What The Fuck? Why Am I Like This? Honestly? Why Do I Always Feel Terrible Right After I Feel Okay. Every

What the fuck? Why am I like this? Honestly? Why do I always feel terrible right after I feel okay. Every time I think things are getting better, they get so much worse.

Give me some peace God dammit, fuck this!

Tw: mention of sh and sa

Randomly remembered that one time I met up with this guy from the internet and it was great and we talked about sa and when I got home he texted me that I am awesome but he doesn't want any contact anymore.

Which is totally fine and his choice and like yes, bro, set boundaries! But I just cried in his arms and thought he understood me and it came as a surprise.

This stocked on everything else I self harmed and had to go to the hospital at 9 pm for stitches, turns out I also cut open one of my arteries and my dad had to pick me up from the hospital at 3 am because they let me wait and cry for 5 hours before then judging me for self harming.

My dad cried that day, he never really cries. I felt very bad.

But the actual question is, why am I thinking about this right now?

My mum when my disability disables me: :0

Tw: sh and suicide

My cuts from my last relapse are getting infected and there is pus and the skin is all red and inflamed and it hurts and I am so tired and just want to end it all...

It would be so easy to just take something and get it all over with...

Tw: suicide

Fuck this. I love my friends so much, I really do and I want to help them but I am also just a human??

I talked out so many of my friends. So many of them are alive right now because I could put my own stuff aside for a few hours.

The last 5 days, I stayed up nearly every night all night because one of my friends just won't stop trying to kill himself.

Either do it or go into the fucking ward again??

Just stop it please??

Stop ignoring the advice you asked for? What the fuck? I've been triggered so many times in the past few days because I constantly hear

Oh yeah, I took 8 pills today and feel dizzy as fuck.

Oh yeah, I took pills and drank so much alcohol.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna jump off a bridge now.

Oh yeah, I'll cut open my veins and bleed out.

Okay, fuck this. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORW.

I am sorry, I'm just trying to survive myself.

Tw: mention of drugs

Hello me beautiful people, U am kide drunk right now and I just really crave.milk.

I need some milk. I also wanna sleep and it's cold.

My boyfriend is also drunk.and he.jsut fell asleep and fell to the ground whole sitting, heheen.