Emotional Regulation - Tumblr Posts

I really wish I had better ways [any way really] to regulate my emotions in a healthy way.. Feel like I have very little control over the fluctuations in my mood and I'm kinda just being dragged around by the current.

It makes me destructive in ways I do not wish to be. It's also fucking painful cause the degree of whatever I'm feeling is most often unbearably intense and honestly way more excessive than the situation calls for.. [I'm always aware of this, but that doesn't really change anything.]

The only coping skill I feel I can really use in these moments is just removing myself from people/the situation. If I can't interact with anyone I can't fuck things up either..

I would really love to have ways to effectively ease the emotional distress tho.. Nowadays I'm just trying to control my breathing and focus on not giving into impulses until the worst has passed.. I know I can't trust my thoughts or reasoning in these moments and that I'll be way more rational once I manage to calm down..

Most of us had to give up or adjust our passions/dreams in order to earn a living. This is the reverse pathway, often known as the karmic life.

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🔆 The soul led life invites us to find our unique soul blueprint and follow our own design - instead of walking in the footsteps of others.

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🤗 As we find our purpose - we manifest all the good things in all other areas of our life including money, happiness, community, peace, romance, health and whatever else we need to feel fulfilled.

(There is a difference between having a career vs. one you enjoy + pays well as well as being in any relationship vs. one that truly touches your heart and so on...)

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And none of this requires us to abandon, betray or reject any part of us to secure any of our wishes.

Our blessings flow easily + endlessly when we remain true to ourselves and follow our soul's calling.

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Me when I get yelled at, hit, assaulted, bullied, hated, forced to do things, try to kill myself and overall survive terrible things: ●_●

Me when a minor inconvenience: *crying, shaking, throwing up*

I am not an expert in childcare or childhood development, but I have learned some strategies for helping kids who are dealing with big emotions through trial and error. These are the ones I use for kids between 5 and 10.

Do not:

Yell back at a child or yell at a crying child. First, you can’t help a child self-regulate if you yourself can’t at least give the illusion of being regulated. Whether or not you think the child did or is doing something wrong, this is not the time to correct the behaviour. If the perceived problem behaviour already happened, I can guarantee you that in this moment they will not internalize a lecture or learn from a punishment. If the perceived problem behaviour is actively occurring and putting the child or someone else in danger, yelling might not make them stop. Yelling at them will likely make them more upset, thus making it harder for them to manage their behaviour. If the problem behaviour is not putting anyone in danger, then set a boundary, be firm, but do. not. yell. If there is no perceived problem behaviour aside from being upset, what the heck are you even yelling at them for? Having feelings? That’s very likely how they’ll interpret it. And let me tell you that getting yelled at by an adult when they’re upset will not make a kid less upset. Getting yelled at for crying makes it really hard to stop crying, actually. If they do manage to shut themselves up, it will be because they’ve just learned that they have to hide their hard feelings from you. That will not, ultimately, lead to a more regulated child, a child who trusts you, or a child who behaves more cooperatively.

That’s what not to do. Here’s what I suggest.

Understand (find out why they’re upset), validate (no, you don’t have to tell them that their reaction is proportionate, it probably isn’t, or excuse any perceived problem behaviour, just let them that their feelings are real and allowed), regulate (show them how to take deep breaths, guide them through focusing on their senses, maybe just get them somewhere private where they can cry it out), and plan (how do we help you feel calmer in this sort of situation next time, what do we do to solve the problem that made you feel upset, how do we help you feel safe reintegrating into this activity, how does your behaviour need to change to be safer/kinder). These can happen in any order. Some kids will not be able to explain the situation that made them upset until you help them regulate. Some won’t be able to feel regulated until they have a plan to deal with the situation. Some kids will be regulated pretty much as soon as they feel validated. Sometimes the same approach works for one kid every time they’re upset, sometimes you need to try a different take from situation to situation. You need to be prepared to tailor your approach to each kid and each situation, accept that you may misstep and be prepared to backtrack or improvise, and this is key, appear calm and regulated even if you’re not. Sometimes situations that upset kids upset adults too and often seeing a kid upset is in itself distressing for adults. It’s understandable if you need a moment to put on a calm face. I personally like to calm myself down by modelling deep breaths for the child. Calms two birds with one stone.

It has taken me years to get to a point where I can not actively make it worse like 95% of the time and maybe be helpful like 70% of the time.