Fuck This.

Fuck this.

I don't know what to say, it's just like, I need someone to talk to again. I want my best friend back.

I want to tell him everything again. I need him right now. Like, I told him everything and he told me everything, we were happy-ish.

But now I have to talk to fucking Tumblr to feel like anyone even listens.

I want someone to listen.

And like, honestly, I am close to just texting someone who hurt me so much, and that I broke contact with after he did that, but he at least listened.

He drove 4 hours to me. He texted me. He was there.

And yes, he hurt me so much, he gave me nightmares and I shaved my head because of him, but still.

I just want someone to love me and listen and stuff?

Is that to much?

I texted him😭

I'm so weak, why can't I just not text him???

I'm cold. It's so cold.

Why can't I be with him? Why can't I feel safe and warm? Why can't I kiss him? Why can't I fall asleep next to him?

My heart longs for him, my soul misses his touch.

Turns out I'm not a pussy after all, I actually have a really bad infection and have to go to the hospital in a few days, yippee!!

But, hey, at least I didn't waste the doctor's time.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to be like that. I don't want to act this way.

I'm sorry I can't communicate. I'm sorry that I try and push you away. I'm sorry. I just want you with me.

I'm sorry that I can't say that to you. I'M SORRY.

I'm so fucking sorry please don't leave me?

I know I'm hard to love. I KNOW.

I don't want to be like this.

I promise I am trying to change.

I promise I can act normal.

Please?

Why don't I feel safe with my safe person anymore?

Why do I feel bad about sending them a text even tho a few weeks ago I would send them 10 audios in a row?

I miss them.