Npd Safe - Tumblr Posts
People with Cluster B Disorders. I am sorry about the world. People with Psychotic Disorders. I am sorry about the world. People with OCD. I am sorry about the world.
So many people say they're allies, sometimes even specifically to you, but oftentimes they're lying. They refuse to accommodate on even the most basic level and then treat you like a monster. It's fucked up. It's not your fault. You are not uniquely evil or fucked up. They're just Ableist, and you're just naturally struggling in a world that makes itself completely hostile to you.
me as a little kid: is told that to be a narcissist is to be a self-absorbed abuser
internalizes this, misunderstands 'self-absorbed' as any sort of indulgence in confidence
develops depression by 8 years old, has a horrific lack of self-esteem and hardly allows myself to fully receive compliments
at least I'm not a narcissist!
me now: is a narcissist
bitches w npd be like
its me im bitches
goodnight to people with npd who are genuinely upset about it and wish they could feel empathy
not my usually post hut ii need to vent TRIGGER WARNING for talk of su1c1de, yelling, and sexual content. (and a little npd talk)
I'm actually going to fucking kill myself, ii saw a video on tiktok of a girl talking about how she was worried that her furry roommate was gonna fuck her cat because she found out they draw softcover furry porn. ii left a comment saying "ii promise you furries do not want to fuck your cat, being concerned about softcover furry porn means you're just vanilla"
enter 120 notifications of replies from people calling me chronically online and that fucking animals isn't okay. II FUCKING KNOW!!! II DONT CONDEMN BESTIALITY!!! Jesus fucking christ am ii insane??? am ii the only crazy person on this fucking planet???? not all furries are zoophiles. end of discussion.
God everyone is so fucking stupid and dense and I'm going to uninstall tiktok forever. ii swear to God sometimes I'm the only correct person ever. everything you say is wrong and I'm right and I'm always the better person. fuck you fuck tiktok fuck zoophiles fuck basic tiktok girlies who want me to kill myself
question for my narcs, who have you told about your diagnosis? and has your family been shitty about it?
I'm asking because I'm trying to get diagnosed but I'm worried my family being shitty about it. like "you're manipulating me right now aren't you!!" is something I'm worried about hearing.
something that has helped me disconnect from codependancy is realizing that married couples arent always together. they live together and spent time together but a lot of the time they just arent together but they still love eachother. they dont need to sleep in the same bed they dont need to constantly show eachother affection they can just coexist and still love eachother unconditionally. love isnt sacrificing every moment for someone, its having your life made better by their existence while you live
How to stop depending on a person who has wanted nothing to do with you for 8 months no glue no borax
I want to express my feelings violently
I want to express my feelings violently
I want to express my feelings violently
I want to express my feelings violently
I want to express my feelings violently
I want to express my feelings violently
I wANT TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS VIOLENTLY BUT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK THAT I SUPPRESS ANY AND ALL STRESS I FEEL THEN TAKE IT OUT ON MYSELF LATER
Me : I'm literally the best everyone loves Me
also Me : what why did you compliment Me? wdym you appreciate My company?? wdym you actually care about Me??? *flustered confusion*
Unfortunately, I think stigmatised disorder (personality disorders, psychotic disorders, etc) culture is realising something you experience has a name and finally feeling seen, but you go to google it for more resources and only find people talking about how horrible and morally evil you are for daring to have that symptom you never chose in the first place.
What is the difference between a “chosen person” and an “equal person”?
The terms chosen person and equal person refer to the special people a pwNPD have in their life. People with Cluster B disorders may have a “special person” in their life that can mark a difference in the way they have relationships with others. So, much like how pwBPD have their favorite person (FP, for short), pwNPD can have an equal person (EP) or a chosen person (CHP).
But what is the difference?
From what I have seen from other people with NPD, as well as my own experiences, both terms can be chalked up to as this:
Equal person is the person that is equally as important to the narcissist. The EP may be on the same level or close to as the narcissist, hence the name. This is a person that the narcissist cares for, who’s emotions and feelings are acknowledged.
Chosen person is the person that the narcissist values above everybody else. In other words, they are someone worthy of the narcissist’s time. Chosen people may be chosen because they hold a trait or have charcteristics that may interest the narcissist.
Why are these special bonds formed for pwNPD?
Simply put, the traits of our personality disorder may cause us to have rocky relationships with other people. It causes us not to care about other people, see them as inferior/useless, and become distant from some.
Empathy is a struggle for pwNPD, we don’t really have much of it. That is why EPs are special—they are a person the narcissist cares about, and sees close to or on their level.
Some pwNPD may not be all about socialization or having close friends. That is why CHPs are special—the narcissist likes this person a lot, and considers them worthy.
A chosen person can be an equal person, and vice versa. But they are not the same thing.
An equal person can just be an equal person. The narcissist may not have any relationship with them, or consider them a CHP. They are just a person the narcissist sees on their or close to their level.
A chosen person can just be a chosen person. The narcissist may not see their CHP as an equal—they are just someone the narcissist picked.
However, from what I’ve heard and my own personal experience, some pwNPD have CHPs or EPs that are also EPs or CHPs! Whatever they decide to use to describe their person, depends on the narcissist. Some use equal person, others chosen person.
I haven’t seen any posts about the topic, so I decided to make a post to spread the word. I hope this might help clear some things up for non-NPD and for my fellow narcissists!
It's been a while since I last posted something, but I just wanna say :
Please give your local narcissist some supply, it's hard out here guys 😭
YES YES YES this is what I feel
No matter how many people want me, no one will need me like I need them
It also does not help that I’m crashing rn so hhhhh ig I’m a useless lil thing until someone gives me praise.
then I’m god. bow before me, worm.
I have very high expectations for myself. Too high. Sometimes I think about what my life would have to be like in order to finally feel satisfied. To not feel so incompetent and miserable most of the time. And I couldn't find an answer. I would still feel pathetic on top of the world. Being the smartest, most beautiful, most admired, most skilled person, doing everything perfectly. Being practically an almighty God. And I would still feel incompetent and disgusting. Having NPD turns you into a black hole. You can only desperately gobble and gobble, hoping to feel full at some point, but nothing could fill a bottomless void. Everything that comes in, disappears. Forgotten.
Friendly reminder that people with stigmatized personality disorders like Borderline, Narcissistic, and Antisocial are people, too, and they struggle with their disorders more than anyone else. That's why it's called a "disorder;" it impacts their life in a negative way because of, more often than not, childhood trauma. People typically develop personality disorders because of things they went through in childhood that fundamentally changed the way their brains work, and it takes so much therapy and constant hard work to unlearn the behaviors adopted in childhood. (Not to mention that traumatized people are more likely to be re-traumatized later in life.) Vilifying people with these disorders is extremely harmful to them, others they care about, and those who care about them.
We are people, just like you. Please, be kind.
(imo npd creature by @imnotherelmao)
Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
i think one of the worst parts of NPD is that i genuinely have no idea how to distinguish if my emotional reaction is appropriate because what happened was genuinely fucked up, or if my reaction is being disproportionate to something i think is fucked up but really is just my ego speaking. and i can't just ask people to help me figure it out because it would be so easy for them to manipulate me in that situation. they could say whatever they want and i'm so desperate to not be a self-centered scumbag that i'd believe them. i fucking hate this miserable disease
Does "narcissist abuse" exist?
Well, I'll try to think of this as unbiased as possible.
Narcissist and Abuser are not synonymous. Many narcissists make an effort to not harm others and have never been or are currently not abusers.
NPD is a disorder with different presentations and sufferers have differents traits and severities: some narcissists are aggressive and external; some are more internal; some may be concerned with being a good person; some may overcompensate for their narcissism; some may take out the issues of their disorder on others; some may have trouble self-reflecting and hurt others; some may never hurt anyone; some may know how to deal with their traits while others may not.
NPD is a disorder that impacts both the sufferer and the people around them. It is important to talk about the sufferer, but also to acknowledge that it affects others as well. Especially if someone is untreated and unaware of their disorder.
It can cause someone to hurt others if it is left unchecked, if they were taught to hurt others, if they are unaware of their behavior, if they lack self-control, or if they simply have no desire to be a good person.
An abuser with NPD's reasons and ways of abusing someone may be different, just as an abuser with autism's would...and an abuser with depression, an abuser with bipolar, an abuser with schizophrenia, or an abuser who is not mentally ill at all.
I have heard a story about a woman with schizophrenia who was convinced her children were possessed by the devil and tried to attack them. Does this mean everyone with schizophrenia is dangerous? No. Absolutely not. Did her disorder affect the way she treated others in a negative way? Yes, because it presented in this way, and she was completely unaware and untreated. She is a victim in the fact she was dealing with these delusions and this fear, just as her children were victims for having to deal with the way she acted. Again: someone being schizophrenic does not mean they will hurt you. If someone who is schizophrenic tries to hurt you, that isn't representative of everyone with schizophrenia. (Many people with schizophrenia do not try to harm people at all.)
I also heard about the difficulties of a child living with bipolar mother who treated her disorder with alcohol, causing her to accidentally harm her child in many ways. Obviously, her disorder and addiction are relevant in talking about the experience, but we all know people with bipolar disorder are not abusers just because they are bipolar; and addicts are not abusers just because they are addicts.
Abuse can be done on accident, especially if someone was raised around it or thinking it was okay, or if they have a disorder affecting how they see things. In some cases, explaining and trying to help people realize their behavior can work. In others, it won't; some people don't want to listen or get better. If thats the case, thats on them. But no matter what, abuse is a choice. It can be done without awareness; but it is still a choice.
Anyone can be an abuser, and the equation of one disorder with abuse is not only dehumanizing to the people with this disorder, but can actually hurt victims of abusers who aren't narcissists, or victims who are narcissists.
My point is that it can be relevant to say your abuser had NPD. But someone being an abuser doesn't mean they are a narcissist, and the NPD isn't what needs highlighted...its the abuse. Yes, you can say your abuser had NPD, I don't think it's wrong to make a space to discuss this with people who had a similar experience either.
Many people in my family are narcissists/narcissistic, and quite a few of them hurt people or have been abusive. So I won't deny that a lot of narcissists (especially ones who externalize their narcissism and who are completely untreated, also when they refuse to admit they have a problem) treat others badly. I also know some of them don't actually have bad intentions and that others do have (in a way) bad intentions. Some were raised to think it was okay. I also know of narcissists who internalize it, who are aware of their narcissism, who do their best to not hurt others, who are victims themselves.
NPD should be talked about from the perspective of people with NPD, but this doesn't mean people who dealt with abusive people with NPD can't talk about it. As I said, I had no problem with an article about an abusive mother who had bipolar disorder; it was relevant.
A lot of "narcissistic abuse" described is just abuse. A list of abusive behaviors doesn't need to say narcissist at the top. It is completely irrelevant. Say it if it is relevant.
---
TLDR; Your abuser being a narcissist can be relevant, and you can talk about it, narcissists can be abusers and their disorder can play a part in it. But not all narcissists are abusers, and "narcissist" is equated with abuser. This is why people do not like the term "narcissistic abuse." It, in a way, equates narcissism with abuse. "Narcissistic abuse" is as real as "autistic abuse" or "bipolar abuse."
Don't use narcissist as a word for abuser. Say it if it's relevant.
I have no problem with a subreddit, therapy group, or community for people who dealt with abusive narcissists, but I want people to not perpetuate a stigma.
I sympathize with those who were abused, but narcissism isn't abuse; abuse is abuse. Narcissism can play a part, but that is not what the abuse is, and that is not THE cause of the abuse.
Abuse is abuse, and anyone can abuse.