Complex Ptsd - Tumblr Posts

i am finally feeling again.

i am sick of these dreams of sexual assault and rape.

the worst part is that it is always someone that i know.

i feel that in every moment i am someone else refusing to stay consistent yet it remains not of my own volition. i cannot be myself for my body shall not let me.

little excuses for little boys.

You aren't him, but you were for a second

If you read this and understand how it feels - you are seen.

I wish that I could forgive as easily

Mock exams are finally over and I can keep running my secret tumblr blog !!!

I used to be proud to look like my mother

(via "Embracing all the inner parts" Magnet for Sale by Queueka)

Validation

🌟 As little babies, and then toddlers, our lives depend on validation. We need others to mirror and reflect what we feel, to know that each emotion is normal. We crave an explanation and mediation of these strange new sensations inside us—feelings. 💓

But if our surroundings never provided such validation or weren't capable of giving it, our need to feel seen and know that we are normal as we are faces a significant obstacle. 😢

However, my friend, it's never too late to learn to understand and believe to your body, your sensations, and your emotions, no matter how strange or strong they might feel. Even if they seem out of control, it might be because they, and the little you, haven't been seen for too long. 🥺

Upon learning to listen to ourselves, we first encounter some intense stuff. But with a tiny flame of hope and compassion, step by step, we might find relief—which is valuable for every part of your life that follows. 🌱 Sending you soft, loving validation, and know that with all your unique and different parts, you are normal as you are. To exist is to be a normal part of this life, just as you are. 💖 🌈🌸

I hate not having the mental energy to even do the things that we do when we don't have the mental energy to do something, like reading the updates to our favorite fanfictions or holding a conversation with some of our favorite people. But it happens more often than most people think, and it can happen to practically anyone.

Sometimes people aren't in a good headspace to do things, and a lot of people who don't deal with this kind of thing regularly either don't realize or don't think about it in the moment when they're expecting something. We especially do this a lot because of our life circumstances and our mental disorders and disabilities.

Existing can be exhausting for us at times, and it's okay if it's exhausting for you sometimes too. Don't forget that. There will always be those who see and understand your circumstances and your troubles. Recovery can also come slowly, and you should be allowed to work through it at your own pace.

If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us, though sometimes we just can't respond because of days like this. I hope you understand, and I hope that you start feeling better soon.

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Keep reading

no….

No…..

No no no no no…

NOOO AUGH THE MEMORIES

THE FLASHBACKS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hello, this is my first post here, but not even close to my first experience on Tumblr. I’ve missed it. The times when I spent hours on here, brimming with excitement to hear new fan theories or share my art with the world. I’d like to experience that again.

While I was absent the world has changed, I have changed. It’s been about half a decade and while my view on life isn’t too different, it’s enough to make me introspective and nostalgic. I don’t know how I want to go about this, as my work and my life are inescapably tied yet I constantly try to separate them for the “betterment” of my image and wallet. I’m tired of that.

I want to experience freedom of thought, of words, of expression in one place. Tumblr was where I was free once, and I’d like that again.

Anyway, enough of the sappy nonsense.

My name is Soleil. I am 21 years old and I’m from the southeastern coast of the United States. I am a Cancer, and my Meyer’s Briggs is INFT/J depending on when I’ve taken the test. None of that matters in comparison to how you perceive me and my art, but it does matter to some. I’m open to questions, engagement, and interactions (minors dni).

In this blog I will be discussing myself and my issues along with other things I find interesting. I have CPTSD, ADHD, and I’m probably autistic according to my doctor, but I haven’t gotten the full diagnosis yet. If those things bother you, this probably isn’t the blog for you, but I have no problem tagging things so others can avoid it.

In terms of my art, I enjoy gouache, watercolor, digital art, colored pencils, oil painting, acrylic, mixed media, and really anything else I can get my grubby little hands on. I also have random bursts of fanart energy. Stay tuned!

One of those days where I'm at my absolute lowest point mentally but I'm not allowed to talk about it because talking about it online gets my account reported and taken down, and I can't talk about it in real life because very few people care and talking about it just makes them mad at me, and if I tell the wrong person, I'll have a "welfare check" of multiple armed cops showing up at my door treating me like a criminal.

Living with PTSD and depression is fucking impossible sometimes and nobody understands.