Roadkill Says Stuff - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Three weeks after getting COVID, I’m finally able to breathe again. Definitely going to be getting the vaccine as soon as I’m able to, and I encourage everyone reading this to do the same. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of those around you. I’m lucky enough to have a strong immune system, so for me it felt like just a bad flu (at least, I assume it did - I’ve never actually had the flu). But for some people, it can cause permanent damage and death. I won’t lie - getting a vaccine is painful. The side effects aren’t fun. But I’d rather get a vaccine than the actual virus.

I’m fucking terrified right now. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type (thank you autocorrect). I try not to talk about politics on my blog, but I’m a trans man living in the U.S., and it’s kind of unavoidable. So trigger warning below cut for mentions of SA, hate crimes and political stuff. And also swearing. Side note - when I use the phrase “my people,” I mean those who are trans, disabled (physically, mentally, or both), and those who don’t fit into the “normal” standards that society expects.

Seeing trump flags around my neighborhood on two cars makes me feel so fucking scared. When I see a trump flag, what I really see is a sign that says “your existence as a person is worth less than mine,” because that seems to be what they think. I mean, I’m transgender, mentally ill, and physically disabled. Also I’m alterhuman and a furry, which probably means two more reasons to hate me. Being trans means being four times as likely to be the victim of a hate crime, most often physical or sexual assault, including murder. I don’t feel safe walking outside my own apartment alone. I don’t feel safe at work. Or anywhere else. Literally the only thing that trump supporters don’t hate about me is my skin color (which is stupid because why should skin color even matter). I represent nearly everything that they hate. But I’m not going to hide who I am, because I don’t want to torture myself just to please those who will hate me regardless.

I’m constantly looking over my shoulder whenever I’m not in my apartment with every door locked. I don’t feel safe at work because I don’t know enough about the people I work with. Whenever I see a stranger, I get scared because I have no way to know if they’re part of the group that wants my people killed and erased. To me, anyone I don’t know on a personal level could be a threat to my life. And I’m supposed to just live with that fear.

Most mornings, I wake up shaking and in a cold sweat after nightmares about the things being done to my people all the time.

If I don’t know you, my first instinct is to assume that you’re a threat. Because that’s how it feels to be seen as less worthy of life than other people. I live in constant fear and there’s nothing I can do about it but vote and hope that there’s a chance of my people being treated like people.

I’m saying this online instead of talking to someone in the real world because I don’t trust anyone anymore and I have no way to know who sees me as a person and who sees me as a political issue that needs to be removed.

Can’t tell if I need to cry, scream, disappear into the woods forever, sleep for a week, commit arson, leave the country forever, or dissociate.

Guess I’ll just listen to music and pretend that I’m doing fine.

Because if I let myself cry or scream, I fear I’ll never stop

Chronic pain is acting up.

Chronic fatigue is acting up.

Insomnia is acting up.

Depression is acting up.

Anxiety is acting up.

PTSD is acting up.

Gender dysphoria is acting up.

Species dysphoria is acting up.

Intrusive thoughts are acting up.

But yeah, I’m fine. I’m an expert at acting like nothing is actually a big deal. It comes from years of practice.

My mom: “If you’re so scared of being the victim of a hate crime, why not get rid of the trans flag on your shoe?”

Me, not knowing how to explain to her that I’d rather be a victim than erase a part of myself

Yeah, not going to be talking to her about myself anymore, I think. Not her fault. She just doesn’t understand. I’d rather die being who I am than live as someone I’m not

Me: *wondering why I feel so hungry*

Also me: *remembering that I had an anxiety attack instead of lunch*

If I were to write a Wings of Fire AU (which is currently just a bunch of character concepts), should I use the concept of frostscales IceWings in it?

Note that in this AU, firescales SkyWings can learn to control their fire, but their scales will always be warm. And that, through generations of programs designed to create stronger firescales, there are ones more powerful than Peril. The heat of their scales corresponds with their color, meaning blue and purple SkyWings have the hottest fire. I would make something similar for frostscales in IceWings, but I haven’t figured out how exactly this would work. If you pick the “yes” option, any advice on how I could write frostscales characters and their abilities would be appreciated.

Today I found out that ferrets have sharp claws. Went to the pet store to pick up some stuff for the dog, and played with the ferrets for a little while. They tried to climb my arm and one of them got my hand with her claws in the process. There were also playful bites as well.

As usual when I get hurt by an animal, I don’t blame them. You see, they don’t realize that my skin is not as tough as theirs and I lack fur, so I get injured more easily. I’m the one who stuck my hands in the cage.

But yeah, for anyone wondering, ferret claws are sharp. The more you know.

Heard someone scream at work on my lunch break and came in to find this. Baby house mouse. Isn’t he adorable? I grabbed him carefully and put him back outside and away from the traps that are in the building. And before you ask, yes, he’s soft and fuzzy. He sat very still in my hand, likely because he was terrified, and I was careful not to hold him for too long, because I didn’t want to scare him so badly that he’d go into shock.

Note: any comment saying that I should’ve killed him will be deleted. I don’t kill animals, except for invasive species or animals that are already dying. This mouse is neither of those.

My guess is that he’s about a month old, but I don’t know much about mice, so correct me if I’m wrong. His eyes are fully open, despite them being mostly closed in the first picture.

By the way, if anyone wants to ask us about our experiences, or individual questions for certain headmates/parts, feel free to. Everyone in this system is an adult, but please don’t flirt with any of us, especially if you don’t know us in the real world. Check my pinned post for some information on everyone who’s here.

Note that if you don’t specify who you’re asking a question to, we’ll assume you’re talking to me (host), since I’m usually the one fronting.

Sorry for being angry and not quiet and reserved. I’m coming to terms with the fact I have an incurable disease and will feel like shit for the rest of my life.

Actually no. I’m not sorry. I never claimed to be a good person. Stop expecting me to be quiet and “good,” and “perfect.” I’m sure you wouldn’t be fun to be around either if your body was constantly on fire and the doctor straight up told you that it’s just going to be that way forever.

No, I won’t apologize for hating everyone. Because guess what? All of my mental problems are caused by people. So yeah, I hate people. I’m scared of people. But it’s easier to be angry than sad and scared. So fuck you, actually.

Is it a normal social anxiety thing for face-to-face interaction with people to cause shaking, nausea, and the urge to run into the woods never to be seen again? Or do I have another problem?

Online interactions are okay some of the time, but talking to people in the real world makes me physically sick. I’ve always felt like this, but it’s been getting worse lately.

I’m fine with being called alterhuman. Therian, otherkin, alterbeing, and nonhuman work as well. I’m not human, but I live in a human society and I look like a human, so I’m somewhat connected to humans. So, I’m fine with any term, but if someone else wants to only be referred to as certain terms, I’ll be sure to use those

therians/otherkins, I have a question. do you all like being called alterhuman? because for me personally, I prefer nonhuman. "alterhuman" implies I'm still human in some capacity and... I just don't feel that way at all. but thats just how I feel !! nothing wrong with others using it for themselves.

You’d think that having four separate conscious entities in one brain would cause the brain to be able to remember things better. You would be wrong. No one here can remember anything half the time

No one is sure who said it, but someone here (probably Haunt) just made a comment that the body’s teeth should be sharper. Everyone agreed.