Psychotic Episode - Tumblr Posts
You know you’re coming into psychosis when everything is contradicted. Nothing affects or shocks you anymore. You’re numb but everything scares you. You’re too exhausted to show any emotion but too vigilant to not do anything about your paranoid delusions. You start to isolate yourself but keep hoping someone will reach out so you won’t be alone with your thoughts. You feel helpless but so prepared and aware of unseen truths. As verbal communication becomes more difficult, you have made sense of what you’re saying but no one else gets it. You need to keep quiet and not endanger yourself, but you end up talking about it anyway. It’s hot outside but you wear clothes for cold weather. You understand that your delusions are just delusions, but you’re not making it up and it is the only real thing to you. There are sometimes things you feel, see, hear, smell, taste, that aren’t really there. You refuse to eat because of your paranoia but you can’t resist. Us psychotics are seen as dangerous, but we are the sufferers of absence. I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to be left alone, I’m just scared.
Fully resonate with this!!!! I have very limited access to my memories of anything that happened in 2019.
Sometimes, I blame it on my meds for limiting my brain capacity/functionality to remember things and sometimes I really hate myself for thinking that I can't remember things especially when it comes with memories of my loved ones.
some pages about living with schizophrenia
read the full thing here
Atp i feel like a lost cause all i do is hurt ppl i just wanna fade away and i want people to forget about me like i was never a problem like i was never a person to begin with i dont want help because its never gonna get better it hasnt gotten better it only got worse its only getting worse why did it have to change to someone else why couldnt it have stayed the same like always like for the past 4 1/2 years that was my normal now its different its something worse something bigger something i cant control im a monster