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Immigrants: Why I Want Them Influencing My Child
My husband and I started to watch Louis Malle's "...And The Pursuit Of Happiness Last Night" and it made me think about all the wonderful immigrants I have in my life. Malle's movie was made in the mid-1980s. The conversation around immigration has evolved since then, for worse in my opinion, but the message of Malle's film remains the same: immigrants make a country stronger.
Think about it. You have the most driven people on earth risking their lives so they can contribute to your economy. And because we make immigrants wait so long to become documented, we essentially lose the tax revenue that the vast majority of immigrants are so eager to pay. (But that's a whole other issue that tax and immigration lawyers should write about more).
Most frequently, attacks against immigrants focus on the idea that they take jobs away from American citizens. Well, everyone takes a job from another person if you think of the workforce as a zero sum game. But what about all the immigrants who have started companies, provided jobs in their stores or invented products that spawn entire mini economies? I'm reminded of these immigrants every day. The deli on my corner, the CoFounder of Instagram, the women who take care of my child and enable me to work so I can place more women in jobs through PowerToFly.
Yes, the women helping me raise my daughter are immigrants and now they're citizens. Ester is from the Philippines, Juanetta is from Jamaica, and Joan, who was with us for a couple months when my baby was first born, is also from Jamaica. I don't have three babysitters all at once. Juanetta comes for two days and Ester comes for three.
And to avoid any suspicion of nanny tax evasion, I'll tell you straight up that I pay them via W2. I don't provide health care, although I have paid for certain visits to specialists when they couldn't afford it. Now they are all beneficiaries of the Affordable Health Care Act. I need this kind of childcare so I can grow my business. Sheryl Sandberg makes the case in Lean In that investing in childcare is all about investing in your future. You may be spending more money on it now than you want to, but proper childcare allows a woman to build a career that will allow her to become a bigger bread winner.
Back to Ester, Juanetta and Joan. The reason I'm so happy to have these women in my child's life is because they're living proof of what it's like to be your own startup.
They left everything to start a new life. My daughter is lucky. Like me, she won't have to expel a huge amount of energy and resources on being an immigrant. She's also lucky because she's being influenced by women who know what true effort and risk is. And she'll grow up understanding what helps makes this country stronger: immigrants.
Charlotte and Ester:
Charlotte and Juanetta:
Charlotte and Joan:
Hello my friends I am Hanan from Gaza, a mother of three children. We used to live in a quiet, reassured house, but our lives were turned upside down: fear, bombing, terror, and destruction. My children and I were subjected to repeated displacement, and we were forced to live inside a tent that swayed in the wind and was full of insects. Meanwhile, my warm house was completely destroyed, and nothing remained. All of it is rubble, stones and memories. I ask you to help me save my children’s lives from danger. I hope you will donate even a little. https://www.gofundme.com/f/q37qd5-please-help-my-family-in-gaza?attribution_id=sl:a7c90392-5bd1-45ca-a58b-c3a57b462cff&utm_campaign=
!!
can i just gush about bluey for a moment?
one of my favorite episodes: faceytalk. (spoilers ahead for bluey, if you are that worried just watch the full episode online or something) growing up, i was lucky if my opinions mattered as a kid. it was either "you do what i say or i am going to smack your head and then yell at you for crying "
in this moment here, bluey and bingo are a good example of what should have happened. "hey can i have a turn?" "let me finish this first" "oke!" its a respect of each others boundaries. muffin's situation is a better representation of what I went through growing up. muffin is 3 so i don't expect her to be mature enough to handle boundaries perfectly yet, but in this moment all muffin wanted to do was finish her cowboy hat. instead of "it is ok, finish it up and then give it to your sister ok?" it was "no, your feelings are not valid deal with it" To stripe's credit, he didnt just cut the video feed either when the kids said no. there is a good chance my dad would have done that. this episode is hilarious too and this show has a LOT of balls to have children misbevaving in a kids show. I appreciate that.
and then there is the end. the moral both applies to children AND adults. you need to share parenting and your things But you also need to respect others boundaries and don't force yourself in. most kids shows would be lazy and just ✨💖❤️sharing is caring and love and woudlent the world be such a wovely place if we all shared!!✨🥰🌸 but that isn't realistic. sharing IS nice, but are you willing to "share" your car with your neighbor you barely know? how about your phone? why not? sharing is caring after all. as an adult that grew up in an emotionally neglectful household, i love and appreciate bluey. I am jealous that the newer generation get's to grow up on this.
Sharing this because it's important.
'Tough on crime' should mean proactive policies, not reactionary punishments.
Parenting done right, 9-22-2022.
I am not an expert in childcare or childhood development, but I have learned some strategies for helping kids who are dealing with big emotions through trial and error. These are the ones I use for kids between 5 and 10.
Do not:
Yell back at a child or yell at a crying child. First, you can’t help a child self-regulate if you yourself can’t at least give the illusion of being regulated. Whether or not you think the child did or is doing something wrong, this is not the time to correct the behaviour. If the perceived problem behaviour already happened, I can guarantee you that in this moment they will not internalize a lecture or learn from a punishment. If the perceived problem behaviour is actively occurring and putting the child or someone else in danger, yelling might not make them stop. Yelling at them will likely make them more upset, thus making it harder for them to manage their behaviour. If the problem behaviour is not putting anyone in danger, then set a boundary, be firm, but do. not. yell. If there is no perceived problem behaviour aside from being upset, what the heck are you even yelling at them for? Having feelings? That’s very likely how they’ll interpret it. And let me tell you that getting yelled at by an adult when they’re upset will not make a kid less upset. Getting yelled at for crying makes it really hard to stop crying, actually. If they do manage to shut themselves up, it will be because they’ve just learned that they have to hide their hard feelings from you. That will not, ultimately, lead to a more regulated child, a child who trusts you, or a child who behaves more cooperatively.
That’s what not to do. Here’s what I suggest.
Understand (find out why they’re upset), validate (no, you don’t have to tell them that their reaction is proportionate, it probably isn’t, or excuse any perceived problem behaviour, just let them that their feelings are real and allowed), regulate (show them how to take deep breaths, guide them through focusing on their senses, maybe just get them somewhere private where they can cry it out), and plan (how do we help you feel calmer in this sort of situation next time, what do we do to solve the problem that made you feel upset, how do we help you feel safe reintegrating into this activity, how does your behaviour need to change to be safer/kinder). These can happen in any order. Some kids will not be able to explain the situation that made them upset until you help them regulate. Some won’t be able to feel regulated until they have a plan to deal with the situation. Some kids will be regulated pretty much as soon as they feel validated. Sometimes the same approach works for one kid every time they’re upset, sometimes you need to try a different take from situation to situation. You need to be prepared to tailor your approach to each kid and each situation, accept that you may misstep and be prepared to backtrack or improvise, and this is key, appear calm and regulated even if you’re not. Sometimes situations that upset kids upset adults too and often seeing a kid upset is in itself distressing for adults. It’s understandable if you need a moment to put on a calm face. I personally like to calm myself down by modelling deep breaths for the child. Calms two birds with one stone.
It has taken me years to get to a point where I can not actively make it worse like 95% of the time and maybe be helpful like 70% of the time.
We need to be risky, otherwise we will stagnate and we wouldn't know how to take care of ourselves instinctively. Biggest example here would be learning how to ride a bike. It's a risk peppered with cuts, bruises, and minor concussions, but in return, we get a sense of balance, body coordination and alertness to traffic.
Great Read!