Wonderingoutloud - Tumblr Posts

"What's my thang? Tell me now". Do you wonder why things are the way it is? Do you wish you were somewhere else, than right here?

"The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are."

I heard this on a podcast and realised how lost I actually was. Lately it's been hard to look at someone and not think of how they seem to have it better than me, this bitterness had accumulated so much I couldn't enjoy the little things I once used to enjoy.

I've been thinking of how the world nowadays is isolating in one way and is collapsed in another way, have you noticed how much the 'influence', people miles away form us have on us? It's confusing and hard to develop your own opinion when everyone have ready made answers for you to ingrain into your brain. To feel lonely yet have other's opinions go round and round in your mind is suffocating, and I want it to stop.

To "think out of the box" is the new 'idea', but I feel like everyone is out of 'the box' and we are on top of eachother, crushing eachother, each trying to view the sky a little bit more clearer.

To be yourself, I've realised is actually hard.

To clear all that clutter I have in my brain, I need time, I believe everyone does. To declutter millions of opinions, views, criticism and gossip. Social media is not bad, I think it is just hard to manage all the content we are constantly dumped with. How can someone create beautiful and unique ideas that symbolise them if all they are shown are other people, their beliefs, their opinions and their views?

In conclusion, taking time off and restructuring your thoughts and ideas with your qualities and the way you wish to live is necessary.

Many people on social media have inspired me and made me dream big and bright, I love media for that. I'm learning to be a bigger and better version of myself and I believe to do that I first have to know and understand what my opinions, views,qualities and beliefs are.

I hope you have an amazing time ahead ✨.Thank you for reading ❤️

- Avil Hopes

I did this spread when I was feeling like the amount of self care I require is too much and everybody seemed to be fine without that work. But, I'm beginning to completely understand that each human is soo far different than the one you live beside or the one have in your life, we are all unique and I think it's time I realised. I am who I am, the care I give myself is worth it cause I need it. If you are struggling with giving yourself time or being nice to yourself, always remember to treat yourself the way you'd treat someone dear to you. Would you demand your friend to work hard when she is hurting and is on the brim of tears? Then why do you do it to yourself? When you treat yourself special and care for yourself, everybody will slowly but surely see you, the way you see yourself ✨

The lesson of this year was : I need myself the most

And I look forward to understanding,knowing and loving myself dearly

Sending you lots of love 💙✨

Have an amazing end of the year Homo sapiens!

T.W: suicidal thoughts

Everyone has felt like a coward atleast once in their lives.

Standing ,a knife in my hand, the blade nears the skin and the cold of the metal bites at my skin cruelly. My skin now seems to cry out 'no, don't' and I stop. Not because I care about my skin, but it's here ,the voice and I clutch my fingers together, my toes curl in discomfort, the inner voice grows in volume 'end it, no more pain, no more worries' and for some reason I'm tearing up, a life I won't get to live plays out like a sick cliche movie. A tear rolls down, leaving short puffs of breath I curse myself. This sucks. I can't do this. It'll hurt too much. The voice is back ' you can't even end this, you're such a coward'. I know it's me, a part of me locked up and tortured for so long, now that it's out, there's chaos. That seems to add up to the tightness that now spreads through my chest. Breathes are getting harsher, ' you're not right, you make people worry, you're bad', it echoes throughout the four walls of my mind. The knife is still in my hands, but I'm very sure I can't , can't do it, just like I can't do anything right in my life these days. The knife is placed where it used to be, tears now freely roll down my cheeks, both hands clutching at my head, I think about how I look right now ' you look crazy and stupid' , I take a deep breathe and calm myself down because I hear shuffling and I would never want anyone to see who I am now. It's my sister, my companion whose troubles and problems far outweigh mine. She is strong, the most amazing person I could've asked for, as a sister. She looks me in the eye, my shiny eyes seem to show a little of what I've been feeling. She brings her hand and caresses my hand. It'll be fine. I can do better tomorrow.

I have big questions.

Should love always be both-sided?

Is unrequited love just infatuation in its highest intensity?

Can you love celebrities the way you love your loved one?

Can you love someone without fully knowing them?

I've been feeling like I'm boring,dull and just not the brightest. Working on yourself should also include self-acceptance and self appreciation.

I've been learning that I'm most times on the monochrome side of the spectrum.

And I've been tying to be more confident in who I am and what I want to show the world.

Every professor is like "Woah! We had good classes.. hopefully we meet you soon. Bye."

I just feel crushed, a lil sad?

I didn't feel any of what happened..

It's a confusing time

Why have I been gone? that doesn't really matter

Do I have journal pages to share? yes

Maybe you can know from the pages, how up and down my mental health has been.

most recent one!

how far will we really go?

I never realised how much racism BTS face first-hand. Now that I got to know a glimpse of it, it's so upsetting. People suck, huh?