Stressed - Tumblr Posts
12.14.23, 12:24am
I've decided to journal, maybe to feel less small on this website. Hopefully someone finds me relatable but just to help with myself and others. So hi!
I am dealing with a lot right now and it sucks. I wish I could just open up and not have everything pour out and not be upset when someone gives me solutions even after saying I want them to just listen. It just hurts for no reason, cause they want to help. .
I was told today I bruised someone's heart. And they can't trust me (which has been a fact for about 2 months) and it sucks. I love them so much and I've made mistakes but I just always feel like the problem at times, maybe someone else feels this way?
I go to therapy. So my problems I feel like should be fixed in a way? But I'm working through them at least. I know that much. I'm trying to be better about communicating but its hard cause when I know someone doesn't trust me then I can't seem to trust them either. Again hopefully I'm not the only one...
Now the thing is the world is lonely, even when surrounded by people who love you, it's something I've learned to be ok with. Bit now I have someone actively around me all the time. And now it's harder to be ok with the loneliness when I'm craving love more and more. But it seems to be too much for them to handle, and I understand it completely cause I feel like I'm always spilling at the seems lately.
Always like one more pebble and I'm spilling all over the place. I've had all this pent up everything and I let it out to bare and it just wasn't recieved how I wanted it to be. I also have been dealing with medical issues and it's changed completely who I am.
So thanks for letting me get this out.
Thank you to whoever is reading these, and I hope you feel less alone in the world if I'm relatable to any extent. I hope life gets better for all of us, as it most likely will. But hope is good and I'm sending it your way.
Last thought of the night, i found out you can pay to go cuddle cows. Literally my dream, enjoyed knowing that's a thing and I can hopefully do it someday. Maybe for my birthday when I turn 21?
Anyways goodnight to my anonymous readers, and goodnight moon. 🌙
-wonderlandishere-alice
Guys, so I finished college this summer. Like I'm done. But my school is texting me and emailing me like I'm still enrolled for the fall semester. Which I am not. I've called the office and they said they'd get back with me but I'm like... Stressed. Cause I wanna apply to the actual college I wanna go to but I can't if they still have me enrolled at my college now.
The more I think about it, the worse I'm doing. I suppose cutting out stimulants at this time was a bad idea
Edit: this was my 500th post. I just hit 100 back in like... September
I feel like I fucked something up and I literally have to wait a month to find out if I did okay or not
So in other words, it’s time to be perpetually anxious for over 30 days and constantly feel like I’m going to die
Ya know, unless I just actually do because of the unwavering amount of stress
I wish I could just give in and die. I just can’t be the one to do it..
It would be fine if it were a “freak accident” to just happen..
That way, no one has to blame themselves for not helping or not being enough..
I wish I didn’t have any connections to people and that they felt nothing towards me
I wouldn’t have to keep going just because I don’t want to hurt them...I could just leave and stop my own hurting...
It would be so much easier
..I wish I could just be hit by a car or something and have that end me
Heavy stress/ daily dealin wit a lot of it/ so tired of it/ I wanna fling that shit like hippopotamuses
(Note to self)
If the person you fully confide in doesn't hear or fully grasp your mental after your 'blue in the face' efforts of trying to explain it, in all it's grim complexity, then you are probably meant to succumb to it alone.
My being is infuriatingly perplexing! In it, the will to live, love, laugh, be healthy and thrive exists. Yet, a darkness that lives amongst this very being persists to see my demise DAILY!
the yoi fandom
After ep10: what did we do to deserve this
After ep11: what did we do to deserve this
you: yuri on ice is ending today
me, an intellectual: my life is ending today
Quick lil announcement
Hi bb😊
So, I feel the need to address something. I know that I work slow. It takes me a while to answer questions and write requests. And I’m sorry. I’m the type of writer who won’t publish something unless I’m happy with it and I just don’t write well if I force myself to. I have bursts of inspiration every few days and that’s when I tend to get things out. That’s just how I work.
So if your left waiting for a while for your request to be answered then I’m sorry. But please don’t blow up my inbox asking about it. It really stresses me out and makes me feel bad.
On top of everything, my father just practically kicked me out of his life, so I hope you understand when I say I’m under a lot of stress right now.
Again, I’m sorry if I’m making you impatient but I’m doing the best I can.
Oh wow
Can't believe I'm starting college in a few days holy moly-
sorry I haven’t been active much, it’s exam season and I’m pretty busy.
But I have two fics in the works, so look forward to those!
one is a clint barton x reader fic and the other is a tony x stephen. I’ve been in a marvel mood if you couldn’t tell.
"Quarantine"
Acrylic on Canvas paper.
Stresses tbh
A lot of things are stressing me out and when I'm stressed out one of the things I like to do is make sets on Polyvore tbh
SO TIRED
Just took my 4th attempt at the pharmacy law exam today and I'm so exhausted and stressed about the result. Not in the best of moods to write today but I'll will write something tomorrow. Bye for now guys ;)
me after being a big dumb idiot last night