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I don't have any more exams this week and now is the first day that I haven't seen R and I miss him already. Fuck I know that he's at the university and others can talk to him but I can't AHH.

Since yesterday, I have been quiet and didn't write to him... our last conversation was at school. It's also such a strange feeling, bc until now we exchanged a few words almost every day in messages, but now I'm completely silent and R silent too. I don't dare to do anything bc I'm afraid I'll screw something up.

I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to be too much for him, bc what if I scare him away? idk what to do now girls...🙁

painful truth.

MY GIRLS HELP ME

My dad called to me and say he was having a Christmas party. (can't believe he parties more than me lol) and that means R will be there too…but this is the second day we haven't talked…what should I do?😣 Dad said his colleagues and a couple of relatives I know will be there too, but I don't know if I should go or not. Help me girls, do you think I should go? Anyway, I really want to, bc I have the opportunity to meet him, but I'm a little stressed.

I see Him again tonight!!!!! (finally) we haven't spoken in four days, which is very strange, it's never happened before.🙄 I want to dress very cute and pretty so that when R sees me, he wants to marry me.💁

wish me luck girls <3

WHAT A NIGHT GIRLS awdgsdefh

I will update soon!!!! I'm not home yet bc today I'm at the Christmas market with my friends but I will tell you this much that I have his hoodie.....😭😭😭

I see Him again tonight!!!!! (finally) we haven't spoken in four days, which is very strange, it's never happened before.🙄 I want to dress very cute and pretty so that when R sees me, he wants to marry me.💁

wish me luck girls <3

AHHHH girls I'm sorry that I haven't updated yet, but I had to do so much today (baking, cooking, wrapping presents, etc.) I didn't have time to sit down and write out my thoughts at length, but I promise, as soon as I have time, I'll definitely tell you what happened.😭😭 AND YES HIS HOODIE IS MINE NOW HAHAH

Until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS GIRLS!!❤ I'm glad to be part of such a good community and I hope everyone has a good Christmas.

I see Him again tonight!!!!! (finally) we haven't spoken in four days, which is very strange, it's never happened before.🙄 I want to dress very cute and pretty so that when R sees me, he wants to marry me.💁

wish me luck girls <3

I would love to be your Christmas present.

R texted to me and wished me a Merry Christmas and I wrote back to him saying "Merry Christmas I hope you are having a good time with your relatives" then imagine he sent a picture of an angel statue that was on a coffee table then he wrote: "looks like you! :)"

ohhmmygod excuse me?!😭😭

btw I can't wait to go home and write the big update!!

Big update I Christmas Gathering

IM HERE FOR UPDATE FINALLY!! I'm sorry in advance if it's long, maybe I'll post it for you girls in two parts <33

So I arrived a little late to the Christmas gathering, I had prepared too much. I was wearing a white ruffled skirt and a white shirt over which I wore a knitted vest + long black platform boots. (I like this style)

When I arrived, the celebration was already in full swing, dad loves these kinds of gatherings, he had already decorated the house, so it was really a Christmas atmosphere. Of course, I immediately noticed R, who was talking to a couple of people in the living room, and girls couldn't believe how good he looked even in a weird Christmas sweater. haha His hair was slicked back and a few strands hung in his eyes and he was wearing black linen pants. I love seeing a different side of him outside of school.

Since everyone was drinking and in a good mood, I quickly went to the kitchen to relieve my tension, bc I honestly didn't know many people at this big party, so far there were only small gatherings for a close circle of friends, but now I saw several strangers here, who of course knew who I was bc my father's acquaintances, but it was so awkward to introduce myself at the beginning. mehhhh

I started drinking some champagne to get rid of my anxiety and started talking to a couple of women who might have been the same age as R, idk, the point is that I was almost the youngest lol... However, they were very nice to me and I started to feel better, BUT then you won't believe it, they started talking about mens. AHH and my stomach immediately lurched as his name was said it this conversasion.🙄

A part of me knew that R was quite popular among women because, well…his a "dilf", as the women called him in the kitchen, (lol) but the reality still annoyed me and slapped me in the face that yes, R could actually get anyone here at the party. No matter how much I prepared, no matter how much I hoped like an idiot, there are much better, older, more mature women in the world than me. I was so immersed in my dark thoughts that I didn't even notice that I wasn't drinking my first champagne. lol

Just imagine, one of them just randomly interrupted my overthinking with the question of whether I like someone. I just said no quickly. What can I say to this? That "Yes, I like R?" Absolutly not!!😭 No one in my father's circle of acquaintances will know. Good heavens, what would dad do if he found out? But they didn't leave the subject and kept asking questions, and I awkwardly just smiled while they giggled in front of me. They were in a good mood, they enjoyed the Christmas party and I don't blame them, maybe I didn't handle the situation properly and kept away from them. I then poured myself another champagne, but then all three women immediately remained silent, which was very strange, I felt I had done something, but omg, the girls didn't remain silent because of me...

"Ladies, hold back a bit" - he said

I knew right away that R was behind me and I immediately turned around, even though I didn't want to, but it was instinctive. At first, he didn't look at me, but only at the friends of the three girls (or, idk, maybe acquaintances), then the girls just laughed and started talking, but I don't even remember what bc I wasn't paying attention to them.

After that, R immediately looked at me with a big smile and said: "There you are! I thought you wouldn't come"

I'm sure he's been drinking, he's much more direct at this time and he's obviously very happy for me. I told him I had some things to do but I'm here. Then I saw that his eyes were strikingly running over me and he said to me:

"You are so pretty today!"

MY PLAN WAS SUCCEEDED AND HE COMPLIMENTED MY OUTFIT😭

I thanked him for the compliment and after the girls went away he asked if they were very intrusive with me, bc unfortunately when they drink they tend to ask too many questions and he saw that I was tense and I quickly told him that there was nothing wrong, it was just a bit much at once . I then looked at him and added that he also looks good, and he laughed and said: "Your dad gave me a really ugly hoodie and you think I look good?"

Since he was right, I had to laugh at that and told him that this is still better than my set, bc don't have a big hoodie that would have a Christmas atmosphere and I know that dad asked for it separately, bc this is dress code. Then comes the big WTF!!! He just drank into his glass and after that he said:

"I have two, would you like my other hoodie?"

To be honest, girls, I didn't know what to say to that, I might have very stupid face bc R laughed and playfully patted my head and continued: "I thought I could get away with a plain burgundy hoodie, but your father needed something uglier than that, so I'm not wearing it, but if you want, I'll give it to you, even though it might be a little big on you."

My brain switched quickly and I told him that, of course, at least this way I wouldn't hang out so much from the line, and after that he gave it to me and I hid in it and we laughed about how much bigger the hoodie for me. But I was so happy, I could smell him all night and it felt like there was something between us bc I was in his hoodie. After that, I completely relaxed with him, I was very relieved that he wasn't angry with me, as you know we hadn't spoken for four days before that and I was a little worried that bc of that I had written him something unpleasantly stupid last time. But luckily I didn't feel anything bad, in fact it was quite strange that he enjoyed my company so much, imagine that he even put his arm around my shoulder a few times and proudly told others that I was one of his best students and that he thought I was much more mature than others.

I don't think this man knows what he did to me. I began to bond with him more, and that couple of champagne inside me made him even more loving. I didn't feel that I was his student anymore, I even forgot for a moment that he was my teacher at the moment, I was fooling around with him and I held onto his arm many times, and HE DIDN'T MIND!!!😳 Specifically, he let me be silly next to him and never once refused my closeness.

I hope I wasn't too much for him....

So, girls I feel that our relationship has reached a new level!! This is all I'm writing to you now, bc you may not even read it, it's so long. lol SORRY AHH but I'll tell you girls about more story in a second post if my thoughts come to mind.

Im really into him now💘😭

"Guys my age don't know how to treat me Don't know how to read me Guys my age don't know how to touch me Don't know how to love me good..."

I WILL SEE HIM TOMORROW!!!!!🤧😳😳😳

I wrote to him that I forgot to give him the gift I bought for him, but I know he has a lot to do, so I will give it to him after the holidays at the latest if he doesn't have time. .. and guess what he wrote back: "Did you seriously buy me a present? You're so sweet!"

I quickly texted him to i'll give it to him on January blaa blaa and he wrote: "Actually I'll be in town tomorrow and I'll have some free time, if you're free too, we can go for coffee. :)"

IM FREE FOR YOU ANYTIME WTF YOU SPECIFICALLY KILL ME SIR

I Update one I

Hiii girls!! I'm here with a little update! Let me start by saying that I feel like I'm in a romance / drama novel or something that I'm going to have a difficult time getting out of if this continues. lol

We agreed that we would meet at the center bc he had business there and it didn't really matter to me bc anyway I almost had a heart attack twice while sitting on the bus. :):) I tried to dress nicely, although to be honest my ass almost froze in a skirt, because it was extremely cold today, but you have to do everything to be memorable, u know hihi…

I wrote to him that I was about to be there, and then he sent me the address of which cafe he was waiting in front of, which was actually a few steps away from the center. and oh my goodness girls…when I saw him uhh he was wearing an elegant gray jacket and he was smoking. I couldn't believe that this particular person was waiting for me. Anyway, I rushed over to him quickly, clutching my little gift in my hand, and when he looked at me, I waved at him, and he smiled at me and put out his cigarette. I honestly didn't know how to say hello, bc now we met outside of school and I was very embarrassed. >< But thank God I didn't put myself in an awkward position bc he immediately asked how my journey was and I said that the bus wasn't far, so it was quite good, then I asked what this place was, while I looked into the cute little cafe, which I hadn't been to before.

He said that this is one of his favorite cafes in the center, it's small but not crowded and the cakes are very delicious. So we went in and the whole place was really so cozy, I could still feel the Christmas spirit. The seats were in such a separated u-shape / or in a semi-circular shape (I hope you understand) with a round table, so when I sat down I actually realized that R was quite close to me, bc we were not sitting opposite each other. (adjsweferg)

I tried to hide the fact that I was embarrassed in front of him and immediately started looking at the menu, while he started to tell me so cutely that he was very tired these few days, bc he also had to correct the exam assignments while he was with his family. I also told him that it's not easy to be a teacher, and then I conspicuously shut my mouth. I saw him wear black turtleneck top and OMG his muscles looked really good in him and I think he noticed that I looked at him bc he just grinned at me and asked what was wrong and I just laughed and said that it was nothing. But AHH GIRLS it really looked like I was staring him flirty … my face must have been as red as a tomato LOL kill me

I quickly asked what he would recommend and while we chose cakes and coffee we started talking. He asked me how my Christmas was and while I was telling the story, I noticed several times that he was paying so much attention to me… sometimes I didn't even know what I was saying, bc he was simply mesmerizing me with his eyes. Meanwhile, he was relaxed all the time, as if it was such a natural thing that we meet and you know… this is not fair bc ah I WAS DYING LOL HOW WAS U SO CALM??

Then we got our order, I asked for caramel coffee + apple pie and he asked for plain black coffee + cheese cake. Everything was very delicious and I told him this pie was also very delicious and then I asked how his cheesecake was and he replied: "Its good, would you like to taste it?" (EXCUSEMEEEEE) and me was like a little girl who dont know what to do but i said

"may I taste it?

then he gave me a small piece of it and it was really good, but I don't know what was better, the cake or the fact that it was his cake..😳

and don't get mad girls, but I have to stop updating here, bc honestly a lot happened today, I'm really exhausted and I'm about to fall asleep.😭😭 But I thought I'd give you a quick update and I promise I'll continue tomorrow in another post!!! <3333

I UPDATE TWO I

I'll continue yesterday's update! c:

So I got a taster of the blueberry cheesecake, which was very delicious, and then I asked if he would like a bite of my pie. (or maybe a bite of me?) lol Then he quite brazenly imitated my polite question "may I taste it?" as if he was teasing me...🙄 Anyway, we had such a good talk afterwards, luckily I managed to calm down, you know at the beginning I'm always very embarrassed, but then I see how direct he is with me and he makes nice jokes, so this helps me to calm down and try to give myself. I also told him that I don't have to pretend to myself with him and I'm glad to have such a person in my life. I meant this as a compliment, but he looked at me so seriously and said to me: "You shouldn't pretend to be anyone, because you're good the way you are, I like who you are and I'm sure others people would like it too."

I know he didn't say it in a romantic way, but it felt so good and I just said it: "I like who you are too, I think you are a wonderful teacher and a great person, I like your classes!"

I would have actually said that I love you, but I couldn't do that. He ruffled my hair as usual like a little child while saying that he would end up blushing if I said such things to him. (ohh..oh😳) We sat in the cafe for about two hours after he had to go on, so we walked out of the cafe and thank goodness I remembered the gift in time, bc that's actually why we met, so before we said goodbye I quickly gave him and I said: "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, thank you for your support and thank you for everything"

After that, I watched excitedly as he looked into the package, then I saw him happy and looked up at me and said: "A bracelet?"

I nodded violently and said that since I could see that he liked to wear jewelry, I thought he would like it.

and guess what, the end is THE BEST!🤧🤧🤧 Everything happened so fast that I couldn't even react in time, but suddenly he walked towards me and hugged me and said thank you very much and happy new year. He smelled so good, as did his hoodie, which I still have in my room. After that, I turned back several times after we said goodbye and I think everyone on the bus looked stupid bc I was grinning so much.

I think it was the best way to end the year and I can't wait to see him again next year. <3

New Year's resolution? I'll do my best so that my delulu is at least a little trululu and my teacher falls into sin with me

Happy New Year girls!!!🎉 I hope this year turns out the way you want it to be for everyone! <3

It's going well for me so far, I had a good party yesterday and I texted him before midnight saying happy new year with a picture of my martini glass. haha R wrote back saying happy new year and sent me a picture of him holding a glass of champagne and guess what was on his wrist??? The bracelet I gave him❣️

YOOO GIRLS won't believe this!!😳

Today, one of my university friends, with whom we are classmates called me and excitedly talked about how she was looking forward to our philosophy class (which we took as an extra subject). so I asked what the excitement was, and she replied:

"Today I had an exam in the morning and I sat down for a coffee with one of my friends and there were a couple of teachers sitting at one of the tables. Then my friend drew my attention to one of the teachers, who turned out he our philosophy teacher and so upon closer inspection he looks very good" (Girl excusemeeee??!)

She was very cute, but I was very surprised, I didn't think that one of my friends would like one of our tc's. (welcome to the club girl lol) I'm going to take the exam tomorrow anyway, so I'll take a closer look at our philosophy teacher afterwards. Muhahahaa😏

Oh and I'm sure I'll see R too, so I'm looking forward to an exciting day! *giggle* *giggle*

YOOO GIRLS won't believe this!!😳

Today, one of my university friends, with whom we are classmates called me and excitedly talked about how she was looking forward to our philosophy class (which we took as an extra subject). so I asked what the excitement was, and she replied:

"Today I had an exam in the morning and I sat down for a coffee with one of my friends and there were a couple of teachers sitting at one of the tables. Then my friend drew my attention to one of the teachers, who turned out he our philosophy teacher and so upon closer inspection he looks very good" (Girl excusemeeee??!)

She was very cute, but I was very surprised, I didn't think that one of my friends would like one of our tc's. (welcome to the club girl lol) I'm going to take the exam tomorrow anyway, so I'll take a closer look at our philosophy teacher afterwards. Muhahahaa😏

What if one day I went to school wearing his hoodie? Let's just imagine…what if...👼

Okay, this day was such a teen rom-com!!!🤧

After the exam, my friends and I usually discussed the assignments, but I was wildly looking for R and the philosophy teacher. (let's call him M) obviously bc I was curious, he really is as handsome as my friend said on the phone yesterday. Bc of course I didn't really notice other teachers besides R. So after my friends went for coffee, I went to spy and literally hid behind one of the big plants from where I could spy on the corridor where the philosophy classes were held.

I tried not to be suspicious, but I don't think I even noticed myself, I was so focused on seeing that certain handsome teacher. Are there seriously any teachers here who are as hot as R? I doubt! I have to see him, you know, and you have to concentrate on that!! lol

and now come the comedy girls *movie scene*

I was trying to peek, a direct question "What are you doing?" suddenly came from behind me and I was sooooo scared that a "Jesus fuck" left my mouth. YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.💀 I think everyone can guess that my extremely hot teacher R was standing behind me, (so who else obviously…) who made such a surprised face. I was completely taken aback by his voice, and I told him that you "scared me" and he looked at me in confusion and then asked:

"What are you doing behind the bush?"

I simply answered: "I'm spying" As if it was the most natural thing in the world and I could see that he was a little confused, so I decided to initiate, and then I asked him to come closer, bc I didn't want anyone else to hear us.

✨Now there were two of us standing behind the bush, which was damn unsuspicious✨ (of course STUPID)

I told him that I only wanted to see the philosophy teacher, but how could I say that in a way that wouldn't be misunderstood??????? NOT POSSIBLE. So I could see R's face getting more and more grim as I whispered fiercely to him like an idiot teenager then he asked:

"Why are you spying on M?

I to be honest with him, so I told him that a couple of my friends think M looks good and I just want to make sure.

Actually, I knew very well that there was nothing to react to this, so when R just stared at me in amazement, I told him to forget it was such a girly thing. Then our awkward situation was finally interrupted by the end of class and the students were just coming out of the room, and I remember very well that when I wanted to hide behind the bush, R grabbed my shoulder and specifically pushed me away from the bush while saying softly:

"Haven't you seen spy movies? No one hides so conspicuously"

At that point I had to laugh, and I'm still laughing now as I write this to you girls, bc yes, it was so funny, even though He wasn't laughing at all, in fact, he was very serious. But ahh he grabbed my shoulder (awwww) Then M finally came out and guys I have to say, this man is really good looking. Of course, R will always be my first, I just thought I'd give my opinion. So, after quickly analyzing the man, I turned back to R, who I think I shocked with my scene, but before I could open my mouth, he was faster and said:

"I don't think I want to know but I'll ask anyway. So what do you think he looks like?"

I never thought that I would talk to another teacher with him as if we were best friends, but looking back now, it's even funnier than it was then. He seemed to be interested in my opinion, so I told him that the girls were right, and upon closer inspection, M really looks good. I thought he would think me was childish bc of the whole situation, bc when I was hiding behind the bush, he cut his head like that. But now it's like he's making the same face, only with different emotions, which I don't know what it was, but it's definitely different. Then he folded his arms in front of him again and then I noticed my bracelet on him and oh my goodness I was so happy for him that I had to grin at him. YES, THAT'S MY BRACELET! WEAR MY BRACELET!🎉 I jumped for joy inside, but then he spoke:

"But he's not too old?"

My mind was completely elsewhere, so at first I didn't understand who was old, but then YES *good morning* I realized that M was still the topic, bc I was the only one who wandered off for a few seconds.

So I quickly snapped: "like you?"

It was sooo funny to see that R coming after me in the hallway telling me not to say he looks 50 years old. he immediately started explaining to me that He is not old at all and that M is about 45+ years old etc etc. 😭😭😭

So that was the point of the day and obviously not that I survived my exam anyway. Bahahhhaha 🙈