Diary Entries - Tumblr Posts

fatima aamer bilal, from moony moonless sky’s laundry for self.

[text id: oh, how i wish i could admire beauty without loathing myself. / what soap can melt this stain? / what water can rinse this dirt?]

fatima aamer bilal, from even flesh eaters don’t want me.

[text id: my hands have teeth,]

fatima aamer bilal, poster for even flesh eaters don’t want me.

fatima aamer bilal, from if only love could save us.

[text id: december cold, so lovingly, froze my blood and burned my skin shut. / (every wound can rest til the arrival of summer)]

fatima aamer bilal, from all hunger is, is love.

[text id: my heart knew no name more furiously than yours.

a scripture that burns beneath my tongue.

the mere glimpse of you clogs my lungs as if the butterflies have deemed them their home

but when you leave my sight, i can’t bear the thought of it being forever.

oh, lord, how i am willing to embrace you until all the love in my being seeps into you.

[and i can’t bring my myself to imagine a world with you,

this world is pure agony without you.

this world is my grave.]

these hands, attached to my wrists, with no purpose other than to hold yours— weep.

my palms are heavy with the emptiness of your hands.

it was inevitable.

you could have marched towards me, parading your teeth like hands, tearing all the meaningless flesh apart, turning my ribs inside, and taking a bite out of my heart—

and i would have done nothing, not when i couldn’t look past your eyes.

so warm. even the sun yearns to bask in them.

sick. sick. sick. how i would have waited for you to take another bite. then another. another. devour me whole. all hunger is, is love.

and i hope you’re hungry, dear darling.

“you have always been like this?”

“no.” yes.

oh, how i would pray to get sick, so my mother would take care of me.]

This did actually happen. It made me laugh when I wrote this 🤣