Being A Disabled Person Working A Job And Studying At University Is A Strange Balance. Because Like,

being a disabled person working a job and studying at university is a strange balance. because like, on one hand I feel so so grateful that my disabilities don't fully prevent me from being able to do these things (as long as I have 8+ hours of sleep, expensive medications, mobility aids, accommodations, and a lot of patience from the people around me), but on the other hand it sucks so so much that I'm in pain for every single moment of it, and by the time I've used all my energy on school, and working to put myself through school, there's nothing left of me besides the urge to lay face down on my carpet and scream

all this access is the true f*cking enemy

*Talking with therapist*

"...Who's fronting? shit's all foggy and I keep feeling interruptions"

*noise*

"..guys.."

*more hubbub*

"fine, write your names down"

*gets six names*

"awesome"

[perks of being a protector]

Tw // sexual assault discussions, CSA

"The word 'rape' is really harsh. But at the same time, I had to leave my body mentally in order to stay physically there. Then it's against your will."

I found this quote in a book today (the book is called "Cult Trip" by Anke Richter if you're interested - I do recommend it, but look up the trigger warnings; it contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault). I think it's important for people to hear, especially SA survivors, like we are. <3

Sending love to anyone who relates

For being a dissociative disorder the CDDs are the ones who I see less of dissociative symptoms be talked about in the community

So I thought, why not make a post about some of the dissociative symptoms the CDD has!!

Depersonalization: Depersonalization is one of the big levels of dissociation that, in certain cases, can be categorized as a disorder in company of derealization. Depersonalization can present in various forms, but as general definition it's when someone it's so dissociated from themselves that they don't feel connected to their body or sense of self, just like you were external to yourself

Derealization: Derealization is one of the big leves of dissociation that, in certain cases, can be categorized as a disorder in company of depersonalization. Derealization can present in various forms, but as genera definition it's when you feel strange, fake, unreal and distorted your reality and all the things surrounding you.

Depersonalization and derealization tent to come hand in hand and sometimes together, this is most common between systems and it can overlap with a lot of other things making the experience more unique and worst for the pwCDD

"Autopilot" mode: Autopilot is a state of being in which your body reacts to what is needed and, like the name suggest, in an autopilot mode, is not necessarily a depersonalization mode cause it can come from more light dissociation, and sometimes you don't even feel it or realizate it happens (when depersonalization tend to be a semi-conscious and aware state), even though it can come hand in hand is not always like that

Crisis identity: Alters aside, being pwCDD can give you a lot of crisis identity, and when it comes to dissociative part is one you feel some kind of blurriness, disconnection, confusion and lost about you, can be because of many factors and can lead to severe impact in your personal view to the point of not being sure if you're you and questioning a lot of things about you, this kind of dissociative behavior can overlap with many factors which makes it worse

Emotional amnesia: Emotional amnesia is an specific kind of dissociative amnesia characterized by remembering the facts and/or events but feeling emotionally disconnected to that, not feeling or remembering the feelings regarding that memorie/event, and the sense of third person regarding the event, is being emotionally separated

Blackout amnesia: Blackout amnesia is one of the most named kinds of amnesia a pwCDD will experience, though is less common than emotional amnesia, the blackout amnesia is characterized by forgetting all about what you experienced, counting emotion and memory

Dissociative amnesia: Dissociative amnesia is a very big spectrum, this is why it's a diagnosis/disorder by its own. But for being general dissociative amnesia is when you dissociate things about yourself, this can be memories, important information, daily life, etc, to a point you end up forgetting that information

Flashback: Did you know that flashbacks are a dissociative response to trauma? You didn't? Now you know! Flashbacks are a way in which your brain dissociates from reality to relive a memory or experience you previously have, in this connotation, a traumatic experience

"Non-pain" mode: Sometimes even hurting yourself (accident or not) you can't feel the pain of that, it's like that physical damage isn't yours, this is a kind of dissociation more connected to how the brain is connected to your body and the sense of physical pain. SO sometimes your brain, aiming to protect you, dissociates from the physical pain to be "safe"

Denial: In some cases denial can be a dissociative response as a way for keeping you away from understanding and knowing you have certain trauma and passed trough certain experience. When you deny having or passing through something you tend to dissociate the memory and sometimes to the reality as a way to try keep yourself safe

Daydreaming: Daydreaming is a dissociative coping mechanism and sometimes it can come to the point of being maladaptive and dangerous for yourself. Daydreaming is a way in which trough dissociation your brain makes up a new "reality" in hopes to scape the real life and reality

Emotional disruption: Did you know that if you feel sad and then you stop being sad is dissociation? One of the dissociative ways of coping with a stressful and heavy emotion is "turning off" your emotions, or in the other hand, feeling like the past emotion was replaced by another one, it's important to note that this mood change is without any apparent explanation and you cannot return to the previous emotion cause you know feel detached to it, like isn't yours anymore. In the other hand you can be ok and a new emotion comes up to you, you feel detached to this emotion and don't have any idea where it come from and why are you feeling it, but you do, and it doesn't feels yours

Skill variation: Having in one moment one skill and in the other don't, having different skill abilities in which one time you can be good and other not that good, and all the variations within the ability to do certain skill (can be any skill, like writing, talking, moving, drawing, etc.)

"Emotionless" state: The emotionless state is when, for one or another reason, you feel empty, null, like you lack any kind of emotions, like there's a void in whee your emotions should be, this emotional dissociation can happen for many reason and in company of other symptoms, though sometimes one doesn't notice it because of this emotionless state

This are some of the dissociative symptoms I can recall at the moment, maybe there are more that I didn't put here and you want to add in comments/reblogs or you can ask me to add them to this list

Well some of this symptoms can overlap with the alter part of the disorder they're not 100% attached to them and it's important to recognize this as very prominent symptoms of the disorder, after all this is a dissociative disorder, isn't it?

If you want to add more to this or ask a question go ahead, we'll see it 100% sure!!

how to use tumblr:

- follow the gimmick blogs. thats literally it they reblog good shit

- I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, reblog posts (dont just like them thats lame.)

- there is no algorithm.

- interact with people!!! SEND ASKS (SEND ME ASKS SEND ME ASKS)

- when blocking porn bots, mark them as spam instead of sexual content. i read somewhere on here that gets rid of them faster

- check trending every now and then to see whats going on. bonus points if spn is trending (its the only way i get news)

- get involved in fandom! thats the whole site

- make sure you are having fun :)

- hydrate

- who cares if you have followers? nobody. this is no mans land baby! live like its 2010 but 10 years later!

- if you’re really new, customise your profile. people might think ur a bot if u dont. u will get blocked

- nobody cares what you reblog. if you want to reblog 20 billion posts about loki then do it! its your blog!!!

- spread positive vibes. be nice. its not that hard.

- no ai.

- go read some yaoi nerd

- use tags, at least on original posts

- use gifs

- if you make a post and somebody reblogs your post and you like their reblog? you just liked your own post lol

- don’t like, don’t read/interact. same goes for ao3 and literally anything else. its not worth your time babe move on.

me n the gang on tumblr: