ONE DAY YOULL BE WASHING YOURSELF WITH HAND SOAP IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM

ONE DAY YOU’LL BE WASHING YOURSELF WITH HAND SOAP IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM

Crumpled up on the floor of the shower

Hope the neighbors aren't home

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Like the photographs hung up

Of tangled up bodies

On my old kitchen floor

The faces come flooding in

Soak up the reasons why

We're not that close anymore

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

AND I JUST

BLACK OUT

IT'S WHAT I DO

TO SURVIVE

LIFE'S GOT TWO

YELLOW LINES

AND I FELL ASLEEP

DRIVING

Your heart screams the words

Your mouth finds their shape

"I'm not gonna die here"

The glass cuts your feet

As you walk away

The picture gets clearer

It's a house up in flames

And you built your own cage

Just so no one could hurt you

If there's nothing to lose

There's nothing to gain

That's just something you learn through.

I headcanon that Nikolai Gogol suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. He has an uncanny obsession with freeing himself from his emotions and essentially separating himself from humanity. It makes sense to me that this obsession would come from a place of feeling his emotions far too strongly for far too long; controlled entirely by overwhelming fear and sadness and mania and panic. Nikolai seeks to strip himself of humanity in desperate hopes that he'll be able to FINALLY get off his rollercoaster and feel remotely stable for the first time in his life... and I think it's quite possible that he, being so different, never felt human to begin with. (I don't kin Nikolai to a concerning degree, you do 😂)

This is facts

How has SSKK’s bickering changed through their shift from rivals to lovers? I can’t imagine it really going away.

I've developed Somniphobia gradually within the past year or so, but it's gotten horribly bad recently. I get sleep paralysis occasionally and night terrors most nights- I have BPD and dream about my worst triggers and life experiences consistently.

Any other Borderline or Somniphobic people have tips? I'm getting pretty exhausted asking people to stay with me and sobbing uncontrollably when they have to leave.