English Lit Student - Tumblr Posts
"for a while, it felt like sex was all we did. the second we were alone, our clothes came off. i was content with this for some time - happy, even - but then i came to wonder whether it was me that you loved or my body. yesterday, we had fun. youthful, giggling fun that left us both is a laughing fit. i do not think i have ever laughed so hard. while i enjoy having sex, i want to laugh with you, too."
-- a message to my love
maybe i really have misunderstood my mother all this time.
an author told me to write how can i let her down?
when i was 12 i realised that my attraction was not limited to boys i made minor hints to test the waters with my other but never wished to do anything with it on our way to girl guides she asked me whether i liked girls i denied it i wish that she told me that she would still love me as a sinner.
"my parents are immigrants and i have adopted their accent this has caused the people of this country to judge me the second i open my mouth they view me as an outsider - different for some reason they have resented me for it and all i know is that the way that i speak has ruined my chance at making something of myself and i fear that i cannot undo it."
-- second gen immigrant
"not enough is being done to protect us this school doesnt care regardless of what we have done for it simply because we are different it seems that being queer has stripped us of our humanity in their eyes."
-- homophobic high school
exams are what decimate the small amount of confidence i have cultivated over the past year i call them The Annual Reckoning.
i hate the pressure that comes from the annual testing when i find out whether the hundreds of hours of studying were worth it although it never seems to be.
i hope that some day they will enjoy my words.
when i was a girl i did not know that there was anything wrong with my body. now i see the cracks.
i have always been too much. too loud too big too mean too kind too clever too stupid too much. everyone seems to agree.
i feel that in every moment i am someone else refusing to stay consistent yet it remains not of my own volition. i cannot be myself for my body shall not let me.
It's weird as a procrastinator I simply can't pull all-nighters. but yk, crazy is how I still manage to submit my work. Like where's the fucking vigor coming from when it's the last moment!?
Yes I'm procrastinating rn.
I'm doing my research on the show Anne with an E and it's so unfair that it had to end so abruptly. Like I was rewatching it, only the colonisation parts with kakwet and heck. It's just poof. Gone. The memory of her staring out of the window at her parents, yearning to get the hell outta there is encrypted in my mind and y'all Netflix jsyk I got no chill.
"From generation to generation the newborn heart is wounded afresh and cannot be healed until love is found, in someone, somewhere."
Letter from Peking, Pearl S. Buck
Writing my first uni exam tmr (brains about to implode)
Sometimes i write (multiple page) essays for fun and honestly with that in mind its no wonder i ended up as an english major.
Uni timetables are so goddamn stupid
One of the most frustrating but also lowkey funny parts about uni is writing long ass formal emails to professors almost BEGGING them to let you into the course and then getting a two line email back thats like:
Dear student,
Sorry to disappoint but no xx