So I Can - Tumblr Posts
ik this was the implications of the post but i wanna js type it out anyways that it feels really shit sometimes to live in such a shameful world that is so focused on everything being right.
i know sometimes the need to be good and "worthy" and all the other fun shame npd/hpd shame things in my head is exaggerated, but there truly is so much external shame. like where do we think it came from?
i was ranting to my friend about feeling inadequate in my kindness. that i felt shame for being selfish about it. that the fact i loved the attention from being kind made me feel so shit about myself. so horrible. that i was disgusting for it. that im a fraud. that i felt that i constantly had to mask because i either had to be kind or be shunned from society. that i had to be kind or the scum of the earth. that the fact i had to mask with kindness meant that i was actually the scum of the earth. because "truly kind" people didn't have to mask.
and that my kindness wasn't good enough. that i wasn't doing enough. that i was not good enough in my kindness because it was imperfect, or that it was because it was too inherently selfish which made it shit. or not worth it.
they told me that they literally did not care where my kindness came from. just that i was kind to them mattered. and that i was doing enough! that imperfection isn't bad! that kindness isn't going to inherently be good or perfect. that its okay to want thanks and praise for it. that i have needs too.
that i have needs too.
and that i did not always have to mask. kindness goes multiple ways, i can offer kindness. and people can be kind to me back when i am being a bitch. that i did not always have to hide the bubbling anger and hurt inside me. (because i matter too) (that i do not have to earn kindness) (that i do not have to earn kindness).
they also brought up that i was kind in so many ways that could make an impact. selfish or not. kind to the six year old kid that i'm going to grow up to hate. kind to the kids i've adopted in year 7 that i sometimes resent. kind to my friends who are complicated and hard and who deserve love no matter how much sometimes my brain gets so tired of loving and hurt from loving that it takes the feelings away again, that it makes me want to kill them sometimes. kind to my horrible ex, where its so much easier to be kind to them than my other friends but also so much easier to hate them forever. kind to them, always.
(they are truly the nicest to me) (and they make me better for it)
they told me that my kindness was a choice. that i chose over and over again to be kind. even if it was probably more of an inconvenience. even if it is the bare minimum, the fact that i choose it over and over again is so cool. (that even when it's the bare minimum most people do not realise how unkind they are as they preach its importance). that my kindness mattered no matter where it came from.
im just going to copypaste the thing they sent me
"the motivator is invisible!!!! you could be chaotic evil but all ur evil deeds are fundmentally kind and it literally would not matter!!!!!!!!! i know it wont change it, the feeling of hating and loving the attneiton as a thing that is good/bad wont change just from sasying this but i rpomise
it feels bad but its not"
who cares what a "truly kind" person is? that's not a thing.
i am kind for a multitude of reasons. i am kind because i learned to care about (some) people. i am kind because i want to try to help kids be happier, so they wouldn't end up like me (so that they won't hurt other people, so that they won't hurt themselves) (and even if they end up like me they will have someone to go to, someone who is somewhat positive in their lives, someone who will not hate them for being like me). i am kind because i love the attention from it (and i have to remind myself that that's okay, that i am not bad for wanting people's care). i am kind because i choose to be (and i don't always have to be).
and that's pretty cool.
I love you people who show kindness because "it's what you're supposed to do". I love you people who show kindess because they like being thanked. I love you people who show kindness because it makes them feel good. I love you people who show kindness because they were shown kindness first. I love you people who show kindness for "selfish" reasons. I love you people who show kindness for the "wrong" reasons. I love you people who show kindness in a body that rejects the very notion. Your kindness is not any lesser because of its motivations. The good you added to the world is just as valuable as someone doing it for the "right" reasons. Your effort is seen. Your effort is valued.
Those are not mine. These belong to support I need help with codes, tags, and links. Belong: @support
How to Make Redirect Pages
Lots of people use Pages to put links to important stuff at the top of their blogs. This is great for things that don’t change often but that your readers might want to find easily, like your About Me, Biography, Resume, Contact Info, Favorite Links, etc. These are static Pages that you create and maintain in the Customize area.
But what if you want to redirect those Page links to other sites? Redirect Pages can be handy if you want to link to your accounts on other web services.
Click “Add a Page.”
Type a Page URL after the slash (/). For example, if you’re redirecting to Twitter, you could type /mytwitter. If you’re redirecting to Facebook, you could use /myfacebook.
Change the Page Type from Standard Layout to Redirect.
Type or paste the web address that the Page will redirect to.
Check the box that says “Show a link to this page” and give the Page a title in the field next to the checkbox (e.g. My Twitter or My Facebook).
Click “Create page.”
Another frequently-asked question we get is “How can I make a link that takes you to all of my posts on a certain topic? Like ‘Personal’ or 'My Face’ or 'My Poetry’?” No problem! You can use a Page along with post tags to organize common posts.
The first thing you need to do is make sure that all the posts you want to appear on that page are tagged appropriately, i.e. with the tag “poem” or whatever. Then, you will follow instructions very similar to the ones above:
Click “Add a Page.”
Type a Page URL after the slash (/). For example, /mytag, but replace “my tag” with the tag you want to use.
Change the Page Type from Standard Layout to Redirect.
Type or paste the tag filter link that you’d like the Page to redirect to. For example, /tagged/mytag, but replace “mytag” with the tag you want to use.
Check the box that says "Show a link to this page” and give the Page a title in the field next to the checkbox (e.g. Photos, Work).
Click “Create page.”