My Partner And I Watch This Channel Together. The Guy Who Runs The Channel Now Plays Games As Incorrectly

My partner and I watch this channel together. The guy who runs the channel now plays games as incorrectly as he can which is usually good for a laugh.

We watched this one (an old one) last night where they played "It's You: A Breakup Story". The conversation in game was... so unbelievably real.

It was just strange to watch the player's indignant responses to remarks that I used to endure regularly.

If you decide to watch it, it may be uncomfortable if you've been abused. The guys playing are funny and appropriately appalled, so I was ok. However if you are still in early days of healing you may want to consider not watching.

Watch "It's You: A Breakup Story - CLICK! OOPS THE CALL "DROPPED" - Let's Game It Out" on YouTube

If I was still with him during the pandemic and lockdown I am sure he would have murdered me by now.

Daymare

I had one yesterday. That's the only way I can describe it.

I was back in the house Spring 2015ish. I was in my current headspace, though, like I used a time machine. I was hellbent on getting out as soon as possible, but I figured it would take me two days to orchestrate.

My plan was detailed: how to get and where to find boxes (cold room - he rarely went in there), how to move everything, (bring some to folks night before) who would help me, (two friends chomping at the bit to get me out of there), and what I would do differently (take ALL of my things, sell the house, take my share)

What made it horrible was the realization that I had to suffer him for that time.  

I'd have to talk to him. I'd have to have sex with him to keep him from being suspicious, and then share a bed.  Then I'd have to break the news: he’d no longer have me to abuse.

The feelings I had knowing he was near came back by a fraction, and I was sick. I spent over an hour huddled in the shower.

How on earth did I live like that for so long?

Bringing this one back. I've been reading some irritating things. Fellow survivors, I'm afraid some of you may need to take notes too.

Here’s an idea:

(Sorry friends, this is an angry one)

Maybe you should fuck off trying to tell survivors how they should feel about their abusers.  Here’s a few reasons why: 

1. You don’t know shit about us or our stories.  

2. Your experience does not in any way dictate or predict the experiences of others.

3. Many survivors have been taught not to trust themselves. You are contributing to this problem with condescending advice that contradicts our instincts and mental health needs.

4.  The way we feel can change throughout the grieving/healing/recovery process. It’s confusing enough on its own; we don’t need your uninformed opinion further muddying the waters. We need to work this out.

5. Some of us can only move forward through forgiveness and reconciliation.  Some of us can only forge ahead fueled by our rage and hate.  Some of us fall somewhere in the middle.  These are all acceptable and reasonable.

6. Only we can decide what is best for us.  You do not know what is best for us.

I'm super late posting this. Pumpkin carving is a healing process for me. So I invest a bunch of time in. These turned out better thank I had anticipated this year.

Feels good to have had another year of freedom to embrace some little creative projects. I hope you all had a good Hallowe'en.

For anyone who needs to hear it, no, you don't deserve to be lit on fire, die in misery, be punched in the face, spit on, called a fucking loser, lowlife, lazy cunt, be raped by anyone or drowned in the sink because you didn't finish the laundry.

It seems I need to remind myself too.

I have left a load of clothes in the washer for some days. I didn't forget, I'm just struggling with laundry head wise right now as I'm trying to sort and get rid of things.

If I were in the same situation while with him, he would scream and berrate me, which would put me back into action and the laundry would be in the dryer and hung.

I can tell that I have not yet completed the healing process, because I asked myself if maybe that's what I need.