Peerless Cucumber - Tumblr Posts
Wait, wait, wait,… what do you mean it’s me ???
Ok, so I love this HC?
Like, the first time SQH sees SY glitch he is freaked tf out, but then finds it hilarious. Because 1. He’s a bit of a dick, and 2. SY is one of the sweetest people in their sect. The irony kills SQH.
And let’s say this also happens when SY is SQQ. Which makes it funnier because he’s a sweetie stuck as the scum villain. So one moment you see Shizun, but when he’s high-key panicking you see a nerdy 20-something year old who’s actually really cute, and when he’s super pissed it’s this dark mass with glowing green eyes and sharp teeth. And despite this SY still somehow accidentally winds up with a harem of men fawning over him! SQH wonders if he’s the only one who could see the glitches.
Yes, SY had nothing to do with PIDW, but he was Cucumber-bro, and SQH thinks that this is divine justice and karma for how much of an asshole SY was to him—the God of the world. They bicker about it constantly.
The real kicker? SQH can probably fix him. He just doesn’t.
I have this Shang Qinghua hc where he’s an actual all-out BAMF. Like, he knows how to kick ass and take names. He can fight better than everyone, he’s powerful af, and he’s practically perfect at anything he does. He created the PIDW world, and he bends it to his will. Like, he’s legit a God™️. And he keeps that tidbit to himself, but sometimes he has trouble hiding it.
One time he beat Liu Qingge in a brutal training fight (one that SQH didn’t even want to participate in), but accidentally-on-purpose trips and hurts himself afterwards, making everyone believe it was a one-off thing.
He’s a better cook than Luo Binghe, although no one knows that until the chef for A Ding gets sick and SQH has a bunch of starving kids to deal with.
SQH is also super charming and naturally flirtatious. He’s on the logistics peak, meaning he has to talk to merchants and negotiate prices and deals. He has a fucking silver tongue. Not in a slimy way, but in the same way as Binghe. (LBH got his personality from somewhere.) SQH’s charm was partially what got Mobei Jun to be interested enough not to kill him when they were teens.
SQH can use The System to his advantage and become omnipotent if he wanted to. He doesn’t, because it takes a lot of work, but he could. In fact, he hacked The System when he was still an infant, it does whatever he tells it. Including giving him infinity points. Sometimes it’ll give him a mission, but SQH treats it like an annoying pop-up ad.
SQH is ruthless, manipulative, and can crush anyone like an ant mentally, physically and emotionally. He actually put a lot of himself into LBH while writing the book. And he kind of regrets that because the two really can’t stand each other due to how similar they are. Although LBH doesn’t realize it.
His cultivation is top tier. He’s actually the strongest cultivator in the world—but it wasn’t because he worked his ass off. He just rigged the game.
I can see him acting pathetic and dramatic to deflect because then he’s underestimated af. Also, the fake tears? His son does the same exact thing. But SQH on the inside is highly amused by everything. Especially Binghe. He loves his son, and knows what LBH is capable of, but it only makes him laugh. Internally, of course. Like, this whole world is hilarious to him.
SQH is smart and because these are his creations, he can outsmart any of them. It’s lonely though, being a God among men. So, instead of using his actual abilities, he doesn’t. Why would he interfere with anyone’s lives? Why do anything for people who were cruel towards him at times, not realizing they should fear him. He has an ego, but at the same time what was the point? He’s a selfish and lazy God™️.
When Shen Yuan transmigrates into SQQ he becomes the only person Shang Qinghua doesn’t know how to read. And it’s refreshing, it makes SQH feel human for the first time in decades.
TL:DR - HC that SQH is a literal God™️ but keeps it a secret. He prefers being an underestimated dude.
After the Immortal Alliance
Shang Qinghua: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Shen Qingqiu: Twelve, actually.
Shang Qinghua: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Shen Qingqiu: Yours!
Shang Qinghua: That's right: no one's.
Reader, Teacher, Anti-Fan
Spy, Writer, God
god imagine if shen yuan had access to some type of transmigration tumblr website so he cld keep up with new memes and have somewhere to unload his yapping without anyone thinking hes insane 🙏
god imagine if shen yuan had access to some type of transmigration tumblr website so he cld keep up with new memes and have somewhere to unload his yapping without anyone thinking hes insane 🙏
my favorite version of cucumberplane is pre-transmigration in which theyre married but have no fucking idea who the other is online. Peerless Cucumber has been tormenting Airplane Shooting Through the Sky for years and calling him a useless virgin. Airplane has been replying to his forum posts and calling him a shut in who never gets laid. even after they go through the spider-man pointing meme of revelations ("you! my husband!!") they dont stop with the mockery. sometimes a new reader comes along and sees them flaming each other online and asks "why is the author talking to this troll lmao" and the veterans all pile on to say "theyre fucking married can you believe that"
Wait, wait, wait,… what do you mean it’s me ???
What I wouldn't do to wrap Airplane-bro (SQH) like a burrito, give him a hot steaming bowl of noodles and a crushing hug (╥﹏╥) (either from me or by throwing this man into Mobei-Jun's tits), especially most fanfiction versions of this guy!
Bro has been running the logistics peak, having to dance to the whims of the system, been thirsting over a dude who he has become terrified of BC of the hitting and foreseen death flags, all while being the best bro he can stand to be for Cucumber-bro (SQQ) to ensure their only alternative survival back-ups
I'm wondering how good his cultivation is to not immediately burnout by the end of the novels, given he had probably lived so high strung
Bro's more brave than me for all he gets called a coward in fanfiction
Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.
Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.
I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.
All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!
Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.
Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?
Shen Yuan: what do you mean?
Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?
Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*
Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...
Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?
Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???
Shen Yuan: don't make it weird
Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???
Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating
Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--
Shen Yuan: hey
Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--
Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!
Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--
Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking
Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!
Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--
Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince
Shen Yuan: *mumbling*
Shang Qinghua: what was that?
Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...
Shang Qinghua: oh my god
Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!
Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*
Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.
Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.
I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.
All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!
Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.
Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?
Shen Yuan: what do you mean?
Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?
Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*
Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...
Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?
Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???
Shen Yuan: don't make it weird
Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???
Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating
Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--
Shen Yuan: hey
Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--
Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!
Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--
Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking
Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!
Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--
Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince
Shen Yuan: *mumbling*
Shang Qinghua: what was that?
Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...
Shang Qinghua: oh my god
Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!
Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*
you know what sometimes you see a tweet and you know what you gotta do and now i'm thinking about the state of the internet post-death of airplane bro and his biggest (fan) hater
screenshot & individual images THAT I MADE under the cut (if u even care,,,,,)
(also you can retweet my masterpiece here if you dare)
Correct me if i'm wrong, but: in Scum Villain, Shen Qingqiu never actually kills another human being, does he? He kills the Skinner Demon, but that's the only fatality I can think of that he committed with his own two hands. Most of the rest of the fights he gets in for the rest of the series, he ends by getting away. Even the Old Palace Master gets done in by the QingSi, not by Shen Qingqiu.
which leads me to ponder: I've seen jokes and fics before about Shen Qingqiu falling prey to a Virginity Detector, but what if Shen Qingqiu post-transmigration accidentally stumbles on some kind of weird PIDW plot device plant or critter that can tell whether you've ever killed a man?
because I think Yue Qingyuan would be very confused. Qiu Haitang too.