Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
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Driving In A Snowstorm Last Night I Came To A Realization.
Driving in a snowstorm last night I came to a realization.
My sense of self preservation is returning.
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More Posts from Enoughdonegone
His name is Dan, by the way. I'm tired of allowing him so much anonymity.
Golden
An abused person masters the art of silence. You sob quietly, scream quietly, pick yourself up from the ground and assess your injuries quietly. You discover a way to perform all your tasks making as little noise as possible.
You forget the sound of your voice, and all the little sounds of life become a deafening crime you hope go unnoticed.
If I made it twice a month I "never" made it. If I made it three times a month I "always" made it. I ruined his favourite dishes by making them too often. But I also never made them enough.
My head was always spinning.
Food was always a Thing
He'd tell me he was bored with the food I made so I'd find a new recipe. He would criticise everything about it, say it looked disgusting and ask why I was so stupid.
So he'd give me one to try, I'd make it and he'd love it. If I made it again, it was never as good as the first time. If I made it again he hated it. If I never made it again he would tell me that he loved it and I was withholding it because I was lazy/a cunt.
Four years ago today he kicked me out. That was certainly not the end of my torture, but it marked the beginning of my escape.
I don't know if I would have ever taken the leap and left him on my own. I would like to think that I would have, but I believe I had resigned myself to being invisible forever.
I owe him nothing, but I'm grateful for this date as it helped me begin the rest of my life.
2020
Sorry for my absence. The holidays have some traumatic landmark memories for me, and I did my best to avoid all things that trigger.
Overall, I was successful. And my woman is doing her best to help me make some happier memory associations. She got me an xmas tree this year and a whole bunch of lights and ornaments.
I would say that I am cautiously looking forward to next year. At least the decorating part. I guess we can call that progress.