Charles: Im Sorry, Are You Friends With This Criminal?

Charles: I’m sorry, are you friends with this criminal?

Scott: No, not really.

Peter: Absolutely, best friends.

Scott: It’s a layered relationship.

Peter: Best friends!

Hank: I’m a doctor, not a dad–

Scott: You’re wasting your breath, just sign my permission slip.

Peter: How are you feeling on a scale of the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” to Marilyn Manson’s “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”?

Wanda: I’m at a solid “Faith” by Limp Bizkit.

Peter: Jean?

Jean: It’s between two Eurythmics songs. “I Saved the World Today” or “Miracle of Love”.

Wanda: Oh, nice!

Peter: What about you, Dad?

Erik: *turns to Scott* How do you date that? How can you stand it?

Scott: He’s hot, the little spoon, and a top. What’s not to love?

Scott: *in a hospital bed* What is it, Doctor?

Doctor: Well, the appendix was most likely burst due to pressure during sex.

Alex: SEX!?!

Scott: I can explain-

Alex: Who? It better not be that asshole speedster because I swear to god I will murder him!

Scott: ...

Alex: Peter?! Your roommate, Peter?! You could do so much better than him!

Scott: He’s not that bad!

Alex: *gags* Oh god, now I’m imagining it!

Kurt: *ordering a cake on the phone*

Bakery: What would you like it to say?

Kurt: *covers phone* Anna, do we want a talking cake?

Anna: Obviously.

Raven: Irene, we’ve failed as parents.

Irene: I would normally disagree but considering the circumstances…

Jubilee: It’s so annoying how Scott is good at everything! There’s got to be SOMETHING he’s terrible at!

Kurt: Yeah. Maybe he’s a bad kisser or something.

Pietro: No, he’s good at that too.

Ororo: What?!

Jubilee: What?

Jean: What?

Alex: WHAT?!

Pietro: . . .

Pietro: What?