Thoughts On Life - Tumblr Posts

that comment about how you should not borrow grief from the future has saved me multiple times from spiraling into an inescapable state of anxiety. like every time i find myself thinking about how something in the future could go wrong i remember that comment and i think to myself: well i never know, it might get better. it might not even happen the way i think it will and if it does happen and it is sad and bad ill be sad about it then, when it happens. and it’s somehow soo freeing

showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

making art is just like showering………can’t get up and do it, can’t stop when you’ve started. you want to crawl out of your skin if you don’t do it often enough. everything in the world is the exact same

Me with literally all my hobbies. I sometimes beat myself up over it, thinking like “ugh why can’t I finish any of these drawings instead of starting more new ones”.

But this post reminds me that the joy in these things is in the process of making them - I do them to have fun. Not to say that finally seeing a finished product can’t be satisfying or fulfilling - it usually is - but I don’t think that’s worth beating myself up for all the ones I haven’t finished.

At the end of the day it’s far, far better to start 100 projects you actually like and enjoy doing, than to never start any at all because you can’t motivate yourself to finish the first one you started. It’s exactly as they say: perfect is the enemy of good. So next time, I’ll tell myself: It doesn’t have to be perfect, just “good”. Whatever that is to you. Because a perfect life is lived striving, not for perfection, but to do good things.

Draw badly. Write nonsensically. Embroider messily. Burn what you bake and cook. Get paint everywhere. Read half a book. Lose your mind for a bit. Plant things. Have faith in the process. Abandon 70 wood-carving projects. Get a kit and do some of it and never return to it. Get comfortable with sucking and losing motivation. Continue to create with reckless abandon.

‘I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me.

i have too much joie de vivre for this

There is so much more life to live when you stop constantly obsessing over who will think you're a bad person or not understand you

I am learning this in the tiniest bites but it pierces me deeply

something I've realised is that cringeing or feeling disgust towards someone else (and even whole groups of people) or feeling superior to them and more 'normal' is really, to a very large extent, just your own insecurities and shame towards yourself projected onto others. you would feel ashamed or embarassed if you did it so you want them to feel the same way - and it makes you uncomfortable or angry or confused when they don't.

admittedly it can be difficult but, im trying to stop myself from feeling this way because it hurts others and (maybe even more) it hurts yourself.

from "gender outlaws: the next generation"

image transcript:

Let me break it down this way: some lesbians and gays feel that their issues are more important than transgender issues, because transgender people are freaks. Some transgender people—often, but not only, transsexuals—view transsexual issues as more important than the issues of, say, cross-dressers. Some among the more genderqueer portions of our community look down upon those who opt to live in a more “normatively gendered” space. There are even groups that cross-dressers feel superior to: sissies, drag kings and queens, “little girls,” and so on. Yes, I’m sure that we could follow even each of these groups and find that, eventually, everyone has someone they view as a freak.

This is a human phenomenon, and one which occurs especially, it seems, among marginalized groups. Trekkers versus trekkies versus people in Klingon costumes, or furries versus fursuiters versus, oh, plushies. I’m sure if I looked at model railroaders, I’d probably find that HO gauge fans look down at N scale, or something like that. The taxonomies are endless, often circular, and are usually graded to a fineness that would be invisible to any outsider. We just want to identify the “real” freaks, so we can feel closer to normal. In reality, not a single one of us is so magically normative as to claim the right to separate out the freaks from everyone else. We are all freaks to someone. Maybe even—if we’re honest—to ourselves.

Just realized that the reason I love making friends on tumblr is because it’s exactly how you make friends on the playground as a six year old. No, I don’t know their name but they love mermaids too and built this awesome sand castle. No, I don’t know their age but their imaginary cheetah is friends with mine. You like this show? You like this character?? You can sing the theme song really loud??? Here is a flower crown. Here is a juice box. You can share my time and I might never see you again but part of you stays in my soul forever. In my mind we’re still on the swing set and the sky is blue and nothing will ever be wrong again.

I had a vision

The fact that humans can be killed through physical means is so ridiculous to me

I’ve had almost this exact fantasy for years, probably ever since I was a kid (tho I don’t have it so often I think anymore). I didn’t realise so many other people have also thought the same thing but… in hindsight maybe I should have guessed. That this is something a lot of people would want and could relate to.

I think it kind of evolves from the childhood fantasy of secretly being a superhero or wizard or similar. It feels like it’s driven by a similar desire, and relies on a very reminiscent situation of finding out. And then evolves into this: a more ‘mundane’ more ‘realistic’ version.

I always wanted there to be a reason why I was secretly special or an explanation of why I was different to others and struggled at certain things. More than other people did it seemed sometimes. And turns out there IS a reason actually. Huh. I’m trans and have gender dysphoria and probably neurodivergent of some sort too. And I’m sure many other people who had this fantasy were dealing with similar things too, like maybe a disability or mental health issue. But unfortunately that isn’t something you can just get a vitamin or an operation for and ‘fix’ or make easier overnight (at least not completely). No, it’s something you have to work with and live with your whole life.

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

its weird being someone who feels so much.

like yes my heart swells up when the sun hits my face or when i get the last cookie. it gives me such unmeasurable amounts of joy.

but then, without a warning, my mood plummets and suddenly, everything either irks me to the point where i wanna scream and pull my hair out or something hurts which makes me wanna crumble and sob