Seo Changbin Angst - Tumblr Posts

Skz making a bet on you Hyung line pt.2

Pairing: OT8 SKZ x f!Reader

Genre, AU: angst ofc, lovers to exes!AU

Warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating, many mentions of insecurities. I think that abt it

Summary: you happened to learn one day that the never really loved you and only made a bet with the other members to see if you would fall in love with them

A.N: Not proof read at all and this is the hyung line pt.2 to the previous one. Maknae Line pt.2 is coming soon

Parts: Hyung Line Pt.1 Maknae Line

BANG CHAN He didn't even notice you were gone until his call ended. Going around the house, he called your name multiple times. When he got no reply, he assumed you went on a grocery trip. So, he took his time to shower, get dressed and get ready for bed. Before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

Chan hated waking up cold. You weren't there beside him. He'd gotten used to always holding you through out these 7 years. He grabbed his phone off the night stand and checked the time. It was already 6:57 in the morning. Not hearing from you at all left him with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

So he immediately dialed your number. It rang once. Then twice. Then three times. You never let it ring more than two times so why weren't you answering? Finally, it went to voicemail. He called a couple more times just for all of them to go to voicemail. He started panicking. It was unusual of you to not pick up his calls unless something went wrong. One more time, just calling you one more time to make sure.

You woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing uncontrollably. Rubbing your droopy eyes, you took your phone and answered it. “Hello?” You groggily said.

“Y-y/n? Where are you? Why weren’t you picking up my calls!? Hello? Y/n?”

The moment you hear his voice, the sleepiness left your body. You stayed silent because you were sure that you’d burst into anger and most likely tears if you tried to talk to him.

“Y/n? Why aren’t you answering me? I-I-I’m worried… Please just say something. You’re scaring me…”

You sat up in bed, holding the phone close to your ear. After clearing your throat you finally answered him.

“What do you want?” You were right. You were a little too irritated the moment you started talking to him.

“What do I want…? What do you mean!? I’m worried sick right now because you weren’t picking up my calls and you didn’t even come home last night. You could’ve at least texted me something, y/n. Don’t just leave me guessing of all the possibilities that could’ve happened to you!” He was practically yelling into the phone at this point and it only made you angrier.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not being the toy who sees you as their protector and is so incredibly annoying that you can’t say it to her and instead to your fucking friends!”

Chan was speechless for a few minutes before speaking up again. “What..?” He said almost breathlessly.

“I heard that phone call you were on.” You began sniffling and the tears began to fall. “You said that you had fun… fun playing with my feelings and making me believe that you were my protector an-an-and how annoying I was…” You could hear him sighing on the other end and you began to think that he was going to agree with you but he didn’t.

“No… no, Baby, you got it all wrong. I-I shouldn’t have worded it like that.” He sighed once more. “I was talking about when I pranked you earlier this week. When I pretended that I was dead when you tried to wake me up. And then you began crying telling me how much you loved me.”

As he told you about it, you began to remember. Why were you so stupid? You began grabbing your things and walking to the shared apartment, all while listening to his explanation.

“Now there’s nothing I can say about the annoying part. But I did say that because—. Wait, you didn’t hear me tell him— never mind. What I’m saying is that I started the sentence like that because I was saying that it just made me realize all the more how much I loved you no matter how hard it got between us. Because I know these small fights we have between each other and how mad we can get and how petty the arguments are. I just love you so much and the way you cried over me broke my heart. You’re everything I could ever possibly ask for and I’m just so gra—”

He turned his head and saw you standing in the doorway of the bedroom looking an absolute mess. He hadn’t heard when you came in since he was so busy talking to you.

“When’d you get here..?” Chan stood up and made his way over to you to make sure you were alright as he checked around your body. He had tears in his eyes. You couldn’t help but stare at your boyfriend’s face in awe.

“I-I-I-I thought you didn’t love me and I got scared. S-so I left but now everything is making sense and I feel so stupid. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have—”

Chan took you into his arms, muffling your words. “Don’t say that. You have every right to think that way especially from what you heard. But don’t worry. I love you more than words can express.” The two of you cried into the comfort of each others arms and you’ve never felt better.

After tears were dried and things were dealt, Chan looked at you curiously. It made you a bit flustered. “Wh-why are you staring at me like that. Want to take your words back now?”

“No! I’m just wondering… how’d you get here so fast?”

“I-I-I was at my friend’s apartment. It’s a floor above us.”

He took you into his arms once again, chuckling. “God, I want to marry you.” All you could do was blush. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEE MINHO The next day, Minho ran up to you and swung an arm around your neck. You were quick to push it off. He frowned and made a little pouting face.

"What's wrong? Why did you leave without me last night?"

You quickly answered each of his questions. Not wanting to be in his presence much longer. "Nothing. Something came up." You rushed past him and to class. Finals were just around the corner and you didn't have time to be dealing with someone like him.

This was your last year of school. You didn’t want the unwanted drama. You’ve sailed through school as a well-natured person, favored by the teacher’s. You didn’t want to ruin your reputation now.

But it wasn’t as easy as you thought. Minho would continue to bug you in each and every class. No matter what you were doing he was there. Constantly pushing him away wasn’t working and ignoring him CLEARLY wasn’t working. So you resulted to the only thing you had left, confrontation.

Without second thought, you went straight to him after school and kicked him in the shin.

“Ow! Who the fuck!” He quickly turned around to face you as his demeanor slowly changed. “O-oh, y/n… It’s you.” He sounded kind of disappointed if you were being completely honest.

“What did you do that for, Sweetheart?”

You rolled your eyes and stormed off. Leaving him to chase after you.

"Woah, woah, woah, hey..." He grabbed you by the wrist and spun you around. "What's the matter?"

He was the most disgusting human being on this planet and you didn't want anything to do with it. It made you extremely irrtated and you didn't want to be there. If anything, his act he was putting up was probably all a part of that sick and disgusting, "joke," as they called it.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow."

That was all you said before finally getting in your car and driving home. You hated that you were such a pushover. You hated that no one coud truly accept you for you. You hated that you were so stupid. You hated that you were so blind. You hated yourself.

You pondered over the entire weekend. Highschool's almost over. It didn't matter now. But to you, it did matter. You weren't going to just let people treat you like trash anymore. You knew just what to do.

On Monday, you came in as a fresh new person. Both physical wise and mental wise. You weren't gonna let people fuck with you anymore. You spent the whole weekend researching on makeup. You already knew lots about fashion. Your closet was already filled with fashionable items, you just weren't sure when to wear them.

With some accents to your school uniform, you looked perfect. Now the problem was the makeup. This wasn't your forte. You've never really used makeup so it was a struggle. But with enough practice, it was almost perfect. Even though it was a struggle, your makeup came out just fine.

When walking in, you could feel the eyes that followed you. It made you super uncomfortable. Maybe you did your makeup wrong and looked like a clown instead of what you intended. Your anxiety quickly built up and you ran for the bathroom. On the way there, you bumped into a wall. Well, a body rather.

The boy gently pushed your body off of his and you were quite dissapointed with the boy you were faced with. It was Minho.

"Woah... miss, are you okay? You should watch where you're going. You're too pretty to be hurt. Are you new here?"

All you could do was scoff. People were staring because you all of a sudden looked beautiful in other's eyes. Even Minho couldn't recognize you.

"It's me, Dipshit."

"Y-y/n?"

You rolled your eyes and kicked him in his balls before leaving the scene. That was the best feeling in your life. Two less problems to deal with. Minho and the judgement of society. Fuck the rest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SEO CHANGBIN You kept crying throughout the night. It shouldn't hurt this much but you couldn't help the tears from falling. At about 9pm, Changbin knocked on the door.

"Y/n..? I know you're upset with me but please come eat dinner. Please?"

When you didn't reply, you could hear him sigh. It's not that you didn't want to talk to him and that you were ignoring him. It was just that you weren't sure if your mental state could handle that right now. You didn't want to just lash out at him.

There was some clinking and clanking in the kitchen before you heard the front door shut. It made you want to cry even harder. But you were sure that any other girl would do better for him. Than the one who currently had her back against the door as she cried.

You slowly got up and opened the door to see if he really left. It kind of broke your heart but what else could you really do in this situation? You made your way to the couch and sat down, holding your knees close to your chest. The tears were unstoppable and kept coming. It wasn't like you wanted them to, it's just you didn't know how to stop them.

As you were drowning in you sorrows, you heard the front door open. Immediately, your head shot up only to see Changbin standing there with a guilty look and a bouquet of flowers. He stood there frozen in his place.

"Baby, why are you still u-"

"Where were you?" You interceded.

Taking a quick glance between you and the door, he pointed towards it.

"I figured that you'd need space so I went out. Then I realized that you might think something bad about it. Like I'm leaving you or something. So I went to grab some gifts and come back home. So that I can beg you to take me back if you decided to break up with me. If you didn't take me back then I wo-"

At this point, Chanbin was just rambling on and on. You could see how sorry he was and it made you feel like you were a fool. So you ran to him and wrapped your arms around his frame. You cried into his chest not knowing what else you could do.

Changbin was a little to stunned to move or speak for a minute. But he slowly embraced you after setting the roses down.

"Baby... I thought you'd be mad at me." He cautiously stated.

Your lower lip quivered as you replied to him. "I-I am! But just a little bit. I'd rather have you by my side than lose you forever over something silly. Plus it happened in the past and you told me yourself. S-so I guess it makes it a better..."

And at that, Changbin holds you even tighter and lets out a sigh of relief. "I thought I would lose you forever over a mistake, in the past, I made. Thank you for forgiving me." He pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. But you shook your head.

"No, thank you for loving me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HWANG HYUNJIN After running for a while, you slowed down and began walking. You went to the Han River and took a seat on one of the benches. Checking your phone, to see the battery life was out and decided to take the time to relax. A lot had already been going on in your life. You had just found out that your mother was sick and you didn't want to tell Hyunjin because that would make him worry. You got reprimanded at work for getting an order wrong. Nearly fired because you "didn't know how to do your job right."

It was a stressful day and you just hoped that movie night would make it better. Except it didn't. It made it worse.

Having to find out from Jisung instead of Hyunjin himself really hurt. You knew that Hyunjin would tell you when he was ready. But, you couldn't shake off the feeling that he never liked you, let alone love you, to begin with.

You also knew that Hyunjin loved you and you were just overthinking. But were you? The river was peaceful as is and you didn't want to face reality right now so that's where you stayed.

It wasn't until nearly midnight, did you return home. Upon entering your apartment, you were met with a very distraught Hyunjin. He looked freaked out about something. But as soon as he saw you, he took you into his arms, tightly. He sobbed out onto your shoulder as he said, "thank you," over and over again.

"H-hyunnie..? What's wrong?" You ask worriedly. Yes, you were upset. But seeing him like this did something to you.

"I thought- I thought that something happened to you. You weren't picking up your calls or replying to my messages so I told the boys and other friends we both knew to contact you too, figuring you didn't want to talk to me of all people. B-but then they all said they couldn't reach you either. So I came to your apartment and when you weren't here I got absolutely terrified. What if you didn't make it home? What if you got hurt. What if you got KIDNAPPED!? And that would all happen because I was too stupid to admit the truth. Because I made you angry. Because I made the one person I promised not to hurt, hurt so badly. A-a-a-a-an-and-"

He was terribly hyperventilating at this point so you grabbed his face and kissed him. He immediately softened into the kiss. His breathing got slower and his body began to slump.

You slowly pulled away and gazed into his eyes as you started consoling him.

"Hyunnie... my phone died and I stayed by the Han River. I did not get hurt or kidnapped as you can see. Since, I'm standing right in front of you right now. If anything did happen, I would never let you blame yourself because it wouldn't be your fault. Besides, I love you and I wouldn't want you to live with that."

His teary eyes looked into yours as his lips formed a soft pout. "You still love me?"

"Of course I do. Even if you made a bet on me."

It made him cry even more at the fact that you still had this much trust in him.

"I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taglist: @123rinu @pgnwook @mixtape-racha @hannieslovebot @lolareadsimagines @garrixer-06 @bandolls @chansbabygirlsstuff @camilagonzalex @mariteez @beccaskz @kibs-and-bits @kaitchan

@lynlyndoll @bangchansslut6 @hanniemylovelyquokka @changbinsjuicybiceps @xx-twalia-xx @bangchansprettygf @lvlnijiro @totallynotlyntv @htnw004 @shecheatedwithme @jiisungllvr @neteyamsmate4life @yoongles2025 @cosniffee @gdaymates @iilliess @tadashisdisaster sry if I missed u on the taglist

If…

Pairing: any skz member x gn!reader Genre: Angst no comfort WC: 1.3k Warnings: Cursing, yelling, self-harm, death, crying, reader referred to as y/n and member referred to as (name) Summary: Of all the questions you’ve asked him, he wished he answered truthfully A.N.: Just some thoughts I had !NOT PROOFREAD! As always

He’s regretted every thing he’s ever said leading up to this moment. He hoped you didn’t take him seriously but you did. Now he had to suffer the consequences. Alone. ~~~

You loved him, you did. And you tried to show it all the time. But maybe love wasn’t made for you in this life.

As your tired boyfriend trudged through the door, you looked over at him with worry in your eyes.

“If you’re hungry I can warm up some food for you.”

“I’m fine. I already ate with my coworkers. I’m not that hungry.”

He made his way to your shared bedroom without saying another word. You stood up and yelled out to him.

“If you need a bath I have one set for you. With your favorite scent and bubbles!” You smiled, sure you’d get his favor this time.

“I’m just going to take a quick shower. I’m too tired for a bath. You want me to drown?” He yelled back.

You felt your heart begin to crack apart. “Oh, okay. Well… If you need anything just call for me.”

With a loud and clear sigh, your boyfriend yelled at you. “If I needed something then I would call for you! Quit being annoying and shut the fuck up.”

A small and quiet, ‘oh’, left your lips as you sat back down, holding in your tears. This was a side never shown in your relationship so it left you feeling quite shocked.

So you blamed it on stress.

But over the next few months, the cycle repeated. He’d come home and yell at you. Each and every time.

Each day your heart cracked a little more until he stepped on it and it shattered completely.

In the middle of a heated argument, you yelled at him and he yelled back.

“If you really love me that you wouldn’t treat me like this!”

“Well maybe I don’t love you as much as I initially thought!”

You went quiet. You just turned around and went back to cooking dinner. He ignored you for the rest of the week and he never apologized. So you did.

“Baby, I’m so sorry for how I acted the other day. I was just feeling a bit insecure.”

“I don’t care. Just never act like that again.”

You nodded your head in shame as he brushed past you. Slowly, your ‘if’s’ became ‘sorry’s.’ ~~~ Your boyfriend came storming through the door, shutting it loudly behind him, causing you to jump.

He looks at the table, then looks at you.

“Where the fuck is my dinner? God, y/n. You always claim to have this and that; and the one time I want it, YOU NEVER HAVE IT!!!”

You scrambled to your feet, rushing to the kitchen. “I’m sorry, baby. I’ll get it done right now. Just take a shower and before you know it, dinner will be done.”

He huffed his breath before making his way to the bedroom. He came back out, stomping.

“What the fuck, Y/n! You don’t have dinner ready but you can’t even prepare me a fucking bath!? God, you’re so fucking useless. I don’t even know why I ever started liking you in the first place!”

You sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been out of it today.”

“Clearly! Now if you don’t have dinner done by the time I come out, don’t expect me to stay here tonight.” And he went to shower.

“Sorry…” ~~~ It began to get too much for you. You couldn’t take it. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking. You missed the old (name) you used to know. You just wanted him back.

You slowly stepped in the bath and settled down before calling (name). He picked up. Surprisingly.

“What do you want, Y/n? You already know how busy I am. It better not be any bullshit.”

“I just want to ask you a few questions.” You voice wavered and you hoped he couldn’t tell that you were crying.

“Well, then get it over with.”

You took in a deep shaky breath.

“If I left you, how would you feel.”

“I don’t know, y/n. Ask me when I get home.”

“WAIT! P-please just listen… I just need you to listen as I ask.”

After a moment of silence, you continued.

“If you could never see me again, would that hurt you? If I died, would you care?”

You could hear a loud sigh coming from the receiving end.

“I don’t know. You act like you’re dying. I’m hanging up. I’m tired of you.”

*beeeeeeeeeeeeppp-* ~~~ When the call ended, (name) didn’t know what to do. He grew a bit worried. He knew he shouldn’t have talked to y/n like that. Work’s just been taking a toll on him and he took it all out on y/n.

He knew you should’ve apologized but his ego stood in the way so he never did.

But he couldn’t shake that horrible feeling that something terrible would happen. So he grabbed his coat, locked his office door, got in his car, and drove off. ~~~ The call ended. Any hope left that you had, hoping (name) still loved you, gone.

You grabbed the box cutter from the side of the tub. Tears blinded your vision and your pained sobs could be heard from miles away.

“I’m sorry, mom. I promised I wouldn’t join you so soon. But it hurts. It hurts so much. I don’t know if I can take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired. I don’t want to hold on anymore.”

You sobbed even harder as you slid the blade out. “I’m sorry that I love you, (name).”

Then you slit your wrist.

You could feel the blood dripping from it. It was warm like the water you were currently in. You felt your body slowly become colder as you heart beated rapidly. Your eyes began to droop and your breath became ragged.

You saw your memories come flashing by. Most of them being the happy memories you shared with (name). You smiled. You were dying and you smiled. At least the pain was ending and you no longer had to hurt. You guessed this was what people meant when they said that your life flashes before your eyes as you die.

You looked down and the water had become red already. The blood was sill draining from your body.

Then you heard someone burst through the door. You couldn’t tell who it was and you could barely hear them as they lifted you from the tub. ~~~ (Name) rushed into the house and he had to break through the bathroom door when you weren’t responding.

“Y/N!!! Oh, god. Y/n…”

He wanted to scream but he knew he had to stay calm. He was scared. This was all his fault.

“Y/n, y/n baby. Stay with me, yeah. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll get you out of here soon.”

He grabbed a face cloth and wrapped around your wrist to stop any further bleeding. Then he lifted you up and out of the tub.

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay, I’m here. You’ll be alright. Everything will be just fine.”

He wasn’t sure if he was saying that for you or for him, but it worked. What he was sure of though, was that he was thankful that y’all chose an apartment not to far from the hospital. About a 5 minute drive.

He rushed you to the hospital and they hooked you up but it was already too late.

You died as they were trying to put you on the hospital bed and give you blood. You were gone.

You were gone and you left (name) all alone.

He couldn’t believe it. He knew that he was the reason and the guilt ate at him. He already promised your mother to take care of you and he couldn’t even do that. He hated himself. He hated all of it.

“If you can hear me, I’m so sorry, y/n.”

coming back

seo changbin x gn!reader

(they/them pronouns used)

description: words make people, but usually not forever. losing the one you love. forever. why did it have to happen to changbin? was it a dream? it has to be. everything had a to a dream or it isn't real. they here with me. it makes no sense.

warnings: angst with some fluff parts, car accident, death of major character, depression, alcohol consumption(drink responsibly please), grieving, descriptions of panic attack, sadness, just sad.

wc: 3.7k

Post Date: Thursday, September 29th at 3:33pm CST

*comment if want to be on this tag-list*

coming back

seo changbin x gn!reader

(they/them pronouns used)

description: words make people leave, but usually not forever. losing the one you love. forever. why did it have to happen to changbin? was it a dream? it has to be. everything had a to a dream or it isn't real. they here with me. it makes no sense.

warnings: angst, car accident, death of major character, depression, alcohol(drink responsibly please), grieving, description of panic attack, sadness, just sad.

wc: 3.7k

a/n: I really made myself sad writing this....but I hope doesn't make you as sad and that you enjoy this. I'm sorry in advance!🤧😶‍🌫️

----------

why did I say that when I knew I shouldn’t have. I ran outside and tried to get the car, but they were already gone. shit. I quickly ran back inside and picked up my phone from the coffee table. I went my contacts and clicked of their name. bringing my phone my ear. come on answer the phone. it was to voicemail. “fuck.” I said, before hearing the beep. 

“y/n, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. It was wrong of me and I was totally out of place. please drive safe, don’t drive if you’re about to have a panic attack or if your too angry. I don’t want anything to happen to you. if you think we need a break, I understand. just know that I do truly love you. please be safe.” I said before ending the call. I ran my fingers through my hair, letting out a angry cry. I sat on the floor and just replayed our fight we had.

that was 4 years ago, no one has seen y/n. no call. no sightings of them, no car. the search for them lasted half a year before slowing into almost nothing. friends and family have came to the thought of them being dead, but everyone are wrong. y/n is going to show up and be okay. I knew them better than anyone. they always talked about wanting to move away without telling anyone where they were going. y/n always said that I was going to go with them but then our fight happened and now I don’t know where they are. y/n is okay, they’re not dead. they can’t be.

I woke up to my alarm going off. I sleepily turned it off and got out of bed. I walked into the bathroom and splashed water on my face before taking a look at myself in the mirror. messy bed head, sleepy eyes with dark circles. I sighed as I did my other bathroom duties. I walked back into my bedroom, feels empty still to this day without y/n. I made my way over to my dresser and got dressed for work. 

“hey changbin, how are you feeling today?” chan asked as I walked into the dance practice room. “okay, I went to bed late last night. I dreamt of y/n last night and had a hard tine staying asleep.” I said, putting my stuff on the table. “I’m sorry about that bin.” he said, patting my back before walking over to minho. I looked down at my phone and smiled at my wallpaper. a photo of y/n and I. them leaning into me, while I kissed them on the top of the head. I sat my phone down and walked over to the rest of the boys to stretch. today felt like it was going to be an extra long day and I wasn’t ready for it.

meetings, productioning, working out, dancing. interviews. the day kept going with my thoughts entering every time I wasn’t busy. I could tell the boys were seeing how my mood was falling throughout the day. 

sighing for what it felt like the millionth time. chan looked over to jisung with a look I could care less about. I just go home and wait for y/n like always. maybe they’ll answer the phone today. I didn’t realize I was looking down staring at my feet, zoned out. till something made me jump. I looked up to see chan right in front of me.

“are you sure you’re doing okay man?” chan asked with a worried look on his face. “yeah, I just keep thinking about y/n, a lot more than usual.” I said, messing my rings. chan sighed, “changbin. it’s been 4 years without hearing or seeing them. I think it’s time for you to accept that y/n isn’t coming back. that they’re most likely gone. forever.” chan said sadly. I took a sharp breathe as I felt tears prick to my eyes. I started shaking and shook my head no. jisung pulled me into a hug. that’s when I broke down into tears. “if they are, then y/n’s death would be my fault.” I cried out in jisung’s shoulder. “no it wouldn’t changbin. I know you two had a fight but we don’t know what happened after that.” jisung said, patting my head as I continued to sob. though his words were firm and loud, they didn’t meet my ears. my brain kept saying over and over, ‘it’s your fault.' making me cry even louder.

one more dance practice and the day will be over. “changbin you keep messing up the same move. try to focus.” minho said, I met his eyes in the mirror and nodded. the chorus of the song started over, I watched as our manager pick up the phone to answer a call in the corner of the room. I watched as his eyes widened before he calmed his expression quickly. we watched as he left the room. “they probably forgot to add something to our schedule again.” jeongin laughed out, making the rest of them laugh too. but at the same time, something didn’t feel right.

“boys we need to have a last minute meeting.” our manager said, guiding us the one of the meeting rooms. we all sat down at the table, waiting for what news to come. “this is going to be quick, but you guys are going on a week ‘break’.” he said, putting air quotations on the word break. “there isn't an easy way to say this but police found y/n’s car in the lake just right outside of town.” he said. I felt my world stop and my body numb in seconds. “they found remains in their car too. they need to identify if it is y/n.” he continued. the room was spinning. I’m going to throw up. I abruptly stood up, knocking the chair I was sitting in on the floor. everyone looked at me, I saw chan’s lips moving but I heard nothing. I shook my head and ran out the room.

I need to get home or somewhere that isn’t here.

bad dream. it’s a bad dream. I’ll wake up any moment. I kept telling myself that, running out the building and down the road. y/n’s gone. the one I saw spending the rest of my life with. the love of my life. I kept running till my legs gave in under me. I fell forward in the dirt, on my hands and knees with heavy breathing and just staring at the ground. car in the lake. dead. forever. I dug my fingers in the dirt and screamed my lungs out. my mind clouded over with questions that could never be answered. no happy ending. I sat up and looked up at the sky with blurry vision. 

“why! why did you take them from me!” I screamed out like anyone was going to hear. I looked back down and gave a ground one good punch. 

then I noticed were I was. the small quiet park that was way pasted my house and the dorms. the one I used to take y/n to. I felt my heart break even more. I felt my body closing in my itself. I laid down in the dirt. I felt like I couldn’t hold up my body. I just stared at the trees, the playground, and the flower bushes. crying, that’s all I could do. just cry.

what felt like hours, i just laid there. 

“changbin where are you taking me?” y/n asked as they walked beside me. i turned my head to them and smiled. “I think you know where.” I said. “is it the park?” y/n asked as their eyes light up. “yes it is.” I said, grabbing their hand and kissing it. “i’m going on the swings first! will you use me binnie?” they asked. “of course, why wouldn’t I.” I said as we finally made it to the park. y/n ran ahead of me, dragging me with them as they got to the swings.

they sat down and started to lightly swing. I smiled and walked around behind them. grabbing the cold metal chains, pulling back the swing. pushing it once it was high enough. hearing them laugh, making my smile hard at their voice. “hey changbin, guess what?” they said before going back in the air. “what?” I asked as they came back. “I love you.” they said quickly before going back up. feeling my heart skip a beat. they said it first. as they came back, I grabbed the swing making it swing side to side. “ah!” y/n said, hanging on tight. I wrapped arms around their neck and turned their head to me. I kissed their lips. strawberry lip balm on the their lips. “I love you too.” I whispered to them after I pulled away.

I finally had the energy to get back up. not knowing what time it was, I began my slow walk to the dorm. not having the heart to walk to a home that was meant for two. the sidewalk empty, the night sky still dark, and street lamps shining. I entered the building and went up to the level we live on. I got to the door and remembered I don’t have my keys or phone. I knocked on the door, hoping someone was up. very quickly the door swung open to a worried jisung. “chan, hyunjin! he’s here!” he called back into the apartment as he opened it enough for me to enter.

I hardly made it through the doorway when chan pulled me into the bone crushing hug. “where were you?” he asked when he pulled away. “at the park.” I answered, taking off my shoes. hyunjin rubbed my back to clean off the dirt. “you’ve been gone for 5 hours. it’s 3am.” jisung said. “okay. I just want to sleep guys, okay.” I said, pulling away from all them and going to my room. “alright. if you need one of us, we’ll be in our rooms.” hyunjin says. I nodded and walked down the hall to my room.

I closed to door and sighed. I looked around my room and saw my phone on the night stand. I walked over to my bed and got in. not even bothering changing before getting under the covers. I grabbed one of my pillows and held it tightly to my chest. 

“one day there is going to be a ring right here.” I said pointing to said finger, making y/n smile. “really? we’ve been together for 3 years. how many more till then?” they asked. I just shrugged my shoulders with a smile. “we are going to have a small wedding with all our friends. honeymoon to wherever you choose. then after a few years made a kid or two if we see fit.” i said, holding them close in my embrace. “oh, you’ve really thought about this?” they laughed out. I nodded and placed my hand on their cheek.

“I love you. your the love of my life. you’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” I said, kissing them. y/n hummed into the kiss and grabbed the back of my neck as the kiss turned into to a make out scene. they pulled away and looked at me with so much love in their eyes.

“make love to me seo changbin.” they said.

I shot up out of bed. did I fall asleep? I can’t tell. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. 4am. it’s only been an hour? I got up from bed and deceived to go get something to drink. I entered the kitchen and opened up the fridge. milk, orange juice, water…I bent down and at the bottom shelf. 4 bottles of soju. I quickly grabbed one and went to open it.

taking a big gulp of the stinging liquor, before downing the bottle, I grimaced at the taste but went to go get a second bottle. very quickly all four bottles were gone. I sat on the floor against the cabinet. I laughed bitterly as I remembered I bought a ring. a waste of fucking money.

“hello how can help you?” a nice woman said as she walked over to me. “yes, I’m going for an engagement ring for my partner.” I said with a proud smile. “yes! they are right over here. what ring size are they?” she said as she walked over to the beautiful rings. I told her the size and also I didn’t really had a limit on price. I waited as she pulled out all sorts of rings. “all of them are very beautiful.” I told her “yes but only will be special enough.” she told me. 

40 minutes of taking my time of looking at rings. then one finally caught my eye. a very simple ring. their birthstone as the center and two white diamonds on each side. it made me instantly think of y/n. I pointed to the ring and said that’s the one. the lady smiled and helped me check out.

I hid the box in my desk, in one of the compartments. where I kept meaningless wires and miscellaneous items where I know they won’t look.

“changbin?” I heard, waking me from my daze. the kitchen light was now turned on but I couldn’t make out who was in front of me. “I bought a ring for y/n you know. I was going to marry them.” I said with tears in my eyes as I hiccupped. “changbin.” they said again as they walked over to me. “now it’s a useless ring.” I said as they helped me up. “did you drink each bottle we had?” the person asked me. I shrugged my shoulders as they put one of my arms over their shoulder.

“let’s get you to bed changbin.” he said as we walked back to my room.

the person helped to bed and under the covers. “thanks whoever you are.” I slurred. “I’m chan, changbin.” he said, tucking me in. I nodded my head as I felt my head become heavy, more drunk then I’ve ever been. “try to get more sleep changbin.” he said, turning off the light. he was about to exited as I quickly at up. “where’s y/n?” I asked, looking around the room. chan froze, his head hung down. “their gone changbin. remember what our manager said earlier.” he said with a sad tone. “no they aren’t.” I said, trying to get out of bed.

chan rushed to the bed. “no changbin.” he said firmly. “no I need to find y/n.” I said, fighting to get out of the bed. chan called my name again but I ignored him. “they’re probably scared.” I said. “changbin! y/n. is. dead.” chan said as tears in his eyes. I stopped and stared into chan’s. “they're gone binnie. y/n isn't coming back.” he said as the tears fell down his cheeks. then everything hit me a 2nd time. car. lake. y/n. 

I bursted into tears as chan pulled me into his chest. 

chan held on to his friend till he fell asleep in his arms. he carefully laid changbin down on his pillow and tucked him once again. he walked over to the door and took one last look at changbin. chan felt his own heart breaking at the state that changbin was in. changbin was already walking on a thin line with egg shells. with the news, it broke that line and now he was falling into the dark bottomless pit below. that he doesn’t know if changbin can climb out of. he can only hope for the best.

“changbin! changbin!” he said a voice say. he turned over with the cold sweats, his own body still trying to waking up. “changbin!” they yelled louder, making him sit up in bed. he was breathing heavily, he looked around the room. he was back in his house. “hey binnie, you’re okay.” he turned his head to his left and saw y/n. he nearly had a heart attack. moving away from them, almost sacred like.

“y/n. you’re alive? or am I dead?” he said, checking his own body. “changbin, you were just having a nightmare.” they explained, pushing my hair from my face. he shook his head. “no but we got into a fight and you left and dead.” changbin rambled. “no baby. I didn’t, I went for a drive and 10 minutes later came back home. you were already asleep in bed. I listened to your voicemail. we both said things we shouldn’t have and I’m also sorry.” they said. he couldn’t believe if it was real, so he slapped himself. and hard too. “changbin!” they said, grabbing my hand. “stop, this is real life. I’m okay. you’re okay. we are fine. alright.” y/n said. he nodded, but y/n wasn't having it. “I need a verbal answer bin.” they said. “yeah. we are okay.” he said with a light smile. y/n smiled and leaned in and kissed him on the lips. “I need to get ready for work. I’ll visit you and the boys on my break.” y/n said, getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

changbin collapsed back on the bed. it was all a dream. a very bad and long dream. then again, your dreams go by faster than in real life…at least that’s what the internet says. changbin laughed at himself. I knew it. all a bad dream. 

“he’s barely showed any improvement. one week he be okay and the next he’ll have to start all over. he is so far into his head.” the doctor said to chan. they watch as changbin laughs on the bed before he stands up and walks to the other side and acts out taking a shower. “the death of y/n really destroyed him.” chan said. “I really haven’t asked but what happen?” the doctor asked leaning on the wall, looking at chan.

“well they had been dating for 3 years. they were totally meant for each other. one day they got into fight. y/n left the house, got in their car and drove off. changbin tried calling them. what the cops think is that y/n tried to answer the call and wasn’t paying attention and their car ran off the road into the lake outside of town. they didn’t find the car till two years later, changbin was crushed, he was going to propose to them. he didn’t believe that they were in the car since there was no remains in the car but he still grieved. no where near this state he’s currently in. we had a funeral, he seemed fine at the time but he was already falling in his head.” chan said, he looked behind him and saw the other boys sitting across the room. waiting for him to come back with a update on changbin.

“then two more years passed, every now and then we would catch him talking quietly to himself. he always brushed it off as him thinking of song ideas. we were at practice one day and our manager got a call that they, the police, found y/n’s remains. when we were told the news, that’s what completely broke him. he ran off, minho ran after him to make sure he didn’t do anything. he said changbin ran to the park that him and y/n used to go to all the time. he just cried and punched the ground and laid down. I don’t even think changbin remember what really happened at night. minho brought him to our dorm and changbin just walked to his room.” he continued, picking at the dirt under his nails.

“I remember hearing glass coming from the kitchen and saw changbin sitting on the floor. shit faced drunk. I took him back to bed and he fought me saying he had to find y/n. I had to yell at him at she was dead and not coming back, which we both broke down crying. I held him till he fell asleep. then the next morning, he was gone. changbin was completely in his head and couldn’t come out of it. first it was only at home, then during practices, backstage of our performances, till he said something on live tv and that entire time, he was getting help. but it just didn’t work. that’s when the company had to remove him and place him here, we hoped everyday for him to come back to reality. but I don’t think he’s coming out of it. it’s been eight years since y/n’s death and he’s been in his head for three years.” chan said. looking at changbin who now in the center of the room stretching his arms.

“that’s a very upsetting story but we’ll try to get him back for you and the rest of stray kids.” the doctor said. chan smiled at him. “thank you.” chan said. “did you want to say hi to him?” he asked, pointing at changbin. chan saw changbin now doing the choreo to back door. 

chan shook his head. “we have tight schedule right now. only enough time to see how he was doing. but tell him we’ll see him next time.” chan said to the doctor, which he nodded to. he held out his chan to chan, “well I hope you have a good rest of your day.” he said. “thank you, you too.” chan said, giving him a hand shake. chan glanced at changbin once more before walking back to the boys.

he saw how the boys looked at him, with so much hope. chan just shook his head and watched as their hopeful looks turned sour. chan took a deep breath in and said the words he never wanted to say. but after three years, he wasn’t has hopeful as he first was.

“I don’t think he’s coming back to us boys.” chan said with tears in his eyes.