Environmental Science - Tumblr Posts

paranormal novelist of ambiguous origin

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What I do has not been approved by the Vatican. But I never get the words right ('cus I dot my T's and I cross my I's). So c'mon, c'mon, and love me normally.

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google chrome wrapped. 73% of your time was spent on google image search for "trout"

Wrote my limnology lab final. Now, my limnology prof is super laid back, and a pretty easy marker. So he gave us a bonus question on the lab final for an extra percent, and he said to just "be creative" and get the mark.

Now, a large part of my limnology class was dedicated to fishes. Identifying them, their anatomy, management, all that. Necessarily, the bonus question followed suit. It was just a simple 'identification' question, but he wanted everyone to make up names for the fish, since it was obviously not a real fish.

Unfortunately, I'm a paranormal novelist who has to do a lot of research for his projects. And the imaginary fish picture he used was actually just the Fur-Bearing Trout.

Sometimes I think about the thread of "terms that jumpscare AO3 users" and, as an environmental scientist, I would like to contribute:

In pedology (dirt science), there's something called the Permanent Wilting Point, and I've had to watch my prof write "PWP" on the board with a straight face on numerous occasions

things i've heard environmental science majors say:

"For the test we'll need to tell the different flavours of mayflies apart." / "Did you just say flavours?"

"It amazes me how many city kids are in this program." / "We're all desperate to get out of this city."

"I think everyone who attended all the surface water pollution lab sections should be allowed to lick one piece of glassware of their choosing. Y'know, as a treat."

"Professor, nobody goes into this major unless they like to eat dirt." / "Great, so you can talk the Students' Association into convincing the board to give me funding for my trees?"

"What're we toasting to?" / "Nitrogen pollution."

"You look frustrated. What's up?" / "I had twenty-one Leptophlebiidae in my dish. He's going to think I'm lying about how many Leptophlebiidae are in my dish."

"If you weren't raised by Wall-E, do you even belong in this class?" / "The Onceler." / "Fuck, good point."

"Dude, I spent the whole exam trying not to sink my teeth into a really, really juicy bug in my sample—" / "Cranefly?" / "...yeah."

"Well, just make sure you're not (person)'s lab partner. Last weekend's trip involved him leaving too many fish in the dirt for the professor's liking."

[exhausted chorus] "And the fish go belly-up."

"What's the major difference between east coast and west coast soils?" / "Alcoholism."

"Got any plans for the holidays?" / "Gonna go home and listen to my entire extended family call me a tree-hugging hippie." / "Aren't we all?"

2024 Goals

eat that handful of dirt. i know you want to. you really, really want to. c'mon, just a little nibble won't hurt. you'll regret it if you don't. c'mon, just a nibble. you really, really want to eat that dirt.

"Culinary students will literally have a spaghetti due at 8" "Art students will literally turn in some shapes at the end of the week" Well I have 40 insects due next month. If you even care.

all my haters become my flocculators when I percolate through the wastewater treatment plant of success

took a depression nap and all i remember from my nap dreams is a nonsensical t-shirt design that left me feeling dazed and confused after i woke up.

clinging to my fish flash cards for dear life

since y'all like enviro sci stories so much...

in one of our courses we were testing the water of one of the on-campus ponds. a quick, easy example of practical water quality testing without having to go too far.

unfortunately, this pond water was only accessible via bridge. not a deep pond, and not a high bridge, but that meant to get the samples, we would need a Contraption. and despite being a well-respected university with a lot of expensive lab equipment... our Water Sampling Contraption was a bottle on a rope (weighed down by a piece of metal, so it would sink). and it was... a well-used Contraption, to say the least.

so it should not surprise you when i say that when the very first person lowered it off the bridge, the rope snapped (it didn't come untied, it actually broke). and this bottle (weighed down by a sizeable metal brick) fell into the pond.

of course, everyone heard the commotion, and the entire class (which was not many) was faced with figuring out how we were going to get it back. (our prof, god love him, was about three hundred years old and of no help whatsoever).

but fret not! sure enough, one brave young man (not me) rose to the occasion. and by "rose to the occasion", i mean he took off his shoes and climbed onto the railing, preparing to jump into the pond otherwise fully clothed (labcoat and all!)

i wish this story had a cool ending where he actually had to swim to get the sampler. but the professor yelled at him to stop and this story actually ends with my lab partner and me running to find a groundskeeper, asking for something we could use to fish the sampler out, and him (very confusedly) handing us a tree trimmer.

are lab coats widely used and easy to get? yes.

has everyone whos been to a conventional high school had to wear one? yes.

do i still wear mine like it's a status symbol, with absolute pride as i walk the uni halls? you bet!

MORE things i've heard environmental science majors say

y'all seemed to like the last one i made, so in honour of world wetlands day, here's some more.

"Are they still in that room? Let's scare them out by yelling dirt vocab. It's all I have left."

"Are cows predators or parasites?" / "Oh, fuck off."

"You know how to do math. You just can't do basic arithmetic. I'm sorry to say it doesn't ever get better." -2nd year algebra prof

"Well as long as you know the wastewater treatment process, the next hardest part of the test is trying to spell 'Saskatchewan'."

[Aggressively tapping at an equation on the whiteboard] "This creek's sodium level is horrific. I might as well just test a salt lick in the cattle fields!"

"Do you think the Students' Association will be fundraising during clubs week?" / "Ooh, I hope they're selling preserved bugs from the river trip!" / "...I don't think they can do that."

"Fuck them. I'm going to pickle them in the fen."

"Hey, do you wanna help me confuse my Humanities major friend? When I call, you two start chanting 'Dirt! Dirt! Dirt!', and I'll immediately hang up." (i was the one calling. it worked)

"You know that trend of leaving a fake club name on the whiteboard when your booked time is up?" -also me, writing 'Students for the Conservation of Sasquatches: General Meeting' on the board.

Professor: "Everything has vectors. Math, physics..." / Student: "Y'know what doesn't have vectors? Dirt."

"ALL HAIL SPHAGNUM THE SUPERMOSS!"

technically not something i heard, but we were doing class presentations and someone put a meme of the Sudbury Superstack with the caption "I can haz Sudbury super glitter cannon?" in the style of the classic 2007 "can haz cheeseburger" meme. This was in 2023.

enviromental science majors

Outsider stereotype: They're all aggressively vegan tree-huggers! They're all hippies!

Our stereotype: If You Use Bog And Swamp Interchangeably We Will Put You In The Greenhouse Until You Are Mouldy.

tbh the stereotype of Enviro Sci majors being aggressive online activists is like... the opposite of the truth. Everyone in my uni class is like, "yeah, i deleted all my socials because it was too stressful. And then i made a single throwaway instagram page just to look at cat pictures. that's what god intended for the internet."

i love being a student of the green squishy stuff

hi i need to ask if environmental science is a good major. absolutely ridiculous i know. i just want to look at dirt and moss and have an excuse to get out of the house more or smth along those lines. but. i need to fight my mom on this dude

studying environmental science means you will never walk "mindlessly" outside again, you'll always have a part of you that's looking for something you recognise, something you appreciate, something you understand. you'd be amazed how often you'll be walking with someone who asks "what bird is that", "what plant is this", "what made this pawprint".

studying environmental science also means you'll learn a whole new level of 'tired of the state of things'. imagine how doctors must've felt during the pandemic... that'll be you, all the time.

but studying environmental science also means your whole student life (and likely your career afterwards) means being surrounded by a world you didn't realise how disconnected you might've become from it. it means you sit both in classrooms and in the forest, it means you hold pens and moss, it means you examine slideshows and trees. i've had pedology (soil science) assignments that meant i could just sit by a river and roll dirt in my fingers when i was done. i've had limnology (inland water science) field trips to rivers and lakes. i've been to labs and water treatment plants and forests and plains.

but studying environmental science also means all the work of being in the sciences. it means dragging yourself through math courses taught by the blandest professors you've met. it means organic chemistry exams that were nothing like the textbook. it means sitting through mandatory classes that are either the easiest, most boring thing ever or through classes that are so confusing and convoluted you wonder if it's an elaborate prank. it means a deep, deep hatred of microsoft excel.

but then again... environmental science brings you into a cohort of people who appreciate the world for what it is. the person sitting next to you is a wildlife photographer, or an outdoor rock climber, or volunteers to monitor water safety with the university. in my time, i've been to "study groups" where we decided to hike to our study spot for some quiet, i've been to parties where the dress code is "thrifted clothes only" in protest of fast fashion, i've traded photographs and carabiners and houseplants and home-grown veggies as gifts with classmates.

and most importantly: not only do you get to brag about being in a STEM field, but if anyone tries to hit you with the "go touch grass" you have a perfect comeback.

absolutely go for it, anon. i wouldn't trade my major for anything.

advice for baby stem kiddos

(from your friendly neighbourhood science cryptid)

Keep extra calculator batteries in your bag

If there's a graph on the lecture slides, it'll probably be on the test

Get a dropdown periodic table extension on your browser (if you do chem)

Keep extra calculator batteries in your bag

Track how long you spend on each assignment/test

find "your" study spot. i cannot stress this enough. have a designated study spot.

Group studying is easier if you have a whiteboard. Preferably a lot of whiteboard.

Group studying isn't for everyone.

Keep extra calculator batteries in your bag

8am labs are worse than 8am lectures

Keep extra calculator batteries in your bag

KEEP EXTRA CALCULATOR BATTERIES IN YOUR BAG

even MORE things i've heard enviro sci majors say

beating this format into the ground fuck you.

part one. part two.

Student: "I consider it 'soil' if you're studying and examining it. I consider it 'dirt' if you're just shovelling it into your mouth." / Lab Tech: "We have very different uses for dirt, I see."

"Dirt is important. Save the whales. Save the dirt whales."

"We technically have two blenders—" / "Weren't you using one as a flower pot?"

"I'd be willing to sell my soul to pass O-Chem." / "Selling souls? I'm in the market. I'll give ya twenty bucks for it."

"If I ever meet the YouTube organic chem tutors, I will pray to God for them. I will make out with them. I will give them my kidneys."

"The GC says it may come in contact with radioactive materials, but the front panel has googly eyes so I'm sure it's just a little silly!"

Student: "In this case, what could be volatile but not harmful to us?" / Prof: "Rum."

"What do you mean you're graphing 'stds'— ohh it's an abbreviation of 'standards'."

"Would you two stop staring at me while I massage this bag of dirt??"

(Sticking whole face into a jar of unknown white lab powder) "Mm. Marshmallows."

"How are you feeling about the exam?" / "I'm not feeling."

Though Spirit Halloween stores were once regarded as a sign of economic decay because of their association with dead stores, modern science recognizes them as a fungus that in fact rehabilitates store zones for new growth.