When I'm Talking To My Older Sisters Or Parents The Funiest Things Always Come Up.

When I'm talking to my older sisters or parents the funiest things always come up.

We were talking about me starting university soon and if I shouldn't just start working instead and I was like but I always wanted to be a psychologist and my sister was like, no, you wanted to drive a car and be a dad.

And that's true, I can remember, but I am afab. I am a trans man and as I child I was like, okay, I wanna be a dad and it's so funny how long it took me to figure out that I am trans.

Tw: suicide ideation

Tell me how to end this and I will. What is left on this planet for me? I want to stumble over a cliff and fall. Be free.

I want to be something different. Let me become stardust again.

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

I want someone to love me. I want someone who likes spending time with me and thinks of me and texts me and maybe calls me sometimes.

I want to feel loved and valued and wanted. I want cute thrifting dates, pottery painting and aquarium visits.

I want silly little cuddle sessions before one of us has to leave. I want to stay a little longer because you want me to.

I don't think I deserve it, but it would be so nice to just feel good about myself at one point...

Tw: mention of sh

I relapsed again and told my boyfriend and I'm justs o scared that he won't like me anymore because if it.

Which is not even logical because he also struggles with sh, but still.

I just know that noone loves broken people and I am shattered into 1000 different parts...

It's such a weird feeling to give my mother all the love and compassion that I would have wanted as a child.

I tell her that it's not her fault and that she is doing her best and that it's more than enough.

I give her forhead kisses when sending her to sleep and remind her not to overwork herself.

It's... it's nice seeing her get the love she deserves but it also makes me want to cry, because why couldn't she have given the same to me?