Scorpio Ascendant - Tumblr Posts

Socializing as an 8th houser

Hope it is relatable to somebody in similar shoes

So, I have Moon and Venus conjunction in 8th house and am Scorpio ascendant in vedic chart; I have Pluto in 12th house in tropical chart at 3 degrees

I didn't know much about astrology in childhood and teenage

I had a weird life, I always felt like I was hidden in some ways

And when I socialized with family, with friends at school and college

I did not get the reaction I wanted

I was not always a victim but my expectations and reality did not match

I played a character, a good girl, liked and desired by all, someone with light and laughter

But even though I played the character to my audience, I did not get the reception I expected in my imagination

I wanted to be seen as a pure hearted, sweet, humble girl

It was not too much to expect, was it?

Obviously I did not know how others perceived me but from their reaction I could figure out that something was weird

I had an active social life but my desires were unfulfilled

One, I realized that I am darker than I expected and other people can sense that. There are people you meet and you feel calm and safe with them. Then there are those you meet and you are irritated for some reason, as if that person is judging you, they bring your shame and deepest sexual thoughts to surface, they make you feel dirty, they are cynical and always see the bad sides in events and people - yes that was me. But in my mind, I was somebody else, that is, a pure hearted, sweet, humble girl.

Two, I realized that I expected devotion and intense emotions, excitement and enthusiasm from others, but why would someone do that for a friend or family?

Three, I was envious of girls who were socially popular

Four, I made the mistake of persevering in the wrong direction. I kept playing a character hoping someday people will start seeing me like a good girl with pure heart

Fifth, my mom is a Libra ascendant with 3 inner planets in 1st house. Boom! She is all about her person, social image, being liked by people, etc. Subconsciously I wanted to be like her but in physical life I was not like her. I was scary in some ways. I would get side eyes, gossips, people getting cold on me

Sixth, all this social reaction made me a very insecure narcissist. I had fantasies of grandiose power and love. I fantasized that wherever I went people treated me with great respect, love and honor

But when I did self reflection as an adult, I realized that scorpionic energy is something I can never get rid of

So I had to align my internal expectations with my physical reality and live in the moment rather than live through fantasies

It felt like freedom, freedom from the chains of my own desires

I don't want to play a character that I cannot maintain

Why was I even fooling myself?

if you are not living in flow with your natural instincts, your heart will tell you something is wrong

I don't know if I chose my destiny but this is the card that I have to play with

So why split myself in two and live a double life?

Scorpio Evolution

Instability

Personality and Persona come easily to others. But not Scorpios. They are holding a persona while panicking inside, hoping they don't lose control. Contrary to my classmate girls, I always struggled with a personality and relating to others. I tip toed around personas, sometimes too much of something, sometimes too less of something. Sometimes too humble and sweet but sometimes being a bad girl and bully. It surprised me too how unstable I was. I think it is the fire signs that are the best at holding personas, they can really play a character and convince you they are that persona. While the water signs are the ones who hate Persona the most, they prefer solitude so they don't have to "become somebody" - they rather stay dissolved in the spaces around them than put the effort in becoming a person.

Fakeness

An unevolved Scorpio can get a job identifying degrees of fakeness in other people. As if they are an AI monitor that scans each person for signs of inauthenticity in each context. Who is to determine what is "authentic" though? Is there a universally accepted benchmark for the most authentic personality that each human should embody and emulate? Look at this Scorpio trying to discover the most authentic formula for human personality:

Scorpio and Cucumbers

Evolution begins when Scorpios realize that they are triggered by everything and everyone because they are not trying to do the dirty work of self-analysis, identify the emotions, go back to the roots of their memories, practice skills to neutralize that emotion and wait until most of their triggers are neutralized. So that it does not shock them anymore to see their own void. But this way of life is not very delighting. Who wants to be dwelling in dark feelings and ruminate on past memories for years upon years? It is a painful lifestyle, it robs one off their happiness, especially in a society that encourages positivity and unconditional happiness.

Why Psychoanalyze?

It may be because of their constant transformations and perpetual turmoils. They are always unfolding and becoming. They are uncertain what the next transformation will be. Psychoanalysis, astrology, personality types help them make sense of their transformations. Because the transformations are not random, they are what the Scorpio has absorbed from their environment or their subconscious mind has picked up in a metro ride back in 2005. So, psychoanalysis gives them stability otherwise they might slip into the lands of unknowns. Imagine you have no name and everyone calls you a random name anytime, you would want to know what you are called at each passing hours because you know that your name changes all the time. For Scorpio, psychology is self identity, it is an unnecessary task to be living such an unstable life.

Black or White Perception

Scorpios either idealize someone, or even everyone, or they are cynical about everyone. They are quick to generalize because they can't imagine someone out there does not have the same intention as the person that hurt them, so they generalize their experience with 1 person on everyone - granted their life themes are also darker than average so it makes sense why they can be really cynical. When they idealize, they want unconditional love, perfection, dreamy state of nourishment, as if they want to unite with the Holy Mother, the source of all creations. The immature Scorpio sees everyone as a potential ideal person and gets betrayed. Do that long enough and he treats everyone with disdain and contempt. In Scorpio mind, you are either a black lab or a white:

If they see you as a white lab, they will ignore 1000 red flags, overlook all your flaws, become cute and goofy with you, treat you like a royalty. And then you betray them - OR - your intensity drops - OR - you've been together for some years, then Scorpio will replay every memory in their head and analyze the records with you. Everything will be scrutinized. Your intentions, actions, motives and everything you say will be judged. Then the council will give its decision - you are a BLACK lab. Scorpio withdraws, isolates, undergoes cognitive dissonance, undo everything, destroy all memories with you, analyze their own insecurities and begin healing their spiritual issues. OR, jump into next relationship without any inner work and find another white lab puppy until the puppy breaks their bubble. Quite fantasizers Scorpios are! Water does give intuitive and imaginative capabilities. The mature Scorpio is NOT intense because he begins to see both bad and good in everyone, you are a mixed puppy to them, neither perfect nor flawed. This Scorpio is self aware, has deep psychological insights into their own mind, obviously spiritually inclined and see you as mere human - neither God nor Demon, if both parties are mature and self aware, what a spiritually delightful couple:

Manipulative

Crocodile tears, storytelling, seeking pity - Scorpios love this pattern. They might not even know they are doing it because they are so unconscious. It is their attempt to receive instant confirmation and validation that they are seen, heard, important, relevant. This too can be fixed if they remind themselves that they are relevant even if nobody else says that. I think that Scorpios are the most complicated sign. Their group members Cancer and Pisces are similar but Scorpios are just dark and negative. They constantly dwell in fantasies of misfortune and feeling grief and sad about everything that could go wrong. One could say they are very aware of Karma and how everything that is good is a consequence of something; somehow they are afraid of their bad karma ripening and their good times over. One Scorpio placement is enough to create this perpetually disturbed person.

Maturity

For some reason, Scorpios are quite afraid of bad or wrong people. Maybe because being hurt makes them feel powerless and stupid. I recall scam victims bawling their heart out "I am so stupid I fell for that scam, why was I not alert 😭". It really breaks their self-confidence that they are not capable of decision making. Scorpios live with this fear all the time. They are anticipating your next moves and calculating their own reaction to always stay a step ahead of you. Their power drive is intense and they rather live a fantasy where everyone is subservient to them than face the reality. Also, they can be really demanding "Love me NOW!!!!" "LOVE ME TOOOOO MUCH, I said TOO MUCH". And who can love them toooo much and fill their black holes? Nobody. Eventually everyone will tire of them and Scorpio resorts to filling that void himself. Maturity and healing are a Work of Art. In Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Gregor Samsa turns into an insect one morning and stays in his room for months until one day he disappears. "Metamorphosis" means to transform, from one creature to the next stage. As you can see in this story, healing is never pretty. Your loved ones are disgusted at you, society mocks and ridicules you, people are amazed and even scared of you. Healing is the emotional turmoil, patience, healing, relapsing, relapsing and again relapsing until the wound stops hurting. I think this is how Scorpios heal. I dont know if Yoga, affirmations, healing courses, therapy can fix them; perhaps their psyche will rebirth itself, it is the most psychologically messy thing ever.

For this reason, Scorpio can be the emo, grunge, goth type. Not because they are faking it but because they actually feel that scared of being alive. Unless there are other lighter placements to cheer them up, Scorpios are just...the saddest person ever. They will just make things up in their head and imagine what it feels like to be born as a poor person in the state of Martian civilization with no family and education, just struggling all their life - oh, how sad! 😭 For this reason, they never really finish healing. First they heal their own traumas, then they heal the trauma of all their ancestors and finally they heal the trauma of every single person alive. As a result, they can be empathetic, healers, compassionate and understanding. This is of course only possible when planets placed in Scorpio sign are capable of giving good results and attain enlightenment; otherwise a lot of Scorpios never fix themselves. I think even Aquarius can be emo because of their humanitarian approach and helping everyone with whatever they can, combined with pisces placement they can definitely start charity foundation. I have seen Aquarius + Pisces and even 11h + 12h combination helping a lot of people with money and assistance, they don't even take it back, just giving money to help others open handedly.

Gemini and Sagittarius Venus are awesome because they just love listening to someone talk about a thing they love.

What Makes Your Sign Sweet

Aries

Your sense of humor. The way you are able to help others feel better by sharing a laugh. You have a way of making those around you feel at ease.

Taurus

Your presence, you often feel easily soothing, like a warm cup of tea, the calming sound of the ocean.

Gemini

Your welcomingness, you immediately make people feel apart of whatevers happening, you don't leave others out.

Cancer

Your cooking. The minute someone comes over you offer food, you always offer to bake and you always have some form of food to give.

Leo

Your warmth. You carry a bounty of warm sunshine. You are an easy presence to be around.

Virgo

Your reliability. You are consistent and when you tell someone your feelings you mean them. You stay as you are.

Libra

Your eagerness. You have the heart of a child and you easily bring joy with your ideas and your love that you have all around you.

Scorpio

Your sincerity. You are trustworthy, and mean every word you say. Your love is very real and very felt.

Sagittarius

Your smile. You have the warmest smiles, you light up the room with it.

Capricorn

Your realness. Your ability to steadily remain who you are without question. You create a safe space for others.

Aquarius

Your quirks. You make it easy to be around you when you are so easily yourself and so kindly allowing everyone be exactly who they want and need to be.

Pisces

Your gentleness. you have an ease with words and you share a soft feeling to you that iminates around the space you're in.