Never Grow Up

Never Grow Up

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Prompt - ‘Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger and it's so quiet in the world tonight.’

Requested - Yes - Anon

You hadn’t been entirely sure what was happening, one minute you were fighting back to back with Commander Grazer, a dozen more clones fighting around you until the droid army was in pieces. It had been a long battle and you were panting by the end of it, exhausted and desperately praying that Obi-Wan was winning his own battle on Utapau.

When you turned around to check on your men you froze as you came face to face with a blaster and Commander Grazer’s face showing his conflicting emotions as his arm shook slightly. You had just been about to open your mouth when you glanced around and saw the others all had their guns upright and steadily pointed directly at you.

“What is this?” You asked as you reignited your lightsaber, not wanting to use it against the men under your command.

“Execute Order 66!” Commander Grazer said and suddenly there were blaster shots being fired at you from every direction, you just about managed to jump out of the way, using the Force to push the clones aside as you used your lightsaber to deflect as many shots as you could.

The ships were a good few klicks away and you had a full battalion following after you as you darted away from their shots, desperately trying not to get hit. It didn’t help that the planet’s terrain was steep and uneven, full of hills and cliffs.

One of the clones managed to get close enough to try and grab you but when you pushed back, using the Force to push him away you ended up sending yourself tumbling down one of the deep hills, wincing as you felt sharp rocks slicing your robe, some deep enough to pierce your skin.

By the time you had stopped falling your hands were cut, bruises would definitely form and you could feel blood sticking to your shirt. You didn’t have time to stop though, blaster shots were still coming from above and you could see the clones making their way down towards you.

As you ran towards the ships you pressed at your comm but it had taken a hit during your fall and there was no way to get in touch with anybody to see what was happening. You couldn’t even fathom what was happening, these clones, those men had become more than just soldiers under your command, they had turned into friends, family, you fought side by side with them every day. For them to just turn so suddenly didn’t make sense.

You ran until your sides hurt, until the cuts and bruises ached painfully and your feet begged for a break, you pressed on and eventually saw the ships in the distance. The clones were still behind you but you had put a fair bit of distance between you and them, twisting and turning here and there, but every so often a blaster bolt would shoot past you forcing you to run faster.

By the time you actually got to the ships you felt about ready to pass out, the battle that had tired you out to begin with felt like it had happened in another lifetime. You knew you had less than a minute to get on a ship and off the planet before the clones were in their own ships trying to shoot you down.

Somehow you managed it though, jumping into hyperspace just as the clones came into view. You had quickly typed in the coordinates for Coruscant but once you were in hyperspace you figured that might not be the best plan, you weren’t sure just how widespread this thing was with the clones since your comm had broken.

You pressed a few more buttons on the ship before a voice came through, a voice you recognised well and had you sighing in relief to hear but then you registered his words and felt your blood turn cold.

“This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. I regret to report that both our Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with the dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place. This message is a warning and a reminder for any surviving Jedi. Trust in the Force. Do not return to the Temple.”

The Jedi Order had fallen along with the Republic? How could that possibly be the case when just hours before you and Obi-Wan had parted ways with every intent to have the war finished when you saw each other again.

You keyed in Obi-Wan’s private comm number and felt your fear worsen when there was no reply after more than a dozen attempts to contact him. You prayed to the Force he was safe, you knew to get his message out he would have to have gone back to the Temple. Your mind kept trying to conjure every scenario, every bad thing that could have happened to Obi-Wan but you tried to do as he instructed, you had to trust in the Force.

You were still heading toward Coruscant and knew that you had to change course, you were still a few days out but didn’t want to be anywhere near the planet, it was too dangerous. You needed a new destination but had no idea where was safe.

You wanted Obi-Wan.

With Obi-Wan not answering his comm you moved onto other people who might know something. Anakin was your next call but you had a bad feeling, he had been on Coruscant and whatever had happened with the clones with you it was clearly happening on Coruscant too and when Anakin didn’t answer you tried desperately to shut your mind off. You tried Padmé after that, she was also on Coruscant but she would have been rushed away from the danger and yet she too failed to answer.

You felt sick to your stomach, whatever was happening on Coruscant must have been deadly, the Empire had taken over and you just hoped your friends were safe.

You tried one more person, praying and begging with the Force to let this call connect because you didn’t know what you were supposed to do if it didn’t.

“Y/N?” A voice exclaimed startling you back to reality, eyes snapping open to look at the holo in front of you. “You’re alive!”

“Bail.” You breathed out, tears stinging your eyes and you barely choked back a sob at finally getting through to somebody. “Thank the Force, I tried everyone but nobody is answering. What’s going on?”

Bail looked down, a grief stricken look on his face that had you even further on edge. You weren’t sure you wanted to know the answer.

“How much do you know?” He asked you instead of answering your question, he wasn’t quite sure he could tell you.

“I got Obi-Wan’s message.” You told him after taking a deep breath, your mind still running wild and Bail’s avoidance didn’t help. “I know the Order and the Republic have fallen, I know the clones have turned against us.”

“Yes.” Bail sighed and he looked back up at you looking older than you’d ever seen him before. “That is the basics of what has happened. Where are you now? If you got Obi-Wan’s message you know you mustn’t return to Coruscant.”

You nodded but didn’t answer him, staying silent for a minute as you played with the ring on your finger. It wasn’t really allowed, possessions weren’t a thing the Jedi had but nobody had ever brought it up and it had been a gift from Obi-Wan, one that you never wanted to part with.

You knew you had to ask, knew you had to know but you hated that with one little question you could suddenly be in a galaxy without Obi-Wan. You took a shaky breath, a tear falling down your cheek as you looked at Bail.

“Obi-Wan,” You managed to choke out, pausing to swallow around the lump in your throat as more tears slid from your eyes. “Obi-Wan, is he-”

You couldn’t force yourself to say the word, refused to even speak it into existence. The sympathetic look Bail wore did nothing to help the devastation running through you. You couldn’t imagine a galaxy without Obi-Wan, you’d known him your whole life. As a Jedi you had been taken to the Temple at a young age and you didn’t remember a time before that, Obi-Wan had already been there when you arrived and the two of you had been inseparable ever since.

It might’ve been against the Jedi code but you didn’t care, you knew you loved him even if you could ignore it most days.

He couldn’t be gone, he just couldn’t be, not Obi-Wan. A galaxy without Obi-Wan was not one you wanted to be in.

“He’s alive, Y/N.” Bail told you, forcing his voice to be steady even as his face softened as you broke out into relieved sobs, when he hadn’t answered your calls you’d assumed the worst but he was alive.

“Where is he?” You asked and Bail didn’t hesitate to tell you he had travelled to Tatooine and he was staying there, he sent the coordinates over to you and you quickly changed the destination and turned back to Bail.

“Thank you, Bail. If you ever need anything you know where to find me.” You told him sincerely. You had known Bail for years, becoming close friends with both him and Breha and you were beyond relieved to see he was unharmed.

“Likewise, Y/N. Stay safe and…keep an eye on Obi-Wan, he’s going to need all the support he can get.” Bail told you and you frowned, something about his tone telling you whatever was happening with Obi-Wan went deeper than the fall of the Order and the Republic.

“I’ll always look after Obi-Wan.” You told him, watching as a smile spread across his face and he nodded, knowing full well that you and Obi-Wan loved each other and would die before letting the other get hurt. “Stay safe, Bail.”

It was still a two day journey to Tatooine and your mind ran wild in those days. Bail hadn’t told you anything more than what Obi-Wan’s message warned about so until you were reunited with Obi-Wan you were left with the most dreadful thoughts. During your journey you didn’t sleep, the one time you managed to drift off your dreams were plagued with screams and death and you forced yourself to stay awake as you flew through hyperspace.

You finally arrived on Tatooine, following the coordinates given to you by Bail and felt a wave of relief rush through you when you saw a small shack in the middle of nowhere, far enough away that nobody would stumble across it but close enough that Obi-Wan could travel out for supplies when needed.

When you landed the ship you had to take a moment to just sit back in the seat and let out a shaky breath as you stared at the shack, even though you had been told Obi-Wan was alive and safe, you knew you wouldn’t truly believe it until you saw the man, so with another deep breath you pulled yourself together and headed off the ship.

Obi-Wan had heard the ship and he was proud that his wave of panic only lasted a minute before he reached out and felt your Force signature. Once he had pushed aside his fear he felt his heart speed back up for a different reason, you were alive. He had truly thought that after days of not hearing from you that something had happened, that you hadn’t been able to fight the clones off.

With Luke still in his arms, awake and content to be held, he made his way outside and watched as the ship's door opened and you walked down the ramp. You looked worse for wear, clearly injured, robes torn and muddied but none of that mattered, you were alive, that was the most important thing.

He walked to meet you halfway, noticing the exact moment your eyes widened as you took note of Luke in his arms, it seemed Bail hadn’t shared everything with you. When you finally reached him your eyes moved from Luke to look in Obi-Wan’s.

“Is that…” You went to ask, trailing off as your eyes fell back to Luke.

“Y/N, meet Luke Skywalker.” Obi-Wan said softly and your gaze snapped back to him, eyes wide and watery as you tried to keep the tears where they were but it was no use, once one leaked over the rest followed. “Would you like to hold him?”          

You opened your mouth to say something but the words clearly died on your tongue as it fell back shut and instead you gave him a shaky nod. Obi-Wan smiled as he carefully transferred the baby to you, guiding your hand to hold his head properly and then just watched as you looked down at Luke with a mix of emotions playing out on your face.

Your hand came up to gently run along the baby’s cheek before you let out a choked sob when Luke’s tiny hand came up to wrap around your finger. You looked back to Obi-Wan and saw tears welling up in his own eyes as he stepped closer, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest as he placed a gentle kiss to your hair and looked down at you and Luke, so thankful that he had something good left after all that had been lost.

Not much later you and Obi-Wan were settled on the sofa, you tucked against Obi-Wan and Luke cradled in your arms. Given the past few days, the fighting, the overwhelming emotions, the pain and suffering, the dragging yourself off the ground when all you wanted to do was give up, this small part of Tatooine, this quiet corner of the planet Obi-Wan had picked out felt so quiet compared to how loud the rest of the galaxy seemed.

Your gaze was on Luke, heart equal parts full of love for the child and pain for what had become of his parents. You hadn’t had the full story yet, Obi-Wan hadn’t said much and you were content with the silence for now but you knew nothing good could have happened if Obi-Wan had Luke.

Eventually the baby’s eyes closed and began to flutter as he fell asleep in your arms and a small smile tugged at your lips as you stood up and carefully walked over to the small crib Obi-Wan had set up, tucking Luke in and placing a gentle kiss to his forehead before joining Obi-Wan back on the sofa.

In the short amount of time it had taken you to put Luke to bed Obi-Wan had gotten up to get supplies to patch you up. Most of the injuries were cuts and bruises, nothing too serious and most of them had closed up after your long travels.

“Will you tell me what happened?” You asked softly, wincing as Obi-Wan gently ran a wet cloth over a long cut on the side of your stomach.

Obi-Wan was silent for long enough that you resigned yourself to not knowing but then he sighed, a deep, heavy, tired sigh before starting at the beginning with the battle on Utapau right up until giving Leia over to Bail and leaving them behind to bring Luke to Tatooine.

By the end of it you were all patched up and tears fell down both your cheeks. You felt even more exhausted after hearing everything, heartbroken as you cried for everything that had been lost. How had things gone so wrong in the span of just a few days?

Obi-Wan looked drained and when he suggested retiring for the night you didn’t hesitate to agree, letting him pull you from the sofa and into the small bedroom. That night neither of you got much sleep despite feeling more exhausted than you could ever remember being, both of you curled against each other as your thoughts played through the last few days.

For a long while things were tense, the weight of the fall sat heavily on both your shoulders, knowing that the organisation you had dedicated your lives to and the only home either of you had ever known was gone like it had never been there, it was a lot to come to terms with.

Luke seemed to grow more and more every day until he was a small boy who began resembling another little boy you had once known although that felt like another lifetime ago.

You knew Obi-Wan had bad days, days where he excused himself to the nearest town because looking at Luke hurt, you know he hated himself for it no matter what you said to try and convince him that it made sense. You got it too, sometimes you looked at him and saw a glimpse of Padmé’s smile, sometimes the resemblance to Anakin was too much for you too.

Things did get easier though, eventually the hurt of losing the Order faded into something easier to live with, the pain of losing Padmé and Anakin had become a part of you and all you could do was keep their memory alive.

“I wish he could stay this little.” You murmured as Luke cuddled into you, squashed between you and Obi-Wan on the sofa, eyes closed as Obi-Wan finished reading a story to him.  

“I know what you mean.” Obi-Wan smiled as he looked down at Luke, the boy hadn’t long since turned five but Obi-Wan could still remember how he had cradled the small baby against his chest like it was only yesterday.

For years during your time in the Order you and Obi-Wan had always known you were special to each other, it was different to how you were friends with the other younglings, you and Obi-Wan had been inseparable from day one. Both of you were loyal to the Order and followed the code even if it did mean you couldn’t have the other.

Now there was no code, there was no Order for you to be loyal to. All that was left was this small patch of land on Tatooine and each other. You had already been here for five years, five years that seemed to have flown by in the blink of an eye and had let yourself fall more and more in love with him now that there was nothing stopping you.

You and Obi-Wan had never mentioned it, never defined it but you didn’t have to, you both knew it was love. Waking up next to each other every morning, moving in sync with each other as you cooked, Obi-Wan watching with a soft smile as you and Luke danced around his room whilst getting him ready for the day, the lingering touches, the way you got to fall asleep curled against each other, it was all love.

“Sometimes I wish we could give him more though, a life beyond this shack, one where he could go to school, one where he could make friends.” Obi-Wan sighed, letting his head fall to the side so he could look back at you, you who were smiling at him with such a softness to it.

“Careful what you wish for, Obi-Wan,” You chuckled, reaching over to brush a strand of hair from his face. “Before we know it he’ll be sneaking off into town and wanting to move out and go on his own adventures. Besides, I quite like our little shack in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yes, I suppose our small corner of the galaxy isn’t so bad.” Obi-Wan’s smile widened at your laugh, letting himself lean into your touch causing you to trail your fingers down his cheek and letting your thumb brush across his beard.

Obi-Wan had been a good Jedi, he had followed the code despite how many times he had thought about you in ways that would have seen him thrown out. But five years had passed by since everything had changed and he couldn’t remember what he was holding on to anymore.

It was the easiest thing in the world to lean across, careful not to jostle Luke too much as he did, and press his lips to yours, enjoying the little muffled surprised noise you made against his lips as he kissed you softly, your hand curling around his jaw as you pulled him closer, both of you knowing in that moment that this was right, that the two of you belonged to each other.

“He’s not mad at you.” You told Luke softly as you sat down on the sand next to him, smiling softly as he lifted the toy ship Obi-Wan had gotten for him in the air and flew it around half-heartedly.

“Yes he is.” Luke mumbled, refusing to look at you as he spoke.

It had only been a few years and somehow your life had changed so much. You’d gone from relationships being forbidden to freely and openly loving Obi-Wan, overjoyed with the fact you could kiss him whenever you wanted, with the way you could tell him that you loved him as many times as you wanted.

You and Obi-Wan had been raising Luke for nine years now, the little boy next to you the same age his dad had been when you first met him and the resemblance made you choke up some days, especially when he started showing an interest in the ship you’d brought to Tatooine all those years back, wanting to know everything about it and begged you to let him fly it.

Neither you nor Obi-Wan had left the planet since arriving, that was until today of course. When you and Obi-Wan heard another ship landing outside your hand flew to your lightsaber, Obi-Wan had long since got rid of his and instead reached for a blaster that still seemed odd for him to have even after so long of him owning it.

Obi-Wan had told you to stay in the house with Luke, the little boy having no reason to fear whoever had landed and instead was curious, trying to peer through the windows. As Obi-Wan exited the little shack you joined Luke and stayed where you were for all of thirty seconds before you saw the person who walked off the ship.

You were out of the door and past Obi-Wan before he himself had a chance to see who had arrived and he watched as you wrapped your arms around the figure, barely catching Luke as he ran after you, most likely wanting to see the new ship rather than the new person.

“Bail!” You exclaimed as you pulled out of the hug, “It’s so good to see you.”

“Y/N, Obi-Wan.” Bail smiled before looking down, Luke suddenly shy and clinging to Obi-Wan’s pants. “And this must be Luke.”

“Not that it isn’t good to see you, Bail,” Obi-Wan said and you shot him a look, sure it didn’t bode well that Bail had showed up on Tatooine for the first time since you’d arrive but he didn’t have to jump straight into it, he could at least invite him into the house first. “But you wouldn’t be here unless something had happened.”

“I’m afraid you’re right. I need your help, Obi-Wan.” Bail said and you could see the exact moment Obi-Wan shut himself off, already shaking his head and not letting Bail continue before he cut him off.

“No. Whatever it is you can handle, I won’t get involved again. I have my own family to take care of.” Obi-Wan told him firmly, Bail frowning as he nodded, his eyes falling down to Luke before he sighed.

“And a fine job you’ve done it seems but I’m afraid I have to ask anyway, you know I wouldn’t but…”

“What is it Bail?” You asked him softly, seeing the fear he was trying to hide.

“It’s Leia.” Was all Bail said and it was enough for Obi-Wan to gesture to the house, all of you sitting around the small dining table as you sent a pouting Luke off to play in his room.

“You’ll be safe, won’t you?” You asked Obi-Wan, Bail had left not too long ago after Obi-Wan agreed to go and find Leia.

“There is no need to worry, my love, I will get the girl and be back home before you know it.” Obi-Wan assured, pulling you into his arms and letting his lips linger against your forehead.

“I wish I could come with you.” You sighed and Obi-Wan chuckled softly as he looked down at you.

“I’d rather you were here where I know you’re safe. Besides, somebody needs to watch over Luke.” Obi-Wan told you, grinning at the huff you let out.

“Yeah, yeah Kenobi, you go on your little adventure and I'll stay home and watch the kid pout about not being able to fly around the galaxy with his Uncle.” You grumbled with no real heat behind it, unable to stop a smile tugging at your lips as Obi-Wan laughed before pulling you into a kiss.

Luke had refused to say goodbye to Obi-Wan, instead he only glared at the ship as he watched it disappear from view before walking away, sitting a short distance from the house.

“I know you want to explore the galaxy but you know it’s not safe out there right now.” You told him and watched as he rolled his eyes.

Generally Luke was the sweetest child you’d ever met, so polite and well behaved but the one argument that always came up was Luke wanting to explore the galaxy. He had loved your ship for as long as you could remember, most days you could find him at the wheel, stirring it this way and that, or tinkering away on something that definitely hadn’t needed fixing before he started.

“You and Uncle Obi always say that!” He exclaimed and you felt your heart ache for him.

For years you had fought in the Clone Wars, for years you had battled Separatists and Sith and it was all for them, for the kids like Luke who would get to grow up only knowing the new galaxy you had fought for and not the one plagued with darkness.

Of course all that fighting had amounted to nothing, all the lives lost and hearts shattered, the thinking you were so close to victory only to have it snatched out of your grasp by a plot put together before the war had even began.

“I know we do,” you told him quietly, thoughts so far away on a life that felt like it had been lived a million years ago. “Luke I wish you could, I really do, we wanted the galaxy to be safe but it’s not, I’m sorry.”

“We can make it better!” Luke declared and you laughed even as your vision became blurred with tears, Maker you were tired.

There was no better, how could there be with the Jedi gone and only darkness left. You had given everything you had and it had ended with you at the end of blasters held by men you cared so deeply for. You were tired, the war had taken so much from everyone, you weren’t sure you could do it again.

“You’re growing up too fast.” You told him, reaching over to ruffle his hair and feeling lighter when he laughed but didn’t push you away.

“One day I’m gonna grow up and be the best pilot in the whole galaxy!” Luke told you and you desperately tried to blink away the sting of more tears because you had known the best pilot in the whole galaxy and you had no doubt that had things been different him and Luke would have made one hell of a team.

You didn’t say anything though, just pulled Luke into your arms and this time Luke didn’t fuss like he usually did, telling you he was too old to sit in your lap anymore. The kid was so aware of everyone else’s emotions all the time and seemed to know you just needed to hold him tight against you for a moment.

“He’s alive?” You exclaimed, days had passed and Luke had long since gone to bed by the time you heard the ship land. “Wait, is that why Leia was taken, does he know about them? Are they safe?”

“He doesn’t know, he has no idea who Leia is to him and he certainly has no idea that Luke exists.” Obi-Wan told you calmly after telling you what had happened on his mission to rescue and return Leia. “Nobody is going to hurt him.”

“Force, I can’t believe he’s alive.” You said, sitting down next to Obi-Wan, the man not hesitating to pull you into him after so long apart. “And you’re sure it’s safe for us to stay here?”

“I promise, if I didn’t think it was, I would move us immediately.” Obi-Wan assured you, kissing the top of your head as you let out a shaky breath, nodding against his chest as you let yourself calm down after hearing his story.

“How is Leia?” You asked after a few moments of silence, turning up to look at him and watching as a soft smile pulled at his lips.

“She is quite possibly the bravest little girl I’ve ever met. Considering she has no idea who her biological parents are she is so much like both of them, a stubborn, passionate, kind hearted little thing, ready to take on the galaxy.”

“She sounds like a certain little boy I know who’s been missing his Uncle.” You smiled up at him, “Luke thinks there’s hope for the galaxy, that it can be made better.”

“It seems such an impossible thought, doesn’t it?” Obi-Wan murmured and you nodded again, your fingers playing with his. “It can’t stay like this forever though.”

“I’m not so sure I could handle another war, even then we had the numbers only because of the clones, now what is there? A few people willing to rebel, I wish them all the luck in the galaxy but we tried once.” You sighed, the war seemed a lifetime ago and yet you could still remember how drained you were by the end of it.

“Sometimes a few rebels is all the galaxy needs, maybe not to win the war but to light the spark in others.” Obi-Wan told you, you humming softly before leaning up to close the distance between you with a soft kiss.

“I’m glad you’re back home.” You whispered against his lips.

“Me too, my love.” Obi-Wan murmured before leaning back in to press his lips to yours.

More time passed and before you knew it Luke was so grown up, grown up and even more eager to get out into the galaxy. You and Obi-Wan knew it had only gotten worse, sure people had tried to fight against the Empire but nothing worked, the galaxy only got darker.

Unfortunately you knew you couldn’t keep Luke on Tatooine forever, one day he would leave, the boy was too eager, too kind hearted to leave the galaxy as it was. He had so much fight and so much good in him, not only that but he was also strong in the Force. Obi-Wan and you had been teaching him the ways of the Jedi not too long after Obi-Wan had helped Leia, knowing the boy had already shown signs of being able to use the Force and wanting him to be trained in case something ever did happen, even if it did hurt to see Anakin’s old lightsaber again after so long.

Luke didn’t get the chance to argue again about going out into the galaxy, not when something new came along to drag you out of your safe space on Tatooine.

You and Obi-Wan had made a run into town, leaving Luke alone at the house, not that he stayed there of course. Once you and Obi-Wan left Luke found himself wandering around outside until he made his way onto the ship.

He had always felt at home on the ship you had brought with you, he dreamed of flying and though he loved his life on Tatooine with you and Obi-Wan he couldn’t help but want more. He had listened to the stories from both of you growing up, the tales from the war, the adventures you had had together. He wanted that, he knew he was meant for more.

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a crash near the house and he leaned forward in his seat to look out of the window, not seeing anything for a moment and then suddenly two droids came into view.

“Droids?” Luke murmured to himself, pulling himself off the seat and making his way off the ship, the droids spotting him immediately and the R2 unit zooming over to him whereas the other just mumbled to itself.

The R2 unit beeped at him and Luke frowned as he watched the unit crash into his legs.

“Whoa, hey there buddy, what’re you two doing so far out here?” Luke asked them both and the R2 beeped wildly at him again.

“You’ll have to forgive my small friend, he seems to think he’s on an important mission when really we barely escaped with our lives from the Empire.” The other droid told him and Luke’s eyes widened.

“The Empire? You know about the rebellion?” He asked with a grin on his face and the droid nodded.

“Of course, me and R2-D2 here are more than familiar with the rebellion.” The droid said, sounding as exasperated as a droid could.

“Yeah you two do look a bit banged up. You want me to patch you up, buddy?” He asked R2 and the droid beeped again like he was excited causing Luke to laugh. “Alright then, come up onto the ship, that’s where my Aunt keeps the tools.”

The three of them made their way onto the ship and Luke knew when you and Obi-Wan got back you were going to kill him but he couldn’t help it, he loved tinkering with the scraps you brought home from market, now he had the chance to patch up real droids, ones who knew about the rebellion no less.

“What did you say your name was?” Luke asked as he crouched down in front of R2 and got to work on him.

“Oh I didn’t sir but I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations.” C-3PO introduced himself as he settled against the wall and watched as Luke worked.

“Nice to meet you both, I’m Luke.” He smiled at them, grunting as he tried to get something that was jammed in R2 unstuck. “You’ve got something jammed good in there buddy, let me just-”

Luke was cut out as he was shocked by the R2 unit before a holo started playing, Luke looking towards the girl as her voice filled the ship.

“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” The girl pleaded and Luke frowned as he turned to the droids.

“What’s this?” He asked as the holo continued to play. “Who is that girl, why is she asking for help?”

His frown deepened as both of the droids shrugged it off as old footage, he couldn’t help but think they were lying to him. He didn’t know what reason they’d have to lie but two droids suddenly appearing and looking for Obi-Wan was strange.

“R2 says it is a private message for Obi-Wan Kenobi, he refuses to tell you anything unfortunately, sir.” C-3PO finally said after talking with R2 and Luke frowned before his face lit up.

“If you’re looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi I can take you right to him!” Luke said as he stood up.

“You know Obi-Wan Kenobi, sir?” C-3PO asked and Luke nodded excitedly, gesturing for the droids to follow him.

“Of course, Obi-Wan is my uncle, him and my aunt should still be in town, I can take you to him!” Luke grinned and the three of them made their way towards the town. It was a fair trek away from their house but it didn’t take awfully long to get there.

He had been to the town only a few times and each time he went he was never allowed to wander off despite being so curious about everything. This was the first time in his whole life he’d been by himself and he knew once the two of you saw him he’d be done for.

It was worth it though, the small thrill running through Luke, his first adventure!

It took some searching but eventually he found you and Obi-Wan, you were sitting together on a bench some distance away from everyone else and the second R2 saw you he shot off like a rocket, leaving Luke to chase after him with a yell and C-3PO to sigh to himself.

Your eyes widened as you looked over Obi-Wan’s shoulder, gasping at the R2 unit barrelling towards you. You were off your seat before Obi-Wan had noticed the droid and crouching down just in time for R2 to crash into you causing you to laugh.

“R2, is it really you?” You asked and the droid let out a series of excited beeps. “Force, what are you doing all the way out here?”

“Luke?” Obi-Wan asked and your head snapped up to see a sheepish looking Luke, C-3PO showing up behind him a second later. “3PO?”

“You know these droids?” Luke asked and you taped R2 once more before standing up and glaring at Luke.

“The question is how do you know these droids and what in the stars are you doing out here alone?” You asked him with a glare causing him to look down at his feet, kicking at the sand.

“They were looking for Uncle Obi-Wan!” Luke defended himself, “They have a message, a girl is in trouble, she needs your help!”

You and Obi-Wan shared a look, a girl needing his help, there was only one person in the whole galaxy who fit that description, young Leia Organa.

“Let us get back to the house, it isn’t safe to talk out here.” Obi-Wan murmured and you nodded in agreement, starting the walk back home, wondering what trouble had managed to find Leia this time.

“General Kenobi, years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father’s request in person. But my ship has fallen under attack and I’m afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. You once told me I would see you again if I ever needed help, this is the time. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.”

You and Obi-Wan were silent as the message finished, sharing a look between you, Obi-Wan standing and gesturing for you to follow him. When Luke went to follow you gave him a pointed look and the boy sat right back down again.

“What is Bail up to?” You asked and Obi-Wan could only shrug though he wouldn’t be surprised if his old friend was part of the new Rebellion. “We have to get that droid to Alderaan.”

“We’d need to bring Luke, we cannot leave him here alone.” Obi-Wan said, causing you to scrunch your nose in displeasure. “He will be fine, the boy is strong with the Force, one of the strongest I have seen.”

“Just because you’re right doesn’t mean I have to like it.” You mumbled causing Obi-Wan to chuckle and pull you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I know, my dear, believe me I want nothing more than for Luke to stay here, to never know the cruelness of the world beyond this place but unfortunately, despite our best wishes, the boy has grown up.” Obi-Wan told you and you couldn’t stop the stinging in your eyes. “He’ll be fine, we raised him well.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you can feel it too, I know you can, something big is coming. He shouldn’t be near it.”

“That boy knows he is made for something bigger than Tatooine, one day he may choose to fight and he will be a worthy Jedi. All we can do is give him the tools and guidance he needs to stay safe.” Obi-Wan said as he pulled you closer to him, smiling softly as you gripped his robe.

“We need a way off Tatooine, the ship is fine for small journeys but it’ll never get us to Alderaan in one piece.” You told Obi-Wan after pulling away and taking a shaky breath.

“We’ll fly it to Mos Eisley, leave the rest to me, my love.”

It only took a few mind tricks to get past the troopers, tricks that seemed to impress Luke, of course he’d been taught about the Force and what it was capable of but he had never actually seen anything like that.

Taking Luke into the seedy cantina was the last thing you wanted to do but Obi-Wan seemed certain you’d find your pilot in there. As you entered Obi-Wan moved away and began talking to somebody, out of the corner of your eye you saw Luke looking around in wonder before he went to move away, only stopped by you grabbing his arm.

“You stay with me, I’m still not thrilled you’re coming along but if you are you’ll do as I say.” You told him sternly, having Luke so far away from home had your nerves on edge, that mixed with the shift in the Force had anxiety running through you.

You couldn’t do anything about whatever was happening with the Force but you could protect Luke and that you would do with your life.

“Come on, Aunt Y/N, I’ll be fine!” Luke whined but didn’t try and pull away from you, moments letting stepping closer when a creature with four arms grunted at him causing you to snort.

As you walked further into the bar Luke got closer and closer to you until he was pressed against your side, his arm wrapped around yours like he had done when he was much younger. You couldn’t help but smile despite the situation and squeezed his hand before giving him a reassuring smile as Obi-Wan gestured you over, telling you about a captain who could potentially get you to Alderaan.

“Han Solo.” The man introduced himself as he sat next to the Wookiee. You glanced at Luke and elbowed his side when you saw him staring too openly at the creature causing him to pout at you. “I’m captain of the Millennium Falcon.”

You listened to him as he talked his ship up, Luke hanging onto the captain’s every word and you almost felt sorry for the man if he agreed to take you, knowing Luke would already have a million and one questions for him.

“Ten thousand, all in advance.” The captain told you and you watched as Luke gasped, rolling your eyes as you looked towards Obi-Wan.

“We could buy our own ship for those credits!” Luke exclaimed as he turned to you and Obi-Wan before snapping his attention back to Han.

“And who’s gonna fly it, kid? You?”

“I could! I’m an excellent pilot!” Luke declared, your gaze still on Obi-Wan, full of amusement as he looked at you in exasperation.

“Luke, why don’t we let your uncle do the talking?” You said softly, ignoring the wide eyes and pout that was sent your way. “Remember what I said.”

“Obi-Wan, where in the Force are you getting fifteen thousand credits?” You asked after the deal was struck and you had put enough distance between you and anyone listening.

“Bail wants the droid, I’m sure he won’t mind paying the captain who delivered it.” Obi-Wan told you with a grin.

“You’re sticking Bail with a fifteen thousand credit bill?” You laughed as you nudged him, causing Obi-Wan to laugh.

From then on it hadn’t taken long at all to sell your ship for the advance payment and before you knew it you were meeting up with the Wookiee and making your way to the Falcon, though once you arrived you had a bad feeling upon seeing it, wholeheartedly agreeing with Luke that it looked like a heap of junk.

“So much for no Imperials.” You muttered to yourself as you heard blaster shots and looked out of the window in time to see a swarm of them surrounding you but thankfully between the Wookiee and the captain were able to get you off Tatooine and into hyperspace.

Once you were in hyperspace you smiled as Obi-Wan tested Luke’s work with his lightsaber, knowing that something was bound to go wrong on this mission and wanting Luke to be as prepared as possible. Your smile didn’t last long though, if you thought something was happening with the Force before it was nothing compared to the sudden pain and terror you felt, gasping as you leaned back in your seat and watching Obi-Wan sit down.

“Something terrible has happened.” You heard Obi-Wan say and that was putting it lightly, you managed to push yourself to your feet before sitting down next to him, Obi-Wan’s arm wrapping around you and pulling you close as you buried yourself against his chest.

You stayed quiet for the rest of the trip, reaching out into the Force and trying to feel something but it just felt empty. Whilst Obi-Wan distracted himself with Luke, you followed Chewbacca and Han into the cockpit as he announced you were coming out of hyperspace.

You were glad for Obi-Wan following in not too long after, wrapping an arm around you and holding you against his chest as you staggered back once the captain announced you’d arrived but Alderaan was gone.

Everyone around you spoke but you were frozen, staring ahead at the destruction before you as Han flew through it, frowning at the space station that came into view.

“I have a very bad feeling about this.” Luke said and you moved away from Obi-Wan to pull Luke against you, the young man not pushing you away and instead leaning into your hold.

The fear in Luke's voice when Han announced you were caught in the tractor beam turned you cold as he turned to cling to you and you hated that he was on this ship at all, you knew nothing good could have come from it and now, if anything happened to Luke you’d never forgive yourself.

You almost gasped as you felt something in the Force, Obi-Wan turning to look at you and you knew you weren’t imagining it, you knew he had felt it too. You knew what had become of Anakin but to see his destruction, to see how far he had fallen first hand was different to hearing the stories.

You didn’t have time to think for too long though, the captain grabbing your arm whilst the Wookiee took Luke’s and they led you down to hide under the compartments. You waited until it was all clear and let Luke pull you up, him taking his spot pressed against you again.

You let Han and Chewbacca take care of the troopers outside of the ship before following them into the command centre, letting R2 find his way around and sitting against one of the crates in the room.

Anakin, no Vader had done this, he had been a part of the destruction of Alderaan. Your gaze shifted to Luke, your heart aching even more as you saw the fear he tried to hide, then you moved to look at Obi-Wan.

He looked like he’d aged so much since leaving Tatooine and you were sure you looked the same, you felt the same at least. After everything you’d lost there weren’t too many people you had left in the galaxy to trust and now Bail was gone, him and Breha and the rest of Alderaan wiped out and for what?

You knew Anakin was gone but you had to believe some part of him was in there, buried deep down. Surely he was tired of the fighting and the wars. Hadn’t you all had enough of it to last a lifetime?

Obi-Wan’s gaze found yours and he smiled though it was strained, you forced yourself to smile back though, forced yourself to push your feelings into the Force and focus on getting Luke out of here alive.

You listened as C-3PO told you that the ship could leave so long as one of the terminals lost its power and Obi-Wan looked at you, raising an eyebrow and you nodded.

“You boys can’t help, me and Y/N will deal with this alone.” Obi-Wan told them and you ignored Han in favour of turning to Luke.

“Y/N, don’t go.” Luke pleaded as he clung to your robes before you even had the chance to speak, him already getting teary eyed and you forced yourself to smile again, to use all your Jedi training to hide your emotions and project a calm you didn’t feel.

“You’ll be fine.” You told him, smoothing his hair from his face and bringing him close enough so you could press a kiss to his forehead. “If anything happens you know what to do, you are strong with the Force, trust in it and trust yourself.”

“Please don’t go, at least let me come with you.” Luke begged, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Come on, none of that now. Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise. I don’t care how grown up you get on me, I’m not going to let anything happen to you, you will get off this space station.” You promised him, cupping his cheek and wiping away the few more tears that slipped down.

“Uncle Obi-Wan, I wanna go with you two.” He turned to the other man causing you to laugh softly and Obi-Wan squeezed his upper arm.

“You stay here, stay with the droids. They are of top priority and must be delivered safely. Now listen to your Aunt.” Obi-Wan said softly, forcing his own smile on his face before Luke nodded, seeing he was fighting a losing battle.

“The Force will be with you, always.” Obi-Wan told him before gesturing for you to follow him and you went with one last glance towards Luke, mouthing an ‘I love you’ to him and finding your smile wasn’t as forced when he whispered it back.

You and Obi-Wan kept silent as you made your way through the base, it was almost embarrassing how easy it was to move around unnoticed with so many troopers and imperial officers on board, Obi-Wan clearly thinking the same as he smirked at you when you snuck past another large group of stormtroopers.

“You can feel him too, can’t you?” You whispered as you and Obi-Wan pressed against each other to avoid another group. “Even with the darkness surrounding him, you can feel him, right?”

“Yes my dear, it is Darth, no doubt about it.” Obi-Wan told you with a heaviness in his tone and you reached up to cup his cheek, feeling him smile faintly. “How twisted the Dark side within him has become.”

“You’re not just going to disable the power, are you?” You asked him and watched as his face darkened, not giving you an answer out loud but he didn’t need to, he never had to, you knew him better than anyone in the whole galaxy. “Whatever plan you had to get rid of me, to distract me whilst you snuck away, change it right now because you are not doing this alone.”

Obi-Wan went to open his mouth but he could see he wasn’t winning this argument so let it fall closed and instead leaned down to kiss you, both of you holding each other close and savouring the feeling.

“I love you, Obi-Wan.” You whispered against his lips, feeling the way his breath hitched being so close to him.

“I love you too, my dear one, more than you could ever know.” Obi-Wan murmured back, placing one more kiss to your lips before pulling away and you continued on your way.

The two of you made quick work of shutting down the power to the tractor beams so the Falcon would be able to take off and it was easy to sneak past the troopers keeping watch once it was done.

You followed behind Obi-Wan, pausing when he gestured for you to wait as he went ahead, scouting the next room and walking into it. You frowned as he failed to give you the all clear after a few seconds and looked up and down the hallway before moving across.

“No!” You exclaimed as the door slid shut before you could enter the room, locks sliding into place, your fists banging against it doing nothing. “Obi-Wan!”

From behind the glass you could see Vader already in the room, cloaked and masked with his red lightsaber lit, an imposing figure that should strike fear but instead your heart just ached painfully.

“Obi-Wan, open this door!” You yelled and he turned around to give you an apologetic look before facing Vader, lighting his own lightsaber.

You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you winced every time their lightsabers smashed into each other. Pushing yourself away from the door you raised a hand and drew all your strength from the Force and yet the blasted door still wouldn’t open.

You never took your gaze off the two of them, eyes locked onto Obi-Wan the whole time as you watched them battle each other, tears streaming down your face as you pleaded with the Force to just open the door, desperate to get through to Obi-Wan.

You watched as Obi-Wan paused, still holding Vader off but turning to see something you couldn’t before you felt a shift in the Force again, this time instead of fear it was peace spreading through it and you felt your heart beating wildly as you shook your head calling Obi-Wan’s name as sobs wracked your body.

“No!” You called as watched him put his lightsaber down and Vader didn’t miss a beat as he swung for Obi-Wan, the man you had loved for years, for your whole life, fell to the floor before you, gone in the blink of an eye, leaving nothing but a lightsaber and his cloak behind.

As he disappeared the door flew open and you stumbled into the room, falling onto your knees as you sobbed into his cloak.

“Still so loyal to Obi-Wan?” Vader asked, he knew he had recognized more than just Obi-Wan on the space station but hadn’t been sure. “Pathetic.”

You looked up at Vader and it was Vader, there was no more mistaking him for Anakin, not anymore. The Anakin Skywalker you had known would have died before killing Obi-Wan.

Vader lifted his lightsaber again, ready to strike you down as he had Obi-Wan. There was a moment, it was only a moment that lasted no longer than a second, where you had to make a choice.

It wasn’t a hard choice, a thought you had had so many years ago back when you were young and exhausted hit you, a world without Obi-Wan Kenobi was not a world you ever wanted to be in. Even in just these few seconds it had been since Vader had killed him the galaxy felt emptier immediately, it felt like a part of you had been ripped out, an aching hole in you that would never be mended.

You had never lived in a galaxy without Obi-Wan and you didn’t plan on doing so now.

You were old and you had lived a full life, more than a full life. You had been a Jedi Master, you had fought wars and commanded armies, you had settled down with the love of your life and got to spend every day at his side, raising a child who was yours in every way but blood, a child you loved more deeply than you thought possible.

It had been a good life, tiring but filled with so much love, even before the Order fell and it was an emotion that Jedi weren’t supposed to feel. You loved the men under your command, spending years at their sides and becoming closer than friends, becoming a family as you fought together on the front lines, earning their respect by standing with them. You had loved Anakin dearly, helping Obi-Wan navigate his new life of suddenly having a Padawan and taking Anakin under your wing when Obi-Wan’s grief over the loss of Qui-Gon was too much and he needed to be alone. You loved Padmé and Bail, dear friends and two of the few people you trusted more than anyone. Mostly you had loved Obi-Wan, long before you had even truly known what that had meant.

It was a good life, a long life and you knew it was done there. You hoped one day Anakin would find his way back, that he would find a way to rid himself of such darkness but there was nothing you could do to help him, not now.

You were tired and you were at peace, ready to join Obi-Wan, sure he was waiting for you on the other side for whatever grand adventure awaited the two of you next and as you turned your head you saw Luke watching you, the boy crying but he wasn’t alone, his sister had her arms around him and you managed to mouth a final ‘I love you’, managed to see Luke choke out the same three words before Vader’s lightsaber struck you too.

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Prompt - ‘Rain came pouring down, when I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe.’

There were a lot of moments from the last few months that haunted your every waking day and continued to plague you if you ever managed to fall asleep. The fear you felt in those early days, the dead running around as you desperately tried to barricade the doors to your house, the army rolling in with their guns and offering a safe haven only for your family to decide you’d be better off without their help and hiding out until they left. The next few months that followed saw the food running low, water stopped running, autumn nights turning to winter and getting colder.

The image that really wouldn’t leave your head was the clickers. They were fast, some were too fast to track until it was too late. Even now you could still see them pushing down the door, could see them tearing your family into nothing.

You had been out on the street, gathering what little supplies were still useful when you saw it happening. You couldn’t move, the screams carried up the street and you didn’t know how long you stood there for, staring at the only home you’d ever know, the dead flowers in the front yard, the smashed windows and the door that had been knocked off its hinges.

You didn't want to leave but it was too late. You had no idea where to go, didn’t know where the safe havens the army spoke about where but you picked a direction and walked with your head hung low and tears flooding down your face. It was like the world knew it had taken everything from you, as you walked the sky darkened and the heavens opened, rain soaking your clothes within seconds and leaving you even colder than you had been.

When night came you knew you had to make camp somewhere, it wasn’t safe to carry on when you couldn’t see. It was a strange feeling walking the streets whilst trying to find a place to hide for the night, cars had been turned on their sides, windows were smashed in, trash littered the streets and everything just felt eerie, like you were the only person left.

Eventually you came across a building that had long since been abandoned and tiptoed your way into it, holding your breath as you waited for a clicker to jump out at you. When nothing happened you figured it was safe enough and settled down against the wall, your coat around you as a blanket desperately trying to shield you from the cold.

You didn’t sleep much that night, every time you closed your eyes you saw the clickers, saw your family being torn apart, felt the guilt and the overwhelming sadness. You had no idea what you were supposed to do now, the safest option seemed to be to find one of the safe havens the army had spoken about all those months ago but you had no idea where they were.

It seemed the only realistic option you had was to just keep walking and hope you found something, some remains of humanity, some government site overflowing with people.

So that’s what you did, after getting too few hours of rest you pulled yourself back up, searched the building you were in for some supplies and headed out again, just picked a direction and tried to let your mind go empty as you walked. It wasn’t easy though, each step away from your home seemed to get harder and harder until it felt like you were pulling a boulder along with you.

As much as you didn’t want to think it seemed to be all you were capable of, thoughts running wild until you were drowning inside your own mind, desperately trying to breathe but it became harder and harder. Eventually you had to stop and force yourself to breathe normally, to wait for your vision to focus again before you continued on your way.

You had walked for miles, no clue where you were but your feet were aching something fierce by time you called it a night and found another safe place to hide for a few hours. You knew you wouldn’t get any sleep, the day had been long and filled with unpleasant thoughts that had tears streaming down your face, you couldn’t imagine your dreams would give you a rest either.

The next morning you were up before the sun had had a chance to fully rise, not able to appreciate the quietness of the morning or the way the sky filled with a golden light that spread across everything below or the fresh air. Instead the quiet left you feeling unsettled, your mind was too dark to let any of the morning sun light it up and your lungs felt too tight to breathe the air in.

You didn’t know how long you’d been walking for but eventually you stopped in your tracks, passing through a city you heard a noise around the next corner and held your breath, terrified of what you’d find.

So far you hadn’t come across a single person so your thoughts automatically jumped to the source of the noise being clickers. When you peeked your head around the corner as silently as you could you almost sobbed in relief when you saw actual, real people. Sure they didn’t look all too friendly with their guns strapped to them but you figured in this new world it made sense that the only people left alive would be well armed.

You hesitated for a moment, not sure what you should do but one of the men in the group solved the issue for you when he looked up, a gun immediately trained in your direction and everyone else followed suit. You let out a small cry and immediately ducked back behind the wall.

“Come out with your hands up!” One of the men shouted and you hesitated again, these were the first people you’d come across and you needed help, plus they already knew you were here and probably weren’t just going to let you wander off without knowing if you were a threat.

Slowly you walked around the corner, shaky hands raised and took a few steps towards them, meeting the group halfway.

“Well ain’t you a sweet thing.” One of the men grinned at you and you barely held back a shudder of disgust, your gut telling you to run the other way as fast as you could but you ignored it. “You carrying any weapons on you, baby?”

You opened your mouth in an attempt to speak but the words got stuck in your throat so you just shook your head, taking a hesitant step back.

“What you doing out here all alone without a weapon? You workin’ for someone?” A different man asked, thrusting his gun towards you.

“I’m, I’m not working with anybody.” You told them before wincing, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to let them know you were alone out here. “I got separated from my friend, we’re looking for one of those government safe places.”

You watched as a sickening smile spread across the group's lips, a shudder running down your spine as you waited for somebody to speak.

“Hate to break it to ya, sweetheart, but they were lying ‘bout those places,” the first man spoke and you felt your stomach drop, he had to be lying, there was no way this was all that was left of the world. “You think those fuckers were doing anything to help us, nah this is it now, ain’t nobody helping us.”

“What do you mean they were a lie?” You found the courage to ask, convincing yourself he was lying but another part of you believed it, everything else had gone wrong, why not this too?

“They just told people that before taking them away and slaughterin’ them all. Now we gotta look out for ourselves. Surprised you lasted so long, where you from anyway?” The man asked and you swallowed around the lump in your throat, a sinking wave of depression flooded you, this really was the world.

“S-Stanford. I’m from Stanford.” You choked out, not even fully registering the conversation anymore, anxiety running through your whole body.

“Stanford, eh? Long way from home, you even know where abouts you are, love?” He asked, watching as you shook your head before he grinned. “We’re in Hartford, you walk all the way out here, how long you been travellin’ for?”

“I don’- I don’t know, a day or two.” You told him, finally forcing yourself back to the conversation and seeing how some of the men slowly moved around, it was a move that was clearly meant to look casual but it sent a shiver of fear through you.

“Wow, you hear that boys, she’s been out here for two days. You must be real tired now, huh? We can help you out, we got food, a place to sleep. Of course it ain’t gonna be free but there ain’t no reason to let a sweet little thing like yourself go to waste.” You were circled in, fear running through you and wondering how you were going to get out when they all had guns and you had nothing but the bag on your back.

“I appreciate the offer, really I do, but I think I’m just going to find my friend.” You said shakily, taking a step back, eyes desperately looking for a way out.

“Now you see that ain’t gonna work with me, it’s been too long since I had a pretty little toy.” The man grinned again and you let out a shaky breath.

There was an opening between two of the men but it would mean you had to be quick, hopefully managing to slip past them and then you’d have to run and not risk looking back. You knew you only had one shot at this otherwise you’d be trapped here with them and you refused to let yourself think of what that life would look like.

You waited for the right moment, waited for the guy who had been talking to glance behind him, telling another man to get the car ready. It was then you bolted, constantly moving so that the bullets flying after you couldn’t hit you, running until your feet were even sorer than they had been and your sides ached and burned.

You didn’t stop for what felt like hours but finally it was too much and you had to stop, falling to the floor and panting for air, sweat dripping off you as you pulled your bag off your back and pulled a water out. There was only half left and you knew you had to save it but you couldn’t help but drink most of it.

You somehow managed to pull yourself back up after catching your breath, dragging yourself to shelter. It was the first night you were able to sleep, exhausted and emotionally drained from the day but even in your sleep you couldn’t find any peace, haunted by the images of your dead family, of men forcing you to do whatever they wanted just because they had a gun to point at your head, of a world with no safe place.

When you woke up you felt even more drained than you had before sleeping, the heaviness of your limbs dragging you down, the man’s words ringing in your ears about there being nothing left out here. You hated to believe him but you had walked a long way and found nothing so far.

There was nothing out here anymore.

Still you kept walking, the weight on your shoulders becoming heavier and heavier with each step. You camped out for two more nights, not sure where you were and uncaring. You stopped looking for clickers in the buildings before you entered them, stopped peaking around every corner, and had given up looking for food or water. The only thing of use you had found was a gun, it was old and beat up but it had one bullet in it and you put it in your backpack, with only one bullet you’d make it count.

You were nothing more than an empty shell, a ghost wandering the empty streets of whatever city you had managed to walk to. There was nothing left out here anymore, maybe people like the men you had met days ago could thrive in this new world but you knew you couldn’t. You’d lost everyone and everything you held close, you were alone and there was nothing out here.

You could feel the bone deep exhaustion, the pain that felt like it would last a lifetime and you weren’t sure you could deal with it, not in this world anyway.

You had walked through the night, not caring enough to stop and rest, you never rested, haunted by the memories and nightmares that were now your life. It was easy to just keep walking, fighting to keep your head above water and keep breathing.

You weren’t so sure you wanted to keep fighting. What was the point anymore?

The sun was beginning to rise, you could see the sky turning a burnt orange and figured you’d find a place to watch it. You didn’t have to walk for very long before you came across a long bridge crossing the water, some of the railings were gone from where cars had swerved into them and you sat down heavily, swinging your legs over the edge.

The sun was higher now, the golden tones shining against the water, turning the crystal blue orange. The sounds of the water crashing together actually made your shoulders relax for the first time in days and you knew that it was time.

There was nothing left for you here anymore, you knew you didn’t want to live alone in this world.

Without taking your eyes off the view you reached into your backpack and pulled out the gun, one bullet, one shot to make count. You’d never used a gun before, the metal heavy in your hands and you ran your fingers along its edges before cocking the gun and placing it under your chin.

Tears filled your eyes but you weren’t scared, not really. You kept your eyes ahead, staring at the rising sun. It was the right thing to do, it was either die by your hand or by some clicker or a dark, twisted person. There weren’t any good people left anymore, to have lasted this long there couldn’t be.

You had gotten lucky, managing to hide away with your family, isolated in a town full of supplies but it had only been a matter of time. The image of the clickers tearing your family apart, hearing their screams, came to the forefront of your mind and you knew this was the right thing to do, even if your finger did shake slightly on the trigger.

You took a deep breath, you were ready.

“Hey.” A soft voice called out from behind you causing you to jump, finger falling from the trigger as you whipped around to see a man standing on the bridge with his hands raised in front of him. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Go away.” You choked out, so ready to be done with it.

“Fraid I can’t do that.” The man said and you struggled to keep the tears at bay. “You don’t wanna do that, trust me.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t I want this? There’s nothing left out here.” You cried, watching as the man frowned at you, talking a few steps towards you before crouching down, his hands still raised. “My family is dead. I’m the only one left, why wouldn’t I want to do this?”

“I get it, trust me I do, more than you’d think.” The man told you, keeping his voice as soft as he could, almost like he were speaking to a scared animal, like one wrong word, if he even slightly raised his voice, then you’d spook. “But this ain’t the way to do things. There’s people, let me take you to them, they’ll get you some food, give you a place t’stay. It won’t make it better but you won’t have to do it alone.”

“There are no people anymore.” You told him through a sob and his face softened even more.

“There’s a Quarantine Zone, maybe an hour's walk from here, I was heading back there, let me bring you.” The man pleaded and you shook your head, not believing him. “Whatever you heard about these places, some of it’s true, some fell, some were taken over but this one’s still standing.”

“It doesn’t matter, you said it yourself, a bed and some food won’t make everything better.” You said, wiping at the tears falling down your cheeks.

“No it won’t.” He agreed and moved closer to you until he was sitting next to you, gazing at the rising sun. “I lost someone too, my whole world taken from me. Most important thing in my life was gone like that and it wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair the way I was just supposed to go on when my little girl was gone. It don’t get easier, God I wish I could tell you it did but this isn’t the way.”

“I miss them so much.” You whispered, tears falling freely down your cheeks but the weight on your shoulders, the one you’d been carrying for days, and it was hard to believe it had only been days since your whole world turned upside down, it wasn’t gone, you didn’t think that weight would ever leave, but it wasn’t so heavy.

“I know you do.” The man sighed, turning to look at you and he reached over, keeping his movements slow. You looked down and watched his fingers close around your gun, gently pulling it out of your hands and moving it away from you. You didn’t try to stop him either. “But they wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“I know.” You sobbed, shaking your head and looking back up at the man. “I know they wouldn’t but it’s so hard, they’re gone and I’m here.”

“Let me bring you back to the QZ, it won’t make everything better but it’s a start.” The man murmured, reaching out hesitantly cupping your face, his thumb softly brushing at your cheeks.

You were silent for a few moments, unlike with the men you’d met days ago your gut wasn’t screaming at you to run, nothing was telling you this man wanted to harm you. You didn’t trust him, you weren’t sure you would ever trust anyone in this world but you were willing to give him a chance.

“I’d like that.” You whispered, leaning into his touch, and he smiled softly at you, when you returned the expression you found it was easier than you would have thought.

As you agreed to go with him, rain suddenly came from nowhere, not a little drizzle but a full on downpour of rain that drenched you and the man in seconds. The man looked up at the sky in annoyance but you couldn’t help but laugh, it might have been more of a sob than a laugh really.

Suddenly it felt like you could breathe again, sat on the bridge with the sun higher now, a kind stranger by your side who gave you some semblance of hope that maybe the world wasn’t entirely doomed, you could breathe. You knew the pain and longing would last you a lifetime but if you could just find, just hold on to moments like this, moments of hope then things might get a little bit better.

“We should get going.” The man called over the rain, letting you have a moment to laugh, to look up at the sky and let the rain wash over your face, mixing with the tears.

He watched you nod and he stood up, reaching a hand out for you to take yours. You hesitated for only a moment, eyes searching his before your hand wrapped around his and you let the man pull you to your feet. Once you were up the man gave your hand a squeeze before letting go and putting your gun in his backpack.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.” You told him once the two of you started walking, finding it was easier to put one foot in front of the other when somebody was by your side.

“Joel.” The man offered his name and you couldn’t stop the small smile twitching at your lips.

He was right, things wouldn’t ever get better and you would always feel the loss of everything but you were glad he was there, glad he hadn’t seen a girl about to put herself out of her misery and left her be. It still hurt every day but he was right about another thing too, you didn’t have to do it all on your own.

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Thank you so much for reading!💙

1989 Masterlist

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I Wish You Would - Joel Miller x Reader

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Wildest Dreams - 

How You Get The Girl -

This Love - 

I Know Places -

Clean - Joel Miller x Reader

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You Are In Love -

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Teardrops On My Guitar

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Prompt - ‘'I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night.’

Notes - Making my way through Taylor Swift’s albums so if you want a fic for any song that I haven’t done yet send me a message!🤎

Click here to see which songs I’ve already done and which songs are free!

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For as long as you could remember it had always been you and Peter, other friends came and went throughout the years but you and Peter had always been a constant in each other’s lives. You had gone through everything together, when your family’s business went bankrupt and you had to live with the Parker’s for a few months, when Peter’s parents died and he had chosen you to run away to. Every big moment, every little moment, no matter the memory Peter was almost always in it.

You never thought you’d have to imagine a life without Peter, it always seemed such an impossible thought. You were the best of friends, there were no secrets between either of you, you told each other everything.

Which was great for years, it worked well for the two of you, you knew the other better than you knew yourself. It was nice knowing you always had someone to confide in, no problem too big or small to share.

And yet now you hated the fact that nothing was kept a secret between the two of you, you hated the fact that you meet up with Peter every day before school, hated that it was so easy to forget that the rest of the world existed, right up until you walked through the doors and his gaze immediately sought her out.

Gwen Stacy.

Gwen Stacy who was top of every class, Gwen Stacy who was so stunningly beautiful you just knew you couldn’t ever even begin to compete with her. You didn’t stand a chance, not when you saw the way Peter looked at her, his expression completely softening, the way his lips pulled into an unconscious smile every time she walked into a room, the way he couldn’t walk into one without glancing around for her.

You didn’t stand a chance.

And because there were no secrets between you and Peter you got to hear all about his crush on her when he remembered you existed. Ok, so maybe that wasn’t fair, it wasn’t like Peter shut down on you whenever she was around but he always had an eye on her.

You and Peter always walked home together, usually hanging around in his bedroom since Aunt May was at work so it left the two of you alone. You didn’t know if you loved the alone time or hated it.

You couldn’t even remember when your own crush on Peter had developed, maybe it had always been there, there before you even really knew what a crush was, before you knew anything about relationships or love or any of those things. Maybe it had developed when you had a bad day and Peter was always there with open arms and ready to make a fool of himself if only to see you laugh again. Maybe it was in the way that there really wasn’t any distance between the two of you, whether it be with no secrets or the way you could crawl into the other's bed after sneaking in through the window and the other person didn’t react other than to make room and wrap their arms around the other. Maybe it was all the little things that seemed so insignificant to other people but you treasured so deeply that made you fall for him so easily.

It didn’t really matter when it happened though, only that it did. It happened and it hurt every day. You couldn’t even get a break on the weekends because whenever Peter came around Gwen always seemed to be the first topic on his lips.

And it wasn’t like you could say anything either, you couldn’t just demand he stop talking about her. Not without admitting you had feelings for him anyway and that wasn’t going to happen, not when you knew he didn’t feel anything for you. You would just have to sit and listen to him talk about her for hours at a time because you loved him and you couldn’t lose your friendship.

Still it hurt. It hurt when he asked you what you think he should do, how could he get her to notice him, what date ideas should he think of to ask her out. The worst of it was that you loved him so much you couldn’t even bring yourself to give him bad ideas, whenever he asked for your advice you gave him the best you could, gave answers you wished Peter would do for you, and you watched him use them on her.

You had gotten pretty good at faking a smile now around Peter, at pretending everything was ok until you were alone and you could let the hurt just hurt. It was so easy to picture you and Peter together too, nothing would change except the fact you’d know how his lips felt against yours, how his hand cupping your cheek to bring you closer would feel.

It didn’t matter how much you wanted to cry, not when you had to fake a laugh at his over dramatic love declarations that caused him to grin as he shoved you lightly, it didn’t matter because no matter how many damn stars you wished on nothing would change.

Sometimes you thought Peter knew, how could he not know that he was the reason you stayed up all night thinking about him, how could he not know that the reason for your tears was him, how was he so blind to the way you looked at him? If it were anybody else you’d think they knew but Peter wasn’t cruel, if he knew he wouldn’t be torturing you so much.

If you had thought things between you and Peter were hard when he was just pining after Gwen it was nothing compared to when he finally put all your advice to use and ended up getting together with her.

It was slow at first, you still saw Peter every day, still walked home together after school but over time it turned into less time together. You walked home together but after a few weeks Gwen joined you and you hated how kind she was, it’d be easier to hate her if she wasn’t so nice. Then it turned into you going straight home, not wanting to third wheel on them, not when it meant more time watching Peter look at Gwen like she was his whole world and you had somehow become nothing more than a passing thought, silently pleading for Peter to notice you.

It wasn’t much longer after that the time you and Peter spent together got less and less, no more hanging out after school, no more weekends together, no more sneaking into each other’s houses, no more sharing every thought that popped into your head.

That’s what hurt the most, the thing that left you crying silently to yourself each night. Peter had forgotten all about you and your heart hurt, it hurt so badly that you just wished you could stop feeling anything. It wasn’t even just Peter’s fault though, you wanted to blame him for it all but you were to blame too, you pulled away but Peter hadn’t caught you and pulled you back.

You hoped Gwen knew, you hoped she knew how lucky she was that she was the one that got to fall asleep in Peter’s arms, the safest place you’d ever been. You hope she knew how lucky she was that Peter had picked her to love, you hoped she would love him just as fiercely as he loved her, hoped she knew how lucky she was to be able to fall into those beautiful brown eyes and to know how his lips felt as he kissed her so softly like she was something to be treasured.

You really hoped she knew because you would never know.

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ivy

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Prompt - ‘Taking mine, but it's been promised to another.’

From the start your marriage had been nothing but a sham, a performance put on for the world to see. Vows that promised a lifetime of faith and love slipped from your lips, the lies pleasing those who heard it whilst turning you cold. It was all a lie, a marriage arranged before you had been born, it was what you were born for.

It didn’t matter that you were a Princess, it didn’t matter that you knew how to rule a kingdom, knew that you could lead your people. Nothing mattered except making sure the Prince looked the part. You weren’t needed for your mind, you were simply an accessory, somebody to stand by the prince. One day he would be a great King, everybody told you as much and you could only smile politely and nod whilst desperately trying to ignore how empty you felt.

And you did feel empty. You were far too good to spend your days standing beside the future King. It wasn’t that Arthur was terrible or cruel, as arranged marriages went you knew you had gotten lucky with him. He was kind if not a little bit arrogant but he was loyal and brave, willing to die for those he held dearest to him. You truly did believe he would be a great King, far better than Uther at any rate, you just wished you could be something more than simply the Prince’s wife.

Arthur treated your marriage as though it was a real one, which it was for all intents and purposes except for the fact that you didn’t love Arthur. The two of you shared a bed, spent your days side by side, he kissed your cheeks and held your hand in public. The kingdom adored the pair of you together. Arthur was happy and you woke up each morning feeling another piece of you wilt away into nothing.

You supposed it wasn’t all bad. Sure you had been moved from your own kingdom, losing everything you had known but you had gained something from it. One saving grace, one good thing that kept you from drowning and losing yourself.

It was wrong, terribly wrong. If the people, if Arthur or Uther found out you hated to think of what kind of punishment would be brought down on you. But yet you couldn’t resist, not when it was the only good thing you had to hold close.

Merlin.

You didn’t even remember fully how it came to be but from the moment Arthur introduced his servant to you you couldn’t help but smile wider, watching as he stuttered a greeting out before averting his eyes causing you to giggle as Arthur told you to just ignore the idiot.

Merlin spent almost as much time at Arthur’s side as you did, which meant he spent most of his time with you. Whilst Arthur occupied himself with royal duties you turned to Merlin and spoke quietly amongst yourself, Merlin still a stuttering, flustered mess but you couldn’t help but find it endearing. You yourself weren’t much better, biting back smiles and giggling softly like a small child with her first crush.

Months passed where nothing happened between the two of you but you could feel your feelings grow for Merlin as each day passed. What started as a slight infatuation turned into something more real, it wasn’t love but you thought that under different circumstances, in another life maybe it could have been.

The slightest touches from Merlin seemed to transform the emptiness and loneliness you felt surrounded by the royals, the brush of his fingers against your back as he passed, the way he stood slightly closer to you during events. All of the little touches, the stolen glances, all of it made everything better, even if they were tarnished when you were reminded that Merlin could never be yours.

One day everything became too overwhelming, you felt like you were choking on the expectations people had of you and excused yourself from Arthur’s presence before you were due to sit in with the King. Arthur’s concerned glances did nothing to help how tormented you were feeling and when he asked if he could do anything you shook your head, telling him you’d seek out Gaius.

You waited only long enough for him to enter the room before heading the opposite direction from Gaius’ chambers. You walked for long enough that your feet hurt but it did you good, the fresh air and being away from the palace helping you to clear your mind. You had no idea where you’d walked to but stopped when you came across a large tree.

The trunk stretched high in the air, wisteria growing from the branches, spreading off into all different directions before draping downwards and offering shade. There was a lake not too far in front of the tree, the purple flowers reflected in the clear water. It was a beautiful picture, the tree standing out against the greens of the others, and you couldn’t think of a better place to sit with your loneliness.

You sat down softly, letting your back rest against the thick trunk as your thoughts began to wander, your fingers pulling at the blades of grass beneath you as they did. You knew you were lucky, knew most women would kill to marry the Prince, to have a life of riches, to never have to worry or want for anything. You knew that as a result of your marriage your people back home were looked after and yet you couldn’t help but hate it.

Sitting here it felt like you were nothing more than a ghost of yourself, grieving for your loss, grieving for a life that could have been beautiful and happy. Now the only happiness you had in your days was stolen moments with Merlin.

It wasn’t even like you could tell anyone how you were feeling, nobody would understand, not able to look beyond the life of a Princess. They all saw what they were meant to see, a Prince and Princess in love who would one day rule the kingdom of Camelot. Even the thought of you and Arthur not loving each other, of you hating your life in the castle walls would seem unfathomable.

You had no idea how long you sat against the tree for, staring out into the water but eventually you were startled out of your thoughts when you heard leaves crunching nearby. You stayed silent, hoping it was just an animal and you hadn’t wandered out far enough for any bandits to be skulking around.

Your heartbeat seemed to speed up when you saw a familiar figure emerge from the trees and you couldn’t stop the pull of your lips into a small grin.

“Wasn’t sure if you’d want company.” Merlin said by way of greeting, a smile mirrored back as he came close and sat down next to you, close enough that your shoulders brushed as he set a basket down in front of you. “But I brought you some food.”

“Thank you.” You said softly, keeping your eyes on him instead of the food. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. Arthur said you weren’t feeling well but when I asked Gaius he said you hadn’t been by, don’t worry though I told him that if Arthur asked to say you had. Is everything ok?” Merlin asked as he pulled some fruit out of the basket and set it on the blanket he had been carrying.

You stayed silent, not knowing how to answer that question without lying. You didn’t want to lie to Merlin but you could hardly tell him the truth, though you longed to but he was Arthur’s servant, it wouldn’t be fair to put him in a position of keeping secrets for you.

Merlin turned to face you when you didn’t answer, seeing the sad look that you frequently wore when surrounded by Arthur and the other royals. Merlin hated to see that look, it hurt his heart each time he did but what could he do? He couldn’t give you the life you deserved, you were a Princess, the future Queen of Camelot, Merlin was always going to be beneath you.

He knew Arthur’s marriage to you was nothing more than an agreement between two kingdoms, a way to keep trade and peace for another generation. He hated that to meet you you had to marry another, Merlin knew your mind, it was brilliant and it was going to waste at Arthur’s side.

Merlin wasn’t a selfish man. He’d do anything to help Arthur, he’d give his life for the other man every chance he got if it meant Arthur would be safe. Merlin wasn’t selfish but he longed for you, he wanted every part of you for himself. For months he had watched you, pined for you and you were so close and yet he could never quite reach you.

You don’t know where the sudden stinging of tears came from, one second you were keeping your emotions tightly locked up and the next a single tear escaped your eye and slid down your cheek. Maybe it was the soft sympathetic way Merlin was looking at you, like he knew how much weight was on your shoulders, forcing you under until you couldn’t breathe or maybe it was just finally too much for you to handle.

Merlin felt his heartbreak for you when he noticed the tear and reached out a hand to take yours gently, his fingers entwined with yours and his thumb brushed against your skin. He knew he shouldn’t have enjoyed the feeling of your hand in his as much as he did but he still let himself savour the feeling, not knowing when or if he’d get the chance again.

Your eyes were immediately drawn down to your hands before you scrunched your eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. Merlin’s hands were cold in yours but the touch seemed to ignite a fire within you. It was wrong to want Merlin so badly, your life already promised to Arthur and yet here Merlin was, so deeply embedded in your every thought, haunting your dreams and your waking hours.

You both wanted more, the simple touch of your hands waking the flame of wanting that was too loud to ignore. Merlin swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat, desperate to do something more, to steal one more moment of you for himself, consequences be damned. You pleaded to any greater being that would listen, begging for Merlin to do anything, to give into what you both wanted.

You tore your gaze from your joined hands and looked to Merlin, his pupils so wide you could barely see the ring of blue around it. Merlin’s eyes were drawn to your lips, watching as your tongue poked out to wet them and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning in towards you.

He paused when his face was close enough that you could feel his breath against your face, waiting to see if you would pull away but you didn’t move away. You’d waited for so long, dreamt about what it would be like to finally give into temptation, to be selfish for once and not put your people or your duties above yourself.

Merlin’s free hand came up to lightly cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin as he tilted your face upwards slightly. You were sure he could hear your heart threatening to beat right out of your chest as you waited for him to close the distance between you.

Merlin didn’t second guess himself, didn’t give himself a chance to overthink what a terrible idea this would be. You were the Princess, the future Queen of Camelot and he was just a servant, a servant who was already hiding a secret that would get him killed so what was one more secret and what a secret it would be having felt your lips against his.

He couldn’t wait any longer, had waited long enough. He didn’t rush when he pressed his lips to yours, practically shuddering into the kiss as he felt a thrill of sparks shoot through him. His hand still on your cheek pulled you closer and you followed without hesitation.

This kiss wasn’t hurried, it was soft and filled with longing but it didn’t stay that way for long. After a few moments the kiss turned greedy, both of you suddenly desperate for more, more, more. It had been months, bordering on a year of secret glances and quiet pining and now you finally had each other.

Merlin’s hands slid into your hair and you moaned into the kiss as his fist closed around the strands whilst your hands ended up on Merlin’s chest, smoothing your palms against him. Merlin tugged you into his lap without breaking the kiss and you let him guide you onto him, moaning softly into the kiss and unable to help yourself from grinding down onto him.

Everything from that moment on was a hurried mess of limbs, the pair of you exploring every inch of each other. Merlin’s hands running up and down your body, touching what should have been Arthur’s. You knew you could never go back to the pining, the longing stares, you may have promised yourself to Arthur but you would always be Merlin’s.

From that day on you and Merlin made a choice, one that if anybody found out would see you both facing severe punishments but the risk was worth it for the stolen moments alone with each other. It was intoxicating, sneaking out of the castle and hiding away with Merlin, being able to hold his hand, to kiss him, to have him hold you as the hours passed by.

It was hard coming back to the castle, to sit for a court session, Arthur’s hand in yours whilst your eyes caught Merlin and the two of you shared smiles and held silent conversations from across the room. When it was just the three of you in Arthur’s chambers, Merlin pottering about as Arthur sat beside you, talking about something you couldn’t focus on because you’d rather be anywhere else with Merlin.

It went on for months, the sneaking around and it was the first time since your marriage, since you arrived in Camelot, that you felt truly alive, that you weren’t just waking up to a miserable life, you finally had something to look forward to. Even if you and Merlin couldn’t get out of the castle, just seeing those blue eyes looking back at you was enough.

You did wonder why Merlin seemed so eager to be in this relationship, cursed to have it hidden from the world, cursed to never be able to live the lives you wanted because of your marriage to Arthur. You never broached the topic with him though, you never wanted to discuss the matter when you were alone with Merlin, more than content and more than distracted by the man’s presence to even think of Arthur.

Merlin had been away with Arthur for three days and you missed him greatly. Guinevere had come by Arthur’s chambers plenty of times during those few days, chattering about how she was sure you were missing Arthur’s company. You let her talk though, not daring to tell her you hadn’t thought of your husband once since he’d left for his hunting trip, instead your thoughts had been filled with opal eyes and secret meetings.

When they returned it was almost night fall and Merlin prepared a late meal for Arthur not long after. You were practically itching to get a moment alone with Merlin after not seeing him for days and whilst Arthur was occupied with his food you moved around the room, brushing past Merlin.

“Meet me at our spot in an hour.” You whispered softly, the words only for him to hear and as you moved away you looked behind you to see him smiling ahead and he nodded without looking at you.

Arthur was eager to get to bed after eating and dismissed Merlin who left the room with only one glance back over his shoulder at you. The minutes ticked by and you lay still under you felt Arthur relax completely, his breathing evening out. You didn’t move straight away, not wanting to wake him and having to come up with an excuse as to what you were doing.

You left it for twenty more minutes before climbing out of the bed as silently as possible and slipping into a pair of shoes, not bothering to change and only slipping a cloak over your night clothes. You weren’t planning on running into anybody but Merlin anyway.

There were plenty of guards on duty and you only had the soft glow of the moon to aid you in moving around when the coast was clear. The spring air was cool when you finally snuck your way out of the castle, heading down the old familiar path towards the lake that had quickly become yours and Merlin’s spot.

Merlin was already waiting for you and you wasted no time falling into his arms, letting him pull you in for a hurried kiss, your arms around his waist, his hands cupping your cheeks. You whispered a soft greeting against his lips and watched a smile spread across his face as the two of you lay on the blanket Merlin had brought with him.

It was a quiet night, the occasional rustling of the leaves, an animal moving well off in the distance could be heard. The sky was clear and littered with stars, each reflecting from the lake in front of you. The wisteria tree was bright against the moonlight, in full bloom in the spring weather.

It was peaceful. You wished you could have these moments with Merlin all the time, wished you didn't have to sneak around for them. You let your thoughts wander, dreaming of a life with Merlin far away from Camelot, from the pressures of royal life and all the expectations that came with it.

“Some days I just wish I could run away, you know?” You said softly, not lifting your head from Merlin’s chest. You felt his fingers pause in your hair for a second before they continued brushing through the strands. “My marriage was planned before I was even born, real love has never been something I thought I could have so I never even dared to let myself dream about it.”

“Would you run away?” Merlin asked and you frowned because your initial answer was yes, of course you would in a heartbeat but deep down…

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “I dream about it all the time, about leaving behind everything I’ve ever known but then I think about how much my people would suffer.”

Merlin stayed silent for a long moment, the two of you content with the quiet as your thoughts ran wild. You pondered over if you would run away if Merlin asked, would you let yourself be selfish? You thought you could and didn’t know how to feel about it. You knew Merlin wouldn’t ask though, he wouldn’t put you in such a position where you’d have to make that decision and truthfully you weren’t sure Merlin would ever leave.

Despite everything happening between the two of you, despite the fact you were both sneaking around behind Arthur’s back, Merlin was still fiercely loyal to Arthur. Whenever you asked about it Merlin just shrugged and got a far away look on his face before telling you that he was sure Arthur would be a great King one day and he believed in the future Arthur would bring.

Plenty of people had said it to you over the year you’d been at Arthur’s side and you knew that most people just said it because it was the polite thing to say, the right thing to say about their future King. When Merlin said it though you truly believed it, you could see how much he believed it, how much he believed in Arthur. It was like he had seen the future Arthur would bring to Camelot, so convinced in whatever Arthur was going to do.

It made you feel torn, Merlin was obviously so loyal to Arthur and yet this relationship threatened theirs. It wasn’t that you and Arthur loved each other but he was your husband and both of you knew the importance of appearance both publicly and behind closed doors. As future heir to the throne Arthur couldn’t have a wife only to show off publicly, he needed a wife that was only his all the time.

You wished things had been different for both of you, that you could be free to love Merlin and that Arthur had the chance to find somebody he truly loved, who would proudly stand by his side bursting with how much love they had for him. You both deserved more than you had but these were the cards you’d been dealt and you had to live with them.

You had Merlin in the only way you could and you couldn’t give that up, you’d be damned before you willingly left him.

“You said real love.” Merlin suddenly said, his voice soft, barely above a whisper but you heard him clearly. “Is that what this is, real love?”

You froze for a moment, not realising your earlier words but seconds later you relaxed against him before moving around so you were face to face with him and you could see the smile on his face.

“Yes, I’d like to say so anyway.” You said whilst matching the quietness of his voice.

Merlin’s hand came up to brush your cheek before he pulled you close to him, him meeting you halfway, pausing before your lips could meet.

“I love you too, Y/N. I wish I had more to offer you but-” Merlin told you but you cut him off with a gentle kiss.

“You’ve given me more than I could ever have hoped for, Merlin.” You whispered, pulling back far enough to look up at him and he could see the sincerity in your eyes. “I thought for so long that my destiny was to just be lonely. Before you I was wandering the halls of that castle like a ghost, mourning a life that would never be, then you kissed me and I fell in love with you and everything was different, better. No matter how much we wish it could change, it’s worth it to be with you because I love you.”

“One day things will be different.” Merlin promised before pulling you into another kiss and you prayed he was right but for now, now these moments were enough, this love was enough.

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