Repressed - Tumblr Posts
Gaslighting - one from the vault - edited
I told him waaaaay back in our early days that I was attracted to women.
This was when we were teenagers and he managed to hang on to a group of friends - I suspect the copious amount of alcohol consumed among other mood enhancing essentials tended to keep things light and fun.
Within this group of friends were two women in a relationship together. Some time after I had told him about my attraction he pulled me aside.
He told me that he had overheard these two women talking and they thought I was good-looking. This didn’t really generate a reaction from me; they were in a relationship, I was in a separate relationship, and there wasn’t history, mutual attraction or chemistry. As far as I was concerned they were commenting on the drapes.
He rolled his eyes and spelled it out for me, because clearly I was too stupid to figure it out. He told me that they would probably proposition me and if I said no that they would attack me. Possibly even rape me.
I was shocked. And frightened. He told me most of the lesbians he knew were aggressive like this. He said that if they even suspected I was anything but straight, they’d never stop bothering me.
He knew these people better than I did, and as a teenager emerging from Catholic school I was not acquainted with many out lesbians to base my experience on. Plus he was my boyfriend, and was always looking out for my best interests. What reason did I have not to believe him?
Fourteen years later, I can tell you that this story is total bullshit. I doubt he even overhead them commenting on me.
They never ever gave me even an inkling that their interests were anything other than platonic, and we all spent a significant amount of time together. Furthermore I have heard nothing from any other source about them being aggressive, predatory, or violent.
And yet I was always on guard when they were around (which was frequently) because of what he’d told me.
WHY WOULD HE CONTINUE TO BRING ME TO THESE GATHERINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE IF HE THOUGHT THERE WAS A RISK THAT I MAY BE ASSAULTED?!
This event, ridiculous as it may sound, was a major player in the prolonged repression of my sexuality. And an excellent way to keep me off balance and uncomfortable in public, while simultaneously ruling out those he saw as his competition.
Three birds, one stone.
I really wonder if I have repressed memories. I have a bad memory in general so it could just be that, but I don’t remember much of my childhood. I have random moments that I remember but I don’t know what is normal to remember in terms of how much. My psychiatrist said my symptoms sound like PTSD but the only traumatic thing I can recall is medical trauma. Medical trauma is very real and can cause PTSD and I do think it could be from that but it also feels like something is missing, there’s just a lot of things that make me wonder.
How To Write Supressed Memories
From @differentnighttale we have a new ask: "How do I write a character who becomes a murderer without knowing while dealing with his repressed or surpressed memories?"
The condition that causes "repressed memories" is called dissociative amnesia.
A) Dissociative Amnesia
Dissociative Amnesia is caused when a traumatic or stressful event is so emotionally overwhelming that the brain builds walls surrounding the memories. This either blocks out severe or long-term trauma.
In most cases, the person still has the memories but they're just kept seperate from the everyday consciousness. Ultimately, dissociative amnesia is one of many different kinds of coping mechanisms that the brains adopts whenever a situation is so deeply traumatic and life-altering that the brain needs to shove it away.
However, despite the fact that the consciousness can't actively recall the memories, the traumatic event would still impact their behavior subconsciously.
For example:
giving them a phobia with seemingly no beginning
a refusal to enter in locations for no obvious reason
an avoidance of certain types of people
flashbacks
nightmares
Most people aren't aware of their missing memories until outside circumstances remind them. For example, military men with PTSD might forget the days following the return until someone mentions it.
This time can stretch from days after the trauma to months to even years.
B) Can Murder Be Traumatizing?
Answer: it depends
If the person is murdering people with a cold-hearted attitude and generally fine with murder, then they probably wont be traumatized.
However, if these murders were commited by a person when the tensions were high then it might result in dissociative amnesia.
Another contributing factor in this hyperspecific scenario might be the person's own internal beliefs of themselves! If someone is so convinced they are a great person, then they might shove down memories where they weren't a good person.
”repressed nerd” gets me every time
I have a question, for all those people out there who struggle with trauma.
How do you view your repressed memories.
Like if u imagined it as an object what would it be... Mines a box
