My Goal In Every Creative Writing Assessment Is To Make The Markers Sob And Wish They Never Set The Damn

My goal in every creative writing assessment is to make the markers sob and wish they never set the damn thing.

I think I've reached half of that goal.

Considering, my teacher mentioned in passing that he teared up reading it and that he wanted to make sure I had spoken to a professional about the subject of the poetry submitted.

I reminded him it was all imaginative (a lie), to which he pulled me aside to say that no one writes about those kinds of things with that amount of emotion without personal experience.

random rant: I hate how using certain words immediately make you sound like you spend your entire existence online. Silly, mindful, gaslight/ing, demure, touch grass. I have to avoid using those words now.. and then there's every the internet gets hold of another mental health term; the meanings get so twisted from the original--

Hell, I SAW SOMEONE CENSOR LESBIAN AS LE$BEAN IN A FORMAL EMAIL. TikTok censorship doesn't apply to real life, or the vast majority of websites, kdhfjsdfs

stalking old friends on Spotify just to check they're still alive 🥴

I'm very lucky to have HRT covered by national healthcare (as long as I'm approved) - but the government has the full power to pull that at any time.

Adding to that, I've been on a wait list for it for a year and a half, and it required about six doc appointments of conversation before my doctor was comfortable to submit the paperwork... To even go on the wait list.

And passing? Passing is so expensive. My binder was around $100 NZD once I processed shipping and import costs. It doesn't fit anymore due to my tits having grown due to my other medication (antidepressant weight gain!!!!)

And now I'm not meant to bind for more than an hour because of the way my body responds to it (very negatively), especially when I'm in my wheelchair, binding is a big ol' no-no.

I wear a pronoun pin but people kinda don't care..

80% of "passing" is having enough money to purchase the clothes and services that will allow you to pass. Please stop holding being able to stealth up as the pinnacle of trans achievement. That place belongs to surviving. It belongs to finding joy. It belongs to love and community, not people who are rich enough to have professional makeup artists and tailors.

my HRT (testosterone) screening appointment has been delayed by a month after being on a wait list for a year and a half

but prior to that, i was told by doctors over and over for around four years that i wasn't not allowed to apply for gender-affirming care because of my age. my doctor at the time was incredibly transphobic (she refused to use correct pronouns and name even after I legally changed it)… they refused everything, including puberty blockers, which would have significantly decreased the possibility of my disability developing.

safe to say i'm angry

all up, it's been about six years of begging.

tw suicide

.. i don't want to know what will happen if they push it back again. considering holding onto getting HRT is one of two threads stopping another suicide attempt.

HRT is SO IMPORTANT.

if anyone has any suggestions for how to keep track of inner creatures without adding to a *system count", then please, tell 😭

I've tried using a word doc/notepad but it's just not as convienent as SimplyPlural being on iOS, android and web (with access to custom fields etc)

over half of our simply plural entries are just creatures we have internally - it always sends me into fits of giggles when I see "member count: 80+" and literally 50 odd of them are just things we've been tracking for therapy visualisation purposes that are animals and representative safe people (NPCs) in headspace 😭😭

DID is such a weird disorder