My Wish Was Granted.

my wish was granted.

Last night before i went to sleep, i remember i wished i will get sick and eventually die. I dont remember why i had that kind of thought… but i know i was thinking of it. Imagining how things would be like if i get a serious illness and maybe die because of it. I was curious of my family and friends’ reactions about my condition. Will they treat me differently? Will they shower me with love and care? Will i even get their attention? Those are just some of the questions i had in mind. Somehow it is not just one of my daily dramas but from my own curiousity and prolly active imagination. However, i didn’t expect that that night my wish will be granted… Yeah, i was diagnosed with a serious illness… It has something to do with my respiratory system… my breathing… how my lungs works. I remember visiting a hospital and a woman approached me to inform me that i need to be hospitalized that instant because my case is already in the serious stage. But i didn’t get scared. I dont know if i just didnt understand what she was talking about or maybe i was too schocked and in denial that time. I walked around the hospital. I saw several patients walking in front of me. I saw some dying… while their families are crying. I saw some patients laughing… they are the little kids playing, running around but they were wearing hospital gowns. Im not sure but i think i’ve been walking the whole time. I’ve visited some rooms too. I think i even got scared when a soul of a dying patient (a kid) tried communicating with me. I was scared. Really scared. I am not sure if i died… But i saw some familiar faces with me… And then… I woke up. Frightened as if everything that happened was real. I pulled my blanket to cover my face. I was scared that i might see the little kid. Then i offered a little prayer… I asked God to forgive me, to let all the souls of the people who died find their way to the Heaven, to thank Him that it was just a dream & to tell Him i dont want it to happen again. Then i went back to sleep. That morning i was glad it was all just a dream. ~~~~~ Moral Lesson of this story: Think before you ask a wish. Don’t blurt out random stuff especially when you are being emotional. Also, love life. Be thankful that we are healthy and blessed instead of asking something like dying when there are many people out there suffering from an illness, problem, hindrances in life without having their chance to prove themselves and their worth. Dont act stupid. Always be thankful to God for giving you another chance to live everyday with your loved ones. It doesn’t matter if you got a lot of problems; those are just his challenges for you to grow up, to learn, & to be stronger. God will not put us in danger; He’s always there to remind us to not let these hardships stop us from living. There is always a solution to a problem. There is hope. Don’t give up on living. Life is important. We should live our lives to the fullest!

Im a greedy person

Akalain mo nagcomeback ka din?!

Woah you are really awesome. You were there again. I saw in my dream. Andun ka na naman eh...

You have my house key pa nga e. And you werent affected nung sinabi ko sau na i want you to tell your gf that 'im sorry'. Tho alam natin pareho na i want you to tell her that kasi i still like you... And prolly i want you... To be mine. It was like me begging again for your love and attention. But you werent surprised at all kasi you already knew how much nagkakandarapa ako to be with you. You just walked away from me as if nothing happened. But whats worse is bumalik ka sa house amd you sat beside me like nothing happened while im on the pathetic me mode.

Gosh PaVi what is this all about again?! Is this one of my dramas?? Di ka pa ba napapagod? Or should i ask that to myself? Kriz di ka pa ba natututo at nadadala?!?

Paul gusto ko lang naman e maging masaya. I wished na sana ako na lang. Sana ako naman. Sana binigyan mo ako ng chance. Alam mo naman kung gaano ako nabaliw sayo and unfortunately, kahit anong pagdedeny ko eh hindi pa din ako makaget over sayo. Im still the stupid, embarassing KC who likes you. Im sorry. Im so sorry na paulit ulit na lang ito. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ko ito tatapusin eh. I was hoping na ikaw tatapos nito. Nagmamatigas kasi ako eh. I am too stubborn. I think mas pinipili ko na masaktan over and over again. Kaya sana... Ngayon na mas matured na ako compared noong mga bata pa tayo... Eh you'll tell me how much you hate me and that you cant be with me at all. Sana you can tell me na you can never love me. Okay lang na mahurt ako... Hopefully by those words eh matauhan na ako. Dont worry kasi this time i think matatapos na talaga ito as long as sa iyo manggagaling yung reason for me to give up, to get over this and move on. Hindi ko kasi kaya na ganun ganun na lang kita kakalimutan eh. Mas masakit ata yun.

Paul... Gusto ko na kasi na maging masaya ka na. Gusto ko you'll be able to love the lucky girl. I want you to have the happiness that you really deserve. And this will be possible kung titigilan na kita. I know matagal mo nang gusto ito. Kaya i am niw willing to do this for you. Starting ngayon as long as may chance ako... Gagawin ko na ang makakaya ko to finally set you free. Coz i want you to be happy and be peaceful. Wag ka mag alala maiintindihan mo din kung bakit ko ito gagawin. Marerealize ko din kung bakit kelangan ko itong gawin. I'll be hurting for awhile but mas makabubuti din ito. Things will be okay... As long as ready na ako...

when boredom strikes...

oh ho ho ho ho... yeah as you can see i am freakin bored right now. i don't know if this is good or not for me but it makes me realize how much 'free' time i have in my hands and at the same time forget some of my problems.

i am not emotional right now compared to this past few days. perhaps watching the boys washed of my mixed feelings. i didn't even have a nightmare last night. my sleep was better. i wish it'll always be like that... my life seems so peaceful.

ok back to what im saying... yeah i'm dying of boredom. where the heck are the english subbers?! i don't have anything to watch yet coz most of the kdramas and variety shows i'm following aren't subbed yet huhuhuhu sad, right?

actually, i should be in bed at this hour but i'm not feeling tired yet. i want to watch EHB again but i am afraid i will disturb the sleeping people especially our neighbors...bahaha lame excuses OTL

ok let me check if i can find other videos i can watch online while waiting for my dad to wake up. i need to cook his 'baon' aka preparing his ham sandwich. (toinks!)

at 12:45am

damn what happened to me? why do i suddenly feel sad. napaiyak pa tuloy ako. what did i do to deserve this feeling? i thought everything was fine. nahawaan ba ako ni kuya ng 'depression' niya? fuck i hate this feeling.

kanina everything was fine. except dun sa blood. but everything was fine. it scared the shit out of me pero i am still hoping nothing is wrong. but now, i feel like crying myself to sleep again.

i hate this! i hate being moody and sensitive. i wish i don't care at all. how i wish there will be no reason for me to shed bucket of tears again. nakakapagod na. i feel stupid. i feel like i am gonna go crazy. una, im all good tapos later on i'll be crying for no reason. can i just have a peaceful life without worrying what will happen next. pagod na ako eh. pagod na pagod. ayaw ko na umiyak. i feel like i am becoming more weak whenever i cry. and i don't want that feeling. as much as possible, pipiliin ko pa na maging busy ako instead of thinking about what i am going to do with my life. nakakapressure. nakakainis!

what really happened to me? what is happening to me? what will happen to me?

another day of waiting for nothing...

i think all i did today was to wait. and it seems like this will never end. i can even imagine how i’m gonna be like for the next few days… *sigh* it sucks to be me. i guess i really deserve only a day of fun while the rest is full sorrow, pain, and hatred. i am so unfortunate. i really am so stupid. i wish i can control myself & stop being like this. nakaksawa na din minsan eh. lagi na lang ganito eh wala naman nangyayari. kakaawaan ko lang lalo ang sarili ko. i hate it. when am i going to be happy? when am i going to stop being like this? when am i going wake up from this nightmare?? i’m so sick of this already.

tengene until now affected pa din ako!

nakakatawa noh... until now affected pa din ako. until now, naiiyak pa din ako. ang galing mo kasi. ang galing galing mo. ni hindi ka naman ata nawala sa puso ko kahit minsan eh. oo nga sabi nga ng isip nakalimutan na kita, na nakamove on na ako. pero bakit ganito, naiiyak pa din ako. affected pa din.

naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hanggang ngayon sa tuwing makikita ko ang mga pictures mo eh naaalala ko ang lahat... lahat lahat ng katangahan ko. hindi pa din kita makalimutan. shit ang lakas ng effect mo talaga sa akin. ganun ka ba talaga kahalaga? ganun ba talaga kalalim ang itinuon ko sayong feelings at pag tingin??

kelan pa ako nito makaka move on? kelan ba kita makakalimutan? kelan ba ako titigil sa kasasbi na, "sana ako na lang. sana ako ang kasama mo. sana ako ang pinili mo..." nakakainis ka naman din eh. ni hindi mo man lang ako pinakinggan. ni hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng pansin. ni hindi mo man sineryoso yung mga pinaggagawa ko. ni hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng chance.

anu ba kasi ang mali sa akin? anu ba kasi ang ayaw mo sa akin? anu ba kasi ang meron sila na wala ako? anu bang mahirap dun? pipiliin mo lang naman ako ah. mamahalin, iingatan at papahalagahan. nakakainis ka!

sana ako na lang... sana ako na lang paul...