I Love My Parents - Tumblr Posts
I miss my family, I love them more than anything
I realized it’s way too late for me to say this, I’ve always been a bad daughter and sister, I never made my parents proud, always fighting with my siblings, taking things for granted, I’m just a stupid, selfish, spoiled, ungrateful little bitch, and I just now realized how much I love my family, it’s only been three days since I moved out, but I miss them so much it hurts, I want to see them, hug them, tell them how much I love them
I miss my dad’s crappy jokes, it’s not even that funny but I always laughing my lungs out every time he made a joke, I miss his big warm hug he always give me when he came home, I miss the times we argued and late at night he always came to apologized to me and kiss me, I miss his scolding and sarcasm, I miss him so much it’s not even funny anymore
I miss my mom’s sweet words when she’s comforting me, I miss her small figure I always hug at random times, I miss kissing her before I went to school, I miss her telling me that it’s going to be alright every time I messed up my grades, that she will always believe in me, I miss her pouting face when all of us ganged up to tease her, i miss her scolding me for not eating, god I just want to see her again
I miss my stupid little brother’s annoying antics, I miss him crying out to me about his school and friends, and then we would talk for hours and make fun of our school, we study at the same school, I miss the times when we had to go home from school alone, I miss his teasing, he always teased me about my height and weight, my fashion sense, my guy friend that he also knows, my favorite character in anime or games, I miss him being noisy while playing online games, and I miss the times he yelled at me for being noisy, he’s at his dorm now and I can’t see him, you could never imagine how much I miss him right now
I miss my selfish little sister’s loud voice when she sings k-pop, in our bedroom, in the shower, everywhere, I miss the time when we were watching the night sky on the roof, I miss singing in a ridiculous duet with her until our brother decided to join us, I miss her always insisting on sleeping on the inner part of the bed and demanding for me to embrace her while she sleeps, I miss the times when we took a bath together, I miss fighting with her over stupid things, I miss her annoying attitude when I don’t give her what she wants, I miss her, so much my chest hurts like crazy
And I know I don’t have the right to say I miss them, after all this years I took everything for granted, I’ve never once grateful of the family I’ve been blessed with, I feel like I don’t deserve a family like this, I know I’m unworthy of my family, but I can’t help but feel like this, every time I saw a couple with their children, my chest starts to hurt, my eyes gets watery and flashbacks hit me, I miss them, and it’s getting worse every second, I want to see them
I usually chill and draw in the same room as my mom & younger brother and there was this ONE TIME where I said to myself "God I'm this 👌 close to watching fashion shows just to learn how to design clOTHS"
And my mom was like "Hey who knows that may be your calling, it might end up being your career"
And I'm their like "Mom I'm trying to draw fantasy medieval clothes-"
"Decretum"
SPOILER WARNING FOR PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA!
You know that scene from Madoka Magica? You know, when Sayaka battles Elsa Maria? You can find it on Youtube.
It kind of funny to me that watching/listening to it on loop almost symbolizes something my family and I are struggling with.
Sayaka, exhausted but charging into battle? That's like me coming up with an idea to at the very least improve the situation when the pain hits like a brick wall.
Her getting so easily thrown back again and again? That's my reaction to my family, both of whom come from the around the 1960's, the age where hiding your problems was the norm and that you're apparently weak if you can't fix all your problems by yourself.
Kyoko coming in to save Sayaka? That's my therapist and I, except I don't want to keep having to fight (unlike Sayaka), and my therapist is guiding me instead of trying to take over (unlike Kyoko).
Sayaka rushing in and decapitating the witch? It's me feeling like I've finally come up with an idea that will AT THE VERY LEAST make things a little better. Not to mention Sayaka's "knight in shining armor" motif. I don't necessarily want to be a hero, though. I just want the pain to lessen just a little. I want to say that I'll lessen the pain for everyone, but in the end I think it really is just me.
Her beating Elsa Maria to death? My anger and frustration when my parents say I should just let the family member that's struggling deal with it themself, and won't even give my ideas a listen all because they don't want to "look at the past". I can understand that because I don't like doing that either, but now sometimes you HAVE to face your past.
Madoka quietly pleading for Sayaka to stop? That's me in the aftermath of the arguments. I just want to pain to STOP. It's a pain I struggle with so hard and I can barely escape. I don't know how to deal with it and the thoughts of despair circle in my head in an endless loop and no matter what I do or how hard I try the thoughts WON'T STOP. They will circle for HOURS on end. No exaggeration, either. I don't say things like that unless I mean it.
And then it happens all over again...
I'm sorry if this makes no sense, especially because I can't give any context as to WHAT the situation is, but... I needed to do this and get it all out.
My parents : What are you doing dear ?
Me : Well, I'm glad you asked, it's an art challenge called Inktober where I have to draw one drawing related to a certain theme every day, it might help me get improve my art skills, which is good for my future since I plan to be an artist, and it might also help me fix my laziness and boost my self confidence !
My parents : BuT iS iT fOr ScHoOl ???