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"Ai'Tinn, remember in high school, when we danced for class?" Gun questions as he squeezes his hand softly, "what did you see when you closed your eyes?"

Gun smiles widely as a shy smile blooms on Tinn's lips. Even after all these years together, he's still so shy.

"Uhhh," Tinn says as they continue to sway back and forth. Gun pulls him closer, as Tinn spins him around. As he's holding Gun to his chest he whispers, "This. This moment right here."

Gun looks back at him, pulling away slightly, smiling wide at him.

"This moment, my ass," Gun laughs, squeezing his hand tighter as he twirls back around, pulling Tinn closer. Tinn kisses his neck as he does, hiding his blushing cheeks from the crowd.

Por continues to sing the outro before announcing Mr. And Mr. Jirawatthanakul. Gun scoff and slap Tinn's arm, "Wait, that's just your last name."

Tinn smiles, "It's ours."

It wasn't over for me ~ TinnGun Story

Summary:

Gun and Tinn’s relationship was the topic everyone talked about by the end of their senior year and the years that followed too. They were too young, too naive, too in love to last, everyone was sure they were going to break apart at some point. But it didn’t happen, or at least not when it was expected.

They did break apart, but it took more time than people bet on.

Or,

Where they break up after years of relationship and are unable to move on.

Pairings: TinnGun | TiwPor | SoundWin (Slight mention of the last two pairs)

Status:  Ongoing - Chapters (9/?)

Words: 36,613

Tags: Canon Divergence, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Years Later, Aged-Up Character(s), Mutual Pining, Doctor Tinn, Singer Gun, Supportive parents, They'll be fine they just need a lil bit of help (aka Tiw).

Read in AO3 or the chapters below.

Chapter 1: Back at home

Leaving Thailand was one of the hardest things Tinn has done. It wasn't just leaving behind his home, his family, and his friends, it was leaving his whole life behind him, but above all of that, it meant leaving the one he knew was the love of his life. 

Seven years ago, one of Tinn's biggest dreams had come true. Before his senior year of high school was over, he had gotten a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend. No. This was the most adorable boy in high school, the boy of his dreams, quite literally.

He has been dreaming and crushing on Gun for two long years before they’ve gotten together. At times it was difficult for Tinn to believe the boy was actually his boyfriend.

Gun and Tinn's relationship was the topic everyone talked about by the end of their senior year and the years that followed too. It seemed like the young couple always was a great topic to gossip about for those surrounding them. Always commenting about every new step they took, either praising them or criticizing them, with no in-between. With all this much attention upon them, it was kinda expected from the couple to at some point break apart. People were even betting on when this was going to happen. They were too young, too naive, too in love to last, everyone was sure they were going to break apart at some point. But it didn't happen, or at least not when it was expected. 

They did break apart, but it took more time than people bet on. 

I will always wait for you. It doesn't matter if it's two years, five years, or even my entire life if necessary. I’ll always be here waiting for you.

Nothing will stop us now… We will always remain wholesome.

Whose boyfriend is this? Why is he so cute?

Tinn wakes up abruptly. He was dreaming again. Or must he says, he was remembering, again. 

Whose boyfriend is this…?  

“Sure, not yours. Not anymore…”, he reminds himself bitterly. 

Two years after his break-up with Gun and he's still remembering, still daydreaming just like he did so many years ago. People would say he’s stuck in time, unable to move on and he won’t deny that he kinda is. But it wasn't completely his fault and his recent dream seems to want to remind him of that. He had promised that he would wait for him all his life if necessary. And that was exactly what his heart was doing, waiting, even when it was pointless. 

“There is no us anymore. It's time to move on and let go…” he whispers to himself as if he was trying to convince himself first, with not much success, he's still lying down on his bed, unable even to get up. 

After ten long minutes of staring at the same point in the ceiling. Tinn is finally able to get out of bed and prepare for the busy day ahead. Once he was over with his morning shower he checks his phone, finding as always a missing call from his mother and a text from his best friend. On his way out of his house, he decides to just answer the message and return the call to his mother later. Or he'll probably just give them the surprise later, he still hasn't decided yet. 

Tinn does not mind accepting the fact that he had left Thailand because he was running away from the pain that it meant his break-up with Gun. Feeling devastated, heartbroken and impulsive, leaving was his only choice. It was the only way he found to cope with the awful pain his heart went through. And even after almost three years apart, he wasn’t sure if he had completely healed. 

When he was given the opportunity to go back to Thailand after almost three years of living in America, it shook his entire world. He did not know what to say, how to react. His parents on the other hand were delighted with the news when he told them about it and begged him to come back. They haven't seen each other much these last few years. Tinn's studies are time-consuming in the extreme and until now he has no intention of returning to his country. He, in fact, was about to turn down the offer to complete his medical residency back in Thailand when his best friend Tiw called him.

Tiw's call was what made him make the final decision to take the opportunity and return to his country. It was not until his best friend assured him that his singer ex-boyfriend was out of the country touring that Tinn finally took his decision. 

Yes, he was being a coward. But Tinn has never been the type of person who can face his feelings and fears easily. And these few years haven't made much difference to him. In fact, he's become a bit more reserved and strict. Something he was sure Gun would have scoffed at...

There he was again, thinking about him. 

He hasn't even taken the plane back to Thailand yet and his ex was taking over his mind once again. 

Letting out a long sigh, Tinn enters the boarding line for the plane that will take him back home. 

***

Gun has been extremely tired lately. So tired that he was seriously thinking of taking a rest from his career, the entertainment industry can be very exhausting at times. And if he got to be honest, recently he’s been struggling to find his motivation back again, every day that passes he feels like he lose his passion little by little, nothing has been the same since two years ago, after breaking up his one and only relationship Gun feels demotivated, completely drained of all his energy. 

It's in the middle of his daily crisis that his phone rings with the call of one of his best friends.

“Ai'Por…” he exclaims with a tired voice. “I think I wanna quit…”

“WHAT?!” his friend scream on the other side of the line. 

“Oi! Don't scream! I haven't taken a decision yet, I'm just… so tired”.

“But Gun this is your dream. It's what you love doing… you can't just give up on it!”

“I know, it's just… I'm tired, so freaking tired and demotivated, I don't know what to do Por”

There's a pause and Gun can hear muffled noises on the other side of the call, as if Por were talking to someone, probably his boyfriend. 

“Okay, what if you just take a break, huh?” Por propose excited. 

“I was thinking the same, but I don't know if I have the time. You know how dense P'Ae can be, I don't think he would like the idea.”

“Don't worry about that. If you want to do it just say yes, and I'll take care of it.” Por adds in his most lawyer-like voice. “Besides, It's almost that time of the year. Don’t think I don't know this is a big part of the reason why you're feeling like that”.

Gun just groans and rolls on the bed to the other side, not wanting to agree his friend was right. 

“I think this year you should go to a nice place, maybe go out of the country even” Por proposes with his always all so bubbly personality. 

“I don't know, Por. I rather stay home…”

“Your home or the other?” he asks making Gun grimace and keeping silent. “You got to stop going to that place you know. You'll never be able to move on if you continue like that…”Por remembers him kindly as always, genuinely concerned about him.

“I know… I don't go that often anymore. It's just that, for these days it's better if I just… I-I feel better there” 

“Alright then”. Por agrees with a sigh of resignation. “Let me know the days you'll be staying there, okay” 

“Thanks, Por. You're the best!”

~

“He's staying at the apartment, right?” Tiw asks his boyfriend right after he ends the call with his best friend. Por nods letting out another long sigh. 

“He won't listen when I suggested he should go out of the country…” Por complains in a small voice. 

“It's alright, honey. Maybe this is even better…” Tiw adds with a mischievous smile on his face.

“What do you mean?” Por asks confused.

“Do you want to help me to play Cupid again?” Tiw asks still smiling playfully.

***

After almost eighteen hours of flying Tinn arrives finally in Bangkok. It has been an exhausting trip and the only thing he wanted was to lie down in a soft bed and sleep nonstop. During the many hours he spent traveling he made the decision not to go to his parent's house but instead go straight to his apartment, the one his parents gave him as a graduation gift six years ago. 

In the beginning, he was hesitant about this decision, this apartment holds too many memories that would not help him on his purpose of moving on from his past relationship. But along with the fear of remembering there was a sense of longing, a masochist impulse to be overwhelmed by those memories that had never left his mind anyway.

In no time Tinn is out of the luggage section of the airport with the small suitcase he’s carrying, in search of a cab.

Right in one of the multiple doors of the airport, Tinn is approached by a little man in a black suit. Bewildered, Tinn observes the man in detail trying to recognize him but it's impossible, he's way too tired to even bother. 

“Khun Jirawatthanakul”, greets the man with an awkward smile and a deep bow. Tinn answers the greeting with a respectful yet weird-out wai. “I’m here to pick you up, Khun”. Adds the man, making Tinn even more confused. 

“I think you've mistaken me for someone else, Sir”, Tinn says, confusing the man as well. 

“Is this the address you're heading to, Khun?” the man asks, extending a piece of paper toward Tinn. 

The frown on Tinn's forehead deepens as he reads the address written on the paper. It was indeed the address of his apartment. 

“Did my friend send you?” Tinn asks returning the piece of paper to the man who takes it with another deep bow. 

“Yes, Sir. Khun Sophonpatima was the one who sent me”.

“Ai'Twison…” Tinn murmurs just for him.

This clears up Tinn's confusion a bit, but he’s still suspicious and alert. Now he's wondering why Tiw hadn't told him about his intention of sending someone to pick him up from the airport. It's still very confusing but he’s too tired to pay more attention to it. He takes the ride and soon is in front of the building of his apartment. The place that contains so many of his best memories. Letting out a tired sighs Tinn enters the building.

~

Tinn enters his apartment with the last source of energy almost leaving his body. He needs to lie down as soon as possible. He knows he should probably take a shower but he can barely make it to the main bedroom awake, there was no way in hell he will survive a shower, the water will wake him up completely and he needs to rest more than he needs to clean himself. With his suitcase forgotten in the middle of the living room, he finally reaches the bedroom bed and without checking around he throws himself on it, the bed is surprisingly warm despite the AC. 

The room is pitch-black, yet he spots the shape of someone else beside him on the bed. Panic almost overtakes him until he recognizes the familiar face. Automatically his body relaxes against the other boy, surprised at how fast he has fallen asleep. 

There he was again, even after a long flight, dreaming about him all over again. 

Letting out a small sigh of relief, Tinn wraps his arm around the small waist, bringing the warm body closer to him. Delight in the way how this dream felt more real than the previous one he had just this morning. He can feel the warmth against his skin, the soft breathing against his neck, and the familiar smell of him, everything is so real that Tinn is finally able to sleep as if he is truly back home again.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Chapter 2: Running away

Gun wakes up involved in comfortable warmth. Attracted to the unknown source of heat, he moves closer, strong arms hug him tightly, and he swears he hasn't been this comfortable for a long time. With a big smile on his face, he snuggles into the firm chest…

Hold on… a what? Gun thinks, becoming more and more awake. Almost immediately, he feels a warm breath on the top of his head, and simultaneously he listens to a low snoring sound. Wait, he knows this sound…

Opening his eyes, he faces a broad chest that moves slightly with each breath the person in front of him takes. The familiar smell of him fills his nose, and unable to resist, Gun buries his face in the warm chest, his arms going up to the other's waist, and hugs him with no intention to let go any time soon. It feels like a reward, like a signal for him to never let him go. But he knows better; he knows this is just a dream, it has to be a dream.

But then, the protagonist of his dream starts moving in between his arms.

Gun has no more option than to unwrap his arm off his waist and lift his head to look at him.

And there he is, lying down in front of him, in the same bed, with his arms hanging loose around Gun's waist and hips. Their legs tangled together as they used to be years ago.

Gun is unable to stop his hands from going up to caress Tinn's hair that has fallen on his forehead. The other barely moves, slightly turning his head where Gun's hand rests against his cheek.

“Am I dreaming?” Gun whispers in disbelief. His fingers are tracing the handsome features of the other boy, taking a little bit more time on the curve of his lips. “If so, I don't want to wake up… ever.”

“Hmmm,” Tinn murmurs, instantly alarming Gun. The taller boy grabs Gun's waist with more strength burying his face in the space of the other neck and shoulder. “Feels… so good…” Tinn murmurs again, purring the words right against Gun's sensible neck skin.

Gun's whole body shudders.

And this wakes him up completely.

“Alright, this is definitely not a dream…” Gun murmurs with concern. “How do we even end up in this situation?” he wonders.

But even more important, how was he going to get himself out of this?

Trying to control the hectic rhythm of his heart, Gun tries to untie Tinn's arms off his waist, but the other boy's grip is too strong. He's about to give up when a movement from the other alerts him. Gun remains fully motionless for long seconds, too nervous and afraid to even breathe.

Slowly Tinn restricts himself from the spot he was hiding on Gun's neck, and way too soon for Gun's liking, they're facing each other once again. After all these many years, after everything they have gone through.

Gun can see the confusion on Tinn's face, and he's about to say something when he feels Tinn's finger trace with so much tenderness his bottom lip while Tinn's other hand finds its way to caress his chin, the touch as soft and tender as it has always been. Gun shuts his eyes close, allowing himself to enjoy the other's touch, even though he knows he's not supposed to do that.

He should be finding a way to get them out of this, find an explanation for the disaster, or at least try to explain himself, say something… but instead. He's just there enjoying the proximity and intimacy of… his ex.

Right, his ex. Even after years, those words still hurt like the first time he had used them.

Like an electroshock, this takes him out of the haze he had fallen into, and he opens his eyes again, withdrawing himself from the touch of the other.

“H-hi…” Gun whispers trying to smile, but is pretty sure it is failing.

Tinn freezes in his place, with his hands hanging mid-air. In the beginning, he had thought he was having another of his numerous dreams, but the Gun in his dreams had never felt this real, the Gun in his dreams never talked so clearly, never felt this warm, never looked this beautiful… the Gun in his dreams has never been so close and yet so far.

“Tinn…?” Gun whispers again, feeling increasingly uneasy.

Yeah, it's definitely NOT one of his dreams, Tinn murmurs in his head. Realization hits hard when Tinn registers how close they are to each other, chests almost touching, hands on his waist, legs tangled…

“Oh shit!” Tinn mutters, jumping out the bed, almost falling in the process, hitting one of his toes with the base of the bed.

“Are you alright?” Gun asks with concern, seated on the bed, looking at Tinn with worried eyes and tousled hair, looking as adorable as always…

Shit, shit, shit… what the hell is going on?! Tinn rambles in his head in complete chaos.

“I... I can't... What are...? How...? I have to go...” Tinn stammers, unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Wait, Tinn…” Gun tries to stop him from running away, but he's too fast, and once again, just like the previous time, he sees the boy he loved storm out of the apartment and out of his life.

***

Out of breath, heart throbbing in his chest, and wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday is how Tinn arrives at his parent's house. The first thing he does before entering the house is text the betrayer he has for his best friend.

When he has sent the text, he enters the house, and the first one to approach him is, of course, his father.

“Tinn!” his father exclaimed excitedly, running out of the kitchen to greet him. “How come you're here? Why didn't you tell us you were coming?”

“I wanted to surprise you both,” Tinn answered, hugging his father as tight as he was hugging him. Tinn can see his mother stopped in her tracks beyond the kitchen. “Surprise…” Tinn adds with a timid smile.

After all the greetings and hugging, Tinn can go to his former room and take the longest shower he has taken in the last few days. It's almost dinner time when Tinn goes down to the living room again. Looking around, he just finds his mother seated on a couch reading a magazine. Tinn runs towards her and sits by her side, hugging her.

“Oh, son…” she says with an endearing tone in her voice, leaving the magazine aside and hugging him back. “Are you feeling better?” she adds.

Tinn only nods. When he realizes his father's absence, he asks, “Where's Dad?”

“At the market buying ingredients to make your favorite dish,” his mom’s reply warms Tinn's heart, and he feels emotional again, so he hugs her longer this time.

At that moment, a rush of guilt hits him when he realizes how much distance he has put between himself and his parents for the last few years. He has missed them so much, and he feels the need to express it so he says, “I've missed you both so much.”

“We've missed you too, son. A lot,” she says, caressing his hair like she used to do when he was younger. “Now, are you gonna tell me why you were so troubled when you arrived?”

***

Tiw has been enjoying the last few days with his boyfriend. They barely have free time, so a few relaxing days were always welcome. It's early in the morning, and he's cuddling with his cute boyfriend planning on spending the entire day in bed.

Until…

Tinn: “Ai'Tiw, Damn traitor! You set me up to meet with Gun. I'm gonna freaking kill you when I see you!”

What the hell?

“Oh, shit. Tinn!” Tiw screams, jumping out of bed, startling Por in the process.

“What's wrong?” Por asks, half asleep.

“Tinn and Gun met…” explains Tiw after reading multiple times the message Tinn has sent him.

“How so?”

“I got no idea, love. I'm gonna call Tinn. I think you should call Gun to check on him,” Tiw suggests, and Por just nods and hurries out of bed to call his friend.

“Alright, alright, but if you keep threatening me, I won't go see you,” Tiw complains. “How was I supposed to know you were back when you didn't tell anyone about your returning so suddenly?”

Someone seems to be yelling something on the other side of the call.

“Okay, okay, don't yell at me just yet. Save it for later, friend.” Tiw says with a calm smile.

At that moment, Por enters the room with his phone in one hand, done with his own call.

“Was he mad?” Por asks with a grimace on his face.

“He's hysterical. It's okay. I'll deal with him later,” replies Tiw with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “How is Gun?”

The grimace on Por's face increases.

“He's mostly confused. He doesn't understand how they end up in that situation, and neither do I… Did you—?” Por is about to ask with suspicion but is interrupted by his boyfriend.

Tiw walks his way toward Por and involves his arms around the latter.

“Hey, not even I, with my screenwriter mastermind, can plot such an unexpected encounter. I didn't even know when Tinn was coming.”

“How weird, isn't it?”

“It is…, but you know what is even weirder?” Por only shakes his head with a curious look. “Your ability to look cuter in the mornings. How is it that you get cuter each day?” Tiw asks with a fake complaint.

“Ai'Tiw! I thought you were being serious!” Por whines, blushing hard.

“I am being serious. Extremely serious”

The pair of boyfriends keep flirting with each other the rest of the morning. Quickly forgetting, at least for a moment, about the mess their best friends were in.

***

When Tiw arrives at Tinn's home, he meets a calmer Tinn. The latter even hugs him as a greeting, and Tiw is surprised to even see his friend smiling. Tiw had thought he would encounter a really mad Tinn, but this version of his friend looks calmer, more than he expected.

“So, you're telling me it was all a major coincidence…” Tinn says with the same relaxed expression.

“I didn't even know you were here. How could I have planned for you two to meet when I didn't know you were here?”

“What about the man at the airport? He asked directly for me and said he was sent by Khun Sophonpatina.”

“He didn't mean you, and he wasn't talking about me either.”

Tinn's confused face makes Tiw want to laugh.

“Remember how Gun and you had this habit of using each other's last names when you were traveling? We will always pick you up by each other's last name. Well, Por and I were kinda doing the same, and the man was there to pick up Gun on Por's behalf. Gun was getting back from one of his trips, and the man Por sent was late, so Gun took a taxi, and when the man couldn't find him, he asked for Khun Jirawatthanakul, and you were already there so…”

“Wait, so… he's still using my last name?” Tinn asks, surprised.

“Ow, Tinn, that's the only thing you get from all of that?” Tiw reproaches him with a smile, shaking his head in disbelief.

“What? Do you want me to focus on the fact that you blatantly lied to me?” Tinn reproaches again. Tiw looks at him with confusion, so Tinn explains, “You said Gun was touring out of the country, and you knew damn well he was not!”

“Hey, in our defense. Por and I try to get him out of the country for his own good, but he refuses. He hasn't been good lately…” Tiw adds the last part waiting for his friend's reaction.

Tinn's attention is caught immediately by those few words, and the doctor struggles to resist the urge to ask for more information. But at that moment, his Dad returns from the supermarket, and Tinn offers himself to help cook, but his father refuses his help and takes on the task by himself as a welcoming gesture to his son.

They invite Tiw to join them for dinner, but he kindly refuses to go see his boyfriend instead.

After dinner, Tinn finds himself alone with his mother again. The question she had asked him earlier floats still around them. Tiw's visit had interrupted their conversation, and Tinn wasn't able to answer the question then, but right now, he was the one who wanted answers.

“Tinn?” his mom calls.

Seated again on the couch, both of them look at each other, searching for answers. Once again is his mom who takes the first step.

“It wasn't intentional, but I heard part of the conversion you had with Tiw…” his mother starts strong, direct to the point. “The reason why you were so troubled this morning is because you met with him, right?” she asks, grabbing Tinn's hands in a supportive gesture.

Tinn lets out a long and tired sigh before answering.

“It was an unfortunate coincidence, but yeah, we met. I saw him…”

“It must've been shocking. Are you alright, son?” his mom asks with concern.

“I… I'm just confused. How did he even get there…?” Tinn complains in an outburst.

Tinn doesn't see it, but a glint of guilt crosses her mother's face before she confesses.

“It's my fault. I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry, Tinn. I just... I couldn't say no.”

“What are you talking about?” Tinn asks with his heart racing.

“It happened the next day after you left to go to America…”

They return from the airport from seeing Tinn off. And they find their house emptier than ever.

They're gonna miss their son so much, but deep down, both know that Tinn leaving was probably the best thing to do. However, Photjanee cannot help but wonder if the two boys are going to be okay. The break-up had been so sudden, she didn't even know the reason for it. She didn't dare to ask. What she knows for sure is that both of her sons were hurting. And it pains her not being able to do anything to help them.

It's almost amusing how she was so reluctant to accept them at the beginning of their relationship, and now that it ended, it feels so wrong, somehow.

The next day she goes to Tinn's apartment after work. Her son has asked her to pick up some boxes he has left there. But what she hasn't expected is to find someone else in there. She knows who it is immediately, with a sad smile, she is about to reach the boy, but she stops midway.

Gun is in the main bedroom holding tight to what she assumes is one of her son's shirts. It breaks her heart when the boy she has grown to love as another son, breaks down right in front of her, clinging to the soft fabric of the shirt while he cries his eyes out.

She doesn't know what to do. It feels wrong to be here watching such a personal moment. But at the same time, she feels the urge to go and console the boy, just like she did with her own son. She knew the two of them loved each other deeply, and that's why it is harder to understand what could've gone so wrong in their relationship to the point of breaking up.

Unable to stop herself, she reaches the boy, and without uttering a single word, she involves him in her arms. Gun tens a little, but when he recognizes her, he relaxes and leans in her embrace, crying even harder. Minutes pass, and none of them breaks the hug until the crying has slowed down a little.

“I'm sorry… I know I shouldn't be here. I'm so sorry,” he mutters in a quiet voice that breaks Photjanee's heart a little bit more.

“Please, don't apologize. I know it is hard,” she says, patting the boy's back gently. A few more minutes pass in silence until he talks again.

“I'm such a mess,” he murmurs, more relaxed, cleaning his face with one hand and realizing he's still holding the shirt in the other hand. He folds the shirt neatly and places it back on the box before finally facing Photjanee. “I'm sorry, Mom…”

The words linger in the air in an awkward silence. As they both realize what Gun had said.

“Sorry, it's out of habit,” he apologizes again, trying to smile, but his face just manages to make a painful grimace.

“It's alright, son. No need to apologize, I understand,” she says with a calm smile, trying to settle him down a bit. “Are you here to pick up your things too?”

With a sad look in his eyes, he looks around as if he's just recognizing his surroundings.

“Umm… Not really, I don't have anything left here…” he whispers the last thing looking back at the box with Tinn's belongings. “I was just… just saying goodbye, I guess,” he says quietly, eyes still lost in the items within the box.

Photjanee doesn't know what to add to that, so she remains silent for long minutes.

“Would you like me to give you some time? I can come back another day…” she proposes.

“It's alright. You don't need to… I'll help you carry everything to the car,” he proposes instead.

Soon, they're walking down to the parking lot of the building. Gun enters the box in the car and is about to say goodbye when he stops himself, and instead, he says, “Mom…” closing his eyes, he apologizes again and continues. “Do you mind if I… If I stay here a little longer?”

“I couldn't say no,” she admits with a sigh. “I know I should've asked you since it is your apartment. I'm sorry, son.”

“It's alright, Mom,” Tinn reassures her until something crosses his mind. “Do you know if he has been staying there all this time?” He asks with the knot his mom's words have given him still in the back of his throat.

“I don't think so… I know he just goes there for a certain time. Last week he called asking if he could stay there for a few days. If I had known you were coming, I would've…”

“I know, Mom. Don't worry.”

“What are you gonna do?” she asks, concerned anyway.

“For the time being, I'll stay here, if you allow it, of course,” Tinn says, to which his mother immediately agrees. “And I'm gonna give him time until we can talk about it, I know he hasn’t been well, especially these days. And I think I know why...”

When his mother looks at him confused, Tinn explains.

“My birthday is near, and with it, is the date of our... anniversary.”

Photjanee finally understands what was troubling both boys and cannot help but feel sorry for both of them. She hopes that Tinn's return will not be a cause of pain for either of them and that they will be able to face it with the maturity with which they have always faced everything.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Chapter 3: Inevitable

Tinn has started his residency in one of the main hospitals in Bangkok. It’s been weeks since he arrived in Thailand. All this time, he has successfully avoided anything related to his… ex. 

Agh, he needed to get used to calling him that. It’s been two years already.

At the hospital, everything is chaotic at times, enough to keep him constantly distracted. The only break he gets is around lunchtime, and sometimes not even that. Today he has managed to get a small gap in the afternoon and is using it to have lunch with his colleague and friend.

“So, you haven’t seen your ex after that first encounter?” his friend asks. Tinn stops eating midway. 

There goes his peace of mind and meal.

“No, I haven’t,” he answers quick and short, hoping this will encourage his friend to drop the topic. 

“And are you okay with that?” he continues. 

“Completely fine,” He lies. Well, he’s trying to be fine. 

They eat in silence for a moment, and when the older one speaks again is about something different, thank god.

“There’s this new bar in the center. Would you like to go once we’re done with the shift?” 

Tinn’s about to answer when a nurse approaches them. They’re on the emergency shift this week, so the sudden approach of the nurse is alarming. 

“Doctors! There has been a car crash, with multiple injured. They need help at the main emergency room.” the nurse explain, agitated. 

Tinn and company wrap up their half-eaten food and put it back in their place in the cafeteria and hurry to the emergency room. When they arrive there, there’s chaos surrounding the place. Doctors and nurses run around with patients on stretchers. Used to the chaos, both doctors take action, taking care even of two patients at once. 

It’s been almost fifteen minutes, when a new round of patients arrives. 

“P’Mai, take care of the patients at the end of the hall. I’ll take care of the new ones!” Tinn says in a hurry. He’s about to go to the entrance when the other stops him, grabbing him by the forearm.

“You go take care of them. I’ll handle the new ones,” commands the older doctor. 

Mai is just two years older than Tinn, but in situations like this one, he looks even older and more experienced, which in fact, he is. So Tinn doesn’t object and does what his friend says. After a quick nod, he walks to the end of the aisle.

That sector of the emergency room is quieter than the entrance sector, where the most seriously ill patients are crowded. When the curtain is drawn, he is greeted by the figure of a young man being examined by a nurse. 

“What is the situation here?” Tinn asks with a professional tone. Then the nurse moves aside, and he can see the young man a bit better, even when the majority of the boy’s face is covered by his arm that lays on top of his head. 

“It is a minor injury, doctor. He hit his head in the impact of the accident. He does not appear to have a severe concussion, but a CT scan was ordered anyway. We are waiting for the local anesthetic to take effect to suture the wound that caused the blow.” the nurse explains, handling the patient file to Tinn. 

“Good. I’ll do the suture. Go check if someone is available in radiology, please. So we can do the CT scan as soon as the suture is done.” Tinn asks in the same professional tone. 

“Yes, doctor, right now.” the nurse says before rushing out of the small stall.

Putting the patient’s information aside, Tinn gets closer to the bed, where the boy is still resting with his arm covering his face. Tinn clears his throat and is about to reach the patient’s arm to pull it away when the boy does it by himself and…

You gotta be fucking kidding…

What are the chances that one of the injured persons from an accident that happened on your emergency shift on a regular Friday turns out to be the person you’re eagerly avoiding?

Low, very low, and still…

The person lying on the bed in front of Tinn is not other than his… ex. 

Gun looks extremely shocked to see Tinn there in front of him. 

Well, that makes two of us, Tinn thinks.

“Let me check the injury,” Tinn manages to say after clearing his throat and mind. 

Gun does not reply, apparently unable to do so. He doesn’t move, either. The only signal that he’s still paying attention to Tinn is his eyes that stare deep at the doctor’s face. Aware of his every movement. 

When Tinn places his hands on both sides of Gun’s head, the latter jolts a bit startled. 

“It’s alright. I just want to check the wound.” Tinn clarifies in a soothing tone, to which Gun just nods, still silent. 

There’s not much more Gun can do, honestly. At first, he thought he was dreaming again, but the doctor’s voice was too real and familiar to be a dream, and when he uncovered his eyes, he was faced yet again with him. At that moment, he was almost convinced that the blow to his head had him hallucinating. 

It was slowly becoming a constant, a dirty trick of fate or whatever. Them meeting like this in the most unexpected circumstances. Just like they did a few weeks ago at the apartment, the memory is still fresh in Gun’s memory. 

“Were you there?” Tinn asks suddenly, taking Gun away from his memories. 

What was he exactly referring to? 

“At the car crash,” Tinn clarifies, answering Gun’s silent question. 

Oh, right. The car crash. Gun remembers but is still unable to formulate an answer. 

Tinn looks at him worried at the lack of answers. 

“Are you feeling dizzy?” he asks, and Gun shakes his head slightly. “Nausious or out of balance?” he asks again. Gun takes a moment to think the answer. He wasn’t feeling any of those symptoms, so he shakes his head again. 

Tinn finishes inspecting his injured head and proceeds to check on his vitals. When he’s done with that too, he starts preparing everything to do the suture. 

“It appears that the contusion is not too serious, but you seem to be experiencing some confusion and disorientation, which is normal in these cases. We'll make sure everything is alright when the head scan is done. The local anesthesia has already taken effect, so I will proceed with the suture.” he announces with that soothing tone of his. 

The injury on Gun’s head is not deep but a bit long, less than seven centimeters. It has stopped bleeding, so it's ready to work on it. It’s placed on top of his left eyebrow going up to the beginning of his scalp, hidden most of it by his hair. It won’t need that many stitches and hopefully will heal without leaving a notorious scar.

“I’m gonna start now,” Tinn announces, starling Gun, who had had his eyes close till that moment. Their eyes meet, and when Tinn gets closer to Gun, the latter grabs the doctor by the sides of his gown. Tinn doesn’t complain and allows Gun to hold on to it. 

The first stitches are the more troublesome. It does not hurt, but it’s uncomfortable. Tinn knows it perfectly, so he doesn't even flinch when Gun clings tighter to his gown, inching closer to him unconsciously. Tinn just continues stitching him up in silence, regardless of Gun clinging to his gown, more and more.

“It’s alright. I’m almost done with the first half,” Tinn says calmly after a while of working on the wound. To that, Gun shuts his eyes open and loses himself in the concentrated expression on the doctor’s handsome face. 

It seems unbelievable to him to have the privilege of witnessing that expression so close once again. His hands itch with the urge to ease Tinn's furrowed brows, just like he used to do it before. He reminds himself he doesn’t have the right to do that anymore. And from his mouth escapes a sigh of frustration. 

“Does it hurt too much? Do you want me to apply more anesthesia?” Tinn asks, stopping his work for a moment.  

Gun shakes his head slightly and finally finds his voice again. “It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt,” he says, surprising Tinn, who lets out an amusing sound. 

“You’re talking again. That's good,” he says joking but looking relieved. “Are you feeling less disoriented?” he asks, resuming his work on the stitches. Gun just nods. And Tinn remains silent, busy stitching him up again. “So, how did it happen? I mean, the crash car.” He asks, being specific this time. 

“I don’t know. Our car was hit in the rear, and then there was too much chaos.” Gun explains still a bit confused about everything that happened. Tinn nods before asking again. 

“How did you get here? Are you by yourself?” Tinn asks doing the last stitches. Gun shakes his head slightly. 

“They’re outside. The nurses didn’t let them in” he explains, and Tinn just nods. 

Makes sense. When the emergency room is so full like today, they don’t let patients have any company. Tinn cuts the thread and withdraws to the table with the medical utensils. When he returns to the bedside he has a gauze in his hands. 

“I’m gonna cover it now,” he lets him know, with his voice ever so calm. 

It’s so relaxing, listen to him explain every part of the procedure, it’s extremely calming. Gun thinks.

And then Tinn is covering the injury with the gauze, his touch as soft as always. Gun is enjoying way too much of his careful touch.

But too soon to his liking. Tinn’s hands stop touching him. And they’re faced with each other again. Silence surrounds them but it’s not awkward. 

“You’re all set up,” Tinn says taking off the gloves of his hands and setting all the instruments on the small table. “The nurse will explain how to take care of the wound. Try not to make any activity that would cause the stitches to open. You have to come back in two weeks to remove them. And don’t leave without doing the head scan.” Tinn instructs in his most professional tone. 

“Thank you…” Gun says in a small voice. Looking at Tinn with a lingering look, as if he wanted to say more but wouldn’t dare to do so. 

“Not problem,” Tinn says avoiding eye contact all of a sudden. It doesn’t go unnoticed to Gun how Tinn busied himself fixing the instruments on the table that don't need to be fixed. When Gun feels Tinn is about to leave he calls him, without stopping a second to think what he really wants to say. 

“I…” he tries, clears his throat, and continues. “I wanted to apologize about the other day…” he says and when Tinn finally looks at him confused, he clarifies. “At the apartment.”

Tinn once again averts his eyes, focusing on the instrument's table again. 

“I know it must’ve been shocking. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know you were back and...” Gun knows he is babbling but he needs to let it out so he finishes “I’m sorry.”

Tinn takes a big breath of fresh air before saying. “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it. Tiw explained everything. It was just a big confusion.”  

Gun nods, not so sure of what exactly has Tiw explained. But when he’s about to add something, someone joins them on the stall. The nurse is back and with her is another doctor a bit older than Tinn. 

“Tinn, are you done here?” the man asks, Tinn looks in his direction and mutters something just for the two of them. And Gun can't help but notice the softened tone of voice in which the other man speaks to Tinn, and the concern in his eyes when Tinn answers him. Nor does the lack of honorifics that is a clear reflection of their closeness go unnoticed.

“Everything is ready to do the CT scan, Doctor.” The nurse points out, but Gun is more interested in the interaction Tinn’s having with the other doctor. When he’s done talking to the other, Tinn turns to the nurse.

“Please take him there after explaining how to treat his wound.” He asks the nurse. And with a last look towards Gun, he’s about to leave, but Gun stops him from doing it. 

“Tinn,” Gun calls before stopping to think about what he wants to say, again. He just wants to have Tinn’s attention on him for the last time. “It’s good to know that you’re back.” Gun finally says, “Thank you again,” he adds, with a broken little smile and a knot in the back of his throat. 

He does notice the intrigued expressions on both the other doctor and the nurse when they listen to the familiarity with which he just called Tinn’s name. But it doesn’t matter because Tinn’s eyes are again on him. 

They share a moment, staring deep into each other’s eyes. And Gun can’t help but feel thrilled about this small last interaction. 

“It’s good to be back,” Tinn says after another moment of intense silence. “Take care of yourself,” he adds and then leaves along with his colleague with whom Gun shares one last look full of intrigue.

~

“How do you know him?” his friend asks when they’re on their way back to the cafeteria. The situation at the emergency room was under control at least for the moment.

Tinn is still feeling a bit weirded out by the previous interaction he just had with his… ex. When he realizes the implication of the question asked. 

“How do I—” he’s about to repeat but asks instead “Do you know him?” at his friend's instant nod, Tinn can’t help but be surprised. “How do you know him?”

“His band it’s pretty famous in the region,” the older one explains as if Tinn wasn’t well aware of that. 

He has known Mai for almost three years now. They had a few classes together but ironically they haven’t get really close to each other until they went together to study abroad. He knows about Tinn’s ex, the breakup, and everything that came after that but he doesn’t know who Tinn’s ex is. And Tinn plans to keep it that way. 

“We went to high school together,” Tinn explains briefly. Technically it was not a lie but to say that Gun and him had been just high school classmates was an understatement. 

Mai just nods to his explanation but looks at him as if he wasn't sure that was all there was to it.

Oh if he only knew. Tinn thinks.

“So, are you up for going out tomorrow? After this hell of a shift, I really need to have some fun” he says changing the topic again. And Tinn can’t be more relieved. 

They agree about going out and they talk about it for a few more minutes until they spot Gun getting out of the emergency room. Tinn crosses eyes with him and neither of them realizes of their surroundings anymore. The eye contact is broken when Gun is approached by a young girl that greets him enthusiastically. Tinn watches them interact and they look very close to each other. 

He wonders if…?

“That’s his rumored girlfriend, so I heard,” his friend provide him with the answer to his silent question. 

Tinn nods and turns his back on the supposed couple, his friend pats him on the back before hugging him by the shoulders, and both of them return to the cafeteria to finish their meals, without noticing the curious look of a certain singer who can't take his eyes off them. 

Wondering the exact same thing Tinn didn’t dare to ask.

***

The next day Tinn’s waiting for his friend to arrive at the agreed bar. Their last shift has been intense and exhausting, so going out feels like a deserved treat. The place is nice, already full of people despite being early. Apparently, the people there are enthusiastically waiting for a famous band to do their appearance. Tinn is too freshly returned to the country to know anything about this band, so he distracts himself on his phone while he waits for his friend.

After almost an hour waiting Tinn is too immersed in the article he’s reading on his phone to notice the next two things that happen: First, the band has already arrived at the bar and was preparing to start their performances at any minute. Second, his friend has arrived too. And if Tinn weren’t too focused on greeting him he probably would’ve noticed the eyes of the lead singer of said band fixed on him. 

The pair of doctors spend the next hour talking and drinking nonstop. 

“I’m telling you, friend. It’s not good to hold on to the past, you should always look forward to the future!” Mai says, a bit too excited. 

“Ugh, Phi… That’s easier said than done.” Tinn complains with frustration. “Sometimes the past is too good to let it go.” Tinn continues with his eyes lost in the empty space in front of him, lost in his memories. 

The band is now resuming their performance after half an hour break and in the atmosphere you can hear the first notes of a Silly Fools song Tinn knows perfectly well. The slightly different version does not fail to evoke memories Tinn has long ago stopped trying to forget. He sees himself at seventeen drawing a silly doodle of the boy who at that time was just his crush. If he closes his eyes for long enough he can see the Chinzilla band performing the folklore cover of the song at the temple contest, as the music progresses he feels his smiles grow progressively just like it did back then when he was too happy to see his crush perform the vibrant song. Back then he was fighting the urge to get up and dance to the song and now that he can freely dance to it, he’s too heartbroken to do it.

“Some memories are too precious to forget…” Tinn adds with a wistful smile, still lost in his memories. 

Some smiles are too beautiful to forget. Eyes that shone so bright he felt warmth spread inside his chest every time he stared at them, like flowers blooming first thing in the morning, that's how he felt every morning he woke up at his side, all wrapped up in his arms. Lips so sweet he became addicted to them. A voice so soft he still listens to it in his dreams... 

“I’ve never been good at moving on. I'm not the type of person who can let go easily, I guess” Tinn says, half-jokingly half frustrated.

His friend shakes his head with a pity look on his face. And they continue talking and drinking nonstop. 

~

“Hey, Gun” Sounds calls his attention before they resume their performance. Sound is the only one of his high school friends that keeps being part of his band. Both have pursued music and when they were in college they decided to form a band together again, so now they were closer than they were in high school. Gun moves closer to his friend to listen to him better over the noise of the bar. “Did you see who’s there at the corner?” he asks pointing to the said place with his mouth since his hands were busy holding his guitar. 

Gun follows the direction his friend points out and his eyes find him. Of course, he had already noticed him. He had noticed his presence since the first moment he had arrived at the bar. It was as if his senses were always alert to his presence, or maybe he was just always trying to find him everywhere he goes.

“I did notice,” Gun says, with his eyes still focused on that corner of the bar. 

“Life is indeed playing tricks with you two, huh? You keep meeting each other all the time” Sounds says with a chuckle to which Gun just tries to smile it off, but he knows he has failed when his friend pats him on the back in an attempt to comfort him. 

“Hmm, I guess this city is not big enough for the both of us” Gun says with a sigh. 

“Do you want to postpone the performance?” Sounds aks, surprising Gun. He has been very insistent on performing at the bar today.

“It’s alright. We’ve been postponing this for long enough. Let’s continue. I don’t think he’ll even notice. He is quite entertained.” Gun says, referring to Tinn’s company. He recognizes the older man as Tinn's colleague from the hospital. And he can’t help but wonder again, were they…? 

He stops himself from asking and guessing further. And focus instead on the band performance that was starting already.

~

Gun’s anxious. The band has stopped its performance to have half an hour break and now he was with his bandmates at the bar, they were given free drinks as a courtesy but Gun’s drink remains untouched on the counter. Almost one hour and a half later and he’s still staring at a certain corner of the bar. Sounds notices, of course, he notices.

“Can you relax?” He asks standing next to him at the bar. 

“They’re drinking nonstop,” Guns points out. “I’m just worried they end up kiss—" he interrupts himself and shaking his head continues, "I mean, falling and hitting themselves or something,” he finishes and turns to look to another place a bit embarrassed. Sound looks at him and shakes his head. 

“They’re not—” Sound interrupts what he’s saying and says instead “Oh, one of them is leaving” Sound hasn’t finished talking when Gun was spinning around looking back to the same spot. 

A sigh of relief leaves Gun's lips as he sees Tinn’s friend be the one who’s leaving. 

“Not so fast. I think Tinn is going with him,” Sound adds, making Gun tense. They follow Tinn's staggering walk with their eyes and realize he is going in the opposite direction of his friend. “Never mind, I think he’s going to the restroom.” 

Another sigh of relief leaves Gun, until he remembers how messy the men's restroom can get, he had witnessed the occasional scandal caused by customers who had drunk too much. And all of them somehow started or finished in the restroom. 

Worried all over again he turns to face Sound with a silent plea in his eyes.

“Would you—?” he’s asking but his friend cut him off right away.

“I swear… You owe me this one” he complains at the same time he’s moving towards the restroom. 

Minutes pass by, and Gun is getting increasingly anxious, one of his legs has started moving up and down nonstop in a nervous tic he’s never been able to control. Until he finally spots Sound with Tinn holding onto his shoulders, leaning half of his body weight on him. They seem to be talking but Sound doesn’t look very pleased to be there holding Tinn and having whatever conversation they were having. 

Gun meets eyes with his friend and the order is clear in the other’s eyes “Come here and get me out of this” is what he reads in his friend’s eyes and Gun messes his hair out of frustration. 

“Damn it...” he grunts before leaving his place on the bar. Knowing well he will regret what he’s about to do, but not having other options. 

He is not very excited about what is going to happen next, but there is nothing he can do to avoid it or he'll feel worse.

***

The next morning Tinn wakes up being a completely regretful mess. His head feels painfully heavy and like it’s about to explode at any moment. He swears he will never drink like that again and try getting up but regrets it instantly. Remaining in bed seems like the best thing to do at this moment. So, taking advantage of his position laying down on the bed he closes his eyes and tries to remember the previous night. 

How did he even get to his apartment? Wait… his apartment? Why was he even here? 

He forces himself to try to remember but not much comes to his mind. He remembers talking to his friend and started drinking a lot, then he remembers the song that the band had played and the memories It evoked, and remembers drinking even more because of that. Then his friend had to leave, and he went to the restroom, and then Sound was there… 

Wait… Why was Sound there? 

And right after meeting Sound, he doesn’t remember anything more. Did Sound take him to the apartment? How did he even open the door? Tinn was not carrying the key with him when he left for the bar. 

He’s so confused that when he gets a sudden flashback it throws him off completely. 

“Why are you here? You’re not supposed to be out there drinking. You can’t drink, you had a contusion less than 24 hours ago…”

“I’m not exactly the one who’s been drinking, Dr. Tinnaphob…” Gun had said with a stoic expression. And then Tinn feels he’s being thrown into the other’s arms, probably by Sound who doesn't stand having to support his weight anymore. “Let’s get you home,” Gun had added in soft whisper, holding Tinn by the waist. 

And after that Tinn is completely blank again.

Letting out a frustrated yells he gets up and sits on the bed. He starts looking around as if he will find some sort of clue that Gun has been there. And he finds it. It’s on the nightside table at his right. A folded piece of paper with his name on it.

You pass out last night. Didn’t know where else to take you so I brought you to the apartment. I apologize in advance if that was intrusive and I also apologize for our first encounter, again. I leave with you the apartment's keys so an incident like that one will never happen again. Sorry, and please take care of yourself.  —Gun. P.S. There’s some Pad Kee Mao with Rice Congee on the fridge for the hangover. 

Tinn reads the note multiple times and can’t stop the butterflies he feels in his belly. It has been so long since he has been taken care of, and the person doing it right now was no other than his… ex. 

He tries to convince himself that the sudden turn of his stomach is due to the hunger he feels and not to anything else. But deep down he knows is probably for both things, hunger and feelings. Feelings he was not going to focus on first thing in the morning. 

With renewed energy, he gets out of bed and goes straight to the kitchen. The mentioned food is indeed in the fridge and this time his stomach growl with satisfaction. He was truly hungry after all. He puts the food in the microwave to warm it up and goes to the bathroom before sitting down to eat. When he enters the bedroom again he spots the keys of the apartment Gun mentioned in the note, he grabs said keys and stares at them for long minutes. 

Was this finally the closing chapter of their story together? Was he trying to tell him he was ready to move on or even worse, that he already moved on? Was the sinking feeling in his chest a warning he should not ignore?

Probably, but he was not ready to answer any of those questions, so he saves the keys in the nightstand drawer and hurries toward the bathroom. Deciding that for the time being he would just concentrate on feeding his empty stomach, feelings might hit him afterward when he's fed and strong enough to face them.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Priceless

the reason that tinn fell for gun in the first place is because gun sang a song that tinn needed and helped him through a hard moment in his life. it didn't matter that gun wasn't singing directly to him or that he didn't even remember that moment, it was still what allowed tinn to feel a little less lonely.

and then in the finale, we get to see gun singing a song that he wrote specifically for tinn to tinn in front of the entire school. it's a song about supporting and trusting each other, loving each other no matter the circumstance, and celebrating being together.

for a long time, tinn's efforts towards helping gun went unnoticed, but tinn didn't want or need to be acknowledged anyway because it was enough just to see gun happy. so i think it's beautiful that we have seen gun not only realize and acknowledge what tinn has done for him, but for him to explicitly say: i'm here for you too, to support you and love you. you trust me and i trust you.

that boy who stumbled into a dessert cafe two years ago and only ever wanted to feel a little less alone, to feel seen and understood, being shown off to the world as someone who is cherished and cared for—by his boyfriend, by his parents, and by his friends. tinn is not alone, tinn is so very very loved. and gun has made it so that tinn will never have to feel lonely or ignored ever again.

my school president | moonlight chicken | our skyy 2

‼️GemFourth won’t be part of 23.5.‼️

He's so barbie!!! 🥰💗💖💓💞

(mint mag photoshoot fourth nattawat, you'll always be famous!!! 😊👌)

Reference :

gemini & fourth + tropes | tinn/gun

“Love songs we listen to in high school are the best love songs ever because they are original soundtracks of our first love.” - First Love

Riddle me this: When have queer stories managed to become popular with little kids in Asia before MSP did?

This year I watched MSP cast promote the drama in schools and so many students ranging from small kids to high schoolers doing MSP dance challenges even months after MSP ended. It makes me ecstatic when I see them watching this drama, even becoming a fan! TinnGun made it seem so effortless to touch the hearts of Asian kids and teens in a way no queer drama has been able to do before. 

MSP really changed my perception of what it will take for queer media to overthrow the hetero agenda in Asia someday. It made me realize we need more feel-good, family-friendly and goofy stories that appeal to everyone and make them laugh instead of convoluted or grandiose stories that lose the plot or those that specifically amplify queer struggles and minimise the joy of love.

That in the end, when real change starts in society, no matter how big or small and culminates with homophobia finally packing its bags & Asian families being won over - it won't be because of dramatic and "realistic" queer stories rife with suffering, grief or heartbreak that got voted best by the critics. It will be because of a simple and sweet love story like MSP, where one boy had a crush on another boy and did everything it takes to help him reach his dreams and found his own happiness in the process, a story that is vibrating with so much of queer positivity, joy and heart that it's impossible for anyone who watches it to not became its fan.

It makes my heart burst with joy that queer kids today are growing up with much better examples of queer love in front of them than our previous generations ever did. Imagine the impact this will have, the difference it will make in young queer Asian lives.

Gun told Tinn that the love songs we listen to in high school are the best love songs ever because they're the original soundtracks of our first love - To think there is a generation of kids right now who are listening to MSP soundtrack and falling in love to the same songs Tinn and Gun sang to each other and will remember MSP as their life's greatest love songs someday in the future - it boggles my mind and perhaps we won't grasp the full extent of what MSP did for its queer audience until many years have passed.

Nonetheless, I'll never stop singing MSP's praises because all they had was a newbie director, rookie actors & a banger soundtrack to do the impossible and make queer characters go mainstream in Asian schools and resonate with kids. We'll soon find out if we'll see TinnGun in college next year being sickeningly in love and serenading each other with an even gayer cuter cheesier soundtrack! (I hope so) Even if we don't, I'm excited for the impact MSP and GemFourth will have on queer romance genre down the line.

heart & li ming + favorite moments (in no particular order)

“Look at me, I'm soaking wet here. What are you playing?”

Oh no!

I think I've seen this film before

Tinn & Gun | Shivers (x)

Finally made a solo Tinngun edit! Ugh I love these sweethearts 😭💕 I started this last March but the MSP 1yr anniversary posts inspired me to finally get it done (thanks for the unintentional motivation, tumblr xD)

my school president's one-year anniversary | one scene per episode ↳ episode two (original air date: december 9th, 2022)

“After that song, he’s the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life.”

Chapter 4: Talking

It has been a week since he met Tinn at the hospital and then at the bar the next day. They haven't had any other encounter since then.

However, since the first encounter at the apartment, Gun has felt different. Usually, by this time of the year, he would feel terrible, unmotivated and without energy, he was still feeling like that the day before that first encounter, but after that something has changed. And everyone around him noticed it too. His manager had previously agreed to give him a few days off but when he noticed the sudden change in his behavior he asked him if he wanted to return to his normal activities, but Gun refused and took his time off. It was going to be just one month anyway. And after that time, he hoped this new source of energy is not completely gone.

When his friends asked him what was the reason for his sudden change he remained silent, not knowing how to respond. Previously he was even thinking of quitting the dream of his entire life. But after he met him again… He felt different. 

He’s not foolish enough to start developing hope just after some occasional encounters, he wouldn’t do that to himself, he also knows he doesn’t have the right to do that. But he can’t deny the fact that just knowing he was back in the country, back at being around makes him ridiculously happy. He knows is stupid, deep down he knows he shouldn’t be feeling this way, it wasn’t healthy to depend so much emotionally on a person, especially when this person was no longer part of his life. But, he can’t help or hide the thrilling feeling that blooms in his chest just by the mere idea of meeting him again.

He won’t accept it, not even say it out loud, but all those occasional encounters they had, have made him so damn happy, the happiest he has been for the past two years. 

And he won’t force himself to change that, just like he’ll never force his heart to let him go. Tinn and all the precious moments they spent together are carefully stored in the depths of his heart. And he will keep them that way as long as he can, just allowing one or two memories to slip through the cracks of his broken heart from time to time. As a constant reminder of how happy they were together. 

So, yeah. If asked he would say he doesn’t know the reason for his sudden change of behavior. But within him, he will smile at the reason, and secretly he would hope Tinn feels the same source of happiness at their shared memories, that's the only hope he’d allow himself to have. 

“Ohoo, friend. Who got you smiling like that?” One of his bandmates asks teasingly. 

They’re back at the bar having some drinks before their performance of that night. On the other side of the table, his eyes meet with Tiw who smirks back at him with a knowing look.

Because, of course, he knows the reason why Gun is smiling, probably like an idiot, is not other than his best friend, as it always had been. And apparently, it will continue to always be. 

“Is it N’Fah?” another of his bandmates asks, making Gun laugh at such a question. 

Fah was a famous actress and model with whom he was rumored to be dating. Rumors have never been so far from reality like with this one. Fah and he were just good friends and occasional business partners who their managers put together to have more success in the publicity campaigns they made together, fueling rumors and speculation. They were friends but that was all, never had any intention of crossing the professional line of business partners. However, his bandmates always insisted on the excellent chemistry between the two of them. Always asking if they were finally together. To what Gun just laughs.

“It’s nothing, stop being so nosy,” Gun says instead of answering the question. 

“Ow, you didn’t deny it was about N’Fah,” says Aat the first one to ask. “Are you two finally dating?” he adds, too excited to Gun’s liking. 

“You two have such good chemistry, that you should try making a move.” This time is Dew their drummer the one who talks. Gun just shakes his head, finishing his drinking to avoid having to say something. “The fans always go crazy when you two are together. Have you seen the last pictures they took of you two at the hospital?”

“They’re so nosy,” says the third member of his band, Mee, with a fond smile on his face. The three of his friends distract themselves by looking a the different pictures that fans have taken of him at the hospital. That is one of the things Gun will never get used to it about his job, the lack of privacy at all times even in the more vulnerable moments, sometimes seems like a price too high to pay for his dream and everything that comes with it.

He joins his friends to look at the pictures too. 

He's looking at them not really interested until he sees one picture in specific where he looks distracted. He follows his own gaze through the picture and is surprised to see the object of his intense look being captured by the picture too. Gun finds himself staring again at the handsome features of the doctor, his doctor. 

His. Doctor. Damn. That sounded too good, he thinks. 

“What were you looking at? The fans?” Mee asks curious. “You seem focused, like really focused” he adds, not noticing the real focus of Gun’s intense staring. The picture is taken from another fan's point of view, so it doesn’t really show the two doctors standing on the other side of the hall. You need to pay extra attention to really notice, and even if you do it no one would actually get to the conclusion he was looking at Tinn, but instead will draw the conclusion that he was looking at the fans, just like his friend did.

And Gun agrees. His friend was right, he was at a complete loss staring at such a beautiful face. It’s almost embarrassing now that he can see it in the picture. When his friend looks at him waiting for an answer, Gun just lets out an affirmation noise. And gets back to his chair to order another drink feeling increasingly embarrassed. 

Tiw, who’s still on the other side of the table looks at his friends with intention and before Gun can stop him he’s moving to look at the pictures too. Gun grimaces, and moves his hands in a failed attempt to stop his best friend's boyfriend but it's useless. The boy is smiling wildly going through all the pictures. 

“That’s what we call top-tier chemistry isn’t it, my friend?” Tiw says with a teasing smile on his face. 

“What do you mean?” Dew asks confused. Gun looks at Tiw with a warning in his eyes. 

Tiw walks closer to Gun and placing one hand on top of Gun’s shoulder he says, “Nothing, I’m just talking about Gun’s interaction with the fans” and in a lower tone he adds. “Such an intense look. Is that the reason why you were smiling before?” Tiw asks playfully. 

“Shut up” Gun mutters covering half of his mouth with one hand. Tiw just laughs it off and palming Gun on the shoulder he continues. 

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” he says but Gun can see in his eyes that he’s not done yet. “You haven’t seen each other since then, right?”

Gun shakes his head and narrows his eyes with suspicion. 

“I was just thinking…” Tiw starts and Gun knows that whatever comes after that won’t be good for his sanity. “Should I invite my old friend to our little high school reunion?” 

Gun’s eyes widen at the mere suggestion. He starts shaking his head aggressively but Tiw just smiles at him. 

“Oh, come on! Don’t be a coward” Tiw says a bit louder than necessary, making the others interested. 

“What are you two whispering?” is Aat who asks this time. 

“Nothing, nothing. I was just wondering if I should invite an old friend to our reunion…” Tiw says coaxing a brow in Gun's direction as if he was daring him to say further. 

Gun just rolls his eyes, annoyed, and he doesn’t even try to stop that damn nosy boy. 

“Should I?” Tiw asks again jokingly. “He still could say no, you know. But I guess it’s worth the try”. 

“Ai'Tiwson…” Gun mutters with warning, but knows perfectly he’s helpless against the other's resolution.

***

Tinn has been working the entire week nonstop. This is not something new, it’s always like that at the hospital. 

When the weekend arrives he’s overworked, completely drained out. He needs a distraction but this week P’Mai and him have different schedules and while Tinn was free his friend was still trapped in a double shift. 

He was still thinking of a possible way of distraction that wouldn’t leave him with a terrible headache the next morning when he receives a call from his best friend. 

“Tinn, my friend!” Tiw greets him through the phone excitedly. “How are you? Are you trapped on one of those endless shifts of yours or are you free?”

After greeting back his friend, Tinn replies “I’m actually free, why? Are you inviting me somewhere?”

“You tell me! Are you up for some high school reunion?” Tiw asks.

Tinn pauses for a moment to think of the proposal. What exactly does a high school reunion? Was he going to be there? Tinn wanted to ask but his friend wouldn’t allow him to. 

“Just come to the address I’ll send you. Everyone will be happy to see you!” And without another word, Tiw ends the call leaving a more than confused Tinn hanging on the other side of the phone.

Tinn looks at his phone confused but there’s not much he can do against his best friend's antics. 

An hour and a half later Tinn is arriving at the address that Tiw has sent him. One step in front of the bar is what it takes for him to recognize the place. He’s been here not so long ago, and it makes sense. He should’ve known better. His goddamn friend was playing with him again and Tinn was about to lose it, again. 

“You gotta stop doing this to me” Tinn mutters in a low voice, with a clenched jaw. It’s everything he says as a greeting and Tiw just flashes him with a ridiculous bright smile. 

“What do you mean?” Tiw asks, getting on his feet to greet his friend properly. Tinn just gives him an irritated look, pointing with his eyes to the place on the small stage where Gun and his band start preparing for their presentation. 

It’s not like Tinn didn’t know about the possibility of meeting with him again the moment Tiw mentioned it was a high school reunion, but still, he still could be dramatic about it with his annoying best friend. 

“Oh, that. I did forget to mention that small little detail” Tiw says apologetically, but then he adds “Even though I think you already knew and decided to come anyways…” With a suspicious look he continues, “Anything you would like to share, friend?” 

“Shut up, just shut up…” Tinn says with fake annoyance. 

In the end, he was looking for some source of distraction, and if this wasn't one, he doesn't know what is.

“Come, I’m gonna introduce you to everyone,” Tiw says, grabbing TInn by the shoulders and walking them toward the table near the stage. 

On his way to the table, his eyes wander over the place, and way too soon he finds the person he should be avoiding, but he’s clearly not… Tinn almost jumps in his place when he finds the other’s eyes already looking at him. 

He’s starting to regret his decision to come here and is about to turn around and leave when he sees Gun jump down the stage and walk toward them. By that time Tiw’s already introducing him to new people, and Tinn distracts himself from the alarming presence of his… ex, greeting every person on the table.

“Everyone, this is Tinn, my dearest best friend from high school who is just back in town from his studies abroad, yeah he’s so cool. If you ever find yourself in a life or death situation, this is the man you need to look for” Tiw says in the most flamboyant way possible. 

Tinn smiles a bit embarrassed but greets everyone anyway. His smile grows a little more genuine when he spots Por among the strangers sitting there, Por smiles brightly back at him, and he’s glad to see at least one familiar face in the place. At that moment he just recognized three people. 

So much for a high school reunion, he thinks. 

“Where are the others?” he whispers to Tiw. 

“They’re not coming. Pat and Jorn are traveling together on some sort of honeymoon trip. And Yo is busy with his career and family.” Tiw explains. 

“So, you blatantly lied to me, again” Tinn complains. 

“I didn’t! There’s an actual high school reunion that is not here but at the school next weekend. Everyone is coming, you should come too.”

By that time Gun and his band members are already by the table, Tinn can feel the burning sensation of the lead singer’s eyes on him, he’s not being very subtle about it, and Tinn feels like running out of there. Tiw introduces him to Gun’s band members but Tinn doesn’t register any of the names. 

“You’re all sober now, huh?” Win says as a greeting.

“Next time I’ll charge you extra for the security service,” Sound says this time, confusing Tinn, until he remembers that Sound was here the other night when he got completely drunk.

“Sound and Win own the place” Tiw explains. And Sound's presence the other night he was here makes lots of sense now. 

Tinn just nods and smiles awkwardly at Sound before saying, “Sorry. Won’t happen again.” 

Sound returns the nod and then is distracted by something Win is telling him. So now Tinn’s focus has no other option but to fall on the person next to Sound. Gun. 

The silence between them is awkward and everyone seems to notice because they give them some space to maybe adapt themselves, Tinn is not sure but he doubts it would be of any help. 

Tinn’s hands are sweating his heart’s beating fast and his head is a mess, just like it was so many years ago. He would find it funny if it wasn’t so freaking frustrating. Tinn is angry with himself, he’s supposed to be over this stupid reaction, but after all these years he keeps getting nervous around him, and it’s so frustrating he feels the need to break the uncomfortable silence, so he does it…

“Are you feeling better?” Tinn asks, daring to even look at Gun. His sudden question seems to take the latter off-guard. It takes a few seconds to get an answer from him. 

“Ummm, yeah. I’m feeling much better now, thanks… again. A-And t-thanks for asking…” Gun answers sounding incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Not problem,” Tinn says with a tense smile. And then he remembers he has reasons to be thankful too, so he adds, “Thanks to you as well”, and when Gun looks at him confused Tinn explains, “For taking me home the other night, a-and for the food. It was really nice, you didn’t have to… I don't know if you bought it or cooked it yourself, from the familiar taste I would say you cooked it but I couldn't be sure, iether way, I really appreciate it…” 

Tinn realizes too late that he is rambling once again. He curses at himself, because it’s something he has never been able to control, and it is worse when he is nervous. Mortified he looks back at Gun, not knowing when he has averted his eyes, but when he meets the other's look he finds a gaze full of fondness. 

Tinn is taken aback by the sudden wave of emotions he can clearly see in the other’s eyes. His eyes always have been so expressive and at that exact moment Tinn realizes how much he has missed witnessing that kind of look, but above all, he has missed being the cause of such a look, and the realization quickly turns his ears incredibly red. He listens Gun clears his throat, probably uncomfortable but Tinn does not dare to raise his eyes up to him again. 

He looks at his best friend instead and that’s an equally terrible idea. Because the only thing he finds in Tiw’s look is smugness. 

The damn traitor is enjoying too much setting Tinn up in the worse situations. 

“Well, aren't you guys going to start playing? Your audience is growing impatience!” Win yells, unknowingly going to Tinn's rescue. 

The band moves back to the stage. And Tinn desperately ignores the burning sensation he feels in the back of his neck and continues to settle down on the table, next to Por. 

The band is now taking a break after almost twenty minutes of performance. Gun has been nervous the entire night. Self-conscious the entire time. He wants to give an excellent performance and he’s not stupid enough to deny that the main reason for that is a certain person in the audience. And for the same stupid reason, he can’t stop stealing glances at the same said person. 

He hasn't felt this way in so long, he doesn’t even know how to deal with it. 

“Would you stop staring at him? You’re being too obvious!” Sound shouts in a whisper, half annoyed and half concerned. 

Gun is about to complain and say a shameful lie like ‘I’m not staring!’ but the problem is, he is indeed staring. He tried not to, but it was impossible, his eyes would wander on their own in his direction.

“I can’t help it…” he admits his defeat. Sound just shakes his head in disapproval. 

“Do you still…?” Sound doesn’t need to finish his question because all it takes is one look at his friend for him to get his answer. “After all this time?” he asks as confirmation. 

And Gun doesn’t answer, his eyes focus again on that one person at his friends’ table. 

The truth is he doesn’t even know himself. Does he still have feelings? Did he ever stop having them? How to be sure… 

Before, he thought the feeling of happiness he felt every time he saw him, was because of all the fond memories they had together. It has been the perfect excuse, the right reason to be feeling that way. But he’s not so sure that it's just that anymore. 

Was he trying to gaslight himself into the idea of not having any feeling left for his… ex? Maybe...

Because earlier when he witnessed Tinn’s cute little ramblings again, it didn’t feel like just a happy memory he was fond of. It felt more like something he had missed too much and wished to get back. 

“I don’t really know…” he whispers to his friend but mostly to himself. 

Tinn feels less uncomfortable. The conversation is actually not that bad at the table. He’s content with being able to talk to some of his past classmates and know about their lives and how everything has been going on. It’s the kind of distraction he needed. Tiw wasn’t lying after all, with time, more of their classmates started arriving at the bar and the group gradually increased in number. Tiw also didn’t lie about this being just a small reunion, sort of like a preparation for the real one that is going to take place next weekend at school. So, everyone was planning and suggesting activities they would like to have on the event day. 

The band is another great distraction he’s starting to enjoy. They’re really good, which is not a surprise given the lead singer they have, he shakes his head as the thought settles in his mind. Another thing that doesn't come as a surprise is how loved the band is. Just this performance at this small bar manages to gather a great number of people who seem to love the band dearly. The crowd is not that big though, and almost by the end of the performance, the band encourages them to ask for their favorite themes to be played by them. 

Tinn is paying attention to something Por is saying when someone at their table rises up to ask for a specific song to be played by the band. A spare mic is passed by the people at the other tables until it reaches the boy making the suggestion. When the name of the song leaves the boy’s mouth, Tinn almost chokes on the drink he was drinking at the moment. 

“Would you sing ‘Let Me Tell You’? I love that song!” the boy says, excitedly. 

Tinn coughs desperately for fresh air. Once he's able to breathe again his eyes lock with a stunished Gun still on the stage. 

When their eyes meet everything else disappears. Once again they’re back to being their seventeen-year-old self that stared back at each other, lost in each other's eyes. Gun is back to being that dreamy boy who wrote a song to the boy he just discovered he likes, and Tinn is back to being the happiest boy in the world to whom his crush from two years had written him a song. They’re back to being crazy in love with each other… 

The feeling is too much…

“Do you wanna sing it?” Sound asks Gun, but he doesn’t get a response. 

Gun is still looking at Tinn. They’re openly staring at each other. And Tinn can see the resolution on Gun’s face. He’s gonna sing it. He’s gonna do it, and Tinn is not ready to hear him sing, at least not that song, especially that song. 

It’s too much, because perhaps… they’ve never stopped being crazy in love with each other. 

That thought hits Tinn like a freaking fist in the stomach. And he can not handle it anymore, he needs to leave, need to breathe. He rises up from his chair and rushes to the nearest exit.

“I’m sorry. We don’t sing old songs anymore.” It's the last thing Tinn hears Gun say, before leaving the bar in need of fresh air almost in the breach of having a panic attack.

Gun looks at the panic in Tinn’s eyes before he feels it himself. At first, he feels frozen in his place, unable to move, but when he sees Tinn rise from his seat and rush out of the bar, he starts moving again. 

“Would you continue?” he turns towards Sound and asks as calmly as possible. His friend nods at him and waves him away. Gun apologizes to the audience for not being able to sing his old song and storms out of the stage, following Tinn’s steps. 

It doesn’t take much to find the other. Tinn is resting his back against one of the walls of the alley at the back of the bar. Gun gets worried when he notices Tinn looks like he’s having trouble breathing. 

“A-Are you alright?” he asks hesitantly. He doesn’t want to bother him, but he’s really worried. Tinn stiffs up when he hears his voice and Gun grimaces feeling uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel uneasy, I’m gonna go get Tiw…” Gun says and is about to leave when he feels a grip on his forearm. 

“It’s alright. I just needed a minute.” Tinn says with a strained voice. 

Gun gradually turns to face him, surprised that Tinn is still holding his arm. His surprise might have shown on his face because Tinn follows his look and almost immediately let go of his arm. Once he’s free of the other’s touch, Gun joins Tinn resting his back against the wall. They spend long minutes in complete silence, just standing next to each other, unable to even look at the other. 

It feels like an eternity has happened, but it has probably just been a few minutes. When Tinn is back to talking. 

“I didn’t mean to storm out in that way. I was really enjoying the song, the new songs are great, and the band is amazing. It’s just… when they asked for that song, you seemed so resolved to sing it, which is completely fine, it’s your song after all. It’s just that… I-I got s-so scared…” he confesses, capturing Gun's full attention.

Gun wants to intervene but Tinn does not allow him to do so and continues talking.

“It’s ridiculous. Isn’t it?” He asks with a soft chuckle. The little smile that remains after the giggles is sad, extremely sad. With a blank stare he continues, “I guess I’m not ready to listen to it again, not yet…” he adds with a small voice. 

Gun feels a knot form in his throat and his eyes water suddenly. The hand resting on his thigh clenches into a fist, from the strength he puts into suppressing the urge to reach for the other. Tinn also seems on the verge of tears, and all Gun wants to do is wrap him in a tight embrace, to perhaps in that way ease the pain away.

But he doesn’t do it. Doesn’t feel with the right to do any of those things he’s itching to do. 

"It's not ridiculous, at all," Gun whispers wanting to reassure him somehow. "I- I don't feel ready either... We don't sing old songs because of that. I-I can't. It feels too... soon," Gun confesses, unable to look over at Tinn. He can feel Tinn's staring at him but he doesn't say anything. 

Silence falls upon them again, but this time is a bit less dense. 

“I’m planning to sell the apartment…” Tinn suddenly says, after other long minutes of silence. Making Gun tense up again. At this point, his feelings were a freaking roller coaster. If he didn't know Tinn was experiencing the same thing he would think Tinn was playing with his feelings. But it’s clear the doctor’s mind was all over the place just like his. “I thought, I should tell you since you were feeling attached to it, somehow I... It probably wasn’t a good idea, wasn’t it?” he asks insecure. 

“It’s alright,” Gun says with difficulty, the knot still tight in his throat. Tinn just nods and they fall into silence again. 

It’s not like he could say something, Gun thinks. It’s Tinn's apartment at the end. And it’s not Tinn’s problem that Gunn has gotten attached to it. 

“Gun…”

“Tinn…”

They say at the same time. The silliness of the small coincidence makes them laugh softly, taking away just a small part of the sadness that involves them. 

“Go ahead,” Tinn says, finally being able to look Gun in the face. 

“Not, you go first,” Gun says instead, holding Tinn’s gaze with the small smile still on his face. 

Letting out a small sigh, Tinn takes the opportunity given, “I just wanted to say that I think is good we’re talking now, and not just staring at each other awkwardly.” he says the last thing jokingly, making both of them chuckles. Then he adds, “We will probably keep meeting each other frequently, so I guess is good that we’re able to, just talk…” Tinn finishes still holding his gaze on Gun’s face. 

The singer nods in silent agreement. And when he feels the awkwardness rise again he intervenes. 

“I still need to get this checked, next week,” Gun says pointing at his head. This makes Tinn let out a soft laugh. 

And Gun is delighted at the familiar sound. He finds himself laughing too, it’s contagious apparently, and the feeling is warm in his chest. But when Tinn gets a bit closer to him, Gun stops laughing, and then Tinn places one of his hands on the left side of the top of his head, tilting it slightly to the side just enough for him to see better at the place where is Gun’s wound. At the sudden closeness, Gun even stops breathing, remaining still, breathless and nervous, so freaking nervous.  

“Looks pretty good to me,” Tinn says with his soothing voice way too close to Gun’s face.

Gun can’t help but close his eyes at the slightest touch that Tinn’s warm breath does when it brushes against the skin of the side of his face. Gun tries, he really tries to stop the impulse, suppress it with all his strength, but can’t help but tilt his head slightly to the side against Tinn’s hand, nuzzling with the side of his face and his nose the soft skin of Tinn’s inner wrist.

The smell of his skin is so familiar, that Gun starts feeling light-headed. He has missed him so much that it pains him. 

When he feels Tinn’s other hand cupping the other side of his face. Gun is helpless. They’re no longer resting their back on the wall but fully facing each other, involved in each other’s warmth. Gun opens his eyes and lets his hands go up to Tinn’s face and with trembling fingers, he dares to trace the underside of Tinn’s chin. 

They’re staring at each other’s eyes, and Gun can’t help but lower his gaze a little and for a second too long stare directly at Tinn’s slightly open lips. 

“Can I…” Tinn murmurs, Gun’s heart stops beating for a solid second, and the shock might reflect on his face, because Tinn hurries to clarify, with a nervous voice. “I mean… Ummm…. What I—”.

“A hug? Would you like a hug?” Gun asks softly, with endeared amusement. And Tinn just nods leaning against him and Gun catches him letting out a pleasant sigh. 

He has missed this too. Fuck. He was so fucked up. 

They probably shouldn’t be doing this but hugging never felt so good, never felt so needed. They’re holding to each other tightly with no intention to let the other go any time soon. Tears roll silently down both of their faces. They feel so at peace and yet so troubled. So comfortable in each other's arms.

Until…

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you since I got here. What are—?” Gun’s manager's annoying voice interrupted the peaceful silence they were in. 

“P’Ae, I told you, you should wait until…” Tiw is saying, but it’s interrupted. 

“Wait? I don’t have time to wait. Gun?” the older man asks impatiently. 

Tinn and Gun have already taken their arms off each other and are now awkwardly trying to wipe their tear-stained faces. 

“I’m coming, Phi. Please wait for me with the others,” Gun asks, facing his manager but looking sideways at Tinn. The latter is still busy cleaning his face and fixing his hair which is a bit tousled. 

Gun’s a bit embarrassed to realize he was probably the one who messed his hair when they were hugging. 

“I’m sorry, friend. I tried to stop him but you know how stubborn he is.” Tiw apologizes looking truly mortified. 

“It’s alright. Please, keep Tinn company, he was not feeling well…” Gun is saying but Tinn interrupts. 

“Actually. I think it's better if I go.” Tinn says. 

Gun, who was almost leaving at the moment, stops immediately and looks back at Tinn with alarm. They share a look and some sort of silent understanding. 

“Are you sure?” Gun asks, still worried. And Tinn just nods. They share another long look and when Tinn is about to leave Gun calls him, “Tinn?”

Tinn stops to look at him. Tiw has given them a little space, while he keeps watch of Gun’s manager. 

“Would you tell me if you ever want to listen to the song again?" Gun asks with an intense look, filled with plea and silent feelings. Tinn looks at him for what feels like an eternity, Gun even starts to panic believing that he has messed it up once again. But when Tinn finally answers he's smiling softly. 

"I will." It's the only thing Tinn says. 

"See you at the hospital, next week,” Gun says with an intense look, and Tinn just nods again, before leaving followed by Tiw. 

~

"Who is him?" Dew asks, with curiosity. 

"Looks like he's really close to Gun," Mee adds, and everyone nods. They're staring at the place where their manager has interrupted the hug the two boys were having. 

"Were they close friends?" is Aat who asks this time.

Sound and Wiin look at each other, but is Sound who ends up answering.

"As far as I know, they have never been able to be friends and I doubt they will ever be..." Sound says with a knowing smile but doesn't add more, leaving the three boys even more confused than before. "They're too stupidly in love with each other for that..." he whispers at last. Win is the only one to get to hear it.

To that, his boyfriend holds his hands and nods at him, understanding better than everyone what Sound is saying. 

The band's manager returns to where the members are waiting, and minutes after Gun is back too, but there's no signal of Tinn or even Tiw anymore.

Just by looking a Gun's facial expression, Sound knows his friend is not okay, and deep down he hopes that he will soon be able to either act on his feelings or end it all once and for all. Or they will end up hurting each other much more.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Chapter 5: Memories

Tinn is having lunch with his colleague and friend, Mai. When once again one of the nurses runs toward them, this time she’s looking specifically for Tinn. 

“Dr. Jirawatthanakul! Someone is looking for you at the main emergency room!” She says agitated. 

Tinn looks at her confused. Someone is looking specifically for him? 

With his friend walking beside him, he heads to the emergency room. And when he gets there the nurse at the front desk points to a small room where they usually attend urgent cases. 

“I’ll be around. Call if you need me” his friend says when Tinn turns to face him still pretty confused. Tinn nods at him and walks to the room. 

When he enters the small space is a bit too crowded. There are two nurses at the entrance and more people can be seen behind the curtains on the resting section.

“Why do you think he insists on seeing Dr. Jirawatthanakul?” one of the nurses asks another one in a whisper, without noticing Tinn's presence yet. 

“He’s a famous person, you know how they tend to be… a bit excentric” the other nurse answers, as oblivious as the first one.

“I know, but does that mean they know each other?” the first one asks. Carry on with the conversation as if the patient and his companion were not only a few meters away from them.

“I heard they went to high school together…” the second nurse answers and the first one makes a surprised noise. 

That’s all it takes for Tinn to show up in front of the nurses, who look at him with a combination of surprise and mortification. Tinn doesn’t say anything and just walks past them with a clear idea of who the patient is and he’s not looking forward to it. 

At first, he had just a small suspicion of who the person might be, but the nurses’ words had just confirmed it. 

He steps further and is about to draw the curtain that divides the main area when he stops to pay attention to the conversion developing behind the curtain. It wasn’t his intention to peep on them but their conversation was being loud enough to draw his attention. 

“Why do you insist on seeing this specific doctor?” an angry voice can be heard from behind the curtain. 

“You don’t need to be here, Phi. I told you that I was good by myself,” a familiar voice answers, avoiding the main point of the question.

“I just want to make sure you don’t sneak out like last time. We still need to go see the producers, and this is taking forever…” the first voice of what seems to be an older man says and Tinn decides it’s time to announce his presence. 

“Good afternoon,” Tinn says drawing the curtain with a bit too much force, his voice sounds more deep than he expected, strained even. Instantly the pairs of eyes focus on him. The older man, as it confirms to be, seems equally relieved and annoyed to see him there. The other’s reaction is hidden from Tinn’s sight. 

“Finally,” the man says, apparently embarrassing the younger one. Tinn can tell by the body language, though he still doesn't have a full view of the other. “Doctor. We’ve been here for ages. Can you check this stubborn boy’s wound so we can finally—”

“Phi, could you both wait outside, please?” His patient says, referring to the older man and a third person, another middle-aged man Tinn just notices now. Is until that moment that Tinn gets a full glance of the boy sitting on the emergency bed, they share a look, as the older man looks at the two of them alternating his gaze from one to another.

“We don’t have time for that. Can you check him up, so we can leave? We have a meeting to attend.” The older man says, looking at Tinn with annoyance. 

“Stop with the attitude, please. Just wait outside,” Gun asks impatiently, fed up with the behavior of who Tinn assumes is his manager.

Tinn stands on a side, listening carefully to the exchange that is displayed between the two. It makes him feel sad to realize that Gun's relationship with his managers is still not the best. It feels in a way like everything they’ve gone through the past three years has been in vain. And that’s just, well… depressing.

The manager looks at the third person for support but this one looks at him back helplessly. Giving up the man says: 

“Okay, but make it quick, or else…”

“Just leave.” Gun cuts him off, surprising Tinn who can barely contain his proud expression at Gun's strict behavior towards his manager. Tinn busy himself putting the gloves on so the satisfaction on his face can't be noticed by the others.

“Sorry about that.” Gun apologizes once they’re left alone. 

“It’s alright,” Tinn answers with a sincere smile. “Were you looking for me? Is everything alright?” Tinn asks getting closer to the small bed where Gun remains seated. 

Tinn notices the way Gun’s body stiffens as he gets closer and he tries to remain calm and professional.  

“I… just… You’re the only doctor I know here… a-and… the only one I trust with this…” he says pointing with one of his fingers to the wound on his head. “Were you busy? I didn’t stop to think that you could’ve been busy. I’m sorry, I—” 

“It’s alright, Gun.” Tinn says stopping Gun’s rambling and grabbing the thermometer he adds, “I’m gonna check your vitals first, ok?”  To that Gun just nods and when Tinn gets closer Gun has to swallow the knot that has formed in his throat. 

Tinn takes his temperature first, and then he takes his respiration rate and last he takes his pulse and heart rate.

When Tinn is taking his heart rate, Gun can’t help but stare at his handsome face and get lost in it. Tinn’s so focused, that Gun has to tilt his head a little to be able to properly look at him. Tinn always has been breathtakingly handsome but after his return, he’s been looking even more handsome. His facial features have matured into a dangerous combination of gorgeous and extremely hot. Gun lets out a shaky breath when he feels Tinn's hands on him, measuring his heartbeat. 

“It’s faster than average” Tinn’s deep voice makes Gun almost jump on his seat. 

They’re close, too close for Gun’s sanity. 

I wonder why… Gun mutters to himself, stirring up a little to try to get rid of the anxious feeling. 

“Have you been feeling dizzy, or dazed lately?” Tinn asks putting back his stethoscope around his neck and grabbing Gun’s neck with both his hands. Gun only manages to shake his head slightly in response and Tinn frowns. “What about your head? Does it hurt?” 

“No, it doesn’t,” Gun manages to say, and looking intensely at Tinn he whispers, “But my heart does…” Tinn frowns at his answer and Gun realizes too late he has said it out loud. “I- I mean… I-” he tries to cover it but it’s too late.

“I’m gonna check your wound, now,” Tinn says, propussely ignoring Gun’s attempts to fix what he had said. 

They fall into an awkward silence and Gun takes his chance to silently stare at Tinn again. Tinn’s hands are back on Gun, now tilting and touching his head. Gun wants to say something, anything, but the only thing he manages to do is stare. And stare, until his pulse is rising again. 

He’s really helpless against his own heart.  

“Does it hurt, here?” Tinn asks, softly pressing a specific point on the side of Gun’s head. Gun shakes his head slightly and Tinn’s hands stop touching him, Gun is about to complain but Tinn’s back a touching him, now placing his hand on his shoulder. Gun knows is an automatic movement that probably means nothing for the other but the contact is comforting. “Most of the stitches have already fallen off. I will only remove the remaining ones and we’ll be done.” Tinn explains and Gun just nods. 

What else can he do honestly?

When Tinn gets busy removing the stitches. Gun stares at him again, Tinn's concentrated expression is the most entertaining thing Gun has experienced lately. He wants to say something again, and he knows that if he doesn't do it now, he’ll never be able to. So, he does it. 

“Are you coming to the high school reunion this weekend?” Gun asks in a rush, unable to think of something else. Tinn stops his work on Gun’s stitches for a few seconds and they look at each other briefly. Gun’s starting to regret having asked in the first place and is about to take back the question when Tinn resumes his work just before answering.

“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet,” he says calmly, without looking at Gun, focusing only on his work. After a few minutes, Tinn stops his work again looking back at Gun he asks, “Are you going?”

“Mmm-hmm, the band—” Gun makes an affirmation sound and is about to complete his answer when is interrupted. 

“What is taking so long?” Gun’s manager says as he bursts into the place.  Gun lets out a tired sigh and just by looking at the older’s man expression, he knows the conversation is over.

“Everything looks good. All the stitches have healed properly. If you feel any discomfort in the future you can come back at any time and one of the staff members will be happy to assist you.” Tinn says using his most professional tone. 

Gun wants to continue their conversation and say anything that would allow him to keep Tinn's attention focused on him. But Tinn leaves before he can say anything else, and Gun feels like they're drifting apart once again. 

It seems that his career will continue to go on forever getting in between them. And he hates it, he hates it more than ever.

***

Later that day, Gun enters his apartment and is immediately hit by a wave of loneliness and silence that, although constant, never ceases to take him by surprise. The place is so quiet he can hear his inner thoughts and that just makes him feel worse. 

This is what you traded so much for? 

His manager and producers have revoked the days off he had been negotiating. Por tried to help him with any legal way out, but there was not much he could do, the contract obliges him to do what they say. So, he’s on schedule again and in the meantime, he’s trying to take advantage of all the free time he gets at least on weekends.

Weekends are when he feels the loneliest. But it hasn’t been always like that. And his mind seems to want to remind him just that… as if he wasn’t miserable enough. 

It finally happened. After almost two years of dating, they’ve decided to take a step further in their relationship and move in together. 

It hasn’t been an easy decision. They’ve been walking around it for a year now. Scared that it was too soon to have that level of intimacy in their relationship. Everyone around them made sure to warn them about not rushing things and taking everything at their own pace, their own pace being always questioned by them anyway, so they never pay much attention to those ‘warnings’. But with each day that passed they grew anxious and wanted to be with each other all the time, so they did.

Tinn has been the one to take the initiative, as everything in their relationship, to be fair. One night when they were lying down in bed during one of their multiple stay over, he asked Gun permission to look intensely into his eyes just like he did during their first week staying together back in high school and he just blurt it out loud. Taking Gun by surprise.

“Do you want to move in together?” Tinn has said looking extremely nervous, unable to keep their eye contact for longer than seconds. 

“W-what? Are you sure?” Gun asked, sitting on the bed abruptly, equally nervous. 

Tinn joins Gun in the center of the bed and taking Gun’s hands in his own he’s back at looking him intensely in the eyes. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. And I know we said we’ll wait till we’re both more settled in our respective careers. But… we’re practically already living together, staying over at each other’s place more often than we used to do before. And honestly, it’s ridiculous to pay two rents when we’re using just one place. Don’t you think so?” 

Gun lets out a snort, “And here I was thinking you would say something romantic like ‘I couldn't wait for the moment when we would wake up together every morning,’ or some cheesy thing like that.”

“Well, that too. I’m just trying to be practical and less cheesy here, help me out. Would you?” Tinn jokes, still holding Gun’s hands tightly.

“Please don’t contain yourself. I love your cheesiness so much,” Gun adds joking too. 

“In that case… Juliet, Oh, Juliet…” Tinn starts and Gun is already cracking up. “Would you do me the honor of moving in with me, to put an end to the suffering of waking up every day without you by my side?” Tinn ends in an exaggerated, almost theatrical way. 

“Oh, my god” Gun burst out, unable to contain his laughter any longer. “You’re so ridiculously cute…” he adds, before throwing himself on top of his boyfriend.  

Tinn lets out a strangled sound before setting himself better to take his boy's weight on top of him “So, what do you say?” he asks in a whisper. 

Gun takes a few minutes before answering, making Tinn more and more nervous.

All wrapped in the other’s arms, Gun raises his head to lock eyes with Tinn. “We have to tell your father first, so he can help us tell your mother,” Gun says with a grin that Tinn matches. Both know well that from their parents the most difficult to tell would be Tinn’s mom. 

“And you’ll be on laundry duty while I take care of the cooking” Gun says solely, to which Tinn just nods in agreement. They both know too well, that they’re better off with Tinn nowhere near the kitchen. “And we gonna do cleaning once a month” Gun adds.

“Once a month?! That's too little, isn't it?” Tinn asks surprised. 

“Once a week, then” Gun concedes, and this time Tinn agrees without any objection. 

“And we’ll split all the expenses, no discussion.”  

“But—” Tinn’s about to object, probably to offer to continue paying rent by himself or some ridiculous unbalanced arrangement, but Gun won’t allow him to.

“No discussion. I said!” 

Tinn does not dare to discuss this any further. And they remain in silence for a few minutes, until Tinn remembers something important. 

“We need to go shopping.”

“What do we need to get?” Gun asks, curious.

“New furniture!” Tinn answers excitedly and even though Gun is confused at first he accepts it. Anything that’ll make his boyfriend happy he’ll do.

Back in the present Gun smiles at the sweet memory and shifts his position on the couch as he continues remembering those first days of living together…

They had told everyone about it. As predicted, Tinn’s mom was the most difficult to convince. It wasn’t that she was against their decision to move in together, but she feared it was too soon for them to be taking such an important step. But again as predicted, Tinn’s dad has been a big help.

Everything was settled within a week, and that weekend they were off to their first furniture shopping together. 

“Do we really need new furniture?” Gun asks, already tired of looking around for the perfect couch Tinn wanted to put on their not-so-new shared living room. 

“We do!” Tinn exclaims excitedly. “Where are we gonna cuddle to watch series and movies?” 

He has a point, Gun admits. They spend another half an hour looking around countless stores until Tinn finally finds it. 

“That’s it! That’s the one!” he says with enthusiasm, pointing out what he baptized as ‘The perfect cuddling couch’. To Gun's eyes, it wasn’t anything special but his boy liked it, so that’s the couch they end up buying. 

“Look, we can pair it with that carpet,” Gun suggests and Tinn agrees. 

That’s how their furniture shopping concludes. The couch will be sent to their apartment but they have to carry the carpet and other kitchen utensils they bought back home. 

A week later they’re completely set up in the apartment that up until now was just Tinn’s but from now on they’re going to share. 

The carpet they just bought never gets to be used and the couch in their living room gets to witness both good and sad moments through the years they spend together. 

Back in his lonely living room, Gun smiles sadly, caressing the rough fabric of the couch that is not their perfect cuddling couch .

If he could go back in time he would change so many things, but there’s one thing he would never change, and that’s the one and only person that has always owned his heart. 

That's one thing he would never change, no matter how painful it has become to be around him pretending as if the most beautiful love story never happened between the two of them.

***

That night when Tinn arrives at home, he’s exhausted, completely overworked as usual. He just wants to lie down in bed but somehow he manages to take a shower and get properly dressed to sleep and when he’s done he finally throws himself into the soft mattress. 

It’s been such a long day but that doesn’t seem to stop his mind from taking him in an emotional memory lane on his sleep.

They’re been living together for almost three years now, things haven’t been entirely easy all the time. But Tinn has always thought every hardship they’ve gone through has been worth it. 

It has always been like this so he doesn’t understand what makes this time different.

They have fought again. It’s not the first time and it’s not going to be the last one, that’s for sure, at least that's what Tinn fears and hopes. But recently every fight feels like is going to be the last, one last big fight and they’ll be over, that’s the threat that lingers in the air around them every time they fight. 

And it scares Tinn to the bone. Shaking his entire system in fear. 

What they have is too precious to let it just die in a meaningless fight. And why they’ve been fighting for? Well… basically, everything and nothing at the same time. 

The truth is that they’ve been very stressed lately, extremely stressed. Life has been hectic and that’s probably their main problem. Gun’s about to graduate from his major, his project thesis has been keeping him busy but now that is done he has a bit more freedom to focus only on his college band activities which has been great ‘cause they have recently started gaining more popularity, what has led him to be traveling and performing a lot. 

While at the other end, Tinn barely has any free time. All his classes are time-consuming and he’s nowhere near the end of his major, still has to go on for years so even if he wants to, he can’t find time to spend with his boyfriend. 

And it shouldn’t be a problem, both of them are pretty much busy with their respective activities. The problem is that that’s not how their relationship works. They’re used to spending all their free time together, Tinn would show up to every performance Gun has, supporting him in every way possible, and Gun would help Tinn study and cheer him up before every test. They would celebrate every success and failure together. But they haven't had the time to do it lately, and that was killing them and their relationship slowly. 

“When are you gonna be back?” Tinn asks when Gun is about to leave their apartment. 

“I don’t know,” Gun answers stopping for a moment in the middle of the hallway that leads to the main door. The suitcase he uses every time he travels is in one of his hands. 

“Would you like—” Tinn stops briefly to think better about what he’s about to propose. “I can pick you up at the airport when you get back if you want…”

Gun takes a few minutes to think about it. 

“It’s alright. They will give us a ride back home. I don’t want to bother you…” he whispers the last thing. Still not looking at Tinn.

“It's no bother, Gun. I can—” Tinn’s saying but is abruptly interrupted by Gun’s sudden hug.

It takes him by surprise, ‘cause they just fought this morning. 

“It’s really not necessary. Thank you. But you should focus on studying and… good luck on your test.” He says unwrapping his arms off Tinn quickly, too quick to Tinn’s liking. And without saying any other word he walks across the door and leaves. 

Tinn watches him leave letting out a soft sigh. That’s how things have been between them lately. They would argue, and then when things seemed to be settled down, they would be awkward with each other until the next argument arose. 

Tinn feels lost and scared, so scared of the moment when they will finally fall apart.

Back in the present, Tinn wakes up abruptly. It has been a while since he has dreamt about them. Unfortunately for him, his mind has left the happy memories route to take him down the sad ones. 

And that’s a trip he’s not willing to take. With a grunt, he gets up from the bed and searches on the bathroom shelves, once he finds them, he takes one pill hoping that would be enough to help him sleep without dreaming throughout the night.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Chapter 6: I still feel the same

The day of their high school reunion arrives and Tinn decides to go. He’s aware it may be a terrible decision but ends up going anyway. Curiosity winning the best out of him, again. 

The day of the event, he arrives early at the place, and way too soon he finds himself standing in front of the main gate of his old school. The memories that flood his mind at that moment are wholesome, he had an excellent high school experience overall he gotta admit. 

This place brings back fond memories for the most part. 

He’s smiling widely until he recognizes a familiar figure pass in front of him. His smile fades little by little as he narrows his eyes to make sure he’s not mistaking the person who just passed by him without noticing him.

The woman walking in front of him struggles with what looks like heavy grocery bags, so once he’s sure of who that is, he’s fast to approach her. 

“May I help you?” Tinn asks politely. The woman turns around suddenly and Tinn can see the exact moment she recognizes him. 

“Tinn!” She says with enthusiasm. “You’re back!” She adds looking genuinely surprised. 

He hasn’t told her… Tinn thinks. But immediately push that thought away to greet her back.

“Hello, mae… ” he says too fast to realize what he just called her, “How have you been?” 

“Good, very good, son. And you?” She asks, as enthusiastic as before, with a smile too similar to her son’s one. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed to Tinn what she just called him but he decides to not think too much about it and replies instead, insisting on his previous offer of carrying her bags. She accepts and both of them walk to the milk bar. 

“I didn’t know you were back,” she expresses again, making small talk on the way back. 

“I came back about a month ago or so,” Tinn says as they arrive at the milk bar. 

“Are you working again at the hospital?” She asks placing her purse on the counter of the bar. The place doesn’t seem to be close, but there aren't customers either. Tinn absently wonders who was in charge while Gim was gone. 

“Yes. I started a residency at Bangkok Central Hospital a few weeks ago.” Tinn replies, and immediately follows, “Should I put this in the storage at the back?” he asks referring to the bags that are still in his hands. 

“Yes, please.” She says nodding in agreement while watching Tinn disappear at the back of the bar. “Thank you, dear. You’re as kind as always.” She adds with a wistful look, remembering when Tinn used to do the same years ago. 

When Tinn returns he finds the front counter empty. Gim isn’t there anymore, so Tinn allows himself to wander around the place a little. It hasn’t changed much. The walls, tables, and decorations remain the same, just as he remembers them. Tinn’s about to get back to the counter when one particular thing calls his attention. 

The old corkboard is still hanging in its place. With all its pictures storing countless moments.

A sad smile spreads on his face. There are still pictures of the two of them pinned there. One in particular steals his attention once again; it’s from their high school graduation day. They look so young there, so joyful. So eager for the life ahead of them, without knowing the path they would follow. To some extent, Tinn feels in debt to his younger self for not living the life he had dreamed of. 

Would things have been different if he—? 

“Tinn, have this, like in the old days,” Gim approaches him, distracting him from his troubled thoughts. “A special Jumba!” she adds, placing a big bowl of sweetened ice in front of him. 

Tinn’s smile grows until it becomes genuine. Without hesitation, he takes the bowl in his hands. 

“Thank you, mae, ” He says, and this time he notices. “I’m sorry. It comes out naturally.” He apologized, a bit embarrassed for saying it a second time.

“It’s alright, son.” She says with that big smile on her face. The smile that is so similar to his…

It reminds Tinn of the first day he tried his first Jumba, so many years ago. That one had also been given to him as a gift, and he probably had the same sad expression back then. 

They keep talking while Tinn sits and eats his ice cream on one of the seats at the counter bar of the shop. Their talking is interrupted minutes later by a boy who introduces himself as the new part-timer of the shop. The boy is very talkative and he won’t stop talking until Gim shoos him away so he can do his work.

Gim is distracted, this time by the arrival of new customers, and while Gim serves her customers, Tinn is left by himself again, alone with his thoughts and memories. Music starts playing through the speakers, the part-timer being the one in charge of the task to liven up the store, and that’s a good distraction until it isn’t. 

The music that starts playing is barely a distraction at first, normal music, Tinn barely registers it, but by the second song, Tinn is startled as he hears a familiar melody sung by an even more familiar voice. 

Tinn is paralyzed in his seat when he recognizes the lyrics and the melodious singing. Memories are immediately evoked and Tinn is taken almost ten years back to the day of his fifteenth birthday when he had his first jumba and met his first and only love.

Memories overflood him as the lyrics of the song unfolded. Lifting his gaze, Tinn finds the corner where the old guitar Gun used to play his mini-concerts with still stands as a reminder of what they used to share. 

I was just someone,  In this lonely city. I was just nobody, Until you came and took my heart.   It’s as if my room has changed its color, It’s so beautiful that nothing else can compare.   Oh, the time has stopped, This city isn’t lonely anymore. Because I have you today.    You are there standing next to me,  I’d never dreamed of finding you, Among millions of people in this city, Without having to search.   I will hold you close and never let you slip away, Because it is not a dream. Ever since you came into my heart,  I ended the search for everyone.    When you get hold of me. 

Memories of the two of them together singing the song overlap with the ones of Gun singing it alone. Only for him, that’s how Tinn remembers it.

Tinn is overwhelmed, to say the least. It’s like he was able to see Gun singing the song in front of him all over again, his beautiful voice flooding softly into his ears.

Oh, the time has stopped, This city isn’t lonely anymore. Because I have you today. 

There was a time when he hadn't been as lonely as he had been in the last few years.

I will hold you close and never let you slip away,

And in the end, he did let him slip away. It hurts so much… 

Ever since you came into my heart,  I ended the search for everyone. 

He’ll never be able to move on. 

He can deny it anymore. He needs to face his feelings and accept what his broken heart silently screams: He missed it. He missed him. And he missed the two of them together.

He misses what they had so much that it physically pains him to know that it’s over. They had thought what they had would last forever, they planned for it to be forever, but it wasn’t and he can't take it. He has never been able to take it.

He’ll never be able to move on… Because his heart is settled on him. It’s been settled on him since the beginning since he was fifteen. Him only him. Gun is the person his heart has chosen since the very first moment. And his heart is a stubborn one, and it’s unwilling to let him go.

Just by listening to their song, he realizes he still feels the same way he felt when he was still a teen, the illusion of finding love in the boy with the most beautiful voice he ever heard, now is a fading feeling, a mere memory of what one day he had the privilege to have. He had thought the love had faded too. But it didn’t, it’s very much still there as vivid as it has always been.

His heart beats so hard it hurts and he feels overwhelmed, tears start running down his cheeks without him realizing it. His entire body is shaking swamped with feelings that were born once in this same place so many years ago. 

Suddenly, he’s unable to breathe correctly, and he knows he needs to get out of here. It’s too much to take in. He needs to leave as much as he needs to breathe. 

Panting and shaking he gets up from his seat and walks away, away from his unfinished jumba, away from this music that evoked so many memories and feelings. But overall, he wants to walk away from his feelings but he can’t, and he’s now just accepting the fact that he would never be able to get rid of his feelings, nor does he think he ever wants to.

Through his clouded senses, he can hear Gim calling him concerned probably, but he’s too lost in his internal turmoil to attend to her worried call, so he just keeps walking making his way toward the exit. He needs to get out of there as soon as possible. But on his way out he impacts abruptly on the arms of the person he eagerly wants to escape from. 

Gun holds him between his arms, looking at him with shock and worry. Tinn is sure Gun is calling him, he can see the concern on his face, but he can’t hear any sound. His mind is in such a daze he feels like he's about to pass out.

“What’s wrong, Tinn?” Gun asks increasingly concerned. “What happened?” he keeps asking, with a tone as sweet as his singing voice, he cradles Tinn's face between his hands so tender and soft it makes Tinn cry even harder. When Gun feels Tinn's fill with tears cheeks he gets even more worry.

“I need to go, I need to get out of here…” Tinn mutters in a small almost broken voice, averting his eyes from Gun’s worried gaze. “It’s the same, I still feel the same… ” He adds in a whisper, sounding helpless but at the same time daring to stare back at Gun's eyes intensity.

A few heartbeats pass by them. Gun wants to ask more, he needs answers or any sort of explanation, but before Gun can say anything, Tinn gets out of his embrace and scapes, finally walking out of the house completely.

Gun looks at his mother, who is at the front door looking at him with concern, for an explanation but she’s just as clueless as him. However, when Gun enters the milk bar and listens to the music still playing inside the shop, he gets it. It all clicks in his mind like a synchronized button and Tinn’s words come back at him and everything finally makes sense. 

It’s the same, I still feel the same… Tinn has said.

The same as the first day he had listened to the song Gun played for him, the song that is now getting to its end, and with the last notes Gun realizes... If he still feels the same, that means…

It might not be over for them. 

Gun’s heart starts a hectic race against his quicking breathing when he recognizes the meaning behind those words.

“When do you think was the exact moment?” Tinn asks with his eyes sparkling with curiosity and anticipation. For a moment Gun is lost in the intense glow of those beautiful eyes.

“What do you mean?” Gun asks, voice soothing and calm. On his lips, you can see the faint hint of one of his big smiles. Tinn makes an annoyed noise and shifts his position on the bed to get a bit closer to Gun. They remain lying on their bed, facing each other. 

“You know what I mean… When do you think was the exact moment that you fell in love with me…” he finishes in a shy whisper, his eyes avoiding Gun’s for a few seconds. 

“Ummm… not sure.” Gun murmurs, gaining Tinn’s attention again. The latter is about to protest when Gun continues, “I don’t think I can spot the exact moment. It happened rather gradually. I did not realize until it practically burst in my face.” Gun explains, holding Tinn’s hands and playing with his fingers unconsciously. 

“I know the exact moment I fell for you…” Tinn says, trapping Gun's fingers between his own, with his eyes focused on the other’s face. 

“When was it?” Gun asks voice barely a whisper. So eager to know.

“Not telling you,” Tinn says with a bratty tone, letting go of Gun’s hands with a whim.

“Tinn…” Gun mutters with a half annoyed half amused tone of voice. 

Tinn tries to get away from Gun, but the latter is quicker, and in seconds Tinn is trapped under his body with his weight pressing him against the mattress.

“Still not telling me?” Gun asks in another whisper, too close to Tinn’s heated face. 

“Not telling!” Tinn's reply is stubborn. And it inevitably causes a glorious laugh from Gun. 

“You’re so cute,” Gun’s voice is full of endearment. Following up his instincts Gun leans in to steal a kiss from Tinn. But Tinn is not as weak as he has been before (he is but he’s also stubborn), so he quickly avoids contact with Gun’s lips. Making the other frown slightly and when Tinn doesn’t give in, Gun just laughs it off, shaking his head in disbelief. “Alright, let me think about it…”

Gun takes a few minutes to think it through and remember the exact moment. 

“Oh, I think I know when!” He says with enthusiasm. “Remember our first stayover?” he asks, to which Tinn just nods with built-up regained excitement. “The last day you asked me to look into your eyes, and when I did it, my heart started beating like crazy. I knew I felt different about you then. After that, it was a complete rollercoaster of emotions… you know how it went, and how it ends.” Gun finishes in a whisper, looking at Tinn with intensity. 

Tinn can’t contain the wide smile that spreads on his lips. They talked about this when they shared their first real kiss, but he never knew that had been the changing moment for Gun's feelings to make the switch from despising him to having a crush on him. It’s such pleasant information, he can’t contain his excitement and drags his boyfriend in a tight hug.

Kissing him all over his pretty face too. 

“Don’t sugarcoat me…” Gun says with fake annoyance. “I wanna know when was yours too.”

“You already know when was mine…” Tinn says with a mischievous smile. That just grows bigger at the sight of pure confusion displayed on Gun’s face. 

“Remember that time we were talking on the phone, going through the questions for the MV?” Tinn asks and Gun just nods. “That time, you asked me which was my happiest memory and I said that it was when a boy sang for me on my birthday when I was lonely eating the ice cream the same boy had given to me…”

Gun’s facial expression is a poem. A confused and blushing mess. So cute. Tinn might add.

“The moment you sang for me on my fifteenth birthday, was also the moment when my feelings started. Since that moment I knew you were the only one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life…” 

Silence falls upon them. And insecurity settles on Tinn making him feel embarrassed and insecure of his words. Was it too much of a confession? 

He’s not afraid of the intensity of his feelings but maybe for Gun can be overwhelming. So he hurries and tries to soften his words, making them a bit less scary. But suddenly every attempt to do anything dies on Tinn's lips which are being kissed with a contrasting combination of tenderness and passion.

“Every time I think I can’t love you more, you prove me wrong…” Gun mutters against Tinn’s lips, nuzzling at the soft skin before he crushes their lips together once again and again. He kept going like that multiple times, starting an endless kissing session that developed into much more by the rest of the night.

The echoes of the memory linger in the air, thickening it, and making it hard for Gun to breathe. The truth of those last few words remains as truthful as it has always been. 

Gun gives a last look at his mother, looking at her as his entire world is shaken. He recognizes the knowing look on his mother’s face but before she can say anything he runs towards the exit. Going after him, because this time he is not willing to make the same mistake as before. He’s not letting him go again. Never again.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | ?

Happy 1 year of MSP!! 🥳

This show will always hold such a special place in my heart 🥺💕 I met a ton of wonderful people in the fandom, made new friends and did a lot of arts!! 💞

Thank you tinngun (and gemfourth) for bringing us one of the sweetest, most earnest and heartfelt stories of first love on screen 🥺❤️