Tw Homicide Threats - Tumblr Posts

"luca, you're not a failure! you're just not putting in the effort!" I hope your head gets smashed in with a brick.

You do not get to tell me how to feel about my future and how my life will go, especially not after everything I've been put through.

I. GIVE. UP.

I'm done with trying to keep my grades up only to end up failing all of my classes by the end of the semester, I'm done with trying to maintain friendships that will eventually fall apart, and I'm done with trying to be a good person when all people do is just put me down again.

everyday is a constant loop of the same fucking bullshit, with no breaks whatsoever, and idk what happened, but I guess I just eventually snapped.

Remember that shitty teacher I was thinking about killing?

Well, today I got pulled out of class to go speak with a counselor and a security guard because my therapist had reported my homicidal thoughts to them, and they spoke with me about it.

When they asked about a weapon, I pulled out some scissors I had in my bag and put it on the desk, and I guessed they took it as a sign that i was gonna kill the teacher and they had me to a threat assessment.

Now, granted, yes I would use those scissors on that teacher, but it's not like i have a PLAN to do it. I can't even tackle down my 2-year-younger sister, let alone a grown ass man with the most greasiest hair I had ever seen in my life, and also it'd take WAY too much time and effort to make a plan to actually go through with it without getting caught, so why would I?

Long story short: I got suspended for 3 days and I ended up doing a threat evaluation after I left campus.

Listen, idc how serious threats are, but the fact that it literally me took me threatening a fucking teacher for someone to finally listen to me makes me so fucking angry, and atp, I'm fucking done.

This is EXACTLY why I say that nobody cares about you unless you're dead or making threats.

I have had my mental health dismissed for YEARS, and anytime I started showing non-romanticized mental illness signs, I was blamed and degraded for it. I had teachers complain that I was "resisting" the work in class, and how "disruptive" I was, an it just-- AUGHHGFHJGRJHFKGGEFWKJJEF /NEG

AND GET THIS! Similar shit happened at my old school and my mom had to transfer me from that school just so I wouldn't go and kill anyone, it was BAD. They basically proved my point.

I could've gone to jail, both for that time and today. And they don't care, because they want my life to be shitty. They want me to suffer.

Back to the topic regarding the teacher, My mom is literally defending him and victimizing him, basically saying "oh, he misworded it, he didn't mean to piss you off! he understands you!"

What the actual fuck.

I do not give a flying fuck what his intentions were, the impact is still there, and it could've costed his life.

he KNEW i was mentally ill, he KNEW that I had a lot of trauma from my old school. Yet for some fucking reason, his mentally healthy greasy haired bitch ass, had the fucking BALLS to tell me that it was MY fault that I was struggling, and to add on to that, he basically called me a dirty lazy pig (not what he actually said but he might as well have said that) because my hygiene was shit at the time BECAUSE I AM MENTALLY ILL.

And when this shit happened, he has he nerve to go and play the victim card and pretend like he didn't know.

Fuck you Mr. Gonzales, and fuck the school system entirely, ESPECIALLY THOSE BITCH ASS SCHOOL COUNCELORS THAT ARE SO USELESS THAT YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT HAVE THEM.

"just use coping strategies" KILL YOURSELF, I AM MENTALLY UNSTABLE, YOU THINK JUST FUCKING BREATHING IS GONNA FIX ME??? FUCK YOU!

Anyway, I'm supposed to be working on homework, but after today, I'm not gonna do that shit, fuck that. Not like I care about my grades anyway considering how bad my mental health has been for the past 7 years.

It's actually kinda funny how one minute I could be casually scrolling through Tumblr and next thing I know it's like 8pm and I have to do a suicide threat assessment because I have to do a manifestation hearing for the homicide threat I made against my teacher on Thursday and there's a high chance I'm gonna get expelled and it's making me feel like everyone's gonna hate me and that my dad's gonna kick me out of the house for it.

Fuck you American school system. :3

Anyway I'm starting Intensive outpatient therapy next week and I get the rest of the semester off of school (if they decide not to expel me), so ye :p