2020

2020

Sorry for my absence. The holidays have some traumatic landmark memories for me, and I did my best to avoid all things that trigger.

Overall, I was successful. And my woman is doing her best to help me make some happier memory associations. She got me an xmas tree this year and a whole bunch of lights and ornaments.

I would say that I am cautiously looking forward to next year. At least the decorating part. I guess we can call that progress.

I watched something that pulled on my heart strings too hard earlier today and I can feel myself sinking into a hole. So I'm attempting to cheer myself up by telling my lady as many dad jokes as I can get my hands on. Her groans from the other room are breathing life back into me.

Got any good ones?

This is a busy time of year for me and I'm getting overwhelmed. That means there's a melt down on the horizon.

See you all soon.

A friend of mine saw him at the grocery store. That feeling in my chest is back, and all she did was tell me about it.

He was with a woman; we think it's the same woman he took on what was supposed to be our vacation ( the one I predominantly paid for). That means she's been around for a little more than two years.

I am really struggling right now with guilt. She's probably seen him for what he is by now. And I'm sorry for that. What if I had had a spine back then and told her. Does she need help now?

I feel I should reach out.

Find you a partner who, knowing you love them, will make oatmeal peanut butter cookies despite hating both peanut butter and oatmeal themselves.

Four years ago today he kicked me out. That was certainly not the end of my torture, but it marked the beginning of my escape.

I don't know if I would have ever taken the leap and left him on my own. I would like to think that I would have, but I believe I had resigned myself to being invisible forever.

I owe him nothing, but I'm grateful for this date as it helped me begin the rest of my life.