Random Vent - Tumblr Posts
This sucks...
Damn...missed a call...
tw// mention of r*pe, s*icidal id*ation
recently, i was asked by a friend
"What's been your biggest accomplishment?"
i thought id have an answer.
i thought.
i stayed silent.
she apologized for asking, maybe she thought the question made me uncomfortable.
there's some truth to that, in a way it did.
but it wasn't her that caused me to become uneasy, no.
i am twenty. i am young. i am in school, striving to one day get my PhD.
i am twenty. i have battled demons of all kinds. i have severe trauma. i am sick. i have delt with years of suicidal ideation. i am a recovering addict.
i am twenty. i have seen death, peaceful and horrific. i have seen illness no cure exists for.
i am twenty. i have many diagnoses. i hallucinate. i have see things daily no other person can see.
i am twenty. i have dealt with hatecrimes ranging from non-aggressive to violent. i have been r*ped. i have been beaten. i have been in many situations where i thought i was going to die.
i am twenty. i love humanity. i am empathetic. i love and nurture all i can. i do not hold grudges, i do not get angry anymore. i see love in every living being, i see the world as a place to protect, i see the cosmos as home.
i am twenty. and my accomplishment is that i have survived. i am surviving. and even after all i have been through,
i love this world.
that is my accomplishment.
1.30.23 - 6:20am
Bruh just got my nipples pierced and it hurt like shit man. It’s cute but if ur sensitive 2 pain 0/10 do not recommend
I fucking hate whatever the fuck is up with my life, I don't know whether I have autism, or sptsd or whatever, but at this point I am fucking running out of ideas on how to pull this shit together. I feel like an alien and an imposter anywhere I go, I want to leave but there newer was a place where it would be okay for me to exist to begin with
My attempts to adapt and mask just left me an empty shell of whatever was there at the start, and the masking didn't even help me gain friends, just made my family tolerate me really
All the advice I can find online assumes I already fucking have people to reach out to in my life, all the "you are not alone" and "ask for help" type stuff just does not cut it for me. I am alone in this, and right now I have no choice but to get through it alone.
If I share anything personal with the four people that I talk to (my parents included) that will not end well. I fucking done that before, they just call me crazy and now their reaction is one more problem for me.
I fucking want any advice on how to find and connect to anyone who would get me whatsoever or like, at least not be homophobic and disgusted by the weird??