Tony: Honeybear, I.. I Really Hope I'm Not Like Howard.

Tony: Honeybear, I.. I really hope I'm not like Howard.

Rhodey: You're not, Tones. Trust me.

Tony, sighing in relief: Oh yeah? Guess that means I'm officially a DILF then.

Rhodey: Yeah— wait what?

Tony: A DILF? Devoted Involved Loving Father?

Peter: Understanding is so demeaning, and it's unfair.

Scott: How come, bug-bro?

Peter: Why does it have to be understanding? Why can't it be over-standing? Or top-standing, heck, above-standing! Same with outstanding! Why not in-standing?! Confront?! Why not conback!

Tony: Kiddo, I love the passionate enthusiasm and.. desire for.. erm, equality that you have. However, don't you think that's a bit outrageous—

Peter, affronted: SEE?? WHY NOT INRAGEOUS INSTEAD OF OUTRAGEOUS?!

Tony trying to help Morgan create a poem for homework while sleep-deprived: A day without sunshine is like, you know..

Peter, equally as sleep-deprived: Night.

Peter: What if the actual reason why our clothes are heavier when we get out of the bodies of water like oceans, is because we carry the weight of the souls of the corpses that drowned in there? Like, they're souls that haven't rested yet, and they can possess, and we're the nearest living thing so they try to attach themselves to us but end up being on our clothes instead.

Tony, crying as he cancels the beach trip: Peter, please stop, I'm already planning a different vacation plan—

Peter: Mr. Stark, look! I found this really cool cat, but they looked so sad and so I kinda took them with me so they can eat and now I think I've gotten attached and I really want to keep it.

Tony, on the verge of an aneursym: Peter–Peter, that's a fucking panther.

Ned: Okay, Peter, let's try this one more time. The topic is personification. The robot was left behind by its' master. How did it feel?

Peter: Happy, because it doesn't like the idea of slavery.

MJ: That's my boy.