Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures - Tumblr Posts

I wish someone would hold me and tell me they love me...even if they don't mean it...

Okay so you know the drill,, there's a gala! Wow Bruce Wayne is so dreamy 😍 he's a whore 🥵 he's a dad 🥰 he's a- oh shit he's a hostage 😳

Everyone looks around frantic and scared but also... not really... cause ya know... this happens like every Wayne gala? Like they had to sign a slip saying that Wayne Inc isn't liable for any injuries during a possible takeover cause the Board was tired of people sneaking in just to sue after being shot by Ozzie's umbrella gun (it was just a graze 🙄) (Bruce pays for them all anyway)

But! This time Damian was in his arms when he was taken hostage! Extra collateral! How tragic! He's just a poor boy ;(

The corners have shadows of course and next thing you know- through a series of odd instances that are totally irrelevant to the story (oh his other children must be so scared! Must have hid under the tables since no one saw them,, how terribly sad) -a few of Gotham's vigilantes show up to save the day! (Is it 9 already?)

Alas! a goon (he's new, he's blue, he'll shoot himself in the shoe 🎶) gets startled and almost shoots poor defenseless Damian Wayne and oh Bruce becomes a real papa bear and slams his fist into the goons face-

"No." He practically growls- which uh Brucie can growl? A spattering of confusion goes around the room before a laughing Red Hood can be heard after checking on the goon-

"Damn! Good job papi!"

Everyone in the room pauses.

Did the Red Hood... just call Brucie Wayne Papi? The Red Hood, the anti-hero of unknown age who just recently obtained the praise of the city for taking down the recent baddie with the Gotham sirens when all the other bats seemed to be out of town?

A million ideas pass through the thoughts of the elite in attendance.

A million thoughts pass through Jason who just realized what he said after seeing that Goon Lagoon lost his front teeth.

He looks to Nightwing and in state of panic they speak to each other in a way that only panicking siblings who can't speak can share-

'You done fucked up,' Dick seems to say with a twitch of his eyebrow.

'Obviously, you stupid idiot, but how do I fix it,' Jason responds practically psychically with a tilt of his head.

Dick just looks at him in pity, and with a shake of his head, he stares into his little brother's soul with the plan

-of course nobody else hears this conversation,, everyone in the room just watches the two vigilantes stare at each other weirdly for a few seconds (theyre on complete opposite sides of the room? There is not a single shred of subtle about them having a mental conversation even if nobody knows what it's about) before a look a pure absolute disgust reveals itself across Red Hood's masked face (he threw his helmet for fun earlier in the battle not important) before settling into a neutral stiffness.

Solemnly devastated, like he's about to go off to war and his Beau will be left behind to be cared for by his evil brother who will no doubt try to take advantage of his estate,,

or like a teenager being told by an acquaintance that they found their old elementary school YouTube account with videos of them role-playing with their Littlest Pet Shop animals,,

or like when a mother writes a 12k story for her fandom during her toddlers nap time only for the child not only to wake up before expected but also somehow spill applejuice all over her laptop (the one she's had since she was a teen) shorting it and deleting the story because she didn't press save on top of being morbidly tired from lack of sleep-

He looks up and says with clarity in his voice even if it's also filled with the verbal equivalent of eating 4 lemons raw and slow- peel and all,

"That's what I call him in bed."

Everyone in The Know takes psychic damage.

The elite in the crowd do little more than nod before moving on.

Bruce just smiles big and fake and pretends like he doesn't want to die.

Red Hood looks at his gun with wistfullness, while Nightwing does an unnecessary amount of acrobatics along the chandeliers above them just to land next to him and pat him on the shoulder.

Later, an anonymous commenter spoke about hearing Damian Wayne whisper to himself, "I hate this fucking family," as Timothy Drake-Wayne (who appeared miraculously safe and sound) gave him a nod of agreement.

let's get some pasta and gossip under the covers