They Got One Day Of Fear Out Of Me. That's All They'll Ever Get. Now, I'm Fucking Mad.

They got one day of fear out of me. That's all they'll ever get. Now, I'm fucking mad.

Today, as a queer woman in Canada, I feel unsafe.

I'm sick. Sick as fuck, to be precise. I have not been able to keep anything down for 3 days, I've been sleeping shit, and everything fucking hurts. So my capacity for emotional regulation is out to lunch. That in mind, be kind about this train wreck below.

I'm a little obsessed with Astarion (Baldur's Gate 3). Nothing unhealthy, I just read a lot of extra stuff about him that I don't for the other characters. Side note, he's, objectively, not a good person, but I'm championing him anyway. He's a broken little guy, and I am a broken girl; the only difference between us is I've had 7 years of therapy.

I'm watching some alternative dialogue options with Astarion on YouTube. Some of this shit cuts open scabs that I forgot were there.

Like there's a choice in ACT 2 you can make that kind of pressures him into doing something that he just told you makes him feel wretched...HOOO BOI, I need to go curl up in the shower for a bit

Today, as a queer woman in Canada, I feel unsafe.

Oh.

I realized recently that I don't think about him every day anymore. Often, still, but not every day.

I don't know how to track that kind of progress, but I'm grateful for it.

October is the start of past trauma season for me.

I dropped the ball on pumpkins this year, so I missed out on the catharsis. I am feeling drained because of work, but I don't feel the usual nonsense. Not yet, anyway.

I've been out from under his thumb for 6 years as of almost 2 weeks ago. He ruined my sense of self and nearly killed me.

But I'm still here. And while I'll probably always be a bit of a mess, he'll die knowing that he failed in his attempts to squash me completely.

Fuck that guy.