Martyn: For Someone Who's 70% Water, You Don't Look Very Refreshing.

Martyn: For someone who's 70% water, you don't look very refreshing.

Ren: BUUUUUURN!

BigB: Water cannot be burned.

Ren: EVAPORATEEEEE!

Life Series Incorrect Quotes

Martyn: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Mumbo: So Lizzie, how did your first time cooking dinner go? Lizzie: Pretty good if I do say so myself. Mumbo: Oo! Okay, what are we having? Lizzie: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato. Mumbo: A whole potato? Lizzie: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches! Mumbo: These just look like big slabs of black. Lizzie: Because that's what they are! Lizzie: And then for desert, we have chocolate. Mumbo: These are just chocolate chips? Lizzie: They sure are! Lizzie: And then for drinks, we have toast! Lizzie: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

Skizz: *pulls back the curtain while Impulse is showering* Skizz: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

*The Squad is on a hike* Jimmy: It’s beautiful out here. Martyn: And quiet. Jimmy: Too quiet. Martyn: Did we lose someone? *cut to Pearl with a bear in a headlock*

BigB: I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today.

Ren: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry? Scott: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

Grian: I’m going to dunk on you. Ren: Bring a ladder.

Joel: You’re a horrible person! Scott: Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.

Scar: Wow. I keep stepping on a lot of crunchy twigs. Cleo: Those are bones, Scar. Scar: *looks straight up* Not if I never look down.

Gem, Entering Cleo's room: Scar did it again. Cleo: Peace disturbance? Gem: What no- Cleo: Arson..? Gem: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Cleo: uh....Attempted murder? Gem: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Scott: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?

Grian: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Scott:

Grian: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.

Sausage: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.

Sausage: Me too!

Pearl, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Sausage: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Joey: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!

Shelby: …

Oli: And what do I get out of this?

Gem: I'll give you a dollar.

Oli: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!

Gem: How about two dollars?

Oli: You got yourself a deal.

Shelby, after the fifth jumpscare: Why are you like this??

Xornoth: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Xornoth: I feel like doing something stupid.

Joey: I’m stupid, do me.

Divorce Quartet Incorrect Quotes

Scott, throughout Double Life: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably.

Pearl: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Cleo: Are you mad?

Pearl: No.

Cleo: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Martyn: Can I ask a dumb question?

Cleo: Better than anyone I know.

Pearl: This date is boring!

Cleo: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Pearl: Then why did you invite me?

Cleo: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Cleo I'll do whatever I want!

Martyn: Pearl just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

Skizz: Who's in charge here?

Martyn, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Pearl, texting Scott: *sends a voice message*

Scott, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Pearl: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Scott: *presses play*

Pearl's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Cleo: Just be careful, Scar!

Scar: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Cleo!

Scar: It's everything around me that's careless.