I'm Just Thinking - Tumblr Posts

Gender and orientation has always been a wonky thing for me. I've never really understood how I feel or what I want. It's one of those things that's heavily feelings centered and that's been difficult.

I've settled in aroace and agender but doesn't always.. fit.

I struggle with romantic attraction, and especially others having feelings towards me. But I still get lovesick fantasies of Wattpad like stories of falling for someone and having a cheesy romance with them. But I've proven to be uncomfortable with that time and time again!

And gender is its whole other can of worms that I just will not touch because it confuses me far too much.

I know I could just forgo the labels and things will fit better, I could just not care about what I am and who I am or am not attracted to. But there's just something so comforting about having a label that fits, on those days where it does feel right.

When it fits, it feels like my favorite jacket. When it doesn't, it feels like the jacket is soaking wet and also 3 sizes smaller than it used to be. But it's still my favorite jacket.

I hope that makes sense.

I don't really get derogatory sissification.

Don't get me wrong. I understand degradation and sissification both as separate things and that which (like most kinks) may overlap during a scene.

But I think there's a particular overlap which to me reads too much like when "girl" is used as a straight up insult (which can be part of feminization "punishment" but never feels nice at all to me). This is not the instances where someone might want to be "forced" to enter an extremely feminized space, or when someone wants to work with shame or complex feelings around gender roles in a kink space.

It's the automatically considering anything feminine to be lower than, unworthy, or inherently derogatory that is just yet another thing which reminds me that kink spaces aren't free of the language or socialization of the gender binary.

So when I say "I don't get it" it's really me saying I get very careful around any crossover or when interacting with these kink spaces, but also saying I don't understand why someone would bring an outside locus of shame and assigned gender roles right back into a space meant to help people unravel that, with the specific result of perpetuating the harm it could and does do.

first two arcs of noragami: The series follows a poor deity named Yato, who desires to become a famous god, and his adventures with a human girl named Hiyori, whose spirit frequently leaves her body, and Yukine, a young wandering spirit whom he adopts as his weapon. 

the rest of noragami: Don’t you know the world is built with blood! An̷̡̺̩͂͋̂d̷̝̮̜͗ ̵̳̥̬͌̈̃g̴̟͉̍͒̐e̷̥̖͉̽̓̐n̷͎͙̣̩͑̍ó̷̩̓̇̿͜ͅc̷̲̝͖̈̎̈́i̵͎̋ͅd̵̮̻̐̍̈̕e̵̹͒̉!̸͕̐ ̷̺̺́͛a̴̪̚ņ̸̣͚̰͌̋̄͠d̸̞̟̀̋̎ ̶̱̒e̴̤̞̰̕x̵͔̻̩̐͑ṗ̸̮̰͓̱l̸̺͚̎̆ǫ̵̂͗̔̄i̴̢̞͓̍̀̃t̵̲́̈́̾å̴̬̩̏̆t̴͙̜̐̋̉î̶͇͌̃̾o̶̗͈̩͕͋̕n̵͖͉̟̟̉̆̑͝!̶̩̺̮́͜͝͝

Sometimes I think I need a sugar mommy/daddy, and other times I think I need a toyboy. Never a toygirl. Girls are too cool for me. If you are girl and you think that my posts are cool let's go to therapy together because -clearly- we both need that.

Love ya tho

Because if this is my life, then why no one trusts me with it?

I'll tell my kids he was Mother Teresa Of Calcutta