Late Realizations - Tumblr Posts

From the notebook- Cold

This room was always cold, a bitter biting cold like the sting of all the ice tipped words you aim at me.

Today is an unseasonably cold day, halting long awaited weeks of sunshine

Just like the realization that I was the problem.

That we could have been something if I didn't mess everything up

That you tried, that I scared you away, that I ruined everything, that I was so crazy I chased you away from even friendship.

Now you are done and all done with me and this piece of your life, now I am a joke, the creepy weird girl from last year,

a relic memory you dust off to poke fun at with your friends

I am now trapped in an ice palace of regret.

Is this cold I feel just the room temperature?

Or is it my icicle ridden heart?

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From The notebook- Mario Kart

The day of the party you taught me to play, your hands over mine showing me the controls

You said I was your lucky charm.

I didn't win any races but I felt like a winner that day

Now I know I've lost, never even saw the finish line

The victors crowd around their trophies and I realize I barely even had a shot

When I thought I was in first the others were just running laps around me

And now I can't play the game without thinking about you

Without thinking about how for one day there was an "us"

For one moment I grasped first

But then I fell off the map and everyone zoomed past

While I was still gaping, dusting myself off from falling

Trying to figure out what happened.

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From the Notebook-Spilled Tea

this morning my tea spilled,

All over the table all over my bag

Watch it drip drip drip to the floor

Hands full of paper towels I clean and pretend I'm a lonely Batista wiping up a snobby woman's latte

The smell of vanilla chai, the bounce of his orange basketball

I can't pretend anymore I can't escape the reality of being stuck here

Everyone watches me but no one helps

Watch it drip drip down the table

This lonely Batista watches all the tables, invisible to all the people

This tired girl tired of spilling and being overlooked

This vanilla chai spilled all over the floor just like how my thoughts pour our from my head all over a floor which everyone ignores

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From the notebook- fallen from olympus

grace isn't all it seems,

Your deities are not as blessed as you think

I was once up high with them,

I feasted at their tables, played their games, laughed at how small the mortals looked from below

I was once among them except one wrong step on jacob's crystal stair and you fall from grace

Shards years and lighting stung my skin, my once white robes billowing

I fall and land among the mere mortals I once mocked

And they welcome me with open arms, unlike the wrath of Olympus

I realize the mountain of gods was never for me their heaven became my living hell

When you disturb the peace of Zeus and Hera you wake the fires of hades

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From the notebook- Philosophy

To be or not to be? That, they say, is the question.

I never did get that question, I thought it was an easy fix but now that I have pondered I think it is not as simple as I once thought

Being, the essence of living, dipping your toes in life's lake, the rip roaring roller coaster of existing

Or not being, floating in eternal radio silence, a black abyss of nothing, to some peace.

Oh Shakespeare why should we have to choose to be or not to be when being and not being are balances of mind

On days where I feel I can touch the sky, when I am on top of the world, the main character, I feel the beauty of being

On days when I crave solitude and feel the weight of the world in universe, when I fall into holes of no return, I crave the dark blanket of not being

So to be or not to be?

Why must we choose?

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From The Notebook- Tall Boy pt. 2

Tall boy are we even friends still?

Ever since i've come back something has changed, you don't even say hello now

Yes the sun has risen and set on there ever being an "us", yes our ship has set sail and sunk.

But Tall boy, you seem to be shrinking!

Was our friendship there only because you liked me?

Was it a stepladder to the others? Tall boy?

Tall boy, we've gone in reverse it seems the sunlight of you I used to know is gone!

Were you even real Tall boy? Are you just another boy or are you actually the Tall boy,

That shows up in my dreams at night?

That sprints across my mind?

Was it all in my head tall boy? Did I hallucinate you and all the sweet nothings of those few months?

Were you a picture in my mind I painted to entertain myself?

Are you really Tall boy?

Or are you just a boy?

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From the Notebook- Sunshine

Let the sun fall on me, brown skin browner

I am here,I am home, in the California citrus sun

sweet sweet sun, sweet sweet sky, sweet sweet mountain, sweet sweet air

this is love, the beautiful life I want is real

the time ticks to a different beat here, finds tune in my heart

everything is a familiar friend, i once knew, together again

trees and blue-white skies

I am at peace now, bright sunset bright sky

I am here, I am home. Finally at last

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Srry I haven't been posting lately!! I've been busy with school stuff and other things!

From the notebook- Tall Boy pt.3

Tall Boy I still love you,

I hate to say it yet I want to scream your name from every rooftop of this city, Tall Boy, Tall Boy, Tall Boy

Tall boy! I guess I got my answer today, you told me no, told me never, you and all the others

Rejection my bitter friend, we meet again. This time with my tall boy

I'm obsessed, im infatuated, I'm in love, with only you, tall boy

Tall boy, the only one here worth it, always on my mind

There's no chance in the world for us, Tall Boy,

But even if there was would you take it Tall Boy?

Would you ever, somehow, maybe love me in the smitherine of hope I have?

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From The Notebook - Stop it!

Stop dancing across my dreams, and stop fluttering my heart whenever walk by

Stop being perfect, your only fault was that you stopped liking me, for what reason I don't know why

Go back to being a bland stranger I will not have interest in, stop causing problems in my head

Stop trainwrecking my train of thought, you sink me like the titanic

you wanted out of my life, out of my mind, out of my book of poetry, out of association with me.

So get, scram, pack up and leave! Take the camp you set up in my head and the house you built in my heart, take your fake flowers too, and stop begging to read my secrets

Stop running around my brain like you own the place! Neither of us want you here it baffles me why you are still here!

Get out! Leave just like you did last February, moved on from me to something better, the crappy friend you are.

So stop! Leave! Its not like you even want to be here!

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From The Notebook-Listen close

Every word, a shard of diamond

Crystal clear yet you still never seem go hear

Ok, ok, but is is really okay? Do you really even know what I say?

Listen close boy listen clear, I didn't come for your excuse, explanation, aggression

Dire your correction, yet are you even correct?

Let me speak for poet's sake, let me talk, don't explain

Dead words on deaf ears, soundproof walls of your mind

When I speak I stand corrected, when you do you your plain and simply right

You speak like judgement is yours yet your morality shows

So listen close boy for these are my words

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