Protective Batfam - Tumblr Posts
Tim: so why should we select you?
Guy A: I'm rich and handsome
Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?
Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.
Guy A: ex-xcuse me??
Damian: you are excused. Now get out
Tim: and what about you?
Guy b: I can protect him
Damian: protect?? dad??
Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.
Guy b: but he ain't Batman though
Jason: bitch he might be
Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?
Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman
Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce
Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day
Tim: so what makes you special?
Clark: I can cook for him
Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?
Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him
Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.
Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-
Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud
Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece
Clark: uh..soo
Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.
Dick: Definitely
Jason: prepare your vows
Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background
Clark: oh it was Bruce
[collective HUH from batkids]
Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys
[collective even louder HA]
Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating
[collectively yelling WHAT]
Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me
[collective screaming]
Bruce: what makes you good for my son?
Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son
Jason: I would say he lacks common sense
Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?
Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-
Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence
Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS
[An hour later]
Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation
Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?
Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?
Reporter:
[In Kent house hold]
Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?
Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?
Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me
Clark: they who?
Kon: the bat fa-
[Window breaking and batfam entering]
Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad
Bruce: Clark stay out of this
Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him
Damian: ask him yourself
Clark: so what did you do?
Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..
Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.
Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline
Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo
Clark: Can I say something before I die?
Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak
Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.
[Collective batfam screaming and fighting]