I Promise I'm Fine - Tumblr Posts

A letter to little me.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I took everything that made you happy.

I’m sorry that I went from thriving to surviving.

I’m sorry I cut off the long hair you took so much care to maintain.

I’m sorry that I cut people off that you thought would be there forever.

I’m sorry for the words you will say to others.

I’m sorry that you will mean it.

I’m sorry for what you will have to endure.

I’m sorry that you will feel alone.

I’m sorry you are alone.

I’m sorry that it will feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

I’m sorry that your own thoughts, the same ones that make up characters when you play mermaids, will scare you.

I’m sorry that you will have to protect yourself while protecting everyone else.

I am sorry that you will be taken as a joke, so much so that it will become your way to cope.

I’m sorry that not even your own family will believe you until you have taken irreversible action.

I’m sorry that dad’s side of the family will never treat you as an equal.

I’m sorry that you will always be seen for just your autism.

I’m sorry that mum and dad will wave you around like a trophy they did not earn.

I’m sorry that you will have to go through what I did.

I’m sorry that nowhere is safe for you.

I’m sorry that you won’t be able to go out in public without fear for your safety.

I’m sorry that you won’t remember most of your time as a kid.

I’m sorry that you will lose anything that tied you to me.

But the main thing is I’m sorry this happened to you.

You were too young to deal with that.

You

We were too young to deal with that.

I’m sorry that you are me.

I’m sorry that I am no longer you.

Lots of love (and luck because you will need it)

The older you,

Charlie <3

being the counsellor friend of the friend group fuckin sucks : a ted talk by urs truly, selkie

aka jesus fuckin christ can yall NOT get into fights and then come to my dms with literal fucking screenshots of that shit bc it makes me feel really bad and i hate it and i dont know how much longer i can do this before i have a mental breakdown and then force myself to believe that im only good for taking the brunt of the battle and listening to ppl talk shit abt others who i am equally close to

I am in a lot of pain and I am bleeding very much.

The two things do not correlate. Pain is mostly not caused by bleeding.

But! What if I do a shady hand off in a back alley? I give you all new content to read and you give me the ability to sleep tonight because I work a 15 hour shift tomorrow starting at 4am.

I'm pretty sure the sound my neck did just now when it cracked could have been the same if it broke instead

A lil update on where I’ve been

Hello, all 3 people that look at my blog, it’s me. Ya boi. Fasten your seatbelts because this is going to be a long one.

TLDR: Mental health go boom, I’m in college now and have Moon Knight autism

So, basically, I had a mental health crisis that lasted for the entire summer, and was extremely depressed, like to the point where it felt like I was unmedicated kinda depressed.

it’s kinda hard to pinpoint why it happened to begin with, but my psychiatrist and therapist both agreed that it was because of major life changes all culminating at once, and I just cracked under the pressure of it all. (Graduation, Transitioning into a college student (also part of the reason I’ve been gone) and just other general adult stuff.)

I also got a new kitten around the same time, her name is Fiona and she’s a menace /aff, and I ended up getting MAJOR kitten blues AND had a sudden resurgence of grief for my previous cat that died about 2 years ago.

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT, my previous antidepressants that I’d been taking for 7 YEARS, stopped working.

So, I basically spent my entire summer feeling like shit and been trying to get back on my feet, all the while trying to maneuver through my first year of college as a double major (Theater/Creative Writing, pray for me

That being said, I have made some bits and pieces of art and have developed severe moon knight autism (I will single handedly bring back the Moon Knight fandom, just watch me) so I’ll be posting about all that shit at some point

anyhow, thanks for reading, I’ll try and post soon

I'll never be able to forget this man, he will plague rent-free in my mind for the rest of my existence. No matter how many weeks, months, years, or possibly decades, this man will still be up in my head; wiggling around like the worm he is.

I can never escape him. I love him, but I also hate him.

Damn, why am I writing a whole ass poem to describe my #1 fictional brain worm??!