One Sided Pining - Tumblr Posts

I'm gonna gaslight myself into no longer having a crush on them. Sorry babe, but a Crush is just a soda brand 😄

hey,

i like you a lot

i really do.

and i know it might not be enough

for you.

but you know what

it's ok.

let's stay like this for a night

with your arms around me

and my hands in your hair.

let's just pretend we're lovers

then go back to being strangers.

to love you

when you ask him to be your fake fling he’s not prepared for the way it will make his unaddressed feelings for you grow

⇀ pairing wooyoung x gn!reader (references to yunho x gn!reader)

⇀ genre fluff, angst, fake dating au, unspecified nonidol au, f2l, one sided pining

⇀ style one shot

⇀ word count 10.4k

⇀ warnings jealousy, talks of hooking up, talks of vomit, crying, yelling at reader, yelling at wooyoung, just like a lot of general yelling, something that could be interpreted as a panic attack (no specific descriptions), allusions to violence (in a non-serious sense), cursing, food, alcohol consumption (assumed all characters are of age), parties, multiple kisses, pet names (love, babe), skinship (head on a shoulder, holding hands, holding faces), let me know if i missed anything

you and wooyoung certainly weren’t best friends but that’s not to say you two were enemies either. you’d met each other through a friend of a friend just over a year ago and even though you both felt an instant connection, it was nothing that had either of you suddenly intertwining your lives. wooyoung would consider you a casual friend and if he asked he’s about 89% sure you would say the same, 1% of the other 11 was reserved for what his best friend yeosang liked to call his “simp brain” that wanted to imagine you’d call him something along the lines of a crush, but disregarding the tiny baby so minor and minuscule romantic interest wooyoung had in you, you both were casual friends, “i’m already in the neighborhood, do you want to grab coffee” friends, “i was supposed to have a date but they bailed and i’m already dressed up, do you want to get drinks” friends. you both were certainly not “can you be my fake boyfriend?” friends.

“i’m sorry, what?” wooyoung is lucky he swallowed the last sip of his coffee or it would likely be all over his open laptop.

“you know that guy yunho?” you supply, quite unhelpfully in wooyoung’s opinion.

and yeah of course he knows yunho, he’s yeosang’s roommate, and the guy you haven’t been able to shut up about for the past month. “what does he have to do with anything?” he asks, trying to keep any of the jealousy he felt bubbling in his stomach at the mention of yunho’s name from showing on his face.

you roll your eyes like the answer is obvious as you reply, “well i was talking with mingi the other day,” mingi being the friend you had met wooyoung through in the first place, “and he said i should try making yunho jealous, because he’s pretty sure yunho is actually interested in me but just, like, needs that push.”

wooyoung nods slowly as he continues to listen to you rant, trying to understand where in your mind you think taking mingi’s advice, especially when it came to your love life, would be a good idea. wooyoung loved mingi but the man hadn’t had a date in more than six months and he’s not even sure when the last time his roommate had any romantic interest in anyone was.

“-and so i figured the best way to make someone jealous is basically seem interested in someone else,” you conclude as the man sat across from you tunes back in, trying to look like he’d been listening the whole time instead of wondering how he’d found himself in this situation. he was definitely going to have to talk to mingi once he got back home.

“and you thought i was the best choice for that?” wooyoung raises a brow as you sip your drink.

you nod quickly as you swallow. “well i’m pretty sure he knows hongjoong and seonghwa are dating, jongho is very clearly not my type, i’m not close enough with san, and i doubt he would believe yeo and i were a thing considering they live together,” you explain, listing off all the men in your close circle of friends, except for him, yunho, and mingi, and for a second he considers trying to twist mingi’s intentions by suggesting that maybe the tall blonde is the one who likes you and is looking for an excuse to get close to you but he can still recall the look of sadness on the gentle giant’s face the last time wooyoung threw him under the bus. the look of determination on your face makes it seem like you’d been thinking about this for more than a day, hell maybe even more than a week, but wooyoung can’t tell if your resolve should be alarming in any way because he’s much too worried about the prospect of what pretending to be in a relationship with you might do to his heart.

in a last ditch effort he asks, “isn’t this what, like, tinder is for?” and the way you sigh cues him in to know that you’ve definitely considered that avenue already.

“i don’t want to lead on some poor guy for my own gain like that.”

of course you don’t, you’re too nice, and if you knew that wooyoung would agree in a heartbeat, if it weren’t for his microscopic eensy-weensy romantic interest in you, he’s sure you wouldn’t be asking him for the exact same reason, but wooyoung has been set to keep his feelings to himself since he realized they existed at all and so he can only blame himself for the current situation. well maybe he can blame mingi too but, again, that’s a conversation for later.

wooyoung sighs. “i need to know your plan before i’ll agree to anything,” he says but he knows he’ll end up saying yes no matter what when he sees the way your face immediately lights up at the prospect of your plan working successfully.

“okay,” you place your hands against the table excitedly, causing both of your drinks to wobble slightly, “i was thinking it could be more of a casual thing instead of a full blown relationship so that it would be more believable when we break it off.” you explain and wooyoung can feel that he’s not going to get any work done today, closing his laptop in defeat as he rests his chin on top of his hand, his elbow now placed on the table.

after you’d explained the details of your idea, and your fake situationship, you and wooyoung both left the cafe with a plan for the next couple weeks, leading up to a big party yunho and yeosang were hosting in which you’d explain to yunho that your thing with wooyoung was over and you’d get together and it would all work out.

he had to give it to you, wooyoung had doubted how much rational thought you’d actually put into your idea when you first asked but after hearing you out he was almost convinced himself that it might work. secretly wooyoung was hoping for the romcom ending in which you would realize he was the one that was interested in you, but that was just a itty-bitty thought in the back of his mind, totally not a thought swirling around his head and making his heart thump his entire journey home after you’d parted ways.

“hey, how was your day?” mingi is quick to greet his roommate with a large smile as wooyoung takes off his shoes in the entryway.

“hm yeah it was fine,” wooyoung starts with sarcasm dripping from his voice, “except for the part where you convinced my friend to ask me for a fake relationship!” his words had progressively gotten louder as he approached the taller man, now looking like a kicked puppy and cowering on the couch.

“what’s going on?” seonghwa, who had been trying to pay attention to the television is now alerted to the conflict between his friends when mingi almost sat right on him.

“mingi convinced (y/n) that they just need to make yunho jealous in order to get him to make a move,” wooyoung plops down next to seonghwa, arms crossed in front of his chest and pout set on his face.

“and that’s your problem because,” seonghwa trials off, gesturing for wooyoung to supply the rest of the sentence before placing a comforting hand on mingi’s arm.

“because,” wooyoung sighs, taking a deep breath before he finishes his sentence, “they asked me to be their fake situationship.”

mingi pops up off the couch suddenly at wooyoung’s statement, looking just as surprised as wooyoung is sure he was in the cafe with you less than an hour earlier.

“i did NOT suggest they fake date one of our friends,” mingi explains, scrambling through the living room in search of, well, wooyoung’s not sure. “my suggestion was to just get a little comfy with someone at a party or something,” he explains, pulling the pillow off from where he’d been sat and sighing in relief as he takes his phone into his hands, fingers flying across the screen in a panic.

“i don’t see the issue,” seonghwa interjects, “it’s not like you’re actually dating and it’s not even like you’re fake dating if you’re not calling it official,” the oldest of the group shrugs, opening one of the boxes of pizza on the coffee table and pulling out a slice for himself. “plus it’s not like you’re interested in them or anything.”

mingi freezes at this, his behavior a complete 180 from only a few seconds ago as his gaze slowly drifts up from his phone to wooyoung who has stiffened next to seonghwa. the two youngest both let out audibly pained chuckles and seonghwa drops his plate dramatically back down onto the table.

“don’t tell me.”

wooyoung clears his throat loudly. “so i may have, like, the tiniest most insignificant crush on them,” he practically whispers, face feeling slightly warmer at the prospect of the situation he’s in, and certainly not his feelings for you.

seonghwa narrows his eyes at the youngest, a question on the tip of his tongue before mingi decides to supply the answer anyway.

“you’ve been in love with them for months, we all know.”

“i am not in love with them,” wooyoung shouts back, anger reignited as he focused back on the true root of the issue, mingi and his bright ideas. “yes i might think they’re attractive, and yes i would like to date them for real, and maybe, just maybe, i do get a little jealous when they talk about yunho, but that doesn’t mean i like them that much.”

wooyoung feels the energy fizzling out and his words get weaker as he observed the looks on his roommates’ faces. mingi seems almost smug, like he’s been proven right, while seonghwa wears an amused grin, eyebrows raised slightly in satisfaction.

“you’re sure about that?”

the next week, as he’s laying sprawled out on his best friend’s bed, yeosang busy putting away his freshly cleaned laundry, he sighs for what feels like the millionth time and the dark haired man at the closet has had enough.

“either say something or stop sighing,” yeosang grunts, placing the last hanging item in the closet. as he moves to sit at his desk, wooyoung flips onto his stomach quickly, causing the bed to creek and him to bounce slightly.

“i just don’t get it,” wooyoung says and yeosang resists the urge to groan. this is the same conversation the two had been having since wooyoung found out about your interest in yeosang’s roommate.

woo complains that he doesn’t understand why you think yunho is so great and then yeo has to bring his friend back to reality by reminding him that yunho is actually a pretty great guy and that woo is the one who could change his own fate, if he just had the balls to admit he was interested in you. but of course wooyoung always manages to weasel out of the truth, claiming that he doesn’t like you that much, or that you don’t like him, which yeo thinks is shit considering the amount of times you started ditching him for his own best friend but he’s not a snitch.

it’s yeosang’s turn to sigh. “i’m not doing this again,” he mutters. “yunho is not a bad guy, in fact he’s a great guy, all of his previous relationships ended amicably, he’s not unattractive according to the people that have asked me to give him their number, and as far as i know he and (y/n) actually have quite a bit in common.” yeosang turns to wooyoung quickly, finding the younger man with a small pout gracing his features.

as wooyoung opens his mouth to possibly argue against one of the points his friend had raised, both men hear the familiar sound of the front door opening and yunho’s usual greeting rings through the apartment. both boys suddenly feel like they’ve been caught, wooyoung’s eyes going wide for a moment as yeosang turns back to busy himself with the unfolded clothes on his desk.

“hey,” yunho says, poking his head through yeosang’s open door a few moments later. “they were out of those macarons you like at the cafe so i got you a maple cinnamon roll instead, y/n suggested it.”

at the mention of your name wooyoung perks up, trying not to seem too eager at the mere thought of you.

“sorry woo, i didn’t know you were over until after i’d ordered or i would have gotten you something,” yunho apologizes and wooyoung hates that he can tell it’s sincere.

wooyoung thinks it would be a lot easier to hate his best friend’s roommate if he was not actually such a nice guy. but he just can’t hate him, he might dislike him a bit for being such a great guy and being the one to hold your attention, but honestly feeling anything but amicable toward the man just makes him feel guilty. it’s not yunho’s fault you find him attractive and it’s certainly not yunho’s fault that wooyoung can’t just admit his feelings.

“you ran into y/n?” yeosang asks, honestly not trying too hard to hide the glance he throws wooyoung’s direction.

yunho nods as he moves to fully lean against yeosang’s doorframe. “they said they were stopping by the cafe before they were supposed to meet a friend.”

yeosang and wooyoung both nod in response, wooyoung’s a little more engaged while yeosang keeps looking between his two best friends.

“they actually asked if you were over,” yunho continues, gesturing to wooyoung with a quick tick of his chin.

the younger man’s expression quickly shifts to confusion before he’s remembering your idea he’d been telling yeosang about only half an hour before. he tries to tone down the shock of hearing you ask about him as he asks, “really?”

“yeah,” yunho chuckles slightly. “they said you weren’t answering any of their texts and that only happens when you’re with yeosang.”

before yunho is even done with his explanation wooyoung is digging through the slightly askew comforter he’d unceremoniously dropped himself and his phone onto once he’d arrived an hour ago. he’s not sure if you just made up the statement to prove to yunho that you two were close, as you truly didn’t text each other much outside of making plans, but no matter if you were just trying to provoke yunho you had spoken the truth. just about every time you texted wooyoung he would drop everything to respond. mingi would call it being “down bad”, and maybe wooyoung was learning to accept that fact about himself.

as wooyoung scrolled through the texts you’d sent him, a little update about how you think the plan is working and a picture of a cute dog that you said looked a little like him, which totally didn’t make him blush, he hears yunho clear his throat.

“are you two,” yunho pauses as wooyoung glances up at him, finding the conversation to feel a bit stiff and uncomfortable. “are you two like a thing?” yunho finally asks, finding the setup of yeosang’s room to be more interesting as his friend watches a blush creep onto the tips of his ears.

it’s wooyoung’s turn to find the decor around him interesting as he replies, trying to remember everything you’d talked about, “i wouldn’t call it a thing.” wooyoung shrugs trying to seem cool as he feels his heart beat creeping up into his throat.

he hadn’t anticipated it being this hard. the man hadn’t even lied about anything yet and he could still feel the guilt settling into the back of his throat, flavoring his words with a bitterness that held a strange mix of satisfaction, for getting to even pretend to know you in a more intimate way than his current competition, and regret, for agreeing to be apart of a plan that might cause one of his friends any distress.

“they’ve just been talking about you a lot,” yunho adds and if wooyoung had a little less self control he’d probably have fallen right off yeosang’s bed. he’s too focused on the thought of you purposely mentioning him in conversation to others to think about how yunho would know, the older man probably having seen you more times than wooyoung had in the past week.

“i think they’re in what you might call a situationship,” yeosang supplies when wooyoung doesn’t respond, shrugging as if he has no interest in the information he’d just shared.

wooyoung bites his tongue as he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing to tell the biggest lie he’s probably told in his whole life, just as you’d agreed to. “you remember that party their friend, whatever-her-name-was, had a few weeks ago?”

yunho nods gently, now able to look at wooyoung again after having determined that the conversation maybe wasn’t that uncomfortable.

“well we kinda,” wooyoung pauses, knowing it’s his last chance to back out before everything changes, and so he pushes forward with a sigh, “we hooked up that night and we’ve gotten together a few times since then.”

for wooyoung, it felt weird to say, the statement now just sitting in the air as he sees yunho trying to digest the information. he thought it might make him feel some way but instead he just feels empty, knowing that it’s entirely untrue. sure you’d left that party together, a fact that you had remembered and wanted to use in order to make your little fib realistic, but you’d both simply had enough of partying that night and gone for food at the convenience store on the corner before he walked you home. as far as wooyoung was aware, and he was pretty sure you didn’t go anywhere after he left your doorstep, you’d both gone to bed alone that night. and yet wooyoung didn’t feel like he could let himself daydream even the thought of you both actually doing anything then, the idea much too dangerous for the way he’d slowly started accepting what all his friends had been telling him about his affections recently. and even though he might be able to admit that he does have a crush on you, he certainly wasn’t expecting to hear the question falling from yunho’s lips.

“do you love them?”

wooyoung could feel his stomach jump right into his throat, his heart plummeting at the same time and causing nausea to replace the guilt he’d been wadding in just moments earlier.

“uh i think love is maybe a strong term,” he tries to chuckle lightly but he can hear the awkwardness permeating the laugh. “but i do like them.”

it’s the first time he’s admitted it without a caveat, and just like with the lie before, he feels the emptiness returning except instead of sitting deep into his stomach it fills his entire chest cavity, only stirring the nausea and making him feel like he’d much rather sink into the covers of his best friend’s bed than continue this conversation. he’s just not sure how much more he can say before he might actually vomit.

yunho nods slowly, a thoughtful look on his face, before he says, “i think you two would be good together.”

wooyoung is much too focused on staying grounded and not revealing the sickness that he feels to analyze whether yunho is telling the truth, a slight burn building in his chest of what he can only assume is bile, and at this point he’s not sure he wants to know what yunho thinks anymore. why did he agree to this?

“well, that roll is on the counter whenever you want it yeo,” yunho continues, oblivious to the turmoil brewing in wooyoung’s mind and body. “see you later woo.”

with that the man is gone, disappearing into his bedroom down the hall.

yeosang turns to his best friend quickly, ready to supposedly recap the conversation but stops in his tracks when he sees the look of pain on wooyoung’s face.

“how am i gonna make it through this?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the next week or so is filled with moments similar to this, where he has to look at yunho and lie straight to his face, straight to his own heart. and although yeosang assured that it would have to get easier at some point, wooyoung can feel he’s reaching his own breaking point.

throughout the process, as you execute your plan, you actually try to spend more time with wooyoung, starting with simple little outings that weren’t too different from things you might do usually. at some point these outings morphed into full fledged dates, and every time wooyoung felt himself sinking into the idea that he might be able to just enjoy this for what it was, you were quick to mention the plan and pop the bubble that wooyoung had found solace in. although he feels something unfamiliar burning lightly in his chest he can’t even fathom to be mad at you, too unbelievably happy in those moments where he could forget that you were faking it all.

“i’m not sure this is good for you anymore,” seonghwa had said one day after wooyoung had come home from a day out with you, plopping himself down onto the couch with an exhausted heart from the emotional roller coaster you were unknowingly taking him on.

wooyoung only let out a grunt, the sound muffled by the cushion his face was squished against, and seonghwa sighed in response.

“you’re tearing yourself apart for them,” seonghwa tried to reason, his quest of stopping this little escapade you’d set yourself on as futile as always.

wooyoung was sure he was delirious at this point, fatigue settled deep into his body from the way he felt he was chasing every moment with you, and so the next words that slipped off his tongue were completely unvetted by his mind and entirely from the heart.

“how else would i be able to love them?”

if seonghwa is surprised by the statement he doesn’t show it, his face neutral as wooyoung turns to look at him, the older man now crouched next to where wooyoung lies. he’s not sure what reaction he expected, and he knows that he asked an unanswerable question, but somehow wooyoung’s not surprised when seonghwa reaches out to run a gentle hand up and down the younger’s back.

the next words wooyoung speaks come out watery as he feels tears pricking at the back of his eyes and that unfamiliar burn returns to his chest, “they’ll always love someone else.”

as much as seonghwa wants to argue, to point out that you shouldn’t think in forevers and absolutes, right now he knows that his friend just needs comfort. so he moves to pull wooyoung so that he’s sitting, seonghwa moving into the space he’s created on the couch and taking his younger friend into his arms, letting him sob gently against his shoulder.

as if he couldn’t feel bad enough about this entire situation, wooyoung wakes the next morning to a text from you. normally he might feel a bit giddy to hear from you but the message is nothing like any of the ones you’d recently started sending, casual conversations about your days and cute pictures of things that reminded you of him. it was cold, with a finite energy and wooyoung could feel it like a punch to the chest.

y/n: let’s break it off

wooyoung can barely perceive himself moving to message you back, feeling like he’s gone into autopilot. he’s tried to be prepared for this but with the way he’s allowed himself to feel with you for the past few weeks it’s almost as devastating as knowing that he’s been making himself comfortable inside of a lie. as he turns over to try to return to sleep he feels that same something unfamiliar burn in his chest.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you should go anyway,” yeosang says, looking down at wooyoung from his place on the couch.

wooyoung has taken to wallowing in self pity on the floor of his living room, mingi having forcefully pulled him out of the pitiful nest he had created of his bed a few hours ago upon seonghwa’s request.

“and see yunho all over them, no thank you,” wooyoung pouts.

the two of them had been talking about the party at yeosang’s, and by extension yunho’s, place since yeosang had arrived just over an hour ago. the party was supposed to be the final phase of the plan, when you would confront yunho, with the help of the alcohol that would surely be in your system, and wooyoung was obviously less than enthusiastic to see you complete the last stage of the plan. his best friend had been arguing that he could reasonably avoid you the entire night and be able to have fun anyway, but wooyoung wasn’t in the mood to have fun in the first place.

“if you just stay by the beer pong table the whole night i’m sure you’ll be able to avoid them,” mingi supplies helpfully, to which wooyoung whines in response.

“and have a perfect view of the rest of the room, where everyone else will be having the time of their lives, yeah great, very cool,” wooyoung spits sarcastically, limbs flailing about around him as he tries to push away the mental images of all of his friends getting to have a great night while he tries to keep from silently crying into his cup in a corner.

“so you’re just never going to go to another party?” seonghwa asks, stepping over his roommate as he goes about tidying the living room, setting things that had migrated amongst the room back where they belong.

wooyoung stops at this, turning over quickly so he can toss seonghwa, who spares no glance to him, a questioning look. “what do you mean?”

seonghwa just shrugs, dusting an empty shelf before he reorganizes the knick-knacks that would sit on it. “well, if you’re avoiding this party because you don’t want to see them together, then you’re going to have to avoid every party where you know they’ll be, which will likely be every party you’re invited to,” seonghwa explains, enunciating slowly as though wooyoung is only a child.

“and if you’re just avoiding anything they’ll be at together are you going to stop coming to group hangouts, or anything either one of them is at in fear that the other person will show up,” seonghwa continues, oblivious to the way wooyoung seems to be melting into the floor as he realizes how crazy his logic from earlier sounds now that the eldest is breaking it down like this. “so are you just going to stop being friends with both of them?”

wooyoung lets out something akin to a growl as he flops once more onto his back, his legs kicking in the air as he knows that he’s been cornered. “i get it,” he whines, hands smacking gently against his face in defeat.

“if you just rip the bandaid off now it’ll be so much easier,” yeosang adds, “you won’t have built it up more than you have already.”

“i hate when you’re all right.”

so, with the caveat that he can hang onto one of his roommates the whole night for emotional support, wooyoung finally agrees to attend the party.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“have you been avoiding me?”

wooyoung knew it was a bad idea to come to this cafe, the same one he had made that stupid agreement with you at, the one where you might be found more often than not, your favorite cafe. and if any of his friends were here with him they might just call him an absolute idiot, yeosang might even call it masochistic, to think that he could avoid you in the one spot you were sure to be.

“avoiding you?” wooyoung hears himself speak before he is even able to process what he should say, his nerves too frazzled by your proximity, standing closer than he thinks you ever have before. it certainly doesn’t help that with the warmer weather lately you’ve taken to start cycling your summer clothes into your wardrobe, your outfit today including one of your favorite tank tops, showing off the soft skin of your collarbone and shoulders. wooyoung has to use all of his self control to not reach out and brush his fingertips against you, tracing shapes into your skin and feeling you shudder beneath his gentle touches.

he’s snapped suddenly out of the trance he had been sinking into when you speak again, “you haven’t been answering any of my messages.”

at this wooyoung moves his gaze to your face and although he can see the teasing smile that graces your lips he can still spot a bit of disappointment swimming in your eyes.

“i’m sorry,” he replies, sounding much too genuine for the way you had seemed to be trying to hide your true disappointment in the playfulness of your usual cadence you adopted around him, and he feels the familiar pool of guilt start to fill the void that he’d been keeping in the pit of his stomach since you’d broken things off.

as you stand before him, forcing him into your personal space and looking at him expectantly, he thinks back to his decision to turn off notifications from your number, one that all of his friends had already torn him to shreds for. at the time he had reasoned that it was to protect himself from the repeated heartbreak he would suffer every time he might interact with you. unfortunately, in making this decision he hadn’t thought about what his seemingly sudden disappearance from your life might do to you, he hadn’t considered that he might be hurting you, and the guilt only grows.

you seem to be slightly taken back by his apology, likely not expecting him to reply in earnest, taking a moment to collect yourself before you state, “so you admit it, you were avoiding me,” although it comes out as more of a question, your head tilting gently as you seem to be inspecting the man before you, and wooyoung hates that he feels so exposed.

you aren’t even aware of the way you hold wooyoung’s heart in your hands but the longer you stand dissecting his expression the more he feels like your grip on it is too tight. he can’t tell whether you want him to answer honestly, or if you even care if he does, his mind is far too clouded by the scent of your shampoo along with the hurt he can see you trying to hide behind the confusion in your eyes, and he feels the familiar prickle of tears forming in his own.

he watches as your own features turn to concern, but before either of you can move to speak again, you’re both thrust out of the moment as someone behind you asks, “are you two going to move? you’re holding up the line.”

and suddenly wooyoung feels like the entire world can see him, pathetically crying over a person stood directly in front of him, and he needs to get out.

he’s not sure how he manages to make it out of the cafe with his vision as watery as it is, tears now fully rolling down his cheeks, but he assumes muscle memory simply kicked in as he finds himself briskly walking in the direction of his apartment.

“wooyoung!” he hears you call behind him and for a moment he considers stopping but then he feels that familiar burn in his chest, the same one he felt when you’d broken things off, and in a moment of clarity, as his feet carry him further from the agreement you’d both made, he realizes what it is, anger. although he’s never felt anger like this before, anger that roots itself into that guilt he’d been building for the entire time you’d pretended to be something. so it’s not an anger he can quickly pick apart and resolve, no, it’s an anger that feels like it feeds off of everything he’s been through for the past month. he’s angry at himself, for being so stubborn for so long, at his friends, for pushing for him to reanalyze his feelings, at the situation, for being so complicated, at yunho, for being the one you want, at the plan, for making everything worse, and most importantly at you.

his feet suddenly come to a halt, and you must have been closer behind than he thought because just a moment later he feels you running right into his back, not having expected him to actually stop.

“what do you want from me?” he spits, whipping around and causing you to jump in surprise.

“wooyoung,“ you begin softly, feeling his gaze sharp and strong, “what’s wrong?”

“you want to know what’s wrong?” he laughs, the sound void of any real humor. “you’re what’s wrong.”

you try not to react, knowing that he probably doesn’t mean what he’s saying, but he can see the way your hands, that had been hesitantly reaching toward him, suddenly drop to your sides.

“you and your goddamn plan,” he starts. “why couldn’t you have just fucking talked to yunho yourself instead of dragging me along for your own fun? you’re so goddamn selfish it doesn’t even cross your mind that other people might get hurt by the shit you think up. but it doesn’t matter to you does it? no one else’s feelings and emotions really matter as long as you can get what you want in the end. how long are you gonna string along yunho before you have to tell him you’re a liar and break his heart too? how many other guys are you going to hurt and then manipulate into feeling guilty for protecting themselves from you, huh?”

by the end of his rant he’s shouting, surely attracting attention from anyone else just trying to go about their lives that might happen to pass you both on the sidewalk, but wooyoung couldn’t care less, each word cooling the burn in his chest and laced with the anger that he can no longer stand to house inside of himself.

“wooyoung, please-“ you try to start, but he must miss the watery way you speak and how your own tears now threaten to join his on the sidewalk as he interrupts you.

“i wish i could just stop loving you,” and with his final peace spoken he turns and begins, once again, the trek home, an inexplicable exhaustion weighing down his steps.

he barely even registers that you don’t follow.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“JUNG WOOYOUNG WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

when he had returned home to an empty apartment, he felt like it was the only good thing that had happened to him in the last month, but then, as he sat in silence, calming his nerves and slowing his racing heart, his actions from the last half hour began to sink into his conscious. he knew his friends would find out what he had done sooner or later, but he certainly didn’t expect to find four of them bursting through his front door in a fury only minutes after he’d arrived.

hongjoong, always the voice of reason, had been the one to shout and announce their presence, his boyfriend, and wooyoung’s roommate, in tow. both men were visibly upset, although reasonably so, and if mingi didn’t have a gentle hold on seonghwa’s wrist wooyoung is sure the eldest would have tackled him to the ground by now.

“i knew you were an idiot but man,” yeosang says, bringing up the rear.

“so,” wooyoung tries, looking anywhere but his friends, “how was lunch?”

hongjoong takes a breath, likely trying to calm himself as he replies, “great, we even ran into a friend,” sarcasm heavy on each syllable.

“oh really?” wooyoung asks just above a whisper.

“yeah,” hongjoong nods harshly with an angry smile, “we would’ve invited them to join us had they not been FUCKING SOBBING,” he ends shouting.

“ah,” wooyoung tries, wishing the couch might just swallow him whole. “so you ran into y/n i’m guessing.” wooyoung lets out an awkward cough, releasing a humorless chuckle as he finally glanced back up at his friends.

“i’m going to ask this again,” hongjoong starts once more, taking several large breaths with his eyes closed to presumably calm himself. “what is wrong with you?”

“what did you do?” mingi takes a turn to speak up, releasing his hold on seonghwa who moves to run a soothing hand along his boyfriend’s back.

wooyoung can’t find the energy to recount the details of your entire encounter, and he also doesn’t feel like being berated for every little misstep he’d taken throughout your interaction, so he resolves to try summarizing the last half hour for the four men that are giving him some of the most expectant looks he’s probably ever seen. “we-uh,” he starts, as eloquently as usual, “we ran into each other and i may have cried and then i may have gotten angry and then i may have, uhm, madethemcry.” his last three words come out as one as he tries to get them out as quickly as possible, hating the way they taste rolling off his tongue.

and now, as the four men that had been listening so closely are thrown into a flurry once more by his statement, he begins to digest his own statement. he made you cry, and he’s sure if the room wasn’t filled with the voices of four of his friends arguing, the crack he feels in his heart would echo against the walls around him.

“i also told them i loved them,” wooyoung says again, barely above a whisper and yeosang is quick to shush the other three.

“you what?”

“i told them i loved them,” he repeats before quickly clarifying, “well it was more like i told them i wished i didn’t.”

and that set them all off again, each of his friends shouting over each other, and wooyoung just sunk into himself, the image of your tear stained cheeks at the front and center of his mind.

after what wooyoung might consider a pretty reasonable 15 minutes of being reminded how he has fucked up in pretty much every way possible, mingi was the first to calm down, always the one to move through his emotions quickly, and yeosang was soon to follow. seonghwa was the next to cool off, half way through a shouted sentence remembering the moment just a week ago in which he’d comforted wooyoung on the same couch he stood in front of now. hongjoong didn’t get the chance to simmer down, seonghwa pushing him to go home before he could pop a blood vessel.

“what are you thinking about?” yeosang asks, sitting himself next to wooyoung on the couch.

“how stupid i am,” wooyoung sighs, staring up at the ceiling.

yeosang sighs, placing a tentative but comforting hand on wooyoung’s bicep. “you’re not stupid,” yeosang says, “you’re just in love.”

wooyoung lolls his head to the side, getting a good view of his friend to see if he was joking, but all he found was sincerity, and a little pity, in the gentle smile on yeosang’s face.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

saturday

y/n: let’s break it off

woo: sure

sunday

y/n: hey, i just told yunho

y/n: just figured you should know

tuesday

y/n: can we talk?

wednesday

y/n: everything okay?

today

y/n: i really need to tell you something

that night wooyoung opens your chat and feels even worse about everything that happened today, but before he can tumble into a cycle of self pity once again, he feels his phone vibrate in his hand.

y/n: are you still going to the party tomorrow?

wooyoung practically tosses his phone in the air with the way he jumps up in surprise, fingers flying across the keyboard to respond. he types out and deletes his message at least five times before he hits send, debating if he should take this moment to apologize in fear that he won’t ever get the chance again. in the end he decides to just answer your question, straight and simple, not wanting to fuck up anything else.

woo: yeah

and in the minute he waits for a response he feels like his nerves are on fire, mentally berating himself for his answer. he should have apologized, or said something else, anything else. you probably wanted him to do more, address what happened earlier in the day, but of course he couldn’t even do that right. so wooyoung starts that spiral again, sinking into the depths of his own mind, until he feels his phone vibrate.

y/n: cool

y/n: i’ll see you there

wooyoung can barely sleep that night, either replaying his mistakes from the day or rehearsing the apology he had to give you at the party.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

yeosang had managed to rope wooyoung into helping with the set up at his and yunho’s apartment for the party, claiming it would help him to get his mind off of things, but as wooyoung knocks on his best friends door, he can feel the anxiety creeping up as he tries to think of a plan for if yunho were to open the door instead of yeosang. wooyoung is so lost in his nerves he doesn’t realize that yeosang has answered until the older man speaks.

“why are you shaking?” yeosang asks, confusion clear on his face as he opens the door wider for the quaking man in question to enter.

“uh, yunho,” is all wooyoung says, as he inspects the state of the apartment.

streamers and other miscellaneous decorations are thrown about the entrance area and living room, the beer pong table already set up in the corner farthest away from the hall to yeosang and yunho’s bedrooms, giving it the best view of the open concept living room and kitchen, and wooyoung tosses around the idea of mingi’s suggestion. he would certainly be able to see when you arrive so he can catch you before you lose yourself in the party tonight.

“oh, he and mingi went to pick up the stuff for drinks,” yeosang shrugs, “i thought mingi would have told you.”

wooyoung just shakes his head before yeosang starts instructing him on what he needs to do, placing the younger in charge of setting up the kitchen while yeosang gets everything hung up in the entrance and living areas.

for the first half hour, wooyoung does have to admit that he is more focused on decorating and organizing the snacks, making sure to leave room for drinks, than the apology he has perfected that had been swirling through his mind all day. he busies himself with which color balloon should be where and whether he should put the salty and sweet together or mix them up a bit so one side doesn’t get more crowded than the other, of which he decides to mix them together, instead of how he should open the conversation he’s dreading. of course as he finally starts managing to sink himself into his task all the way he hears a throat clear behind him.

expecting it to be yeosang who has some little complaint about the way wooyoung hung the streamers or how he should at least put the cookies all together he just says, “i don’t want to hear it.”

instead of one of yeosang’s usual quips wooyoung is surprised to hear a much deeper voice, laced with confusion. “what?”

wooyoung is quick to whip around, ending up face to face with, a slightly amused but mostly puzzled looking, yunho who has a bottle of tequila in one hand and some sort of mixer in the other, a few bags scattered on the floor near his feet.

“sorry,” wooyoung is quick to move, gesturing to the empty space on the counter. “thought you were yeosang,” wooyoung explains, stepping as far out of yunho’s way as he can.

yunho just chuckles lightly, as he sets the two bottles down, turning to wooyoung, “i figured.”

to wooyoung’s surprise yunho doesn’t move to unpack any more of the bags, instead leaning up against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

“he went out to grab another cord for the speakers,” yunho explains, “we always manage to loose one.”

wooyoung just nods slowly, his gaze flickering between the decorations still left to be used and the bags that still need to be unpacked, and just as wooyoung is about to move back to do one of those tasks, yunho speaks up again.

“y/n told me,” he says and wooyoung freezes completely, feeling his heart plummet into his feet. he prepares himself for any of the rage that yunho might be about to throw his way, even trying to mentally steel himself for the way yunho will surely laugh at him for telling you that he loved you. how could his love compare to that which is reciprocated by someone you actually wanted.

“i still mean what i said,” yunho continues and wooyoung dares to glance at his friend. “i think you two would be good together.”

now it’s wooyoung’s turn to be puzzled. for a moment he wonders if yunho is sick at all because he certainly wouldn’t tell another guy, especially one that made his crush cry, that they would be good together but with the way yunho doesn’t react to wooyoung’s confusion wooyoung fears that maybe the sleep deprivation has finally caught up to him.

“i know that it was supposed to be all pretend but i don’t think you were lying when i asked you if you loved them,” yunho continues and wooyoung shakes his head like it will clear out his thoughts. “you’re a pretty open book.”

wooyoung decides he might as well bite the bullet and asks, “what did they tell you?”

“that it was fake,” yunho replies easily, “the situationship.”

wooyoung wishes that his answer cleared anything up but instead it only leaves him feeling more lost. does yunho like you? does he know about yesterday? do you still like yunho? wasn’t the end of the plan the party? that had to mean that you ended the plan early, did it not work out?

“i hope it works out for you,” yunho concludes, leaving wooyoung to stand mindlessly in the middle of the kitchen as the older man goes about setting up the drinks.

“thanks,” is all wooyoung can say in response and suddenly the party can’t start soon enough.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

when it’s half an hour past go time and you still haven’t arrived, he’s tempted to text you but he decides against it when he realizes he’s not sure what he would even say. mingi had been reassuring him that it was fine, turning to say so every time he would score in the game of beer pong he and a friend of a friend were playing, he thinks she introduced herself as yuri or yeji or something that started with a y but it’s hard for him to remember when his mind has been stuck on you for the last hour now.

“i told you they were pregaming at san’s so you know it’s gonna take them forever,” mingi says before downing the cup in his hand, the girl across the table high-fiving her friend excitedly. “plus i’m pretty sure they were going to wait for jongho to get off work and swing by his place to grab him.”

wooyoung just nods quickly, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. he had decided to forgo drinking until you arrived, wanting to be sober when he talked to you but the longer he waited the more he was regretting that decision, the soda he’d been nursing for the last half hour going flat as it swished around his cup.

before he can start to overthink it, he leans in next to mingi’s ear, not wanting to yell over the music. “i’m gonna grab a drink,” he says, not waiting for his friend’s response before he’s pushing through the crowd of people dancing, making his way to the kitchen.

“they here yet?” yeosang asks as soon as he spots wooyoung entering the kitchen, simultaneously handing an obviously tipsy seonghwa another drink.

“no,” wooyoung responds quickly, tossing the liquid in his cup into the sink before reaching for one of the bottles of soju on the counter.

seonghwa lets out a high pitched giggle, not hiding that it’s at wooyoung’s expense as the younger whips his head to stare daggers at his senior. “don’t you have a hongjoong to be hanging off of?” wooyoung spits and the phrase receives the reaction he’d intended, seonghwa quick to let out a squeaky “joongie!” before making his way back into the clump of bodies wooyoung had just emerged from.

as he watches his oldest friend disappear into the crowd, yeosang following suit, wooyoung catches mingi’s gaze, eyes wide as he ticks his chin in the direction of the front door, and he knows what it means immediately.

you’re here.

he can see the top of your head slowly moving into the center of the crowd, presumably being pulled by none other than choi san, who wooyoung can see is already flushed when the crowd moves and he can catch glimpses of you both dancing together, a bright smile displayed on your face as you laugh at san. he wants to go to you but he feels like his feet are suddenly too heavy, unable to do anything but watch from a distance.

“just the man i was looking for,” jongho says, clapping wooyoung on the back harshly, and successfully pulling him out of the trance you’d put him in.

“why?” wooyoung whines before he turns to jongho, seeing the smile that only his younger friend could lace with a scary sort of anger and wooyoung’s blood runs cold.

“y/n was just telling me about the interesting conversation you two had yesterday,” jongho says, his hand moving from wooyoung’s back up to his shoulder and squeezing harshly. wooyoung resists the urge to yell and instead tries to push the younger’s hand away, ducking under his arm to try and escape.

“i’m going to apologize,” wooyoung is quick to explain, now facing jongho head on in hopes to stop any more of his friend’s attacks.

jongho just drops his smile, muttering a quick, “i hope so,” before he moves past wooyoung and toward the drinks.

once wooyoung is sure he’s no longer in danger of being on the wrong side of jongho’s anger he quickly turns back to the crowd, scanning quickly for you or san. he spots san easy enough, having moved his dancing from the floor up onto the couch that had been pushed up against one of the walls. unfortunately you’re no longer with him and so wooyoung continues his search once more, although it’s starting to prove difficult as he realizes that more people must have arrived during his quick exchange with jongho, the living room packed almost wall to wall.

“who are we looking for?”

wooyoung almost jumps three feet in the air as your voice registers so clearly, your mouth centimeters away from his ear so that you can speak without straining over the music. he places a hand firmly against his chest as he tries to calm his racing heart but when he turns to you he knows the attempt is futile.

“can we talk?” wooyoung eventually manages out between staggered breaths, yelling over the music instead of opting to get closer to you, fearing that he might overstep some sort of boundary if he were to be inside of your personal space.

you only nod in response before you grab his wrist, and wooyoung barely registers where you’re pulling him off to as he focuses on the way your fingertips press into his skin. only once you’ve closed the door behind you two, successfully muffling the music and voices enough to converse without shouting, do you release his arm and he recognizes the room as his best friend’s.

you make no effort to move away from wooyoung once you’ve succeeded in locking the door behind him, ignoring the many extra feet of space that you could place between you both, and wooyoung isn’t sure if he’s overthinking but he would like to assume it’s a good sign.

“i was looking for you,” wooyoung answers your question from earlier, feeling like his mouth is much too dry before he remembers he’s been holding a cup in his hand since you’d arrived and takes the smallest swig of the liquid inside. he notices you aren’t holding a drink and debates about offering a sip of his own to you before ultimately deciding to just set it down on yeosang’s desk, leaning awkwardly to the side in order to reach.

“why?” you ask and wooyoung loses his balance for a moment, falling into you slowly before his feet find better support. if he hadn’t felt hot enough with embarrassment just from starting to fall in front of you, he’s now overheating when he realizes you’d placed a hand on his chest to keep him from completely falling onto you, your palm feeling as though it might burn a hole through his shirt.

he clears his throat nervously as you retract your hand and he misses the searing heat of your skin almost immediately, itching to just grab your wrist and place your hand back. but he doesn’t, because he respects you too much. he loves you too much.

“to apologize,” he finally admits, feeling the heat you’d gifted him moving up from his chest to his cheeks. “i-“ he tries to breath, to remember the apology he’d been practicing in his mind, but it’s so much harder when you’re actually in front of him. your eyes, just as they had in the cafe before his outburst, make him feel exposed, sensitive. “i’m sorry for getting mad at you, i shouldn’t have said what i did,” he’s able to continue, trying hard to return your gaze so that you may be able to spot the sincerity in this apology just as you had his last. “i didn’t mean those things. i was,” he pauses, knowing this is the point in which he could still turn around, pretend that he wasn’t upset for the reasons he was, and so he pushes through anyway. “i was angry at myself and you were just who i could take it out on. you didn’t deserve that, i’m sorry.”

he searches your face for any change, desperate to see your usual expression replace the frown you sported and smooth out the current crease between your brows, and when your face doesn’t change he’s once again tempted to reach out to you. he wants to just take your face into his hands, to gently message the tension from your temples and to place a gentle peck to the tip of your nose in hopes that he might get to see your smile up close once more before you might just vanish from his life forever.

but instead he keeps his hands firmly at his sides and says, “i wish i could take it all back.”

“all of it?” you ask quickly, your voice practically overlapping his own, and your expression does shift but wooyoung can’t make out the difference.

neither of you speak then for what feels like an hour, your eyes determinedly set on his while you let wooyoung’s gaze flit along your face, trying to find his answer amongst your features, before he closes his eyes with a wobbly sigh.

“i don’t want to stop loving you,” he says, eyes still closed, “but i have to.”

he can feel his chest caving in, the emptiness he’d started calling home consuming him from the inside out as he finally says what he’d been teetering on the edge of admitting for the last month.

“who told you that?” you question and if wooyoung could bare to open his eyes and actually look at you instead of finding cowardly safety behind his eyelids he is sure you would be wearing the same look of frustration he’s seen directed at him so many times before. although now he knows that it doesn’t carry the same playfulness that usually makes him so endeared, the sparkle in your eye that encourages him to bring out that same look more and more.

wooyoung lets out a humorless chuckle, shoulders dropping heavily as he becomes hyper aware of the way he’s been tensing his entire body. “no one,” he says before scrunching up his face in hopes that it will quiet the urge for him to open his eyes and see your face once more. “everyone.”

he hears you let out a huff before you comment, almost indignantly, “well i didn’t get a say.”

wooyoung can’t recall a time he’s opened his eyes faster, tenderness quickly replacing the shock he’d felt when he sees you once more, your gaze now firmly set on the cup wooyoung had placed on yeosang’s desk and arms crossed over your chest, a pout on your lips. he feels the corners of his own lips ticking up in a fond smile.

“so,” he begins to ask, a hint of playfulness coloring his tone as he feels hope build inside of him, “what do you think i should do?”

he’s not sure if you were expecting his eyes to still be closed but as you bring your gaze back to wooyoung’s face he feels like he can easily spot a hint of nervousness beneath your determined expression. you both find yourself in silence once more, this time he’s the one to hold firm, your gaze now traveling along his skin.

“i love you.”

he’s sure if he was any farther from you that he wouldn’t have been able to hear it, the words flowing along an exhale.

“what was that?” he asks, unable to contain the smile that overtakes his features, and he half expects for you to take it back playfully, to mess around with him, but then he watches as a determined smirk creeps onto your face.

“i said,” you start, leaning impossibly closer and placing your hand onto the same spot on his chest as you had earlier. “i love you.”

your lips are on his in an instant, almost imperceptible, the gentlest brush of skin, but wooyoung can feel it.

“i love you too,” he whispers against your lips before one of his hands moves to the back of your neck, the other wrapping around your wrist as he pulls you back into him.

of all the times he’d imagined kissing you, it was nothing like he expected, your lips remaining gentle against his no matter how passionate he became, and wooyoung knew instantly that he was already addicted. he was so utterly consumed by you, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“your drink, my love,” wooyoung says, placing a cup down on the table as he takes the seat next to you, his own coffee in his hands, while he places a gentle kiss against your temple.

“gross,” yeosang comments, watching you both from across the table before taking another bite of his macaron.

“yeah,” hongjoong agrees from his seat on your other side. “i didn’t realize that you two getting together meant we would have to watch you both all over each other all the damn time,” he complains as his boyfriend rolls his eyes on the other side of the table.

wooyoung ignores his older friends in favor of grabbing one of the legs of your chair, pulling you toward him so that he can more easily rest his head against your shoulder. he smirks against your skin as he feels a shudder run down your spine when he turns his head to press his lips into the crook of your neck.

you and wooyoung are gathered with a few of your friends in the same cafe that set everything into motion, your favorite place, enjoying your first quiet afternoon as an official couple.

“come on, i think they’re cute,” mingi says, looking between yeosang and hongjoong, who both exchange disgusted looks.

you chuckle, the sound light and airy, making wooyoung’s heart float as he feels the vibrations through his own chest.

“thank you mingi,” you say with a hint of finality, ready for the attention to be away from you two.

you’re thankful that the conversation drifts into a new direction, yeosang mentioning something about the latest star wars movie and sending seonghwa into a spiral about his thoughts and opinions.

“thank you,” wooyoung whispers, lifting his head from your shoulder before resting it on his hand, his elbow propped on the table in front of you.

you send him a confused look, tilting your head gently, but with the way he stares at you, overwhelmed with devotion, you can’t keep a tender smile from gracing your features. “for what?”

“forgiving me,” he elaborates, taking your hand in his.

for a minute you simply bask in the genuine warmth of the moment, watching the way his gaze shifts to your hand as he starts to play with your fingers gently. you’re tempted to bring his own hand up to your lips and let the whole situation stay genuine, but you just can’t keep from teasing.

“who says i forgave you?”

wooyoung is quick to look back up at your face, eyes wide with worry as he lifts his head from his hand, now using both of his hands to hold one of yours. you watch the worry melt away as a pout takes over his features, seeing the playful smirk on your own.

you can hear the whine building in his throat before he even opens his mouth, your gentle giggles matching his volume. “babe,” he groans, dropping his shoulders as he pulls your hand against his chest.

once you’ve calmed down enough from your giggle fit, you reach the hand he’s not holding up to hold his face, watching with adoration as he turns his head to press his lips into your palm before he leans fully into your touch.

as you both sit, just savoring the moment, wooyoung can’t help but reflect on how you both ended up here. so, as he falls deeper into his romantic haze, he can’t help but let you know, “i love to love you.”

↼ ateez masterlist

note so hi, i’m alive. this was just something i wrote for fun recently and now i guess i write for ateez. anyway, hope you enjoyed

let me know what you think?

It's always been me tiptoeing to kiss you and not you bend down to kiss me.

soft prompts for one-sided pining

staring at them for a long time

observing their little details 

having their every little thing memorised 

treasuring every little moment with them

and when your eyes meet it might be just a normal thing to them but to you it means the whole world

accidental touches that make your day

going out of your way to be near them

“hey, i didn’t know you’re into sports,” you friends say as you enrol your name in the sports club where you know he’s going to be there but you spend hours in room alone with no physical activity all day long 

digging in their interests so that you have common topics to talk about

when you see something’s bothering them, secretly trying to make it solve

taking care of them in the shadows

knowing that they would never love you back and yet not stopping to pour out your love for them

because their smiles make your day