hot tea after her arrival.
So An stood up and began to spur her legs forward, intending to run home even though she was still suffering from the remnants of her panic attack. But no matter how screwed her vision was, An could see the ground getting rapidly closer to her face. And the pure, pitch black color of darkness as it enveloped her vision, snuffing out the light of the moonlight above her.