Over This Shit - Tumblr Posts

Do you ever just overthink things so fast and so much that your brain starts to just POUND?

And even when you’ve finished the thing you were overthinking, everything you do afterwards is affected? Like if you tried to read a book you wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy it, cause your brain is running a mile a minute.

And that just makes your head hurt MORE.

Just wanted to share a conversation I had with my friend with y'all

Friend: Zoro really loves his swords doesn't he

Me: yeah, they are really special to him

Friend: Do you think he sleeps with them?

Me: well yeah, they don't leave his side

Friend: no no, like, he totally tucks them into bed with him

Me: 💀 Naw

Friend: he puts little night caps on them and polishes them before bed

Me: Next you'll tell me he kisses them goodnight

Friend: .....

Me: .....

Me: I'm going for lunch,bye

Friend: YOU CANT ESCAPE THE TRUTH

❀ Pansy n°7 = I'm "over"-everything.

To begin, yes, it is tiring. It’s impossibly tiring to be this prone to overwhelming. 

It never was a secret that I am an overthinker. Like my brain literally never f*cking stops, always fuming and reeling. It caused me too many insomnias - the images, sounds, memories and information in my head running and distorting without break. It’s insufferable.

Yet, that's not all. Sadly it is also difficult to survive overthinking on a daily basis. Especially in a social environment. My brain is just… dying. The world feels and seems constantly against me. I always think that everyone around me is watching and judging my every move. Looking out for the small moments when I’ll mess up and be cringe.

So it’s difficult to allow myself to act as I want because I feel like I will be judged and hated either way, never belonging to the unity. Like I am bound to stand out, to be left out by the social group. To try and avoid that, my brain analyzes everything and everyone but often is irrational. Because I over analyze how people see me, what they might think or feel; but in the end I am just projecting my fears onto them way too much. Yet, I end up stuck, struggling to fit in, alone up in my head thinking I’m not interesting, weird, not worth anyone’s time and hated by everyone.

Nice right ? :) 

My mind just tricks me to believe that I am the worst and cringiest person in the world. I have been told before that I question myself too much. In fact, I prefer to - and cannot help but - analyze every situation in which I could be the source of a problem before blaming the other party. I also try to find many excuses for others. Maybe I am too gullible and try too much to see the good in people, or that I’ve been used to caring for others before myself. The problem with this is that unconsciously I expect the same train of thought from others when most times it is not the case. Sadly, it ended up hurting me as it is easy for people to take advantage of my overthinking.

→ Toxic people (narcissistic perverts…) like to make you feel guilty - often through gaslighting - and overthinkers are the pros for that… :/

However, my cousin has been teaching me to find the positive side of those habits that I don’t like. And I came to the conclusion that this habit made me more observant and that when my worries are communicated it makes for good and deep conversations. Apparently it also makes people question themselves more - or so I’ve been told :/.

Therefore I try to be more kind to myself and calm my overthinking by communicating. It’s not easy everyday… But it is so important. As important as speaking about your feelings.

I’m still learning how good it is for oversensitive people like me. I’ve always struggled to speak up about my emotions because I always thought they didn’t have value or importance or even that I was being overdramatic, faking it. it was like I never had a good enough reason to express myself and make people lose time on me, like I’m not worth it.

So I always second guess myself and think about the true worth of communicating what’s bothering me. Because if it’s little and I’m just blowing it or that in the end it turns out I was tricking myself and faking it unconsciously, I’ll just feel ultra guilty of wasting someone’s time and energy. Especially as I strive to make people around me feel good, safe, heard and comfortable (with me). And I know I tend to blow things out of proportion. Like I feel horrible when someone makes a tiny and precise criticism about my work even though I did all the rest well. Because it’s like I disappoint them by not doing good enough. 

The problem with me is that “good enough” has to be as close to “perfect” as possible. Simply because if I put energy in it I should go 100% and nail it. If it’s not the case then why waste time and embarrass myself ? Though I’ve been trying to understand - more to assimilate - that everyone’s 100% is different and even that every day’s 100% is different. And that’s completely okay and normal.

I’ve just been taught at school that you have to keep a high constant of activity even though it’s obviously not possible. 

Disappointing people is one of my greatest fears. I think that might be why I take things too personally all the time. So many times I tear up when someone makes a remark to a group I belong to, and even if I shouldn’t feel concerned I question myself and feel horrible. “I should’ve thought of it.”“I should’ve done it.”“I didn’t do good.” I hardly let myself fail as I haven’t failed much. So I pressure myself to keep my high average by being the most excellent. Yet I can hardly hold on anymore… It’s logical that I end up burned out. I overdid it and now I'm over it.

I am over with life.

At least that is what I think a lot but I’m working on it. I am trying to be done with being over-pessimistic. It’s not over for me, and if it’s not for you either, dear reader… Then,...

Let’s get over it together <3. 

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺